O.J. Simpson is now sitting in a Nevada jail awaiting his fate, as our infallible legal justice system once again determines his future in conjunction with charges stemming from his arrest for armed robbery.

The powers that be are currently trying to decide whether O.J. Simpson is a flight risk. Crazy as it may seem, there are some people who may have forgotten a famous afternoon in L.A. when the Juice was loose in a white Bronco.

There’s a nagging question to all of this “sports memorabilia, armed robbery nonsense” that keeps running through my mind. Did O.J. really think he could walk into a room, commit a crime and walk away? Did he think no one would recognize him? Was his first (and protracted) encounter with the law so much fun he wanted to see if he could get away with it again? You know how those crazy thrill-seekers are. Sure, cutting off a couple heads is a good time, but where’s the fun? You just have to keep out-doing yourself.

Or, it could be, Simpson is systematically (though bizarrely) trying to rid himself of his guilt for being a homicidal maniac. That might explain the book, If I Did It. Ostensibly, O.J. wrote that piece of garbage for money. But let’s face it, an innocent person wouldn’t admit to a crime for money, no matter how much. Not too mention the fact that he had to know the money would go to his victims’ families, as is stipulated by the civil trial he lost. A book admitting guilt, written in the hypothetical and no money — this could be O.J.’s first effort.

Perhaps he thought he could get tour the world telling his hypothetically tale of murder. Sort of like going to confession without any penance. But, as any sane person could have predicted, this backfired on him driving him to armed robbery. Again, it’s not like he wasn’t going to get caught, because let’s face it, O.J. is nothing if not easily recognized. So why commit a crime you will be caught and punished for? Because you WANT to get caught and punished. Maybe O.J. feels if he is punished and sent to jail, he may find some peace for his tormented mind.

O.J. Simpson may be forever branded a cold-hearted killer, but he once was a beloved and deeply revered public figure. As difficult as it is to believe, even O.J. must feel some remorse for his actions. Isn’t is possible that at age 60 (that’s practically a senior citizen) he sees he’s at his end of days and wants to repent in some way?

So with all this conjecture, my theory has emerged. A theory of a remorse-filled O.J., who has been driven to desperation out of deep-seated guilt, and a need to be caught and punished.

Nah, he’s probably just an enormous dumbass.

Entertainment Tonight is reporting that the FBI is investigating leads that there may have been a professional contract out to whack Kevin Federline. That sort of makes my earlier line about “the hits just keeping on coming” for Britney, somewhat prophetic huh?

Yeah, so it appears Britney’s main “Wanksta” had a credible threat against his life. I can see his career maybe, but why they gotta do the K-Fed like that? Hey, a playa’s gotta play yo, but that’s no reason to kill a guy. From the ET story:

ET has several reliable sources that the FBI and LAPD are investigating legitimate leads on a contract hit on KEVIN FEDERLINE’s life. Multiple sources tell ET that the FBI made attempts to contact Federline to inform him of the potential danger. Sources within the FBI tell ET that this is the bureau’s standard operating procedure when someone’s life is threatened. ET has been working this story for the past two months. When contacted, the FBI told us that the bureau cannot confirm or deny an investigation.

ET’s been working on the story for the past two months huh? That seems suspicious. When has a celeb site EVER sat on an explosive story like that for two months without even a peep being leaked?

Without any further details available, all we can do is speculate, which if you think about it, is all we do around here anyway. So, without further ado, allow us to speculate as to what the backstory to this might be?

Who on earth would hate K-Fed enough to have him whacked? Tony Soprano? Could be, now with K-Fed’s acting career is taking off I can see a lot of character actors being concerned, and dare I say, jealous. I mean think about it, who better to play that bit part as the “crack-dealer” on those various detective shows? And what about the part of “low-rent punk?” It’s completely unfair that all these juicy roles are going to go to the Federator, when so many other seasoned actors should be eligible for these plum roles. Truthfully, any actor in Hollywood right now could be a suspect. Kevin Federline is THAT good.

Then there’s Kevin’s ex-baby momma, Shar Jackson. Granted, she’s pretty busy trying to get her rap career going so that may not leave her enough time to organize a professional hit, but homegirl is also a multi-tasker. It takes a busy “lady” to have four kids with two baby-daddy’s before you are 28, but it certainly helps when you start at age 15. Suffice it to say, while Shar is clearly a “hard-working” woman, she’s probably not a killer.

We would be remiss in leaving out the entire rap community as having a motive. No single other performer has done more to soil the good name of rap with such a limited range of talent and musicality than Kevin Federline. He’s almost solely responsible for Kanye beating down Fiddy in their race for first place. Well, that and Kanye’s hissy fits. I’m just keepin’ it real aight?

I think that about covers the list of suspects, because other that the half a million people I just mentioned, I can’t think of a SINGLE soul who doesn’t absolutely adore the national treasure that is K-Fed.

I only wish out military weren’t so tied up right now, otherwise we could assign them the task of protecting this rare gift of extraordinary talent. Bush is such a selfish prick. Where are his priorities dammit!

(ps. No real K-Feds were hurt in the making of this post, or the above pic. Original pic found here)

Update:  Sadly, this case appears to be closed and there are no credible threats currently pending against K-Fed.

Hot damn! And the hits just keep on coming for Britney Spears.

According to this report, new documents were filed in court by Britney’s lawyer Laura Wasser stating that Britney will pay her ex-husband and prolific sperm donor Kevin Federline $20K a month until death or until Kevin remarries. Kevin Federline had been receiving spousal support payments, but that was scheduled to end in November. It seems a new arrangement has been made. Also in the report was this little gem:

“…it was revealed that Federline’s spousal support was scheduled to run out in November, and that he has “no net income after business expenses.” In the same papers, Spears’ monthly income was estimated at $737,868 a month.”

Seems Shifty McShiftless really hit the jackpot by knocking up ol’ Brit-Brit. Homeboy has no discernible assets to speak of and is basically a lay-about. What else is new.

There are two things that really stick out in my mind about this whole situation. Kevin Federline is an absolute worthless piece of dog crap, and Britney Spears has the most atrocious taste in men. Seriously, you’re Britney Spears. Do you not have that little dignity and self-worth to marry a person who brings ABSOLUTELY nothing to the table? Besides, what kind of grown hetero man becomes a back-up dancer anyway? I’m not trying to hate on the profession, but I watched FAME, and if I learned anything, it’s that professional dancing is for gay men, and 9 times out 10, gay, black men.

White men can’t dance, unless their gay and so therefore Kevin Federline truly has no skillz. Unless you count that fry-cook job he had in that commerical, and even that’s a stretch.

I feel sorry for Britney. She really is becoming the next Anna Nicole. She’s surrounded herself with users and abusers. Jeebus, when is the intervention going to take place?

UPDATE: TMZ has more on this matter, it seems Wankster von Wigginator will NOT be paid indefinitely.  Whew, that’s a relief.  We were afraid the Britster might have to cut back on her Redbull and Doritos.

There are rumors Britney may appear on the Emmy’s this weekend to apologize for her awful VMA performance. Us Magazine is reporting insiders within Britney inner circle are “receptive” to the idea of the fallen pop-tart using this platform to make a plea for forgiveness. Although nothing official has been announced, here’s an excerpt from the article:

A source close to Spears says: “I can’t say this is 100 percent not true. All I can say is that the Emmy people aren’t dealing with her record company, her manager or her agents at William Morris. So if she is doing anything for the Emmys then it’s not going through the official channels.”

It would certainly be a positive step for Britney to take responsibility for her actions, most specifically her lack of respect for her fans, her craft and ultimately herself. But we’re not sure appearing so soon on YET another awards show is such a good idea. Britney needs to leave it alone, get her crap together and re-emerge with her priorities in tact. Many are already wondering if it even possible for Britney to see herself for what she has become and turn the doomed ship around.

In what can only be described as an inspiration-driven plea, we are posting a letter from a source who wishes to remain anonymous:

But wait, there’s more…

There’s no real need to rehash the whole thing, you can read the general account here, but if you want Kid Rock’s side of things, here you go.

I have to say, I feel for the guy. Dealing with the likes of Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee…that’s really got to get old after a while. No pun intended.

Are you sh*tting me? Please let this be a joke - Mollywood

Keira Knightly naked in Toronto. Canada’s really starting to irritate me - Celeb News Wire

Demi Moore going backwards in time, at great expense! - Holy Candy

Lindsay Lohan lines up her next gig, which oddly, isn’t much different that her previous ones - IDLYITW

Vanessa Hudgens….LIVE NUDES?! - POTP

Someone’s working the wonky-eye, it’s not Parisite - D-Listed

Unedited Britney Spears VMA performance, sort of - Radar Online

Colin Farrell does somebody a kindness, and no, there were no sex videos involved - Splash News Online

Rapper Foxy Brown, who was sentenced to one year in the slammer for violating her probation on charges related to an assault on two manicurists back in 2003, is now stating that she is NOT pregnant, despite a courtroom proclamation to the contrary.

Foxy’s (aka Inga Marchand) rep released a statement. From the article:

In August, defense lawyers told the court that Brown was three months pregnant. But in a statement released Wednesday, her manager, Chaz Williams, said: “And to the pregnancy rumors, this is the official statement: She is not pregnant.”

Well, well, well, isn’t that SPECIAL. Foxy and her crack team of lawyers (yes, they’re on crack) must have cooked up that scam when they saw how well Nicole Richie was treated when revelations of her impeding pregnancy were revealed. The only difference is Nicole doesn’t go around ripping out weaves and busting acrylics on people’s faces. Judges can over look personal indiscretions and victimless crimes — but they generally frown upon violent outbursts that keep occurring. Foxy’s most recent fray occurred last month in Brooklyn, when she hit a women with her cell phone during an argument over the volume of music coming from Foxy’s vehicle.

You might recall that Foxy was also arrested earlier this year for a another fight which broke out in Florida at a beauty supply store. Girlfriend has some issues I’d say.

Worry not rap fans, Foxy isn’t letting this little set back keep her down. In addition to revelations of her non-existent pregnancy (no explanation given, and none needed) Foxy’s record label have announced that despite her lock-down, Foxy has a new album and it will be released while she’s in the slammer.

Brown herself didn’t address the issue of pregnancy in her statement about her new album, “Brooklyn’s Don Diva,” which is set for release Nov. 20. Her new single, “Don’t Surrender,” will be released to radio stations Thursday, Giovanna Melchiorre, a representative for the independent Koch Records, said.

Foxy released an uplifting statement about her incarceration:

“This is just a temporary situation,” Brown said in a statement. “I made my bed and have no problem lying in it. My will is steady. What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.”

Is Foxy channeling her inner Kanye? It only makes sense, considering her manager chose to channel his inner Outkast with this statment:

Before Friday’s hearing began, Brown asked Criminal Court Judge Melissa Jackson for a second chance and promised to straighten out her life. But Jackson didn’t budge.

“I’m not going to give you any more chances,” she told Brown.

Williams downplayed the ruling.

“I’m sorry Miss Jackson, we’re not impressed, and definitely not stopping musically,” he said.

I love when supposed professional people use humor to diffuse a situation. It’s so…well, professional.

Anyway, Foxy’s got some serious street cred. Unlike many of her male contemporaries, Foxy’s actually living the dream of ghetto life. She’s like some kind of hood hero. A crazy, unhinged, violent hero!

For those of you waiting for Mandy Moore to start “slurping poles,” your moment has arrived - Celeb News Wire

Kanye and Paris like you’ve never read them before - high-larious! - Holy Candy

Jennifer Lopez; Baby bumps, lady lumps and ghetto frump - IDLYITW

Canada Rocks?! - is that a oxymoron (no offense to Neil Young) - Maple Juice

Joe Simpson turns his back on the cloth, and basic human decency - Mollygood

Britney may be a mess, but she’s hardly a gianormous fatass - POTP

Gawker pretends its readers read it for the articles and not writer “assets” - Radar Online

Sweet mother of mercy, Angelina Jolie isn’t just a she-devil in the sack, she’s also a money-grubbing hellcat.

According to an article in the New York Daily News, Angelina was overheard speaking to a ‘tall, muscular male’ about her and her partner, Brad Pitt’s, divergent financial viewpoints. A source claims to have heard Ms. Jolie say the following while enjoying a glass of wine at the bar of the Waldorf Astoria in New York on Sept. 5:

“I won’t talk to Brad about this because you know how he is financially, which is stupid,” she said. “Someone has to make the big decisions, though. He’ll put money into things — but it’s bizarre! It doesn’t always make sense to me.”

“The reality is, we’re not a company together. Things should be separate. I think you know I make my own financial decisions. Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty.”

And so what can you say about that? Brad’s never been known for being a “real man of genius.” In fact, some might call him a dim-bulb. I for one, applaud Angelina’s heartless, cold and calculating scheming. Why should the father of her adopted children and a sometimes sperm donor be privvy to the financial empire she is planning to build without his knowledge. I mean, you heard Angie, Brad’s ‘finacially stupid.’

I mean other than making close to $175 million dollars in the last twelve years, clearly the guys a real money loser. Especially when you compare it to Angelina’s $59 million. I mean I can see her concern, particularly when you think about how she spends her cash:

“Save one-third, live on one-third and give away one-third.”

According to my calculations that means she’s worth about $17 million. And what of Brad’s investments and spending habits? Hmmm…his production company Plan B (the one he started with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston) produced Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with the film grossing $473 million worldwide. Not bad for a day’s work. But then again, he also produced A Mighty Heart and allowed Angelina to play the lead instead of ex-wife Aniston, who was slated for the role, and that only grossed $9 million in the US. So, I can see what Angelina’s saying about Brad and him putting “money into things - but it’s bizarre.”

Clearly, Angie is the money wizard in this team, and by wizard I mean opportunistic beeyotch.

Everyone in the free world is now aware that former Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee got into a scuffle with Detroit’s own white trash rapper (no, not Emimen) Kid Rock at the VMAs.

So what’s the beef between these two delicious heartthrobs? Well, besides sharing a common, though unpleasant STD, these two nitwits also had the pleasure of hollowing out their former misses, Pamela Anderson.

Wait, let me back up, Tommy hollowed her out, Kid just tried to fill in the gaps.

Anyway, moving on. The slap-fight between these two ladies took place during Alicia Keys performance at Sunday night’s 2007 VMA’s, which apparently was the highlight of the evening. While we can’t say for sure *exactly* what took place, we can only imagine what these two mental midgets consider an affront, but if I were to take a stab at it, it probably has something to do penis sizes.

What we *do* know is Tommy Lee posted about the incident on his blog and while he fails to fill in the gaps (hehe) he does drop a sh*tload of names and we are all supposed to be impressed.

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia starts her amazing performance….(”I apologize sweetie…..I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect”)……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ….guards.. grab me and haul my ass outta the award ! So I’m fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm’s George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullshit!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!

It’s great to see that Tommy Lee’s status as a star has not diminished over the years and he can still command a room full of second-rate stars like Criss Angel, Travis Barker and P. Diddy — oh, and issue some shout outs to bona fide stars like Alicia Keys — but the fact of the matter is I find it suspect that Kid Rock would just haul off and slap Tommy Lee for no reason. And don’t tell me that Pamela sitting on Tommy was a good reason. I mean who hasn’t Pamela Anderson sat on?

I’m just saying….where’s the real issue here? Rumor has it Tommy was talking smack all night and harassing Kid Rock and he’d had enough.

Whatever, maybe Kid is jealous. I’d say the moral of this story is Pamela Anderson has exceptional taste in men.