John Edwards May Be Fruity, But Rudy Giuliani’s Kids Are Snotty Brats
John Edwards Loves Man-Hugs
It looks like things are heating up for the 2008 presidential elections. And man, we can’t wait for the good times to roll.
Ann Coulter, the hottest conservative since Ayn Rand (and when I say hot, I mean eternal flames of damnation hot) not so subtly called Senator John Edwards a “f*ggot” while speaking in Washington D.C. at the Conservative Political Action Convention in Washington D.C., or as it’s known in colloquial terms, a KuKluxKlan convention. I jest. Her actual quote:
“I was going to have a few comments about the other Democratic nominee, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘f$ggot.’”
Needless to say, her comments weren’t exactly received with loving arms by either side of the political spectrum, save a few hillbillies and ridgerunners, who, when asked about the comments one particulary seedy fellow offered this:
“I like that Ann Coulter, she’s like a comedian or sompem’. She sure has a purty mouth too. I might like to have her over for some smoked possum and grits. I could show her my gun collection, and my rope collection and even my duct tape collection. Yeah, we’d have hootin’ and hollerin’ good time. And if she behaved herself, I might even let her use the outhouse. F*ggots is funny.”
Looks like a rocky road ahead for the Republicans if that’s the kind of spokespeople they have representing them.
A major frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination former NY mayor Rudolph Giuliani, can’t seem to get the love from his kids either. His son, Andrew Giuliani, a 21-year-old sophomore at Duke University said he’s too busy working on his golf game to help his dad stump for president. Ouch!
Andrew and his father had a falling out which stems from the bitter and quite public divorce between his parents, when then-Mayor Rudy dumped Andrew’s mother, Donna Hanover, for current wife Judith Nathan. The married couple had been estranged since 1996 and it was really no surprise when they announced they were separating. As to why Andrew hates his step-mom, we can only speculate based on vague comments from Andrew regarding the strain:
“There’s obviously a little problem that exists between me and his wife. And we’re trying to figure that out. But as of right now it’s not working as well as we would like.â€
Whatever all that means. His mom, Donna, was a psycho, so I can’t imagine Judith is any more whacked. I bet his mom’s feeding his head full of b.s. Crazy ex-wives do that all the time- but enough about me.
What about his 17 year-old daughter, Caroline? She is said to be attending Harvard in the fall and will also NOT be joining dad on the campaign trail. I predict this will hurt his shot at the presidency. Being perceived as a sucky dad only works on sitcoms, not presidential races. I’d write those bastards out of the will.
Ungrateful shits. Truly, these children are our future and let me be the first to say our future SUCKS.
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Seems to me that no child is under any obligation to campaign for a parent, particularly for one that was part of such a spectacularly ugly public divorce. Kids aren’t required to love their stepparents either, regardless of the circumstances that brought them into their parents lives.
I know nothing about the Guiliani children, but nothing you’ve said in this column backs up your claim that they’re ungrateful shits.
Comment by Kati — March 5, 2007 @ 4:30 pm
Our future doesn’t necessarily suck. But it does look awfully ripe and primed for a good ol’ fashioned bathroom minority raping.
Comment by alec — March 5, 2007 @ 5:26 pm
You’re right Kati, no child is under any obligation to do squat, I guess no parent is under any obligation to do squat either. Their pissed cuz’ daddy didn’t show up to enough of their events.
But I bet they are taking every last dime he gives them to go to Duke and Harvard. Whatever, I feel sorry for them NOT!
Comment by dmdo1016 — March 5, 2007 @ 6:07 pm
[...] I’m not saying let’s bail out of Iraq and Afghanistan — I’m not one of those pussy ass Northeast liberals who spends their time sucking Kosher Ivy league dick and crying about why I blew that i-banker in the bathroom for a bump. No, I’m a real American who lives his violence, as long as it’s on TV or YouTube. I don’t need some ugly bean-eating son of a bitch turned Presidential candidate getting all weak in the knees about torturing the bad guys or a puffhead who likes divorce almost as much as he loves homosexuality. [...]
Pingback by Prose Before Hos » Double D Distractions — March 5, 2007 @ 6:13 pm