I get all kinds of emails. Most are nice and offer words of praise, some are looking for something and then there’s the email I received from Jordan at BreatheHeavy.com.

Since Jordan didn’t stipulate the email was not for publication, and hasn’t responded to my response, I am going to go on the record about my most recent post about Britney, a post which seemed to have enraged a few people. From Jordan’s email:

I never send emails out like this. It’s exhausting to defend her against every blog, so I don’t. BUT wishing death on anyone is sadistic and cruel and you should be ashamed of yourself.

You base your judgments off what you see on the Internet. You have NO idea what goes on in her life, and have NO idea what she really has been dealing with for months now. So for you to sit and type out of your ass, really pisses me off.

Hopefully you are not as dense and thick headed in real life as you portrayed yourself in that post.

The email itself was addressed to our tech guy, so that means Jordan took the time to get contact info from the domain information available, as there was some reference at the end which included a zip code. I am assuming that was meant to be some kind of subtle threat, as in “I know where you live, a**hole.” Great, I am sure some innocent guy who does coding feels really great about your sleuthing skills, but let’s get to the issue at hand: defending Britney against death-wishers.

My post, while extreme and pointed, in no way wished death on Britney. I, like any feeling human, would be saddened by the death of a young mother with her whole life ahead of her. Truly. But Britney isn’t just some young mother. Britney Spears is a public figure - perhaps the most famous public figure in recent years. And she is systematically and without fail, writing her demise before the world at large.

Either by ignorance or sheer spite, Britney has refused to see what every other single human being observing her sees: a disturbed mess.

If Britney were some kind of meth-addicted, homeless mother who had neither the resources, nor the support to get her act together, then a case could be made for feeling sympathy. But instead, Britney has chosen a path of destruction, and at the very heart of that path is her children. Two innocent little boys are caught in the middle of not only an acrimonious divorce between two immature people, but the very apex of their mother’s disintegration.

There is not ONE shred of doubt in my mind, Britney, is at this moment insane. It could stem from some sort of chemical imbalance, personality disorder, or degenerative condition brought on by the stress of her life. Who knows? But what we do know is that many people who love her have desperately tried to help her. People in her family, her inner circle, her fans and in the media have all been saying the same thing. Get help. You are sick. You aren’t well.

And, as we have seen, Britney has shut each and every one of them out of her life simply because they refused to blindly allow her to flush her life away. That’s not just foolish, that’s selfish. Tremendously selfish. I have dealt with tremendously selfish people who have the gall to expect those who care about them to throw their lives away. It goes beyond irritating to the point of hatred.

While I am no fan of Britney’s music, at no point did I ever dislike. That all changed this last year, and Britney’s actions have pushed me (and many others, based on the outpouring of disgust) over the edge. Britney will not get any sympathy or apologies from me until she actively chooses to put her well-being and that of her children at the top of her list of priorities.

And based on her behavior in the above video, that’s not likely.

 

Marcia!Marcia!, Marcia! indeed. - CelebNewsWire

The Hills, Lauren Conrad has the ideal perspective on fame - POTP

Has the reality of an impending child finally hit home to the Richie-Madden’s? - SplashNewsOnline

JLo’s Mom is busy not worrying about JLo - Holy Candy

Jessica Simpson has won the battle, but not the war - Ayyyy!

David Bowie manages to confuse the Jena 6 issue further - Mollygood

Happy Birthday to Avril Lavigne!!

The world’s most humble and beautiful singer celebrated her 23rd birthday with an outing in L.A. at Koi, and she and some girlfriends played peek-a-boo with the paps.

Fame really suits some people, and Avril is the epitome of grace. Salt of the earth is she. Listening to her laugh is like experiencing the flight of a 1,000 doves while simultaneously hearing the cathedral bells chime as we envision another angel earning her wings.

So, here’s to you Avril. Happy Birthday you useless whore.

source:

Look, I am as annoyed with Britney as you people, but honestly her antics just CAN’T be ignored. If she were any other human being in this universe, she would have had the sensibility to just go the f*ck away. Seriously, even the most crazed, stupid, moronic wingnut would have taken a hint, but this bovine moo-moo refuses to give up the ghost.

In a perfect world, we would ignore Britney and her inexcusable behavior, but she just won’t QUIT. This latest video of her self-indulgent ass eating a damn pudding pop was the last straw. She’s a pathetic cow. And I am not talking about her weight. I am referring specifically to her general unkempt appearance and grotesque demeanor. She genuinely makes me feel sick to my stomach. From the way she forces that ice cream into her gaping maw, to the oinking she does towards the end of the video reveals a deeply, twisted sense of delusional self-entitlement.

It is quite evident that nothing matters to Britney but Britney. Not her family, her children, her friends, her business associates and certainly not her fans. She revels in the hysteria she creates by doing the most mundane of tasks, like gorging on ice cream or shoving french fries in her sloppy facehole. She reminds me of Elvis in his last years. Surrounded by the most reprehensible of sycophants who willingly slop up behind her as she moves from trough to trough leaving a trail of crumbs, urine and feces in her wake. She is slovenly and pathetic. This is what fame does to a person who is short on brains AND talent. Britney is a complete parody of herself and she’s wandering through life a mere shell with absolutely no idea who she really is, and not even the slightest interest in searching for a deeper sense of meaning to her life.

Britney, you are just too stupid to be allowed to continue taking up valuable air and space on this planet. I genuinely wish you would just lay in your bed and do one of two things: either decide to stop being a solipsistic gluttonous pig and get off your ass and do something useful, or just plain expire. Really, it’s not hard - just stop breathing.

 

Britney Spears takes her partying seriously y’all.  Last night — the same night it was revealed Britney must submit to weekly alcohol and drug tests to maintain custody of her kids — she was seen out at two of L.A.’s hottest clubs, Winston’s and Hyde.

It’s entirely possible that Britney was there having a glass of bubbly water with some gal-pals, but why continue with that charade when we all know she’s a hopeless drunk and even the looming fear of losing her toddler boys won’t keep her from partying.

She’s just two gay men shy of a drug-induced death.  Calling Howard, calling Larry.

I am going to go out on a limb here and just call it now: Britney will NOT be with us by the end of this year.  As sad as that may be to the free-world, it could be a real positive for her two sons.

Britney, you are truly repugnant.

There are allegations surfacing that Spice Girl Mel B (aka Scary Spice, Eddie Murphy’s baby-momma) is a neglectful cheapskate. According to a story in the New York Daily News, a former housekeeper for the scariest of spices has a not-to-nice tale to tell about her famous employer.

Tonia Lamere told Star magazine her sad tale of how she went from being a housekeeper to a nanny when Scary went off to Vegas to elope with her new husband Stephen Belafonte:

“One evening of baby-sitting turned into four days!” Lamere tells Star magazine. “The child was sick, there was no nanny, and when Mel called, she never even asked about the baby.”

Lamere also claims she was forced to buy food for two-month old baby Iris, and her older half-sister, Phoenix Chi, 8, out of her own pocket during the four days Brown was away.

Of course, Mel B.’s rep had a very different take on things and has issued this statement on behalf of his client:

“Melanie is a hands-on mother completely dedicated to the upbringing of her children and the well-being of her entire family,” she told us yesterday. “Any fictitious accusations to the contrary stem from greedy people looking to make a buck.”

Well, that clears things up, doesn’t. Except you will notice that the rep’s double-speak in no way refuted the specifics of the accusations, merely that they were “contrary” to Mel B.’s otherwise “dedicated hands-on parenting.”

Why famous people have kids is beyond me. From what I’ve seen, most are used for photo-ops, publicity stunts, bargaining chips and tools of torment. Being a kid of a famous person sounds really great. And by great I mean sucks infected donkey balls.

In an interview with Cosmo magazine (UK edition) actress and humanitarian Angelina Jolie goes on the defensive about her “bad girl” reputation.

Angelina Jolie is stunned by her man-eating reputation, insisting she has only ever slept with four men. The star claims she has only had sex with current partner Brad Pitt, former husbands Billy-Bob Thornton and Johnny Lee Miller and one other nameless man.

She tells Britain’s Cosmopolitan magazine, “It was never true. I had only slept with four men in my life - and I married two of them.”

While some may question the veracity of these statements, I choose to take them at face-value. But only if you do the math.

Statistics show that most people deflate the number of people they’ve slept with by a factor of 4, so that means she’s really slept with 16 men. But you also need to factor into the equation that people in Hollywood lie at a rate of 50%. Which in simpler terms, means they lie 50% of the time. So if we split the difference with Angelina and assume that this time she might be telling the truth, that means there is a 25% chance she is lying and so we must multiply the 16 men she’s slept with by .25%, which brings the number up to 20. Plus, there’s the additional factor that in Hollywood everyone’s slept with everyone, so for every one person you’ve slept with, you’ve really slept with approximately 500.

To further complicate matters, we must take into account Angelina’s past history of falsehoods and her pattern of truth-telling. Angelina claims to have not begun a relationship with Brad Pitt until he ended his marriage with Jennifer Aniston. But recently, Brad Pitt revealed that he went to Jennifer Aniston while the two were still a couple and asked her how she wanted to handle his “outside influence” with Angelina Jolie. While I am no relationship expert, I think it’s safe to assume that Brad was well aware of his attraction and compatibility with Angelina Jolie well before announcing to his wife of four years that he wanted out of his marriage so he could pursue a new relationship with Angelina.

Of course, this means that Angie and Brad were at an intimate enough level in their relationship for Brad to know he was no longer in love with his wife, and was in fact in love with Angie. In summary, Angie lied about having begun a relationship with Brad BEFORE he had ended his then current relationship with wife Jennifer Aniston.

Assuming you are still with me in all this complicated abstract algebra, what we know must resort to some very intense mathmatic theorems and so you will have to excuse me for a moment whilst I work this up on my chalkboard.

Ok, so if you multiply 20 by 10 and take the squareroot of that number which is then multiplied by a factor 50, carry the 4 and then divide that by 7…………

A ha, I have figure for you: 10000.

Yes that seems about right, Angelina Jolie has actually slept with 10,000 men, give or take a couple (this isn’t an exact science here folks). Wow, somehow that number seems spot on and just about what I’d expect out of the most beautiful, kind-hearted slut in the world.

Britney Spears is not losing custody of her kids, despite several news outlets reporting otherwise. She will continue to share 50/50 custody arrangements with her ex-husband Kevin Federline for their shared children Sean Preston, age two, and Jayden James, age one.

I think we can all agree that this was a really bad move on the judge’s part, but hey when you’re famous, the standard rules of conduct do NOT apply.

The judge DID demand that Britney Spears undergo drug and alcohol testing twice a week and there were some pretty damning conditions in the documents filed in the case as they relate specifically to Britney’s parenting skills and on-going issues with drug and alcohol use and possible addiction. From the filed court documents, Britney must do the following:

Meet with a Parenting Coach for a minimuin of eight hours each week, in at least two sessions per week. The Parenting Coach is to observe the Petitioner’s interaction with the minor children and her parenting skills. Counsel are ordered to meet and confer with regard to selecting the parenting coach. In the event that counsel are unable to reach an agreement within five days of this date, they are each to submit a listing of three proposed coaches and the Court will make the determination. Costs for the Parenting Coach to be borne by the Petitioner.

The Parenting Coach shall provide each coursel with a written progress report by October 22, 2007, The Parenting Coach shall appear in Department 88 on November 26, 2007:

Pursuant to Family Code Section 3041.5, the Petitioner is ordered to undergo testing for the use of controlled substances and alcohol. Based on the Evidence presented, the Court finds that there is a habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol by the Petitioner. The costs of testing shall be paid by Petitioner.

Testing shall be conducted twice per week on random dates and times.

Well, that doesn’t sound good. If Shifty McSpleefster doesn’t have to do drug and alcohol testing and Britney does, then clearly Britney must be whorfing rails of coke and sucking down cherry bombs like some kind of damned demon. Dayum, I bet her urine glows in the dark. Amy Winehouse must be sooo jealous.

There were several other stipulations; including neither party can use or allow anyone else to use corporal punishment, they must attend “Parenting Without Conflict” counseling — and my personal favorite — neither can consume alcohol or controlled substances in the 12 hours prior to their custodial responsibilities with the children.

I for one, wouldn’t dream of parenting without alcohol or controlled substances, but hey, I am a professional. I also wonder which one stipulated that no “corporal punishment” is allowed? The children are two and one respectively, how much discipline do they need?

Now when they get to be three or four, I can TOTALLY understand the need for some beatdowns, but truthfully, toddlers that small are pretty docile.

Man, Britney can’t catch a break.  I am actually feeling pretty sad about her right now.  Her lawyer dumped her, her manager dumped her, her bodyguard turned on her, K-Fed does NOT have a hit out on him and now she will lose custody of her children (for the time-being.)

Fox News states today’s custody hearing between Britney and ex-husband Kevin Federline revealed some “safety concerns” in the Spears household by way of her former body-guard Tony Barretto’s testimony.  Barretto worked for Spears after her rehab stint and was fired on May 17th for ‘not picking up her hat when asked.’  From the article:

The bodyguard’s attorney, the high-profile Los Angeles lawyer Gloria Allred, said in a press conference Monday that Spears’ attorney chose not to cross-examine the bodyguard, who has been described as a “secret witness” against Spears in her custody battle with Federline.

The bodyguard, Tony Barretto, filed a declaration in the custody battle which alleges “nudity, drug use and safety issues post-rehab.”Allred said Barretto was prepared to testify under oath Monday, but neither the court nor Spears’ attorneys chose to cross-examine him. She said his declaration went “unrefuted and unchallenged.”

So we don’t know what the final outcome will be, or what the specifics are that lead the court to grant the K-Fed temporary custody of the children, but it must have been pretty bad.  California courts just don’t do that unless there are EXTREME issues involved.  I can’t even imagine what they are, but after seeing the VMA’s I have a pretty good guess.

 

O.J. Simpson has a girlfriend.  Yes, O.J. Simpson has a girlfriend.  I know, it’s really unbelievable that a female, who is also human, is willing to be in the company of a lady-killer, and when I say lady-killer, well I think you know what I’m saying.

Dlisted posted these pictures.  Some were comparing O.J.’s current  galpal Christie Prody (above) to his slain wife Nicole Brown Simpson. 

I found some pics of Nicole, did some side by side comparisons, and !WOW! his new gal is a real find.  I mean seriously, I bet he found her somewhere, and I bet when she saw her client was O.J., she lowered her price.  Because let’s face it, you have to have a real self-esteem problem to date O.J. Simpson. 

And what does it say about O.J. that he found a low-rent version of his ex-wife?  The ex-wife whose head he tried to cut off?

I am not trying to be macabre, but does no one see a problem with this situation?  Although on the bright-side, at least his new girlfriend has a pulse.

For now…..