TMZ is reporting that actor Dennis Quaid’s newborn twins are in critical condition after a medical mix-up at Cedars-Sinai hospital in Los Angeles. The babies, son Thomas and daughter Grace, were born November 8th. Dennis and his wife Kimberly used a surrogate mother for the birth of their children.

The tragic mistake took place on Sunday when the newborns were each given 10000 units of Heparin, an blood anti-coagulant. 10000 units is an adult dose, and the infants were given the 10K units TWICE, once in the morning and once in the evening on Sunday. They have since been moved to intensive care in the neo-natal unit at Cedars.

But wait, there’s more…

 

Yes, it’s that time of year again, the time when the overhyped crap that the average person lived just fine without until Oprah pointed out how empty their lives are without them is put on display at the Oprah show.  Once again, Oprah has unveiled her list of her Favorite Things to her sheep blind followers mindless masses viewing audience, who will now rush out to buy everything that has Oprah’s magic touch on it, and guess what’s at the top of her list?

Oprah’s giving the most expensive gift in Oprah’s Favorite Things history to her loyal viewers in Macon—LG HDTV Refrigerator LSC27991. It’s a top-of-the-line, high-tech entertainment center with a LCD TV, DVD hookup, radio and slideshow option to display your favorite digital photos.

With the press of a button, you can also access your five-day weather forecast and view more than 100 built-in recipes. LG has even volunteered to remove our lucky audience members’ old fridges and either recycle them or give them to families in need. “LG has literally thought of everything!” Oprah says.

Okay, WOAH.  Back up the truck.

This, my friends, is a refrigerator.  A fridge.  You keep your milk and eggs and lettuce and leftover Thanksgiving turkey in it.  It keeps your pop cold.  The freezer part keeps your ice cream from being runny.  It’s a REFRIGERATOR.  Um…HELLO?

And do you know what this little electronic marvel will set you back?  About $3800.

Who would pay almost $4000 USD for a fridge?  I mean, SERIOUSLY.  The advances in fridge technology are great…they have technology that keeps your lettuce crispier and your pop colder and your eggs more perfecter than ever before.  And that’s great…because that is what a FRIDGE is SUPPOSED to do.

But come on.  Are we really so lazy that we can’t walk into the other room to view the weather report on the TV?  Do we have to have a video slideshow in the kitchen?  Must we be entertained constantly with a DVD player, even when we’re cooking?  Oh wait…I forgot, Oprah doesn’t cook, she has minions to do that for her.  My bad.

And how nice that LG is removing the old fridges from the audience’s homes and donating them to “families in need.”  Sorry, you aren’t good enough for a $4000 fridge, but you can have this old icebox.  And if you want to know the weather, you’ll have to walk outside.  Just a little something to remember…if it’s cold, that means it’s either wintertime or Hell froze over because Oprah did something without thinking of ratings and the bottom dollar first.

Well, screw my dreams of extending my life through mindless laughter and jovial cheer, people with better comedic timing and an uncanny sense of wit are selfishly keeping the funny to themselves.

Seriously, I appreciate and respect the idea of similarly trained individuals banning together for a common good: their paycheck. Without this loosely banded group of people, they would have to suffer under the tyrannical oppression of “The Man.” And no one wants “The Man” keeping them down.

So I am in solidarity with the writer’s guild, or whatever these people are officially called. They deserve pay increases, health insurance, paid vacations, protection from sexual discrimination — all that work-related jazz. But enough is enough already. Can’t the evil executives at the networks and film production companies just give these crazy, angry, and oh so funny people what they want, so I can get back to my very sparse viewing habits?

Apparently, one of the things they (The Writers Guild of America) want (and pardon my ignorance, but I was born with it so EXCUUUUSE ME) is a share in the profit of the increasingly popular downloadable medium taking the world by storm. I can now take my favorite TV show (hmm…not sure what that is, but hypothetically speaking we’ll say 24) and download it on my ipod and watch it over and over again at my leisure.

The idea is that like TV show which go into syndication, or songs that get played over and over on the radio, there’s someone keeping track and the creators are supposed to get paid each time that show/song is enjoyed. The concept that people might be downloading your handcrafted jokes and watching it more than once, sharing it with their friends, or sending it to their Grammy, very much pisses these writer types off, and the studio execs can’t seem to come up with a solution.

So now, because all these smarty pants people who put the fun in funny are riled up, I can’t watch SNL. Granted, SNL manages to squeeze in an inordinate number of re-runs anyway, I would still like a glimmer of hope that I might be lucky enough to catch a new show every once in a while.

So on that note all you striking writers, Merry Farkling Thanksgiving to you, oh hoarders of the punchlines. Do us all a favor, keep it real solemn at this year’s feast, we wouldn’t want anyone chortling without dropping you a dime or anything. Greedy bastards!

I’m not even going to try and make sense of Heather Mills’ latest media adventures.  Suffice it to say we should all try drinking milk from rats and dogs instead of cows and goats.  I’ll leave it up to you to do that research for me (hey, it’s a busy week, what do you want from me?  Insightful, thoughtful journalism?  What kind of person do you think I am, anyway?).

But I will say this:  If Heather Mills is so broke, as she continually claims, then I want to be broke just like her.  Take a gander at the economical fuel-efficient four-wheel-drive automobile by Mercedes that she drove to her press party for the release of new vegan billboards she posed for…you know the ones, where it is claimed that “emissions” from livestock are destroying the earth and none of us should eat meat or dairy because of it:

She even left it running for part of the morning.

One of those babies will run you about $100,000 USD.

Wow…maybe if I cut off my leg, make up a bunch of lies about myself, marry and divorce a music legend, and do crazy rants about myself on the telly, I can be broke too!  Heather is a genius!

Britney Spears is now biting the hand that…uh, okay, maybe not quite correct, but there’s just something so wrong with this report.  It would seem that after all this time courting the paparazzi and trotting her offspring out for all and sundry to ogle, now Brit has had a change of heart and wants to keep her kids away from the photographers:

After Friday’s hearing in which a judge ordered that Britney Spears is not allowed to drive with her children in the car, the pop star’s lawyer has released a statement saying the decision to use a driver was one that Spears made to protect her kids.

Spears attorney Anne Kiley tells Usmagazine.com, “Ms. Spears hopes that she and Mr. Federline will be able to reach an agreement as to all matters concerning their children. She hopes that by not commenting on court proceedings the media attention in those proceedings will subside, which she requests for the safety and well being of the children.”

People is reporting the same thing:

“Recent aggressive actions by individuals who have followed (Spears) and blocked her access, with and without the children, have resulted in her decision to take certain security measures which she hopes will only be necessary temporarily, for the protection of the children,” Sorrell Trope said in a statement Monday.

No specifics were given on what those measures would be.

Aha.  Brit is learning that you can’t control the animal called fame.  You can’t poke it with a stick when you want attention, and then make it sit down and be good when you want privacy.  She’s spent all this time and effort actively wanting the media attention (even going so far as to alert the paps of where she is going) that she has created a bit of a monster.

In all fairness, I don’t think it is all her fault.  The media is obsessed with trainwrecks.  To see someone soar as high as Brit did, and then to see her fall Icarus-like to earth in a flaming ball, is too irresistible not to report on.  And I have to agree, after seeing video of the paparazzi swarming both her car and Brit herself, with and without kids, that certain people are just completely out of line.  That’s why they make the zoom lens, guys.  I think I would have run over a few toes myself.

But to also point out the other side of the story, without media coverage celebrities are just regular people, God forbid.  And Britney knows that, which is why she does what she does.  The problem now is that she isn’t just by herself…she’s got to worry about her sons, who are too little to worry about themselves.  And that is what so many celebrities miss when it comes to that baby itch…they don’t realize the toll it will take on their loved ones and children.  Britney can barely take care of herself out in public, let alone those two boys.  And let’s don’t forget that, thus far, she has no bodyguards…but perhaps that is part of her upcoming “security measures”.  We can only hope.

I would take it a step further and say that celebrities should make a choice not have children at all.  I know that’s a controversial statement, and one that is liable to bring me some flak, but it’s true…how many times have we seen celebs pleading for privacy for their family, their children?  Celebrity offspring don’t choose a life of fame…but their parents at one point did make that choice.  Their parents chose to be in the spotlight.  The kids had no say in the matter.  Is that really fair?

And yes…I know that there are some celeb parents who make it work for their kids.  You didn’t hear anything about Bruce and Demi’s kids until recently, when the youngest became a teenager, for example.  But for every star parent who tries their best to make it work, you’ve got a fistful of Britneys, who just don’t seem to get it.  Personally, I think Brit was ill-prepared to be a parent in general, not just a celeb parent.  Just loving your children isn’t enough.

One good thing that is coming from all of this is that Brit apparently has a driver now when she is with the kids, per the court order.  I love the way the lawyer is trying to spin it around to make it all Brit’s idea, though.  He’s definitely earning the overpriced fee Brit is shelling out…what does she need with a publicist?

And the hits keep coming for Amy Winehouse.  It has been revealed that her manager Thom Stone quit after inhaling secondhand smoke from heroin on the tour bus:

Mr Stone confirmed he had quit after it was said that he found working with Winehouse and her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil who is currently behind bars, was harming his health.

The last straw was when Amy, 24, and Blake were arrested with cannabis in Norway last month.

The Sun reported today that doctors found heroin in Mr Stone’s system after he inhaled it passively on Amy’s tour bus.

The tour manager is said to have produced a doctor’s note which revealed traces of the class A drug in his blood.

“He insisted to the management team that the only way that could have happened would have been through inhaling it from Blake and Amy. Thom just had it up to here. It was a nightmare job,” the paper reported.

Amy is an admitted heroin user, and apparently this is having more of an adverse affect on her career and the lives of people around her than it has before.

She managed to pull off a performance in Glasgow after her horrid show in Birmingham, where she swore at the audience, wandered around the stage, and forgot the words to her song.  Her record company insisted that the Glasgow concert would go ahead, despite Amy’s reluctance at being away from London where her husband, Blake Whatever-Whatever, is incarcerated.

So here’s my question…how bad does the train have to wreck before somebody close to her realizes that she’s just being whored out for money?  She’s touring now, promoting her album Back To Black, and giving concerts that are at best circus sideshows.  All across Europe the reviews have been disastrous.  She’s appeared on awards shows looking completely stoned out of her mind, and in an interview with Blender magazine she made no sense and even fell asleep.  Are they just wanting to squeeze the last drop of lifeblood out of her, like a worn-out dishrag, before tossing her aside for the next big thing?

Who knows.  It might take hitting rock bottom, with her career in shambles, before Amy finally realizes that she’s turned her life into a disaster and needs help.  I think Blake being away from her is a good thing right now, even though Amy is by all accounts distraught, because it gives her some space and a breather from his influence.  She makes her own decisions, she’s as much to blame for her life as anyone, but when you’ve got someone like that in your life it makes it harder to break away and clean yourself up.  I just hope that she can do it before we read one morning that something tragic has happened.

Nick Hogan isn’t the only person in the Hogan family who enjoys street racing. Both his mom Linda and his sister Brooke, are caught on film engaging in the dangerous act.

Just to recap, Nick was arrested last week and charged with felony reckless driving, and blood alcohol test show he was drinking prior to his car accident in late August. Hogan totaled his Toyota Supra, severely injuring his friend John Graziano. Graziano is an Iraq war veteran who had recently returned home from a tour of duty. He has been moved to John Haley V.A. Hospital in Tampa where he lay in a vegetative state. Sadly, John sustained severe head injuries in the crash. His family has stated they will pursue the Bolleas in a civil suit.

The video of Linda and Brooke street racing, click here to watch, is aptly titled “Vehicular Lunatics” and shows the mother and daughter team taunting fellow drivers to race them. Linda is videotaped driving a white Mercedes S600 down a busy and populated road while Brooke sits in the passenger seat also videotaping the race. Their speed is unknown.

From the ABC report:

One of the men replies, “Yeah! we love racing you! On three.” Brooke replies, “Let’s do this. Alright. Then Linda Bollea says “Let’s kick it.” The cars take off, but their speeds are not known.

Linda is later asked (on video) about how she feels about street racing. To see video go here and look for link to the right.

Her answer: “Oh, I love it. I love it. The rush, the speed on the road, stereo blasting, heart-pounding, racing in between all the cars, dodging the cops. It’s awesome.”

Just hours prior to Nick’s arrest, the Hogan family is interviewed by ABC News and Linda is asked about the video and her quotes, she of course denies saying any of it.

Mrs. Bollea says, “I never said that. I never would have said that.”

Jeebus H. Tapdancing Rice, what the hell kind of planet do these a-holes live on? She’s on tape saying the above quoted statements, yet she bold-face denies it? That’s a whole new level of hubris — and idiocy. Or as k would say, “Um Hello”?

I don’t even know how to respond to this whole thing. The entire Hogan family is featured in the video, which we have to repeat is titled “Vehicular Lunatics.” How do you defend your son when you yourself are not only condoning this behavior, but ENCOURAGING?

I am by no means a perfect parent and I am sure on occasion I set a less than exemplary example for my children, but rest assured, I have never, nor shall I ever endorse or engage in something as dangerous and deadly as “street racing.”

Insane. Irresponsible. Idiotic.

Jessica Seinfeld has a new book out. Who’s Jessica Seinfeld? Jerry’s wife of course!

For those who don’t remember, Jessica was married for approximately one month to her first husband, Eric Nederlander, a Broadway producer. Then within about three weeks of returning from her honeymoon in Italy with Eric she began seeing Jerry Seinfeld. Nederlander’s family, like Jerry Seinfeld, is has a lot of money, sadly for Eric, just not ENOUGH money for Jessica, who must have been embarrassed by how little money, as she traded up for a much higher level of wealth by marry Jerry Seinfeld.

Jessica and Jerry met while both were members at a hoity-toity health club facility called Reebok Sports Club in New York. She and her husband called it quits not long after Jessica and Jerry met. J and J were married in November of 1999. Jessica was married to her first husband in 1998. What a lucky mother Jessica has to have the good fortune of planning two gala nuptials within almost a year of each other! Oy gevalt!

Yes, all that historical sluttiness aside, we fast forward to now and Jessica is whoring her book Deceptively Delicious to the masses. The premise is about a mom’s futile attempts to get her family to eat healthy, so she decides to start lacing their food with so-called vitamin packed wholesome goodness. I prefer rat poisoning, but whatever works for you.

Of course Oprah, suck up to the stars, had Jessica on her show to further illustrate how the rich and powerful help the rich and powerful stay that way. Predictably, Jessica’s book became a hit. All was good for the Seinfelds until a woman named Missy Chase Lapine, who’d written a book called The Sneaky Chef complained of plagerism.

Jessica’s been defending herself all about town these days, and recently did so on “The View,” showing us the classic body language of a liar. You can watch the video here. Jessica deflects accusations of plagiarism by being passive aggressive:

“I can understand why she would be upset. You know, first of all when you have a huge success, you know this, people tend to look for the cracks, anything that would break you down a little bit. There’s always negative where there’s positive. This was such an immediate success, this book, that I think people were looking for things to pick a part, but I can understand why she would’ve been frustrated.”

Then as a final nail in her guilty-conscience coffin, she goes on the offensive (and I mean offensive), by basically saying she’s so rich she didn’t need to do the book and so therefore she couldn’t have stolen this woman’s idea (not to mention several almost identical recipes):

“She did a book with a similar topic a few months earlier and it must have been hard for her to see how quickly my book took off. I never saw her book or her recipes. Never as a person would I do something like what I was accused of doing. I mean, I really didn’t need to do this book”

To make matters even more obnoxious, Jerry’s going around calling this woman a whacko and making fun of her. Classy Jerry, really classy. I was never a huge Seinfeld fan, but his growing arrogance and contemptible behavior are really starting to wear thin.

Do us a favor Seinfelds, go hide out in your ostentatious Hampton home nursing your guilty heart on the wine of your fermented tears. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Thanks D-Listed!

We are not above making fun of America’s beloved Julia Roberts. Sure she’s the original “Firecrotch” but she’s also a known homewrecker, runaway bride, serial birthgiver and now apparently, a handicap.

Pretty woman Roberts and her cameraman hubby Danny Moder were out shopping in Malibu yesterday and their lazy, selfish, inconsiderate arses used a designated handicap space typically reserved for people with some sort of disability or mobility issues.

Yes, I realize that this is a petty complaint, but come on, you don’t live your life trying to perpetuate some kind of sweet and innocent persona and then turn around and use the handicap spots to go shopping. Honestly Julia, that’s what the Associate of The Month parking spot it for.

Divas!

Splash

Yes, GlossLip fans, I have been reduced to this:  Britney Spears purchased a goldfish over the weekend.

Should I just impale myself on the turkey carcass now and get it over with?  What a slow celeb news weekend this was…and let’s face it, it’s Monday morning, and articles about Brit just kind of write themselves.

It would seem that everybody’s favorite poptart was seen out and about this weekend at a Petco, where terrier London made his celebrated return to the spotlight and an unlucky goldfish was chosen to escape its life of three-second memory in a community tank at a pet store for a life being fed Cheeto crumbs at Brit’s house.  A week there and the fish will wish it was back at Petco, listening to kids bang on the glass and running into other goldfish that look just like him.

See, this is what I mean.  Did she just suddenly have this intense desire to take her 12-cylinder Mercedes to Petco, trailed by the pap circus, because she simply had to have a goldfish?  Doesn’t she have people who can do that?

There are also rumors that Brit will take Billy Ray Cyrus up on his offer of having her over for Thanksgiving.  Now there’s a meal I’d love to be a flower in the centerpiece for.  (Great, just typing that sentence has put “Achy Breaky Heart” into repeat play mode in my brain.  Fabulous.  Where’s that turkey carcass?)

Is it cruel to make a Death Pool for a goldfish?