Britney Spears Keeps Kids, Must Undergo Weekly Drug Testing
Britney Spears is not losing custody of her kids, despite several news outlets reporting otherwise. She will continue to share 50/50 custody arrangements with her ex-husband Kevin Federline for their shared children Sean Preston, age two, and Jayden James, age one.
I think we can all agree that this was a really bad move on the judge’s part, but hey when you’re famous, the standard rules of conduct do NOT apply.
The judge DID demand that Britney Spears undergo drug and alcohol testing twice a week and there were some pretty damning conditions in the documents filed in the case as they relate specifically to Britney’s parenting skills and on-going issues with drug and alcohol use and possible addiction. From the filed court documents, Britney must do the following:
Meet with a Parenting Coach for a minimuin of eight hours each week, in at least two sessions per week. The Parenting Coach is to observe the Petitioner’s interaction with the minor children and her parenting skills. Counsel are ordered to meet and confer with regard to selecting the parenting coach. In the event that counsel are unable to reach an agreement within five days of this date, they are each to submit a listing of three proposed coaches and the Court will make the determination. Costs for the Parenting Coach to be borne by the Petitioner.
The Parenting Coach shall provide each coursel with a written progress report by October 22, 2007, The Parenting Coach shall appear in Department 88 on November 26, 2007:
Pursuant to Family Code Section 3041.5, the Petitioner is ordered to undergo testing for the use of controlled substances and alcohol. Based on the Evidence presented, the Court finds that there is a habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol by the Petitioner. The costs of testing shall be paid by Petitioner.
Testing shall be conducted twice per week on random dates and times.
Well, that doesn’t sound good. If Shifty McSpleefster doesn’t have to do drug and alcohol testing and Britney does, then clearly Britney must be whorfing rails of coke and sucking down cherry bombs like some kind of damned demon. Dayum, I bet her urine glows in the dark. Amy Winehouse must be sooo jealous.
There were several other stipulations; including neither party can use or allow anyone else to use corporal punishment, they must attend “Parenting Without Conflict” counseling — and my personal favorite — neither can consume alcohol or controlled substances in the 12 hours prior to their custodial responsibilities with the children.
I for one, wouldn’t dream of parenting without alcohol or controlled substances, but hey, I am a professional. I also wonder which one stipulated that no “corporal punishment” is allowed? The children are two and one respectively, how much discipline do they need?
Now when they get to be three or four, I can TOTALLY understand the need for some beatdowns, but truthfully, toddlers that small are pretty docile.
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