So Much For J-Lo’s Big Announcement.
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Rumor had it that Jennifer Lopez would announce her pregnancy at her show at Madison Square Garden this past weekend. However, no such announcement was forthcoming:
Despite printed reports that Ms. Lopez would use her show at the Garden with husband, Marc Anthony, to share happy news about the recent swell in her stomach area, she stayed mum on the point.
Jennifer, come here. Me and you. Personal conversation time. I have some news for you that you need to hear from me.
WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE PREGNANT. JUST SAY SO ALREADY.
Okay, with that out of the way….
Apparently, her concert tour isn’t going as well as she had hoped, as she is being out-sang and out-entertained by her husband Skeletor Marc Anthony:
Either way, an announcement of this sort would have generated just the sort of goodwill Lopez could have really used. After all, this tour exposes the singer to an especially dangerous game of compare and contrast.
For her first-ever U.S. tour, Lopez has chosen to appear on the same bill as her esteemed husband, presenting perhaps the greatest mismatch of creative talents since Andrew Ridgeley and George Michael in Wham! [wait...which one is being dissed, here?]
Though only a few numbers at the night’s end found the two singing together, their separate sets underscored the oceanic distance between their gifts.
He’s an icon of Latin music, with a jaw-dropping vocal range and a commanding presence.
She’s a drop-dead hottie who can dance (at least when not apparently pregnant) and sing - but with a voice every bit as mousy as her figure is saucy.
 I can’t rib on Marc too much. After all, my favorite singer/songwriter Paul Simon introduced him to a wider audience in the US, so I’ll go easy on him. And, after all, he is a major salsa superstar:
As concert tours go, “Juntos en Concierto” (Together in Concert) is a risky endeavor. He’s the biggest-selling salsa singer of all time, with a loyal fan base of Spanish-language fans; she’s a hip-pop singer with a voice made for the studio.
…Anthony made his entrance from below the stage, rising to stage level on a platform, dressed in a pearl gray suit and white shirt unbuttoned to reveal a heavy cross, his otherworldly tenor piercing through the smoke, crooning “Aguanile” to a solo flamenco guitar.
…Anthony is a man who knows how to milk a moment, how to lower the volume in “Hasta Ayer” (”Until Yesterday”) until his band’s rhythms are just percolating under the surface and then pumping up the volume until the sound swells the theater, forcing the Puerto Rican-flag waving crowd to its feet, dancing in the aisles.
But I have no such convictions concerning J-Lo:
But where her husband’s performance was relaxed and organic, hers was all flashpots, multiple bump-hiding wardrobe changes and video clips from her previous incarnations, with hyperkinetic backup dancers and backup singers to bolster her own more cautious dance moves.
She worked her way through her hits, from “If You Had My Love” to “I’m Real,” with Ja Rule’s raps recorded on tape, to her newer efforts, “Let’s Get Loud,” to pleasing enough effect. Still, all too often, the music provided by Anthony’s fabulous band overpowered her thin vocals, and it was hard to tell where Lopez ended and her backup singers began.
She just is not a strong singer to start with (let’s face it, her vocal machinations are, well, machined in the studio), and when you’re pregnant it just makes it that much harder to sing. As a singer and musician myself, I know.
So to get back to the original point….Jennifer, come over here again. Just announce it already. You’re not so important that the future of the free world rests on your keeping this a secret. Announce it or I’m going to start a rumor that you’re really fat and this is just weight gain brought on by overdosing on Moon Pies and Yoo-Hoos and chocolate-covered bacon.
No, that’s my stash, get your own.
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