Lindsay Lohan Finally Turns 21, Buys iPhone, Moves Away From Party Central
Today is the Firecrotch’s birthday, and despite this being a momentous occasion in any young drunk’s life, Lindsay is spending her big 21 in Promises lockdown — which in light of recent events — is probably for the best.
Not that anyone within the solar system should be surprised, it was confirmed that Lindsay’s blood alcohol level during her accident was TWICE the legal limit and traces of cocaine were found in her system. Much has been made by Lohan’s lawyer’s about the unprofessionalism of the LA police department for releasing this information, but it’s pretty much standard procedure in a high profile case where there is a tremendous amount of public scrutiny, it’s not like Paris’ alcohol limit, or Lane Garrison’s alcohol limit wasn’t released to the press, so why shouldn’t Lindsay’s? Let’s not even mention the fact that Lindsay was underage during her run-in with a curb back in the wee hours of May 26. Considering the high rate of speed and the out-of-control driving, Lindsay is EXTREMELY lucky she didn’t hurt anyone. But that doesn’t stop lawyers from running their mouths. From the article:
Lawyer Blair Berk tells the New York Daily News, “This is an ongoing investigation. It is shameful that law enforcement would be selling stories, let alone unverified ones.” Jane Robison, spokeswoman for the Los Angeles District Attorney, says, “Our office has not received the final toxicology reports - only preliminary results - and the police have not formally filed a case yet.”
Though Lindsay has decided to stay on for an additional period of time as Malibu Promises, she did break out to celebrate her birthday by visiting her old haunt Chateau Marmont both Friday and Saturday. She is also said to be selling her apartment at Sierra Towers, which is known as “party central” with famous tenants ranging from Matthew Perry to Fred Durst. But don’t worry folks, Linds can keep in touch with her former neighbors by using the new iPhone she got for her birthday.
All in all, not a bad birthday for a girl whose liver and pancreas resembles that of Winston Churchill’s — now — as he decays in his grave, almost 50 years later.
RIP Winston, and RIP Lindsay’s liver. Happy Birthday you crazy drunk!
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happy b-day! lol
Comment by rebekah — July 2, 2007 @ 5:57 pm
The “Firecrotch” saga… I can’t exactly explain my reaction to it all. Nauseas seems a good word, but even that doesn’t quite convey it all.
As for her treatment… someone is going to have to fill the empty head before they can begin re-programming her. That’s going to be a tough job.
Comment by Josh — July 3, 2007 @ 9:09 am
I need an iphone too not lindsay!!
Comment by Tina — July 8, 2007 @ 12:20 am
well i have an iphone, so lindsey aint got shit on me =]
ha i love the liver comparison at the end,,, the perfect little F-you touch…
if only she would read this…
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Comment by Sean — July 8, 2007 @ 9:09 am