Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have announced their own “Battle Of The Bands.” What does this mean? Well, let’s let the girls speak for themselves, according to a March 22 post:

“…tell all your musician friends (only unsigned bands or independent recording artists can qualify–no major label acts) to come here to this blog and leave comments telling us about their music. That’s ultimately how you’ll be able to enter to qualify as one of our 10 finalists in the final BATTLE OF THE BANDS play-off. Leave us a comment here on the blog, leave us a link to your web page or MySpace page (wherever we can listen to your music), and then you’re in for your chance to be in the Top 10…Online voting for the BATTLE OF THE BANDS will begin here, at mary-kateandashley.com, April 9th.”

And then on March 28th, Mary Kate posted this update:

“Hey everyone. It’s Mary-Kate. So, the Battle of the Bands contest is going to be amazing. I’m really excited about all of the interest and feedback we’ve been receiving for this contest. We’ve listened to your music, and we can’t wait to narrow all of the entries down to our final Top 10 (we’ve already got a few favorites in mind). We’ll post the Top 10 Finalists here on mary-kateandashley.com, starting April 9th…”

I’m still not entirely sure what any of this means, but one interesting thing I found were the twins listing their favorite bands of late as Pearl Jam, Crosby, Stills & Nash (what no Young?), The Doors, Radiohead, Razorlight, Cream, Bob Dylan.

What’s up with all the classic-rock/blues-roots stuff? What are they like 50-year-hippies? Actually, come to think of it, they dress like a bunch of granola-munchers. The only thing missing on that list is the Grateful Dead and they would officially qualify as the perfect girlfriend for my ex. Cripes, that’s not a good thing.

So stay tuned for more cryptic Battle of The Band news from the Olsen twins. I guess.

While most of the celeb sites are covering lame stuff like Britney’s divorce settlement, Courtney Love and Rosie O’Donnell, we here at Glosslip know what’s HoFizzle vs. BloFizzle and it’s Nickelodeon’s 2007 Kids’ Choice Awards hosted by the omnipresent Justin Timberlake, tomorrow night, March 31st at 8:00pm on where else?  Nickelodeon.

Think nothing exciting happens at a kid’s awards show?  Ha! I present you with this pic of Lindsay Lohan at last year’s show, but don’t expect to see Lindsay Lohan on this year’s show - this is for kids, not panty-less drunks.

This year’s line-up has a host of huge stars presenting, performing and participating.  Gwen Stefani will be performing her hot single “Sweet Escape” with Akon and Maroon 5 will be singing “Makes Me Wonder,” the single off their new album titled, It Won’t Be Soon Before Long. 

Ryan Seacrest will be reporting on a new, breathtaking, never-before-attempted World Record Slime Stunt featuring bungee jumping.  How hot is that?!?!  Some of the guests slated to be on the show is a who’s who of who’s hot: Will Ferrell, Nicole Kidman, Steve Carrell, Jessica Alba, Nelly, Ciara, Ben Stiller, Queen Latifah, Jamie Lynn Spears, Drake Bell and many, many more.  For the entire list of guests, go here.

The Kid’s Choice Awards are still open for voting, but time’s running out.  This link will take you to the list of nominees and you vote for your favorite stars and shows. 

I wonder who will get slimed this year.  Too bad Paris Hilton wasn’t invited.  Although…if you are made of slime does it still count if you get slimed?  Hmmm… I will have to ponder that some more.

Randy Spelling with his mother Candy Spelling seen here at the premier for his new reality show, “Sons of Hollywood” show us that some children really do have a face only a mother can love.  My guess is that his face was disfigured by our Great Creator From Beyond for either having the temerity to admit that he was Paris Hilton’s first sexual encounter, or because he WAS Paris Hilton’s first sexual encounter.

Either way, that’s grounds for permanent termination….from the planet.  The solar system.  The galaxy.  The gamma quandrant.  The universe.  And lastly he should be blasted into the place where anti-matter and matter meet: Paris Hilton’s crotch. 

The “Sons of Hollywood” is an A&E monstrosity that chronicles the lives of Hollywood royalty Randy Spelling (seen mugging up top)  and Sean Stewart, son of Rod as they team up with their agent David Weintraub to move out of their parents houses and begin their lives as annoying c-listers.

Honestly, all you have to do is read TMZ and you can get the abbreviated version of the same thing: we move out, blow our trustfund on booze, drugs and hookers (of the male variety for Randy), get DUI’s, go to rehab, do VH1’s “The Surreal Life,” get botched plastic surgery, live out our worthless days in a prescription drug-addled state of existence until our hearts give out.

See, I just saved you hours of wasted time.  That will be $300,000, thank you!

image: Wireimage

Hell’s Holy Acre. 

If that isn’t the hottest couple of divas I have ever seen. 

And when I say HOT, I mean “On Fire!!,” “It Burns!!,” “Oh Dear Lord My Eyes, I Can’t See!!” “Mother Of Mercy Make It Stop”

Ok, I think I’ve made my point.

pic-Flynet

Since when did moviestars have to borrow money from their sister to pay their rent?  Where’s this guy living, Buckingham Palace? 

British actor Matthew Goode, who plays Gary the no’er-do-well in the new film, The Lookout, which is about a guy who suffered a traumatic brain injury and is subsequently duped into committing a bank robbery is having real-life thoughts about robbing a bank, well not real real-life, just fantasies. 

In the movie, Matt tricks head-trauma victim Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character into helping him rob a bank.  The film, likely to be a hit, is the directorial debut by screenwriter Scott Frank, who’s best known for writing the screenplays for Minority Report, Get Shorty and Out Of Sight.  The Lookout has gotten mostly good reviews as being suspenseful and engaging.  It also stars Isla Fischer, Sacha Baron Cohen’s (Borat) pregnant fiancee.

Back to Matt and his bankrobbing dreaming sequence — recently he said this about his financial woes:

“It would be nice to have a bit of cash right now. I’d pretty much walk up to a bank teller with a banana in my jacket, so I could just laugh it off if I got arrested, and say, ‘I was just a bit drunk officer, I’m so sorry.’ I could get away with anything with a British accent over here in America, but in England they’d be like, ‘Listen, you tosser, you’re not taking the money.”  He added, “I’ve been borrowing rent money from my sister for the last three months.”

He’s right, in America  all you need is to be famous and you can pretty much get away with anything.  The British accent and the banana, well that’s just a little extra insurance.  Matt hopes to finally score a real paycheck — legally — with his upcoming films The Brideshead Revisited and Copying Beethoven, also starring Ed Harris and Diane Kruger.  Some of his previous filmwork was in Chasing Liberty with Mandy Moore, and Match Point, which starred Scarlett Johannson and John Rhys-Meyers.

He can “rob” me with a banana if he wants.  And by rob I mean…well, you know what I mean *wink*

After much speculation as to who would get what, and what impact Britney recent spate of problems, include a 28-day stay in rehab, would have on her divorce settlement, it seems we have the answer.

50/50 is where the custody agreement stands as of now, with Kevin Federline walking away with a reported cool $1million for his time and donation of DNA.  Not much, considering what’s been made of the popstar’s troubles with child-rearing and her partying ways.  Blame her iron-clad pre-nup put in place by high-end lawyer Laura Wasser.

It seems that patience paid off for Britney, and Kevin Federline isn’t such a bad dad afterall.  There were initial reports BEFORE most of Britney’s trouble began that she had offered K-Fed $20 million to just go away, giving her 100% custody of their two children 19-month-old Sean Preston and 7-month old Jayden James.  Surprisingly, he declined.  Maybe he’s slated to get spousal support or child support in addition to the million.  You know he’s not going away for just $1 million.

Finalization of the divorce agreement is imminent. 

Let’s hope with this mess and unsettled business now settled, Britney can get back to being Britney: making really crappy pop music.  And K-Fed can go back to being K-Fed: dressing like a wangsta and trolling the trailer parks for potential baby-mommas.

Here’s what we know:  Tobey Maguire is ready to retire his role as Spider-Man after playing the red-webbed hero for the first three live-action films.  This doesn’t mean he has retired, just that he would like to. 

Here’s what’s been speculated:  Director Sam Raimi is looking for a potential replacement to continue the hugely popular comic book series turned blockbusters if Tobey quits.  He believes that Jake would be a good choice in that replacement.

Here’s the mystery: Then there’s the rumor of bringing DC Comics superhero Captain Marvel/Shazam! character to the big screen.  Screenwriter for the film John August has denied the rumors of Jake being slated for the role, but doesn’t rule him out.  Hollywood, the land where a vague denial is almost as good as an affirmation, August’s statement fits that definition:

“I can pretty much assure you he has never heard of the project and we have never discussed him. After several months of meetings, casting has come up exactly zero times. There is no casting list. If we did have a casting list, Jake’s name would probably be on it, but trust me, there is not a list. There is just a script to be written, which I should probably get back to.”

Okay, so what that means is, yes he is the most likely candidate to play the role of Billy Batson/Captain Marvel/Shazam! - and yes, he’s also a candidate for replacing Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man.  Cripes Hollywood is full of mystery and intrigue!

And crap, a fair amount of crap.

My life hangs in the balance as I ponder who will be Spider-Man.  Seriously, this is starting to really bug me! Har.

In separate news, I for one, hope the rumors of Reese Witherspoon and Jakey dating are true.  It would quell the rumors of Jake being gay and having poor taste in women (he dated Kirsten Dunst for crying out loud) and Reese needs to get past her pot-head hubby Ryan Phillipe.

Ahhh, spring is in the air and love is just around the corner.  Don’t let it run you over.

2007 and hasn’t been any better for Paris Hilton than 2006, and if the law shows no mercy she and pal Nicole Richie may both end up serving time in the slammer for DUI and probation violations.

 The LA City Attorney’s office announced yesterday that Paris violated her probation when she was pulled over on Feb.27 while racing down Sunset after dark with her head lights off.  When police pulled her over, it was discovered that she was driving on a suspended license, though she and her spokesman, Elliot Mintz claimed to have no knowledge of this:

“When Paris called me [after she was pulled over], she asked if her license was suspended,” Mintz said. “If that’s the case, she and I are unaware of it.”

Well as they say, ignorance of the law is not an excuse.  Paris’ license had been suspended as part of her punishment from a DUI arrest in September of 2006.  A hearing to determine her fate is set for April 17th.  I can’t wait!

Paris’ Simple Life star Nicole Richie is facing her own legal woes for similar issues.  In this case, her DUI charge from a December 2006 arrest violated her probation from a 2003 heroin possession. 

As the joke goes, maybe next year’s Simple Life can be called The Simple Life: Cellmates!

Ooh, or better yet The Simple Life: It’s Slammer Time.  Can’t Touch This - and who would want to?  Gross.

The picture on the left is Courtney Love at a birthday party for Paris Hilton wearing the infamous Karl Lagerfeld knock off on February 25, and the pic on the right, Courtney Love in Maui in the last couple of days.

While that dress that Love’s wearing is a hideous mess of nonsense, you can tell she’s a fair amount heavier than she is in that bathing suit shot.  I for one, think she looks great in her suit.  Apparently she’s been on some kind of health kick consisting of yoga, a rigid diet of lean meats, steamed veggies and Isopure shakes since December.  She claims to have lost 45 pounds and wants to lose ten more, because looking like a concentration camp victim is totally hot. 

You know what else looks hot?  Melted fudge poured over a scoop of ice cold vanilla ice cream.  I bet Kelly Clarkson knows about that kind of hot! 

pic: Flynet

Sacha Baron Cohen is going to be a dad, does Ali G know about this? - Pop On The Pop

Three 6 Mafia’s new MTV comedy series Adventures In Hollyhood - BC Goodie Bag

Michelle Branch has a stalker. Why? - TMZ

Halle Berry knows suicide sells - Radar Online

A real socialite, Tinsely Mortimer, in her element - LXTV