49th Grammy Awards Impressions - Part 1
The Police busted out “Roxanne” to open the show, proving that senior citizens can still contribute to society, while maintaining a vague and slightly uncomfortable sexiness. Respect your elders.
And the 49th Grammy Awards went off without any major hitches.
That is, unless you count The Dixie Chicks winning so many awards. So many in fact, that the Picasso-faced Natalie Maines actually ran out of things to say, but when she did speak, her voice was like the sound of a thousand souls dying. Her bandmates, sisters Emily Robison and Martie Maguire, were showing serious signs of, “Shut the fuck up, Natalie, you mouthy bitch” wear and tear. Even Natalie seemed to be uncomfortable with the microphone. I wonder if I shoved it up her woohoo if she’d be more “at ease?”
Don’t get me wrong, I think their music is really great and they had a lot of gumption to pull off that kind of comeback. I don’t even disagree with Natalie’s political assertions on general terms. What I really find offensive, besides them winning five Grammy’s, including album of the year, is the fact that their win was more about politics than anything else. To win so many awards based primarily on your political agenda is as wrong as NOT winning because of your politics. What the hell happened to best music winning? Yes, I know, the crack is starting to speak now.
The only other ubiquitious face plaguing this year’s Grammys was Mary J. Blige. Yes, she’s a great singer. Yes, she has that whole “I was a 
drunk who staged a big comeback” thing going for her. That’s great, I mean we should all be so indulgent with ourselves and later use that as platform from which to act like a sanctimonious know-it-all. I don’t know what it is, Mary J. is a probably a swell person. Perhaps it’s the way she rocks her tats in an evening gown. It’s so sophisticated.
Ugh, I feel kind of soiled by my own bitchiness now. Time to say something nice.
Justin Timberlake was smokin’ hot and rocked “What Comes Around” like a most soulful white boy. Not since Michael Jackson have we seen a person that white be that soulful. I also enjoyed his duet performance of “My Love” with the winner of the “My Grammy Moment” singing contest Robyn Troup. Sure it was a cheesy part of the show, but girlfriend worked it out!
Speaking of soulful, the John Mayer, Corinne Bailey Rae and John Legend performance was sublime. But I must say, I am disgusted that Corinne Bailey didn’t win ONE award. She is a fabulous singer and most surely deserved a Grammy. Clearly she needs to bitch it up, curse out the president and start dating Jessica Simpson.
My favorite producer, Rick Rubin, was no where to be seen, even though he won Best Producer. I bet holmes got turned away for looking like the unabomber.
Carrie Underwood did her American Idol roots proud winning Best New Artist, although Corinne Bailey Rae should have won. Carrie is a country star, and dammit they have their own awards she can win.
Christina Aguilera did a stunning tribute to the late, great James Brown. I realize that technically I should hate Xtina, but something about the fact that she’s married to a man whose face resembles a scruffy dog’s butt makes me really appreciate her. Plus, she gets naked on Sundays while making waffles.
Imogene Heap - I just don’t even know what to say. I didn’t know space-aliens were eligible to win a Grammy. Yay diversity.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers still sounded great, despite Anthony Kiedis’ growing resemblence to punk icon Iggy Pop. Iggy’s the bomb and all, but his “look” isn’t something a person should aspire too. Unless of course you are into the whole rotting corpse thing.
On that note, I have one more thing to say: PRINCE!!!
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can we have naked sundays at blogcritics? please?
Comment by sal m — February 12, 2007 @ 2:25 pm
The whole “We went 0-2 against ‘W’ at the ballot box, so we’ll stick it to him at the Grammys” thing is a bit annoying- almost as annoying as the Chicks With Dix themselves. Eeeyuck.
Comment by DJRadiohead — February 12, 2007 @ 2:32 pm
Sure Sal, you go first
Comment by dmdo1016 — February 12, 2007 @ 2:53 pm
If Sal’s going naked on Sundays, I’m staying away!
Great wrap-up. The Police opened, eh? No wonder I missed them!
Comment by pwinn — February 12, 2007 @ 4:19 pm
Thanks P, and we found something we can all agree on - No naked Sundays for BC.
Although, does it count if two BCer’s get naked in the same house and it happens to be on Sunday?
Just asking.
Comment by dmdo1016 — February 12, 2007 @ 4:40 pm
Did the people who voted for the Dixie Chicks as an American political statement cowardly run off to a foreign country to do it?
Comment by GL Hauptfleisch — February 12, 2007 @ 4:58 pm
No, but they should have. Losers.
Comment by dmdo1016 — February 12, 2007 @ 5:10 pm
“does it count if two BCer’s get naked in the same house and it happens to be on Sunday?”
Show me a time when two BCers naked together doesn’t “count”
Comment by Matthew T. "Matt" Sussman — February 12, 2007 @ 7:53 pm
i love it that the Chicks won all of those awards because it annoys every person that i think it should.
Comment by Mark Saleski — February 12, 2007 @ 8:28 pm
I loved most of it, but have one MAJOR beef with how it was done. The Police were to open the show, which started at 7 pm. I set my DVR for 7 pm. I turned on the TV at 7 pm. CBS, doing that weird rating intervals scam that has Letterman start every night at 10:35 instead of 10:30 opted to start the Grammy’s at 6:57 pm.
Seems like a minor detail, except the Police took the stage at 6:58 pm to do a three minute song. So, what did I get at 7:00 pm? Some kind of Sting jazzy outtro to Roxanne. I am so pissed about this because 24 years ago I was in sixth grade and I went to my first concert with my big brother. It was the Police’s farewell Sychronicity tour… so you can imagine I have a pretty big attachment to the band.
Now what, I get to wait until they come to Denver to play our basketball arena for $200 a head?
The Police looked and sounded great, though. It was good to see them, what little I did.
Comment by lono — February 12, 2007 @ 11:53 pm
I’m sorry but the chicks looked like skanky ho’s—crazy skanky ho’s.
Comment by Red_Door — February 13, 2007 @ 10:16 am
Xtina - she did the Man proud!
Naked on Sundays, making waffles? Hmm. I am naked and it’s only Thursday. I soiled myself with my own bitchiness this morning and will now go cook an omelette with the egg on my face. Ewwww.. What the hell! Sorry. I’ll just shut up now…
Loved your coverage of the Grammy’s.
Respekt the Aged.
Comment by the domestic minx (Claire Carroll — February 14, 2007 @ 8:56 pm
4 sevenfold avenged sevenfold avenged confession
Comment by disease avenged sevenfold — February 26, 2008 @ 2:15 pm