Remember Kelli Pickler? She a contestant on American Idol and people were drawn to her because of her sweet southern girl charm. Kelli’s daddy was in prison and her biological mother gave her up when she was just two-years-old. She was raised mostly by her grandparents in North Carolina. She really does come across as sweet and appealing.

Ryan Seacrest used to poke fun at her “naivete” while she was a contestant on AI Season 5. I had always assumed her “dumb” hillbilly shtick was just that, a shtick, but apparently she is either perfected it for comedic effect, or is kind of dumb.

That said, my first guess was that Budapest was the capital of Czech Republic, but somehow I knew that wasn’t right, because then what would that make Prague? Anyways, just in case y’all didn’t know, Europe is NOT a country and Budapest is NOT the capital of France, which is a country. But you guys already knew that. Sadly, Kelli didn’t.

Courtesy of Perez Hilton who “pooped his pants three or four times, unexpectedly, unwillingly, unhappily and so traumatically that he remembers each instance to this day.”

You know, this is why I don’t do things with a bunch of women.  I’m all the time being invited to go shopping, out to lunch, whatever with several girl friends, and I always turn them down.  You know why?  Because you get a bunch of women together in once place, and it can’t turn out well.  They all think they are the boss and they know best, so you know there’s going to be bloodshed.

I could have warned the Spice Girls of this, had they bothered to ask me, because it seems that all is not well in Spiceworld:

Last week, the first of its release, their Greatest Hits sold 1.4 million copies worldwide, of which 75,000 were in the UK. X Factor’s Leona Lewis trounced this by selling 375,000 copies of her album in Britain that week.

A further worry for those involved in the reunion is that things are so bad in the Spice Camp that there are worries the tour might disintegrate before they have completed all the dates.

Relations between the girls range from “tricky” to “terrible”, and there are genuine fears over whether the ladies will be able to cope with the physical demands of the gigs, too. A tour insider said: “It’s obvious from what is going on in rehearsals in Los Angeles that there are a lot of problems.

“They have been doing their dancing and singing routines.

“They are having to change things all the time because the girls are frankly not up to it.

“There are worries about the stamina - apart from Mel B [Scary] who although she is now 32, is phenomenal and seems to never get winded.”

You’ll remember that Mel B just completed a stint on Dancing With The Stars, where she came in second.

But wait, there’s more…

I was ready to dismiss this, but it does seem like something Brit would do in her current mental state.  Of course, if you told me that she walked out of her house wearing only the whipped cream from her Frap, those ugly brown boots, and with her hair twisted into a swirl, I’d probably just say, “What, she forgot to get it affogato style?”

So welcome to the debut of a new category here at GlossLip, called, “You Can’t Fix Stupid”.  Rumors are circulating that on November 18, Brit dropped trou in the middle of a Hustler adult store because she wasn’t allowed to try on a pair of naughty knickers:

Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees “told her they don’t allow people to try on underwear,” a source at the scene says. “She was really upset.”

Adds the source: “She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes.”

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.

An eyewitness tells Us, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.”

Oh my gosh.  It’s scary that I totally understand the reasoning behind her actions.  If you can’t take the panties into the dressing room, how else are you going to see if they fit, y’all?  Wedgies seriously hurt!

But that’s not all.  It would seem that she still has this thing for fake hair:

Spears’ tantrum only continued. “The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card,” the source tells Us. As payback, “on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!”

Now that takes balls…to act like a thirteen-year-old at Hot Topic, when you’re almost twenty-six years old.  If this is true, my wig panties hat is off to her!

You know what else takes balls?  Buying panties that proclaim you’re “Barely Legal”.  Brit has been legal for more years than she’d like to admit.

In other Brit news, do you like the new hairstyle she’s rockin’?  She reminds me of a troll doll.  You know, those short little nakie dolls where you’re supposed to rub their tummy and they bring you luck?  Just like Brit…only with her, you rub her tummy and she belches up a Frap burp.  Those things can burn if you’ve got enough chocolate in them.

Okay, this has GOT to be Brit playing a joke on her best friends the paparazzi.  But apparently she told X17 that she IS pregnant…and the daddy is none other than Kevin Federline!

Britney wants to know who the hell started rumors about her being pregnant with music producer JR Rotem’s baby ’cause SHE’S telling X17 she’s pregnant with Kevin’s twins, y’all!!!

There was just too much pap chaos as Britney attempted to do some shopping last night at Target and at Barnes & Noble so she called in the cops! But Sam was by her side, holding her hand, always there for her, looking fondly at Brit (you see where I’m going with this, people? :).

But seriously, folks, Sam told me yesterday “It’s a lie,” when I asked about the JR report.

I really don’t see this as happening.  Well, I can see Brit totally going after Kevin, but I can’t see him returning the favor.

Or…could it be true?  What do you think?

It’s too horrible to contemplate.  I can’t type any more.  My fingers are threatening to jump off and throw themselves in traffic if I write anything else about it.

Oh, and here are your tax dollars at work, escorting Brit back to her car after she created a mob scene at the store.  Can’t she have someone do that for her?  Don’t they have things like catalogs and the Internet out there in LaLa Land?  Why does she have to go out on these silly little errands Every. Single. Day. when she knows it is just going to create mass hysteria?

I don’t watch Dancing With The Stars, even though I like to see ballroom dancing (Strictly Ballroom is one of my favorite movies), but I kind of kept up on this competition because of one man: Helio. That’s right, the two-time Indy 500 winner won the dancing competition, and all that was missing was a fence for him to climb.

So why isn’t the champ celebrating with his fiancee? Well, it could be because his fiancee is no longer his fiancee:

“I haven’t talked to him in two months,” [Aliette] Vazquez said. “I am devastated.”

While Vazquez, a Cuban fashion designer, did not give a reason for calling off the engagement, she hinted that the nuptials nixing was a long time coming.

“I came out for the first episode of Dancing and haven’t seen him since,” she said.

Castroneves himself confirmed the split.

“I can confirm that Aliette Vazquez and I have called off our engagement and are no longer together,” he said. “At this time, I would prefer to keep my private life private.”

The former couple had already pushed back their wedding to 2008, for which Heilo cited his busy schedule of auto racing and dancing, while apparently the kiss in the above photo is a ’stage kiss’ done as part of the dance routine.

But, there are rumors that there is more than just dancing between Helio and his dance partner, Julianne Hough:

Castroneves told entertainment news show “Extra” on Wednesday that he has split from his fiancée, Aliette Vazquez. There’s speculation that the breakup may have been caused by a budding romance between Castroneves and his “Dancing With the Stars” partner, Julianne Hough. The two shared a kiss on Tuesday night’s show.

“It was the beginning of something,” Castroneves told “Extra,” “[but] it [the relationship] was beyond that point. It was time to let go.”

He had just been on the television show The View talking about his win, and about dancing at his wedding. But after the show, he indicated that the interview was about the dancing, not his personal life, and he preferred not to talk about that with the chatty ladies on the show.

So hmm. It could very well be that they are just platonic friends, but maybe Julianne taught Helio more than just how to ball change.

If this is true, then this could be a HUGE development in the case against Nick Hogan Bollea Whatever and now, his famous father.  Apparently there is a receipt for beer purchased on the day of the wreck that put John Graziano, former Marine, in the hospital in an irreversible vegetative state:

New information includes:

• A receipt from Albertson’s Liquor Store at 2:14 p.m. on the day of the accident for $78 of beer and ice. A clerk, June Hoopingarer, said Hulk Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, bought the beer and was accompanied by his son and several other young men. […]

The report says Bollea and his friends spent the day of the accident on a boat with Hogan. Bollea’s friends, who are all at least 21 years old, were drinking beer. No one reported seeing Bollea drinking alcohol, although it was found in his system after the crash.

Jeremy T. Whitson, who is in charge of security of Shepard’s Beach Resort, told police Bollea and about seven other people got off a boat and tried to enter the tiki bar between 5 and 6 p.m. the day of the accident. He said Hogan stayed on the boat. All the people who got off the boat were clutching beer bottles except Bollea, who held a plastic cup. They were not allowed entry, according to Whitson, because they didn’t have identification that showed they were 21 or older.

Now, I want to point out that nobody actually SAW Nick drinking that day.  Nobody SAW him with a beer in hand.  Nobody SAW him do anything wrong.  Well, nobody that is talking about it, that is…because there are several young men who know what he was doing that day, plus his father, supposed “Real American” Hulk Hogan.  And don’t forget…at the time of the accident, Nick was seventeen years old.

But it really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the alleged actions of the people involved that day:

• The Hulkster goes to a liquor store and buys beer and ice.
• The Hulkster, his son, and his son’s friends go to a boat, where they spend the afternoon drinking.
• Nobody outside of the party actually sees Nick drink anything illegal, but he is walking around with a plastic cup while everyone else has bottles of beer.
• Later that day, once they leave the boat, Nick, his friend John, and two other men in a silver Viper are street racing down a city street when Nick loses control of his car and crashes into a tree.
• At the hospital, Nick has his blood tested and it shows the presence of alcohol.

More specifically, the purchases included:

• 2 cases of Miller Lite
• 2 cases of Corona Extra
• 1 case of Miller Chill
• 5 bags of ice

Maybe, just maybe, there was a little window of time there after leaving the boat when Nick and John and their buddies could have came across some alcohol somewhere else.  But it is highly suspicious that he would spend the afternoon on a boat with his friends, who were drinking, and not drink himself, especially since he was found to have it in his system after the accident.

Also, a witness is reported as saying the cars were going 100 MPH in a 40 MPH zone before the crash:

Linda Berry-Robinson, the mother of Graziano’s girlfriend, told police she overheard Jacobs telling a pastor at Bayfront Medical Center that he was driving the Viper at more than 100 mph, according to the documents. […]

At the hospital, Bollea told police he was traveling 30 or 40 mph. He also told police he didn’t know what road he was traveling on or what direction. His speech was “mumbled and soft” and his eyes bloodshot, according to Todd Turpack, a Clearwater police investigator who wrote the original report. […]

A woman said she was on her way home from work at Morton Plant Hospital when the Supra and the Viper pulled up on either side of her at an intersection. The drivers “kind of acknowledged each other,” she said.

“The light turned green, and they hauled serious a–; they were weaving around,” she said. “The silver car smoked the yellow car, and the yellow car completely lost control and flipped over and turned and twisted.”

The witness said she stayed back because she didn’t want to get between the cars.

“I couldn’t have anyway,” she said. “They were flying.”

For his part, Nick has denied going 100 MPH before the accident.  But regardless of whether he was doing exactly 100 MPH or not, he obviously was going faster than 40 MPH.

So, if Hulk did in fact supply beer to his son, it beggars the question…what kind of parents does this kid have, anyway?  What sort of man is Terry Bollea, to give his underage son alcohol and then turn him loose with a 544-horsepower vehicle?  What kind of mom is Linda, to take her daughter street racing and then proclaim to the world juts how exciting it is to outrun cops?  I’ll tell you what kind…the kind who give their child everything on a silver platter, and then turn a blind eye to any sort of wrongdoing by their pwecious widdle baby.  The kind of parents who could make statements like this:

“The most important thing to me was from all the eyewitnesses and everyone that was there and saw it was that they were not racing,” the former pro-wrestling superstar told The Insider. […]

“It’s just so unfair,” added Hogan. “Just the way the media jumped on my son and just the way they portrayed him. From my gut, it’s something that has torn two families apart, and we’re just so close to John’s family. ” […]

Citing the latter statement, Hogan reiterated that his son isn’t guilty of anything.  “I’m trying to tell my son to stay strong, because at the end of the day, when all the facts are in, it was an accident,” he said.

What a pompous prick.  No, Terry, the most important thing is that a young man’s life was cut short because of your son’s stupidity, and it appears now because of your indulgence and bad parenting.  Yes, it was an accident…a preventable accident, because had they not been racing and had there not been alcohol involved, there’s a distinct possibility the accident would never have happened.

I’m serious.  This whole thing makes me sick.  If this is true, I hope they throw Terry UNDER the jail.

Did Mad Posh go under the knife and have a certain set of, um, assets downsized?  Or did she just forget her push-up bra at home?

Here is a shot of Mad Posh at the Dancing With The Stars finale:

Another shot:

Here she is at their concert about a week ago:

And here is a picture of the chesticles in all their glory:

Personally, I hope it’s true.  She looked too much like Strumpet Spice Barbie with those half-cantaloupes.  They hang correctly, they look nice.  At least now she looks relatively normal…well, as normal as she can look.

Now if she’d just smile more…

Heaven only knows if this is true, but rumors abound that Britney Spears is pregnant again. Hell why not, she did a great job the first two times. Total success I say.

The always accurate, never false InTouch Magazine’s lead story this week is Brit-Brit is preggo with JR Rotem’s baby. They are citing email exchanges with her friends as the damning proof of her fertility, which are said to contain ultra-sounds. Apparently, JR Rotem, that fat-faced producer scum she was hanging out with is the father. InTouch says he admits it. Well, you know what they say, admitting you have a problem is half the battle. And if Britney’s pregnant, we have a problem.

“It’s true,” he says. On November 16, she proudly e-mailed a copy of the ultrasound to her inner circle. For all her recent troubles, she seems convinced that having another baby will turn her life around — and she believes that J.R. will make a great father, even though he explicitly talked about their sex life in Blender magazine earlier this year. “Britney’s not looking for another husband,” an insider says. “But she does like having a man in her life.”

Seriously, if this is true, and it could go 50/50 either way, this would be an act of terrorism against responsibility. It would be on scale with some of the worst atrocities known to mankind. The UN Council on Domestic Responsibility is having a special meeting at this very moment to decide how to react if this is true. I have it on good authority that the National Guard is standing by with authorization of the leaders of the free world to deal with this event using the most extreme measures.

The potential magnitude of this horror can not be underestimated. We all must brace ourselves for the worst.

No, not that Carson, although Johnny did set a precedent for today’s late-night jokesters to follow:  Crossing the picket line of a writer’s strike to save the jobs of his television crew.  And it would appear that Carson Daly, host of Last Call with Carson Daly, is following in some mighty big footsteps:

Despite the ongoing writers’ strike, the Last Call host will resume production on his NBC late-night show this week, taping episodes slated to air next week, the network confirmed Tuesday.

The move makes Daly the first late-night host to return to work since the strike began Nov. 5. The respective shows of Jon Stewart, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien et al. have been in reruns ever since, with no indication that any of them plan to resume production.

Judging from Ellen DeGeneres’ experience earlier this month, Daly’s decision won’t be popular with those on the picket lines.

After breaking for the first day of the strike in solidarity with her writers, DeGeneres resumed taping her syndicated talk show without them the next day, drawing criticism from the WGA, which has derided her scab-like behavior.

Unlike DeGeneres, however, Daly is not a member of the WGA. And his choice comes after NBC threatened to lay off all nonwriting staff members on his show, as well as on Late Night and The Tonight Show.

In 1988, talk-show titan Johnny Carson had to return to his late-night show during the last writer’s strike to save the jobs of his crew, who were facing a fate similar to that of Daly’s.  He basically ad-libbed his show until the strike was settled.

I said a few weeks ago that it might come to this, and it appears that the first of the night-time talk shows has finally succumbed.  This is just what the bigshots at the studios want…for the stars to cave in to the pressure of seeing their crews lose their jobs over a strike that they have no part of.  This way, the studio heads get what they want, which is their shows back on the air, with no strike concessions on their part.  It’s really been the writing on the wall from the beginning, it was just a matter of time and who would be first.

Not to say that the writer’s strike isn’t justified.  For the work that they do, they certainly do deserve a cut of anything sold that has their work in it.  Internet downloads, DVD’s, ad revenue, have all been off-limits thus far to the writers of some of television’s most popular shows.  But, as in all strikes, someone has to suffer, and in this case it is the crews who have nothing to do with the strike.

Studio bigwigs know that members of hit shows become like family, from the star all the way to the janitor, and they are counting on that to get people to cross the picket line.  I’m sure that Carson’s decision will not be a popular one with the writers on strike, but it comes down to either going back to work or risking his crew losing their jobs.  I’m sure the average makeup artist or wardrobe person doesn’t make what a senior writer does as far as salary, and they can’t afford to be fired or laid off.  Again, studios know this, and they are counting on it.  It really gives many people a very difficult decision to make.

Talks were resumed on Monday, and continue through Wednesday, so hopefully there will be some sort of resolution before more people lose their jobs.

If you remember, several weeks ago Pierce Brosnan suckerpunched a photographer who wouldn’t take no for an answer and who kept bugging the actor and his children.  At the time, it was said that the police were looking into the incident.  Well they looked, and they found insufficient evidence to charge the actor with anything:

After a complete review of the investigation done by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department…there is insufficient evidence to prove this case to a jury beyond a reasonable doubt.

Apparently, when the photographer wouldn’t stop talking to and photographing the kids, Pierce got a little irate and began swearing at the man.  When the guy still wouldn’t take a hint, there were punches thrown, complete with Pierce getting tagged right in the martini shaker.

You know, if some guy that I didn’t know, carrying a big camera, came up and started talking to my kids, I think there’s be punches thrown too if he didn’t take a hint and scram.  Not advocating violence against anyone, but if someone is going to cross that line they’d better be prepared to deal with some sort of consequences, whatever they may be.

Having said that…Pierce, I’m talking to you.  You’ve long been one of my favorite actors, going all the way back to Remington Steele.  I’ve followed your career from the beginning.  I think you’re a complete dilf.  I know you don’t like paps, and they can be the lowest form of scum on earth.  And no, this moron shouldn’t have been talking to the kids.  But next time, you might not be so lucky.  You’re better than this.  Just be cool and walk away.

And btw, you know how to get in touch with me, right?