Britney Spears New Singles, Plus A Not So Rare Look At Her Assets
Well, we gave Britney’s new singles a listen and while they weren’t the worst things we’ve ever heard (that’s a title reserved almost exclusively for most death metal music) they weren’t very inspired either. They were well, Britneyesque. You can listen to “Gimme More” and “Cold As Fire” here. Why? ‘Cuz, it’s your time to waste. Thankfully, in my music-listening world Britney Spears and I don’t cross paths, so the aural assault that awaits the world of pop music will not affect me.
Sadly, the same cannot be said for her ass, something Britney seems compelled by some internal force of unnatural will to expose my eyes too. It’s not that I don’t appreciate looking at asses in general, I just don’t like looking at her ass. There are so many dents, crevices, hills and valleys — it’s like some kind of obscene topographical map. And I hate geography.
This whole Britney nonsense is an excellent example of why I have become so jaded, bordering on misanthropy. For those who are still in some kind of denial about Britney, let me set you straight: homegirl is a knucklehead. A grade A hillbilly. A big zero. Even in her heyday she was a two thumbs down, and honestly if you don’t see what I am saying, then no amount of charts, diagrams, bullet points and reasoned arguments are going to convince you otherwise. Britney Spears is no more appealing or talented than any other ho trolling the Kroger parking lot in her Trans Am looking for a good time.
Pop music is contrived and trite at its highest level. And that’s okay, because it listenable and it makes people feel happy. But Britney never should have been at its highest level. Britney Spears squandered whatever slight modicum and fleeting talent she had and has been living like a pig in sh*t for too long. I am offended that as we enter the new millennium we are still plagued by such mediocre talent. I am not some kind of music snob. I like ALL sorts of music and artists. I respect talent of any kind. Music has always been an important component in my life, so I can completely appreciate the artistry and creativity that goes into its creation.
But Britney isn’t writing this music, hell she’s barely singing it. Britney is the product of studio magic and all she had to do was not let the world see the ickiness that lurks beneath her veneer. But alas, like most celebrities, Britney is under the delusion that she is special.
Clearly she misunderstood what it means to ride the short bus.
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that is fucken spot on!!
exactly EVERYTHING ive been saying to my bro for the last two dayz. its time she gets put in her proper place-she doesnt belong at the height of fame adoration & $$fortune.
Comment by carm — September 1, 2007 @ 9:57 am
i seriously want to pour battery acid into my eyes.
Comment by D-Bomb — September 1, 2007 @ 9:12 pm
The thing I don’t get is that she has made more magazine covers/headlines over the past year or two just by acting a drunkass white trash hill billy skank than she ever did while making *music* *cough* *cough*. Why pay attention to this waste of space her 15 mins were up a looooooooong ass time ago.
(I shall now watch the Tom Sizemore sex tapes *which are much less disturbing*, so my brain can readjust from seeing Brittany’s gross ass!!)
Comment by EW — September 2, 2007 @ 1:18 pm
Haha… thats some great pictures. I love it. Hilarious.
Comment by Baby Milo — September 3, 2007 @ 1:10 pm
You are correct. No amount of charts or reasoned arguments can break my infatuation with this woman. With some people it is not about the talent, it is about the presence. Have you ever watched a Marilyn Monroe movie? The woman can not act very well. And really she’s not acting. Arguably, she has no character; she is the character. However, there is something hypnotizing about her. You can’t look away. She gives you goosebumps. You hang on every movement. Britney had that. A few years back when she performed, she had that type of presence. The merits of her talent are moot. She could cause a physical reaction when she performed and that was what was amazing. Lastly, you have to give the girls props for determination. Being given a recording contract is no easy task.
Comment by Nick — September 4, 2007 @ 7:08 pm