Heather Mills Will Wear A Strap On For ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars”
Sometimes, the headlines write themselves.Â
The estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney will be participating in the next installment of ABC’s hit series,”Dancing With The Stars.” She had this to say about competing on the show:
“I’m quite happy to be thrown around, and hopefully my leg will stay on. It’s very unlikely my leg is going to fly off, although it would be quite funny. I’ll have a strap on which I wouldn’t normally in every day life. I’ve got no dancing background and with my leg I can’t push it… I love to dance in the disco, but that’s about it. Natural rhythm is coming in handy.”
That crazy bitch doesn’t mind having some stranger throw her around on stage, with her leg flying willy-nilly, but Sir Paul goes on a bender and tosses her down the stairs and she goes beserk? Where is the justice?Â
I have not watched that show. The title is stupid, the concept seems contrived and quite honestly the only competitive show I want to watch with celebrities is “Archery With The Stars” or maybe “Stunt Car Driving With The Stars.” That seems entertaining, and in fact I may have to pitch those.
When I read the line up in my latest copy of People magazine (yeah, I’m old-school) I started to wonder what would make a celebrity want to participate in such an event. Besides the prestigious honor of being the most graceful toe-twirler in Hollywood, what could be more stupid?Â
Then suddenly it seemed like the most brilliant idea ever. Maybe it was the booze thinking, but I started to realize that if you are Hollywood has-been with too much dignity to star in VH1’s The Surreal Life (an exceptional show btw) this was the perfect vehicle to thrust your name back in the limelight. You get to show off, wear fancy clothes, compete and hang around other has-beens and in the end, if you win you can say “Eat it bitches, I outwaltzed you.” That kicks total ass!
Speaking of kicking total ass, Heather Mills, 40, who lost her leg in a motorcycle accident in 1993 has promised that she will wear a strap on for the show. To keep her leg on. The prosthetic leg. The one she used to beat the crap out of beloved Beatle Paul McCartney. That joke never gets old.Â
Other knuckleheads appearing this season:
Joey Fatone, 30 former N-Sync member (the old chubby one)
Shandi Finnessey, 28,former Miss USA
Laila Ali, 29, undefeated boxing pro and daughter of boxing legend Mohammed Ali
Billy Ray Cyrus, 45, former mullet-legend and country sensation
Clyde Drexler, 44, the 6-foot-7 former Houston Rocket and Portland Trailblazer and one of the NBA’s all-time top 50 players.
Leeza Gibbons, 49, former Entertainment Tonight co-host.
Apolo Ohno, 24, two-time Olympic gold medalist in short-track skating and the youngest competitor in Dancing history. (not a knucklehead, but does have a restraining order against me. Oh Apolo, can’t see how good we would be together?)
Paulina Porizkova, 41, a supermodel in the ’80s. (married to Ric Ocasek)
Ian Ziering, 42, a Beverly Hills 90210 heartthrob (doofus)
And last, but certainly not least, The Soprano’s Vincent Pastore had signed up originally, but had to bail because he was too big of a pussy. Badump, bump!
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Well done! You know, there is always the temptation to overwrite these things when something comes as easily as a marvelous headline like this. You did the right thing. You stepped back and let the magic happen.
I personally plan to sabotage that strap on.
Comment by DJRadiohead — March 1, 2007 @ 12:42 pm
First: bwahaha!!
Second: Is that photo grainy or does she have leprosy?
Third: No! Laila Ali! Why can’t you be as awesome as I’d like you to be and not hang out with these losers. Please God, let her actually be a rabid McCartney fan who only signed up to beat the crap out of a physically challenged person coz she’s a nonconformist like that.
Comment by Amrita — March 1, 2007 @ 12:58 pm
Hells yeah!!! I think that photo was taken from the Larry King show. You know, one handicap interviewing another.
Comment by dmdo1016 — March 1, 2007 @ 1:00 pm
I hear she can jig a mean Lindy Hop.
Comment by Matthew T. "Matt" Sussman — March 1, 2007 @ 4:28 pm
I hope her strap-on (leg) is flung with force from her twirling body straight into the mulletted head of the horrendous Billy Ray Cyrus.
You can do it, DJ Radiohead, you can make the magic happen…
Comment by The Domestic Minx — March 1, 2007 @ 5:09 pm