American Idol Blows, Antonella Barba Thankfully Gone, Sanjaya Inexplicably Remains
For a person whose singing voice sent my cats into frenzied teeth-baring, claw-scratching orgies of hatred, Antonella Barba sure seemed awfully surprised to be gone last night.Â
As for the American Idol judges, they seemed relieved to not have to find new ways of saying, “Wow, that was terrifying” “Do you have throat cancer?” and “Did a werewolf tear out your larnyx? No? Damn, that’s too bad!”
On a positive note, Antonella is now free to finally pursue a career in the field of her choice: porn. Will she choose hardcore or softcore? The opportunities are endless.
With Antonella Barba and the controversy of her PG-13 photos now behind us, it’s hard to say what will happen to the show. Considering this is by far the most BORING AI season ever. And by boring I mean, instead of turning off the tv when it comes on, we angrily shake our fists at a blank screen and summon all our strength to not leave a grumpy on the cable box.Â
The first problem: the judges. Paula is often left mouth agape, staring blankly into space or gyrating wildly on Simon’s leg like a dog in heat. Randy’s become a fat parody of himself, not even trying to reinvent new ways of saying “Dawg,” “You brought it” and “Who ate the last donut?”
I like Simon. I just wish he would stop using the same phrase about someone’s performance reminding him of a “person singing in a lounge,” but replace lounge with “cruiseline” “country fair,” or ”carnival.” Simon needs to stop hanging out at these places. I don’t think the shows are up to his standards.
Ryan Seacrest is the highlight of the show.  And just saying that made my face break out. I want to scoop him up, all 4 feet of him and put him in my pocket and carry him around to give commentary to all my daily routines. “Are you confident that you wiped your butt enough? Or could you have used more toilet paper?” “Here’s a clip we put together of you picking out your groceries.” “Let’s give her a nice round of applause for cutting off that car and flipping the bird folks. That was an amazing performance.”
Second problem: the contestants. There are two female contestants who are great singers – fabulous singers in fact. The rest pale in comparison in ways that make you feel sorry for them, but not enough to vote for them. Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones are the best female singers. I just wish they would stop acting so shocked to hear how great they are. Smile, nod graciously and show a modicum of confidence. False humility is really grating. Â
The guys? I can’t even remember their names except for Sanjaya Malakar and that’s only because his performance is so blindingly and 
consistently lackluster that it has caused a slow bleed in my frontal lobe. He’s like scanners or something, using his skills of lameness to melt my brain. Yet somehow, he keeps winning. I blame those crazies at VoteForTheWorst.com – they must really hate American Idol.
Maybe, even as much as I do.
Also leaving last night besides Antonella, were Sabrina Sloan, Sundance Head and Jared Cotter. So who’s left: Blake Lewis, LaKisha Jones, Chris Sligh, Jordin Sparks, Phil Stacey, Melinda Doolittle, Brandon Rogers, Gina Glocksen, Chris Richardson, Stephanie Edwards, Haley Scarnato and Sanjaya Malakar.
Tune in next week to finally find a cure for your insomnia. Or skip it altogether and stare at this for an hour.
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I agree with you, this is the MOST BORING season yet!! And how is Sanjaya still there?????? Even the judges are asking why they brought him to Hollywood because he can’t sing. I’m thinking the voting is fixed or he’d have been gone last week. If these are the best of 100,000 who auditioned, this must be the last season for AI.
Comment by Mary — March 9, 2007 @ 9:52 am
We used to love the show. I don’t really know what happened. Maybe it’s already peaked or something. Maybe the Barba thing has cast a pall on it. I do have to say that the contestants do NOTHING for me. Some of them are really good and seem nice, but the show, uh is just a big whatever.
Comment by dmdo1016 — March 9, 2007 @ 10:11 am
you forgot simon’s favorite word: cabaret. i mean, come the hell on…nobody even knows what a frickin’ cabaret is anymore!
oh yea: that dolittle woman kills. she might be the best singer they’ve had in the entire series.
Comment by Mark Saleski — March 9, 2007 @ 10:46 am
i can’t believe Sundance left. that was shocking. mind you, that performance of Jeremy WAS a touch upsetting to the gut-rumbles. but if’n he could’ve belted out a couple old Robert Johnson numbers, can you imagine how glorious that would’ve sounded? horrible in principle, perhaps, but gorgeous to the lugs, i would dare say.
Comment by DukeDeMondo — March 9, 2007 @ 1:46 pm
oh, and re: simon’s stock phrases – “Some GHAAAASTLY —- insert either karaoke bar / high school talent contest / hotel cabaret act” and also, how can we forget; “It reminded me of a drunk uncle getting up to sing a song at a wedding.”
Comment by DukeDeMondo — March 9, 2007 @ 1:49 pm
I humbly submit my own sarcasm on the Barbas Brouhaha:
http://blogtopicz.com/2007/03/09/barba-next-stop-playboy.aspx
Comment by zenshadow — March 9, 2007 @ 9:09 pm
I’m so glad I’m not seen this stupid show. I have never seen the previous shows and don’t plan to see any future ones either.
All those kids want to have it so easy by pretending that life in the limelight is the best they can have, they keep forgetting how fast they can be ridicule by the stupidity that they can sing… Not only that but I also think the rewards are given when someone miss behaves badly and get justification from the public.
Did we forget that how to be more respectful? Did we for get how to do the right thing and reward it? How come we glorify bad behavior?
This Antonella girl should have been gone since the discovery that she was posing nude and having her own orgies or sexual activities.
I’m sick and tired that any miss behavior is bringing rewards to who ever does anything inappropriate…. Come on people open up your eyes and condemn anything that we know is not right!!
How many kids want to do the right thing but don’t have a chance if they don’t have a little skeleton in their closet or a small scandal just to get notoriety.
I’m so glad Antonella is gone and now she can pursue her Porn Carrier…
RS
Comment by Rico — March 10, 2007 @ 4:32 am
How about a complete shake up of all the judges. GET rid of that Ryan Seacreast. Does he own a razor??
Comment by Mo luscott — March 10, 2007 @ 5:58 am
This is really funny. American Idol sucks. Thanks for telling it how it is.
Comment by Shawn Dragann — March 10, 2007 @ 8:43 am
Oh and PS. Antella is not that hot. Yes, she is goodlooking, but not THAT hot I’m really glad to see her go. Maybe her search counts will cool off soon (unless of course she gets into the whole porn thing cause then it might take another year or so).
Comment by Shawn Dragann — March 10, 2007 @ 8:46 am
*sp? = Antonella – sorry for spamming the comments.
Comment by Shawn Dragann — March 10, 2007 @ 8:47 am
One thing that little Sanjaya Malakar is providing, for me at least, is some interest. I am all about my entertainment afterall…
It is interesting how many folks take the time to comment (negatively) about him, interesting to read how Simon is talking to press about he’d quit should Sanjaya win, interesting how the fan forums at the A.I. Boards are so hot to rip this kid up. He remains in the running (I’d like to think) for my pleasure and entertainment – bonus(!) the expression of the judging panel each week when he stays.
F.Y.I., and not going by Dialidol, instead I had this ‘little birdie’ sing to me from on the inside that little Sanjaya received the second highest votes last week for the guys. How about those apples? Top that with the situation that the producers were so rankled they pitted him against Sundance Head knowing that he had a big following among previous Soul Patrol type viewers. Desperate attempt to try and further the cause to remove the boy.
Yet against the odds the Little Sanjaya Engine That Could keeps rolling along. It touches my heart.
I think honestly, and not modestly that the Powers That Be on this ratings beast of a show are getting this season what they asked for – I mean, truly was Pauler so whacked out during auditions she had no judgement? Was Randy too occupied with Travis Tritt, producing the CW artist’s next CD, and Cowell, too busy running about scouting for all his other shows? Is the talent pool in the US that shallow? I’d like to think Not, but who knows.
Grateful Dead song, “Hell in a Bucket”, the chorus :
You imagine me sipping champagne from your boot
For a taste of your elegant pride
I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe,
But at least I’m enjoying the ride.
At least I’m enjoying the ride.
At least I’m enjoying the ride.
That’s how I’m looking at Idol this season. The show may be going to hell in a bucket, but hey I’m enjoying the ride.
Comment by Jewels — March 13, 2007 @ 8:44 am
Ut oh. I went thru a server switch (boo goDaddy). Here’s that link on Barba on the new server: http://blogtopicz.com/item/2007/03/barba-next-stop-playboy
Comment by zenshadow — March 24, 2007 @ 7:05 pm
The worse season i have see is season 7 the best season 6 Melinda doolittle was the best one and she will released her first album June of 2008.
Comment by Louise7 — March 8, 2008 @ 8:59 pm