Apparently Britney had a toothache and made an emergency appointment at Century City Hospital to have a dentist look at it.  Chaos ensued.  Wake me up when something interesting happens. 

Like Paris closes her legs.

Or Lindsay stays home. 

Or maybe Angelina gives Shiloh a hug.

Yeah, something shocking like that. 

 

Former STP lead singer and Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland and his wife, model Mary Forsberg are being charged for causing a major disturbance due to a violent fight between the two that left their hotel room trashed, including dents in the wall from phones and alarm clocks being thrown, and blood on the linens.

A hotel in Burbank is pressing charges because of the extensive damaged caused by the couple after Weiland’s wife Mary showed up at the hotel with the couple’s two children Lucy and Noah, and proceeded to get into ”a huge argument.”  After fighting in front of their children for a period, Weiland’s assistant took the two away and some point later, Weiland left leaving wife Mary alone to continue the destruction.  After police were called and the hotel assessed the damages, they decided to press charges.

Weiland is what we would call a model citizen and he his second wife, Mary, have gone at it before. Back in 2001 while in Las Vegas,  Scott was charged with domestic violence after a fight where he shoved his wife.  The charges were later dropped, contingent on the couple entering and completing counseling.  Mary filed for divorce after the incident, but later reconciled with Weiland, you know, for the sake of the children.

Weiland’s trouble began in the early 90’s when he became a heroin addict, which surely must have excerbated his bi-polar disorder, a mental condition he refuses to treat with medication. I have it on good authority that Weiland’s trouble began earlier than that.  Our resident star-catcher D-Bomb attended Kenston High School in Bainbridge, Ohio with the rocker and he was already exhibiting anti-social behavior, including using cement glue in his mohawked hair and being a “huge dumbass” in study hall.  Maybe D-bomb will grace us with some other tales from back in the day.

In the meantime, all I have to add is that bi-polar disorder is a real f*cking mess and people who don’t take their fricken meds are complete a-holes who are totally selfish and don’t deserve the family that puts up with their crazy asses.

 

In world news, it seems that those crazy cats in Iran are just asking for a serious asskicking if they think messing with the UK is a good idea.

According to news reports, 15 British Naval personnel were seized by Iranians in what is now disputed “Iranian territorial waters”.  Prime Minister Blair had this to say on this serious situation:

“It is simply not true that they went into Iranian territorial waters,” Blair said at a news conference in Berlin, calling the situation “very serious.” “I want to get it resolved in as easy and diplomatic a way as possible,” he said, but added he hoped the Iranians “understood how fundamental an issue this is for the British government.”

And for those of you who don’t understand British stiff upper lip speak, translated, that means “We’ve been looking for a reason to come over slap the living crap out you sons of Xerxes and your fruity ways, so consider yourself on notice motherf*ckers,” more or less.  Maybe a little less.

According to US and British officials the soldiers had just completed a search of a civilian vessel in an “Iraqi part of the Shatt al Arab waterway when they were intercepted by the Iranian navy.”   Iranian officials, lying out of their hairy butts, said that the sailors” illegally entered Iranian waterways” and they were just doing what they do best, being total insecure bitches.

Iran has denied any access to the British captives and have stated that the men have “confessed” to illegally entering the Iranian waters, to which the collective free world rolls it eyes and holds up a hand — the international meaning for — whatever you playa haters.

Even President Chirac, the leader of the surrender monkey capital of the world, France, has responded in support of the UK.  Which is kind of shocking and slightly suspicious.

“We all affirmed our total solidarity with Great Britain,” Chirac said. “It appears clear that these soldiers were not in the Iranian zone at the time.”

Ooooh, Iran is so in trouble.  I hope we bust their asses 300 style - they are such dicks.

 

I actually can’t believe I wrote a sentence that contained the words Snoop Dogg and Wembly Arena, but there you have it.

The BBC reports that rapper Snoop Dogg has been denied a visa to enter the UK for a tour of Europe with his pal Sean “Puffy” “Diddy” “P Diddy” Combs.  Diddy will continue to perform at the scheduled show on Tuesday at the Wembley Arena in London.

Snoops spokeperson said this:

Snoop and his team are hoping the British government will reconsider this decision, especially as he has toured here before and sees the UK as being the highlight of the tour. He has asked how he can help rectify the situation and would happily talk to and give assurances to officials.” She also added that Snoop is “mystified” by the decision to not grant him a visa.

If mystified means he was “high” then okay, because considering Snoop was “held overnight” in Sweden earlier this month on suspicions of drug use, one might think that a normal person might start putting two and two together.  Two and two being: Snoop + Dogg = Pot and that’s what I like to call higher math.  Get it?  Higher math.

I give up.  And so should Snoop when it comes to getting into Europe.  Unless it’s Amsterdam, where I am sure he has become the patron saint of all things that are rolled up tight, smell like skunk and are sticky to the touch.  mmmmm…..herbalicious

 

Perez Hilton, celebrity ass-kisser extraordinaire demonstrates why he never reports news on certain celebs.  Mario L. celebrates his birthday with a host of celebs, coincidentally all the same names you see him sucking up to on his piece of crap website.

I wonder when the herpes is going to take over his face and where are the pictures of him making out with Paris’ butthole?

Thank goodness I am a real journalist above such shady goings on. 

photo

In what has to be one of the most ironic cases in the history of hyprocrits, British actor Ralph Fiennes is being prompted to get tested for HIV after his brief and unprotected encounter with Qantas airline attendant Lisa Robertson.  The flight attendant and skank extraordinare–who says she had sex with Fiennes on a Qantas jet, is now admitting she had once worked as a high-class prostitute (oxy-moron alert!)

As reported by the London Daily Mail, she said she earned as much as $640 U.S. dollars a night in a Sydney brothel while working for the airline. That’s an expensive piece of ass for such an ugly face.  Although I doubt many of her clientele bothered to look.  Fiennes and Robertson hooked up in January on a flight to India,  Ralph was going to discuss HIV and practicing safe sex.

Perhaps he was testing his own theories on the importance of protection, or he’s a big phony who uses deadly diseases to travel the globe and screw flight attendants (unprotected) in airplane bathrooms.   It’s also possible that he suffers from such a raging and inflamed case of arrogance that he thinks he is somehow above people from third world countries, and therefore not susceptible to any diseases – because, you know, he’s a movie star.

Maybe he’s never heard of Rock Hudson.  Or Freddie Mercury.  Or Magic Johnson.  Or in the future - Ralph Fiennes.  Moron.

Story submitted by D-Bomb, who firmly believes in a wang with a raincoat!

 

In today’s latest installment of Hollywood High School Musical, the frightening and grotesque Brit, Ms. Amy Winehouse, made famous for her gutteral groins about not going to rehab and being a raging drunk, is picking on the one startlet who actually DID go to rehab - not that it helped granted, but she should get an A for effort - America’s sweetheart Lindsay Lohan. 

TMZ reports:

Lohan was recently seen purchasing a Winehouse CD, and Winehouse, whose star is rising thanks to a song called “Rehab,” recently told Giant magazine that she’s worried about Lohan. “I want to coddle that girl. I really want to hug her,” she said. She then goes on to poke a little fun at Lohan, adding that “I saw pictures of her coming out of the doctor’s [office], and she’s crying. She’s holding papers in her hand, like, ‘Oh, it’s a note from my liver saying, “Dear Lindsay, I’ve gone to Vegas!”

Of course Winehouse is British and in the UK they do things differently.  Like instead of going to a club and sneaking off to the restroom to snort up a heaping line of coke with a rolled up dollar bill, they bust out a giant-sized mirror on the side of the street and get down on their hands and knees sucking coke up with papertowel rolls - all before they head out to pick up their montly assistance checks in the Dole queue.

Let’s take a look at some of their recent imports into the U.S:  Pete Doherty, Kate Moss, Robbie Williams, George Michaels, and now Amy Winehouse who admits “she’s a terrible drunk” and reportedly spent $390 a week on marijuana.  Jeebus, you know how much pot that is to smoke in one week?  She must have been throwing bricks in the fireplace or something.

Not that I am sticking up for Lindsay, who we all know is both a whore and a flagrant substance abuser, but what’s with these British twits picking on our homegrown tabloid tartlets?  That cheeky Lily Allen’s been known to run her mouth too and quite honestly I think they all need to shut their gaping maws and show us some talent already.

And falling down drunk, puking in the gutter and wiping jizz off your face doesn’t count.

Photo credit - wireimage

 * 

Anna Nicole’s death caused by dirty needles, rape drugs and butt infections - WWTDD

Nicky Hilton as prevalent as herpes outbreak on Paris labia - RadarOnline

Mel Gibson not quite done with anger-management 101 - TMZ

Paris Hilton breeding dwarves and midgets - Janet Charlton

All the Live Pink Videos you can stand - BCGoodie Bag

More of Rumer Willis fugstastic feats! - Pop On The Pop

* For the person who said my site was “gay”

 

My soul is dying one molecule at a time.  Today’s soul-killer is Dina Lohan.  In an interview for April’s edition of Harper’s Bizarre, Dina Lohan talks about her party mom image and daughter Lindsay’s recent stint in rehab. 

Logorreah Lohan laments:

“Oh, the party mom, the party mom, the party mom!” Lohan says. “Whoever said that, my ex-husband or whatever, I’m not the party mom!”

“Listen to me: Lindsay would drag me, literally drag my loser butt (to a club) and say, `I need you to know who these people are,  Yeah, she trusts my judgment. She’s in such a whirlwind; she’s in a tornado. I mean, we’re talking serious earthquake, you know?”

Um no, I don’t know because I don’t accompany my underage children to drinking establishments dressed like a hooker, riding on their coattails trying to live vicarously through their lives in the hopes of reliving my youth.  Sorry, can’t relate. 

Dina Lohan on Lilo’s substance abuse problems:

“Noooo! She is just a 20-year-old who had to reel it in. And she’s from an addictive personality genetically. Lindsay had to fall and get up. I knew it was coming. I told her, but finally she was like, `Mommy, I had to do it myself.  Cut her some slack.”

I will be happy to cut Lindsay some slack just as soon as she does something useful.  Like wear some underwear, stop being an attention-whore, stop trying to hump every guy in sight, stop showing up late for work, stop being an a-hole, stop sucking huge schwappe.  Just stop in general. 

In the meantime Dina, may I suggest you shut your lying cakehole? You know that you are the Numero Uno reason Lindsay’s gone from being a sweet freckle-faced tween, to being a jizz-guzzling barfly who looks twice her age, with only half her braincells. 

Blech. Hollywood stagemoms.

 

Casey Johnson, the heiress to the Johnson & Johnson health and beauty fame and close pal of Nicky Hilton, complained in an interview that she was all set to adopt a little 2 1/2 year-old girl named “Lavissa” from Cambodia, when the country closed its doors to foreign adopters. 

Why?  Because of the scandal surrounding Angelina Jolie essentially “buying” her first son Maddox from the country when rules were much more lax and corruption much more prevalent. 

Though not much has been mentioned since the initial crack-down against foreigners adopting, at the time many potential parents were heartbroken and left without recourse as adoptions-in-progress were cut off.  Many of these parents had bonded with the children they had hoped to adopt and had invested the relatively large sums of money required for processing overseas adoptions.  Those parents blame Angelina Jolie for callously swooping in getting her son, and then leaving a nasty scandal in her wake  — and them — emptyhanded.

I also blame her, but mostly for being a relentless she-witch.

Here’s Casey’s story as told by Page Six:

“I went to Cambodia almost two years ago [and] fell in love with this little girl, a 21/2-year-old named Lavissa.” But then she got the bad news that an adoption wasn’t possible because of tight new adoption laws: “I was devastated because I had bonded for three weeks with this child. I was buying her clothes in Cambodia. I was videoing her. I was doing everything.”

In just about any other case I would add this to my growing list of things in which to hate Angelina Jolie for, but then I read further and it became clear that in the case of Lavissa, Angelina Jolie is a hero, a great big soulless hero. 

When Casey realized her dreams of an Asian doll baby weren’t going to come true, she looked to her godmother Diandra Douglas for inspiration. Diandra is the ex-wife of actor Michael Douglas, and she adopted a child from Kazakhstan (Editors note: Isn’t that Borat’s native land?) 

Casey talks about her godmother’s new baby and her future plans for adoption:

 ”She’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. She’s blond-haired, blue-eyed, looks just like Diandra, and I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh! This is what I’m going to do.’ ” Johnson says that when her own adoption goes through, she plans to name her baby Ava Monroe after her idol Marilyn Monroe. But the 5-foot-2 heiress denies she’s going to spoil her daughter, saying she won’t let her watch TV.

She denied she lives differently from the rest of us, although her next house will need “at least six bedrooms because I need a room for my closet and shoes and handbags, and [my fiancé and I] both need an office. There needs to be a nanny’s room, a baby’s room, a master bedroom and a guest room.”

Watch the interview here, if you are on the fence about suicide and need a reason to move forward with your decision.

Is it just me, or does Casey Johnson need to be punched in the face?  Twice you suggest?  I say three times is the charm.  Honestly, I hope when they airbill her “handcrafted baby” to her, instead of getting the blond-haired blue-eyed Aryan clone she requested, she gets a pink-skinned, hairless baby with a squiggly tail and a snout for a nose.  And in stead of saying “mama” it squeals and craps on her expensive carpet.  Serves that bitch right for trying to order some kind Nazi-youth baby designed by Dr. Mengele himself.

So here’s to you Angelina, you scored one for the good guys, not only did you prevent an innocent child from ending up in the hands of someone who likely snorts coke off Paris Hilton’s ass, but also thinks babies should be tailor-made like a pair of friggin slacks.

But don’t get too comfortable, I still think you suck.