The internet is abuzz over a story involving young actress Thora Birch and her dad acting like a total jackhole on the set of her new film, Winter Of Frozen Dreams. Apparently while filming a sex scene, Thora’s dad and manager Jack Birch demanded to be present, despite standard procedure being a closed set for such types of intimate scenes. An insider on the set said this about Thora’s sex scene with actor Dean Winters:

“It was so wrong. The director is saying, ‘Harder! Faster!’ and the father is giving Winters the thumbs up.”

There’s also some concern over Jack Birch bullying the director Eric Mandelbaum about camera angles, and on the first day of shooting the sex scene the insider stated: “All of a sudden, the front door is being kicked in. Her father was threatening to kill the assistant directors. Then he threatens to pull her from the movie with three days of shooting left.”

Jack Birch’s demeanor is both bizarre and unpleasant, and he’s described as looking “like Charles Manson,” wearing a “full-length leather coat and wraparound sunglasses, even at night” and in a review for an old movie he did  “Road of Death” (1973) he’s described as “a muscle-stud . . . so unphotogenic you can’t take your eyes off him.”

Oh, and he’s an old school porn star who met Thora’s mother Carol Connors on the set of their claim to fame film “Deep Throat.”

So, really, if you think about it, having parents who are porn stars is like the equivalent to having parents who are serial killers.  All the notoriety you could want, plus they aren’t in jail.  Why anyone is surprised that her dad acts like a freaking pervert and a digusting pedophile is beyond me.  Chances are pretty good that he is one.  Scandal solved. 

 

Rap star Marshall Mathers, better known by his performance name, Eminem has reached an agreement with his twice-divorced wife Kim Mathers to stop the public insults in the interest of their daughter Hailie. 

The couple had been engaged in a public war of words for almost the entire history of their relationship since Eminem became famous back in the late 90’s.  The two were married for the first time in 1999 and then divorced in 2001 only to remarry in January of 2006 and then divorce again in December of the same year.  Got all that?  ‘Cuz that’s the stuff of true love.

In the past year Kim Mathers has spoken out about her estranged husband using what Mather’s claims were “derogatory, disparaging, inflammatory and otherwise negative comments” about him, which led him to take legal action.  Action which he claimed was on behalf of their 11-year old daughter.  Mathers explained that she was at an age where this public hostility between the two were affecting Hailie’s personal life and causing her pain in respect to her peers, because she was being picked on about it.  I can appreciate his concern, although……

Ms. Mather’s lawyer states that Eminen is still permitted to perform songs that are “critical” about her.  Songs like “Kim”, where Eminem sings sweet nothings like:

Don’t you get it bitch, no one can hear you? Now shut the fuck up and get what’s comin to you, You were supposed to love me
{*Kim choking*} NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!

Sweet Mother Mary, if that doesn’t just melt your heart, then you are made of stone.  A cold, unfeeling stone wall of insensitivity I tell you. And this must be a huge relief to little Hailie that her parents won’t be publicly bickering like a couple of three-year-olds, and the only public humiliation she must now face is her dad’s riveting performances where he simulates killing her mother to screaming hordes of fans.

Progress made, case closed.

Reports and pictures have been circulating that Paris Hilton has a new man ensnared in her toxic web of STD’s and vacant stares.  This time the hapless victim is “Desperate Housewives” actor Josh Henderson. 

What possible motive would anyone have for dating a whore like Paris Hilton?  And I am not using whore as some kind of euphemism.  Seriously, she’s a total whore with herpes,videos showing her screwing guys, flashing her skanky lady bits and she doesn’t wear underwear.  I realize that Hollywood’s “different” than the rest of the world, but even Hell has standards, and they wouldn’t want Paris Hilton down there scuzzing the place up, leaving slime trails and herp pox everywhere.

Maybe I am just not enlightened, but if you KNOW that someone has something as permanent as herpes and whose name has become synonymous with terms like whore, useless, talentless and retarded - why would you still date them?  For all intents and purposes, Paris Hilton should have been branded with a huge W and then forced to languish her days in the South Pole where penguins would use her to block the wind and wipe their poop on.  I am so confused.

 

You know what we do for fun in our house?  We get these pictures of Donatella Versace blown up to life size proportions, and then we sneak into our kids bedroom after they fall asleep and put them up next to their bed.  The bloodcurdling screams of horror and the sound of deuces dropping in the pants is the best.  We lay in bed giggling like schoolgirls.  Then when the kids come running into our room crying uncontrollably we gently console them, while firmly reminding them that coke, smoke and excessive plastic surgery is bad.  Price of posters: $40 dollars, valuable lesson in self control: priceless.

Donatella’s daughter Allegra is suffering from life-threatening anorexia.  The crippling disease has Allegra at a dangerously thin 70 pounds and is currently in a treatment facility to help her overcome the physical and mental illness. 

Insiders report that the 20-year-old’s condition is really bad, so much so, that Woman’s Day reports Allegra is under 24-hour supervision and must be fed through a naso-gastric tube. A Versace family employee states to Woman’s Day: ”It was the most sad and traumatic experience of my life,” he said. “Her arms are like candlesticks. Her skin is this unnatural colour I’ve never seen before.”

But the constant party doesn’t stop just because your daughter is on the verge of death from starvation, a disease most surely brought on by living with a mother who’s obsessed with appearance, despite looking like a monster herself.  Donatella was in attendance for her pal Elton John’s birthday party on March 24, and made quite an entrance when she fell getting out of the car.  Perhaps she was overcome with grief.  How would you know though, her expression never changes.

Allegra is the heir to the Gianni Versace fortune and was Gianni’s beloved niece before he died after being shot by serial killer Andrew Cunanan in front of his Miami home in 1997.  I bet Gianni would be disgusted that Donatella hasn’t taken better care of his Allegra. 

 

In my perfect world, a guy like Joe Francis would be held captive by a masked intruder and threatened with anal rape.  I guess that would be illegal though, but totally acceptable for a guy who I like to think of as a sexual predator with a waiver form.

Anyway, enough of my fantasies come true.  It seems that Joe Francis isn’t content with plying women with alcohol, stroking their egos and then cajoling them into doing humilating sexual acts on film while lining his pockets with gold, but leaving the women empty inside and their dignity (and sometimes their virginity) stolen.  No, now he intends to start his own line of topless restaurants in Mexico’s top resort areas of Cabo San Lucas and Cancun.  Starpulse reports:

The “sex sells” entrepreneur insists the dining experience will be fun and sexy. He tells the Los Angeles Business Journal, “You’ll be comfortable going in there, but you’re gonna get a Girls Gone Wild experience.”  And Francis has big plans to take the new venture international. He adds, “In some countries, we’ll do topless optional at night.”

I hope when he says “in some countries” he means like Iran or Saudi Arabia where the punishment for such acts is beheading Joe Francis.  To be frank, that should be the punishment for being an ex-boyfriend of Paris Hilton’s.  Don’t give me that look, I am trying to further humanity people. 

Sheesh, you’d think I was some kind of rapist or coke-whore.

 

Should we even be reporting news on Jeremy Piven?  He’s a parody of all things cheesy about Hollywood. If I read a story about him showing up on Valentine’s Day at a packed chic restaurant without a reservation, demanding a table, and when turned down, barking at the hostess “Don’t you know who I am?” and then berating and belittling her for working at restaurant I wouldn’t even be surprised!

What?  He did that?  Well, then that only leaves one thing left for him to do, like say bullying his way into a high end foodie establishment with a party of 12, no reservation and then leaving only a copy of season one’s “Entourage” as a tip. Oh, check that off too?  Sweet mother of pearl!

The NTP reports:

He was asked never to return to Matsuhisa in Aspen by a manager. He came in with a large group of 12 or more without reservations and asked for a table. It was a very busy night, but a table, although cramped, was provided. On his way out, he made a nasty comment to the manager: ‘Thanks for nothing.’ He left a DVD of the first year of ‘Entourage’ to one of the waiters. [An employee] ran up the stairs and hurled it at him as he was leaving.”

I’m not trying to judge here, but could Piven be more of a total douchebag?  I’m no moviestar, but hells if I ain’t about ten times as classy as this guy.  When I leave a tip, it’s something the waitress will be talking about to her grandkids. I can hear her now,  ”One time this lady came in with her two screaming brats.  They were throwing food and one of them punched an old man in the face and the other one tripped me and I dumped hot soup on a cripple, but they left me a 20% tip.  Can you believe it?  That lady changed my life?”

Yeah, that’s how we roll in Ohio.  Respeck!

 

First of all, what’s a dude who looks like a Scott Weiland doing with a $10,000 wardrobe?  Scott Weiland rarely even wears shirts and he usually looks like a homeless person someone found living in a dumpster.

Those newshounds at TMZ are reporting that not only did the couple trash a hotel room in Burbank, but now Mary Weiland was arrested this weekend after police received calls about “a female burning clothes” outside their Toluca Lake, California home.  Mary Weiland, 31 was arrested on felony arson vandalism charges and released 3 hours later from a Burbank police station early Sunday morning.

Sounds to me, based on the earlier report of Scott’s wife showing up with their kids at the Graciela hotel in Burbank this weekend and then her going basic instinct on his clothes, the two must be in the process of separating.  Why’s he need a hotel when he has a home?  Where’s Inspector Clouseau when you need him?

 

My first thought after reading the story about Bruce Willis making out with riotgrrl Courtney Love is “Who knew Bruce liked the taste of semen, cigarettes, vomit and whiskey?”  It takes all kinds.

Willis was celebrating his 52nd birthday at the Sunset club Roxy on March 19 when eyewitnesses spotted he and Courtney exchanging bodily fluids while watching the newest skank to hit town Amy Winehouse perform.  But don’t get yourself all in “Moonlighting” twitter, Bruce was later seen out on his own later that night, and Courtney’s spokesho called the encounter a “a quick hi.”  Which, when you think of it, describes her entire life.

Neat!

Punk Band Mest - (frontman Tony Lavota)

Unknown punk rocker Tony Lavota from the band Mest stabs and kills ex-girlfriend’s new man.  Now that’s some street cred-right there!

VH1/Jack Black team up for sneak-attack laughs. LOL!!

Pink as Cryptkeeper?  I always knew there was something familiar about that rotting corpse face of hers.

Rappers continue to prove they can keep it real yo’.  Fiddy-Cent posse beats up kid for offensive t-shirt.

Scarlett Johansson Looking HotHotHot!  What else is new?

Two British Sluts, One Fat, One Anorexic - Both Drunken Sods

Who Knew Payton Manning Was Such A Cut-up?

 

It’s been 46 days since Anna Nicole died and we have all waited on pins and needles to find out what killed her, besides the tragic comedy of life.

The National Enquirer and Star Magazine  both reported that Anna died from of a toxic level of injected sleep medication chloral hydrate, but that merely accelerated her demise, as a deadly blood infection from an unsterilized needle was already ravaging her body.  There were reports at the time of Anna’s death that stated she was suffering from flu-like symptoms and was being treated with antibiotics and over-the-counter cold medications to treat those symptoms and a fever as high as 105.  Clearly, if this information is true, Anna was misdiagnosed.  It’s hard to say if the damage could have been undone had she received proper care.

But wait, there’s more…