Above we bear witness to the consummate performer Kanye West, as he becomes overwhelmed with the sadness of losing his mother. During his concert in Paris, Kanye attempts to sing his tribute song “Hey Mama” and can’t get through it without breaking down. The crowd tries to support him as do his bandmates, but something we face alone. I hate to sound all sappy, but this really breaks my heart.

It’s really hard to remain cynical about a guy like Kanye, so often full of bravado, to appear so weak and vulnerable — it reminds us no one is immune to loss and sadness. Not even rappers. Then again, I like Kanye, his infectious grooves, AND all his pomp and circumstance. So here’s to you Kanye, every day you will feel a little “Stronger.”

That’s coz she won’t be driving her kids around any time soon.

It’s new news, and we should know more later today, but TMZ is reporting that Commissioner Gordon has granted Mark Vincent Kaplan’s request that Brit not be allowed to drive with her kids in the car.  It’s believed it is due to her running a red light with her boys and the court monitor in the car last week, among other reasons, but Brit has had issues with her driving for a while.  Guess this was just the last straw for the judge.  Check out this article yesterday for a good example of her safe driving practices.

Hey, just that picture above with her kids not strapped in (and in a convertible nonetheless) would have been enough for me.  It would be bad enough if she had an accident with the kids in unbuckled car seats in a regular car, but can you imagine a convertible?  I don’t even want to think about it.  She shouldn’t be driving by herself, let alone with kids in the car.

It’s Brit’s world, we just make the rules that she ignores in it.

UPDATE:  X17 is saying the judge requested she not drive with her kids in the car because of the circus that follows her.  Of course, they’ve seemed to be biased in her favor before.  Then again, TMZ sometimes gets it wrong.  Kevin’s lawyer says “Orders were made.”  However, they’re all sealed.  So which is it?  An order, or a request?

She’s a crazy bitch, that’s the secret. Then again, that’s hardly a secret to any sentient being who still participates in the facade we call the human race. Sorry for the rancor people, just growing weary of our continued neglect of the famous fallen who clearly are in desperate need of psychiatric evaluation, yet are still allowed the freedom to harm themselves, others and their loved ones. Can’t Congress do something about Britney and Amy?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the Victoria Secret’s Superfantastico Glittery Extravaganza on Ice show which took place last night featuring such talented folks as Seal and his lovely wife Heidi Klum (they really are a strange couple), The Spice Girls (they’re really weird too) and Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas filled in for the grief-stricken Kanye West who was set to open the show at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood.

Many a star was in attendance including, Eva Longoria Parker, Hayden Panettiere, Michael Vartan, Ryan Seacrest, Neil Patrick Harris, Gary Dourdan, Dean Cain, Ana Ortiz, Jeremy Piven and Rebecca DeMornay. According to USA today, actor Michael Vartan was NOT their to see the Spice Girls, contrary to popular belief.

Asked about the Spice Girls reuniting, Vartan said “I couldn’t care less.” He didn’t even know they’d be performing at the show

Strange….that’s the EXACT same thought I had when I heard they were reuniting. Not so strange was Vartan’s real reason for attending the event.

Vartan made it clear why he was there — to see the Angels. But Vartan let it be known, “I don’t believe in lingerie one bit.”

Right with you man, flannel jammies are it. Anything good enough for Jesus is good enough for me.

But what about those Spice Girls. Check them out. More importantly, check out Posh Beckham on the end. Is that the face of PMS of what? Victoria looks like she just found out Ginger Spice weighs less than she does, and she’s mentally scheduling a colonic to fix that problem.

Apparently wiping her nose on her sleeve. And while that is kind of gross and more than a little unsanitary, it’s hardly the earth-shattering event people are making it, including rumors she was doing a line of coke on stage. I mean come on.

Seriously, this girl is clearly WAY more jacked up than even Britney and she seems to be spiraling completely out of control, but I do give Amy props for showing up to her shows each night. Not that anyone has gotten their money’s worth, because the petite singer is desperately losing her grip on reality, but there she is, doing her thing. Even if that thing is wiping her little beleaguered nose on her innocent sleeve.

Sadly, I predict Ms. Amy isn’t going to be with us long if someone doesn’t step in on her behalf. Her manager Thom Stone quit on Thursday over her increasingly unpredictable behavior and alleged heroin abuse, her parents CLEARLY have zero influence in her decisions, and her dead-beat, golddigger of a husband Blake Uncivil Fieldworker is now incarcerated — this being the final nail in the crazy train coffin. Peeps better be holding on to those tickets. Can you imagine how much they will be worth when she finally checks out?

And you know Amy already has her exit strategy all figured out. You can see it on her face and in her demeanor. Her finger’s already on the trigger, pills, bottle, syringe in her demented mind. Ugh, get her some help already you greedy monsters.

 

Okay, yeah, sorry…old ADD joke.  Those of us with ADD understand.

I’m going to try and condense a couple Brit stories into one article, so bear with me.  First, about that drug test that supposedly came back positive.  Brit’s people originally tried to blame it on the Provigil that was spotted in her purse a few weeks ago…but that isn’t an amphetamine, and that is what showed up on the test.  Then, the said her inhaler that she takes for her “asthma” was the culprit…but Albuterol isn’t an amphetamine either.  Now, they’re blaming the medication that she takes for her Attention Deficit Disorder, Adderall…which IS an amphetamine. And that could be what showed up on the test.

From what I hear, that stuff is like crack.  I wonder (and this is just my wonderings, folks) if she gets all her meds from the same doctor, or if she goes to different places.  She certainly has a lot of things going on, and meds must be carefully regulated.  I hope she has a reputable doctor doing all the regulating. And oh yeah…I so called this a while back, when I said she appeared to have ADD.  Take it from someone who knows the symptoms, ‘k?

Of course, if she’s on all these medications, it could explain some things about her behavior.

I’m not even touching the report that she allegedly had lipo over the weekend in Las Vegas (you were a week too late, D!). They probably found eight pounds of Starbucks in there. Here’s a thought, Brit…stay away from McD’s and Taco Bell, get smaller Starbucks with nonfat or soy milk, and eat at home every so often instead of fast food and restaurants.

But you know…I don’t think Brit has a bad figure. She doesn’t look like her rock-hard abs 18-year-old self, but she isn’t that girl any more…she’s almost 26, with two kids. She just needs to quit wearing clothes that accentuate her bumps.

And then, either late Wednesday night or early Thursday morning, Brit ran over yet another paparazzi foot!  This makes a hat-trick:

The threepeat took place as Spears was driving into the hotel’s parking garage, with the usual swarm of camera wielders surrounding her vehicle. A hotel security guard was on hand to ostensibly, but futilely, limit the chaos.

“Back up, back up,” he told the shutterbugs as Spears made her way down the hotel’s drive. No sooner had he issued the warning then one unheeding paparazzo began screaming out. Other cameramen coming to his aid, yelling at Spears to stop driving, which she briefly did.

The security guard, however, seemed unmoved by the incident.

“Back off the drive, gentlemen,” he said.  [They were on private property at the time.]  ”This won’t happen if you just back off the drive.” [...]

Spears, 25, plowed over the paws of a photographer late last month while exiting a doctor’s office. While the foot-flattening mishap was captured on film, the paparazzo chose to press charges, apparently deciding not to further tick off the pop star.

But when it comes to peace officers, it’s a different story.

Earlier this month, the Los Angeles Police Department confirmed it was investigating a claim that Spears ran over the foot of a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputy while fleeing a custody hearing.

On Thursday, police said that even though paparazzi haven’t filed any complaints, investigators  are looking into all the incidents, in part because Spears left the scene each time.

The LAPD is also demanding Spears provide a statement about the deputy incident or else face a possible misdemeanor count.

Yes, she did, and we have video.  Now, I will say this…taking photographs of stars is one thing.  You’re a star, there’s a photographer, expect your picture taken.  But this is totally ridiculous.  In her face, on her car…I mean, seriously!  I don’t advocate violence, but if they’re stupid enough to stand that close, then they shouldn’t be surprised when they get their foot run over.  Moron.  Even little kids know to get out of the way of a moving car.

But then…she’s captured driving around, I am assuming trying to outrun the paps, and she’s texting on her phone.  While driving.  In traffic.  Isn’t there a law or something?

First of all…distracted driving?  One of the first things they teach you in Driver’s Ed is not to be distracted while driving, and that includes cellphones and texting.  And second…what is she doing out at night, trying to outrun the paps?  What is that about?  If she has money enough to buy a big crystal chandelier, or fifty million blouses that double as dresses, or eleventy zillion Fraps, or a $200,000 Mercedes (oh yeah, she surely needed a V12 car), she can HIRE A DRIVER.  Then she can text to her little heart’s content and let the DRIVER worry about the paps.  Or let that guy Sam Lufti drive, he’s better than nothing (please tell me she isn’t doing sexytime with him).  Um…HELLO? Get a driver and a bodyguard, Brit. A good part of your problems will be solved immediately.

And after all this, there’s another emergency hearing on Friday concerning her driving.  The video shot of her blowing the red light at a busy intersection will be Exhibit A.  This, however, is the video of her running over the foot and then texting while driving. I first saw this on Perez, so…thanks, Perez! (Some of the language is NSFW)

Holy Hammerin’ Hank’s Balls! They done did it. Former San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds has been indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction for allegedly lying in court during an ongoing investigation into the illegal use of anabolic steroids by major league baseball players.

While Bonds was hitting his way past the major league record for home runs, a title set by the aforementioned Hank Aaron with 755, his trainer and long-time friend, Greg Anderson, sat in jail for refusing to testify against his childhood friend about his personal use of steroids. Bonds has maintained his innocence about “knowingly” using the banned substance, to which all parties involved collectively rolled their eyes and sighed heavily.

As the saying goes, they don’t get you for the crime, they get you for the cover-up. Just ask Al Capone and Richard Nixon. Well, “asking” them may be a bit difficult, then again, dead men tell no lies.

Ok, enough with the cliches, the crux of this is that after an intensive investigation by the Senate and federal prosecutors (assisted by the Major League Baseball Commission) it became obvious to some, that perhaps Bonds was not being truthful. From the San Jose Mercury article:

In a five-count indictment, Bonds is accused of repeatedly lying under oath to a federal grand jury in December 2003 when questioned by federal prosecutors about his use of steroids and whether he’d received performance-enhancing drugs. The indictment charges Bonds with four counts of perjury and one count of obstructing justice for the allegedly false testimony, all felonies that could send him to federal prison if convicted.

The probe into steriod use was part of broader federal case known as the “Balco steroids scandal,” named for the company at the center of the steroid abuse claims. Victor Conte, the founder of Balco has continued to deny any knowledge of Bond’s use of the illegal substance and defended the swatter again after hearing word of the indictment today.

“I certainly haven’t seen all of the evidence in Barry’s case, however, I’ve seen a lot of it and I just don’t think there’s enough to meet the standard of beyond a reasonable doubt,” he said in an e-mail to the Mercury News. “They say it’s possible to ‘indict a ham sandwich’ and, unfortunately, I think it’s going to take a very long time for us to find out if that’s what they’ve done.”

Whereas Conte has acknowledged giving multiple performance-enhancing drugs to disgraced Olympic star Marion Jones and other track and field athletes, he has denied knowledge of Bonds’ steroid use.

Barry Bonds lawyer, Michael Rains had strong words for both the media and the federal prosecutors in a statement he released after hearing of the indictment:

“All you need to know about the government’s case is that they leaked an official indictment to every media outlet in America and withheld it from Barry, his lawyer, and everyone else who could read it and defend him,” said Rains.

“Now that their biased allegations must finally be presented openly in a court of law, they won’t be able to hide their unethical misconduct from the public any longer. You won’t read about those facts in this indictment, but now the public will get the whole truth, not just selectively leaked fabrications from anonymous sources.

“What we want to know is whether the media will spend as much time repairing Barry’s reputation as they have destroying it after he is proven innocent by a fair and impartial jury.”

Yes, well maybe a courtesy of a reach around isn’t too much to ask when you are being bent over and screwed, which is seems Bonds is. Don’t get me wrong, perjuring yourself in a court of law is unacceptable and I do NOT condone the use of performance enhancing drugs when they have been banned from a sport, but this is baseball, not pedophilia, or global terrorism, and Bonds’ use of steroids appears to have happened PRIOR to the sport instituting a ban on the substance (2004). Surely our federal court system and Senate have better things to do than go full throttle trying to nail a baseball player for using drugs that may have made him hit balls really far.

I love baseball, and I understand the purists viewpoint about players being true to the sport and leveling the playing field, but let’s have some perspective. This type of thing needs to be handled and regulated by the baseball commission, make them accountable, but not a singled out baseball player. That’s called scapegoating, and I don’t think that’s cool.

These are past times and leisure activities. While some may feel betrayed by Bonds tampering with the game (assuming that is the case) his initial crime was not that of a federal nature. Had he not been forced to appear before a grand jury to begin with, this would not be an issue.

This is an extreme example of the federal government interfering where they don’t belong. This doesn’t compare to say, Michael Vick violating state and federal laws by dogfighting. I just sort of don’t really get it. Sanction him, throw him out of baseball, keep him out of the Hall of Fame if you must, but 30 years in prison? Come on.

Name:  Samuel Atkinson Waterston
Birthday:  November 15, 1940
Role Most Known For:  Jack McCoy, Law & Order
Trivia:  His father was an immigrant from Scotland and was a semanticist (which explains his excellent diction); his mother was an American Mayflower descendant and landscape painter; he graduated with a BA from Yale in 1962; in 2002, he and castmate Jerry Orbach were designated “Living Landmarks” by the New York Landmarks Conservatory.

It seems to be Law & Order week here on GlossLip…

While Sam has portrayed, either in person or in voice-over, presidents including Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln, his best-known role is that of Executive Assistant District Attorney Jack McCoy, bender of rules, contempter of court, and aggressor of arguments.  He’s settled down a bit, but in the beginning of the series was a bit of a womanizer, having relationships with a few of his female assistants.

Hmm…wonder if he needs any help with his quid pro quo.

Don’t look at me like that.  Just because there’s snow on the roof and all that, you know.

Paris vowed to turn her life around after her jail term, and while I was initally skeptical, I think she just might actually be serious.  Here, you see her practicing being able to shimmy up a tree in case of trouble, and she’s also working on speaking in front of crowds.  She’s such a shy little thing, she needs all the practice she can get.

Well, I’m convinced.  Give her a cot, she’s a regular Mother Theresa.

 

Sylvester Stallone does Edgar Allen Poe?  Apparently, it’s going to happen.  After he is finished with Rambo MXVIII, Sly has plans to make a movie about Poe, and guess who he wants to play the lead?

Our source says, “Stallone has recently met with Viggo Mortensen and has offered him the role of Edgar Allan Poe in the film. Mortensen is consdiering the role although he wants some slight revisions in the script.” Yep, Viggo Mortensen could end up doing drugs and quothing the Raven for Sly. How cool is that notion? [...]

UPDATE! We’ve been able to get a little more information from our source this morning, and a lot of what he’s saying checks out. This is starting to look credible. Additionally, our source has also told us that if Viggo doesn’t take the part, Clifton Collins Jr. (recently cast in Star Trek) and John Hawkes are being considered as backup options for the role.

Well, now.  I’m incredibly picky about my movies, and even pickier about who I like.  But since Viggo comes highly recommended by none other than our illustrious D, and since Poe has long been a favorite of mine, and since I’d rather watch historical dramas than typical Hollywood twaddle, this could be something I’d actually go see.

When I heard “Stallone”, and “Poe” together, however, I had a sinking feeling that Sly hisownself was going to play the part of the tortured poet.  “Ay, yo, is ALL dat we see er seem, budda dreem widin a dreem?  ANNABELLE!!!”

 

I wonder just how long this will be allowed to go on.  Probably as long as she continues to bring in money.

Amy, at the start of her UK tour last night, stumbled and slurred her way through her sets, finally walking off stage in tears:

The singer stumbled into the venue half an hour late, slurred her words, walked into a guitar stand and dropped her microphone at the opening date of her British tour.

She then dedicated a song to her husband Blake Fielder-Civil, drawing more boos and a mass walkout at the NIA in Birmingham.

The band had to support Winehouse as she almost collapsed in tears. [...]

Following jeers from the crowd, she ranted: “Let me tell you something. First of all, if you’re booing you’re a mug for buying a ticket.

“Second, to all those booing, just wait ’til my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that.”

At the end of the concert, during her song “Valerie”, she dropped the microphone halfway through and walked off stage.

According to Perez, she had a few other choice words for the audience:

“[A reader writes] I’ve just come back from the Amy Winehouse concert at the NIA. In short, she was f*cking terrible. She was very very drunk, she made various rambling references to her ‘husband’ (even going as far to threaten audience members who booed with him) and worst of all, it looked like she was wearing those bloody ballet pumps again. Many audience members booed, and people were continually walking out. She referred to us as ‘monkey c*nts’ at one point, and she forgot the words to most of her songs. I really like Amy but this was awful. I’d like to tell you that her voice was her saving grace, but it was horrendous.”

And now disgusted concertgoers are demanding their money back:

One fan, James Dyas, who spent £175 on seven tickets for the first of the 17-date tour, demanded his money back.

He said: “She came on stage half an hour late. She managed four songs but was slurring her words and swaying all over the place.

“She fell into the guitar stand and dropped the microphone - it was atrocious. The song dedicated to her husband was so bad it was like swinging a cat round your head.”

Well, I’ve never swung a cat around my head, so I’ll take his word for it.

At this rate, Blake’s parents won’t have to worry about calling a boycott of Amy’s CD’s and concerts, so she won’t have money to spend on drugs.  She’s doing a great job of cutting off her cash flow all on her own, because if this keeps up she won’t have any fans left who will buy her merchandise or go to see her.

This comes not only as her husband Blake Whatever-Whatever was jailed this week, but also on the heels of rumors that Amy is off prescription medication that she needs:

I can also reveal that Amy has not been taking medication she needs to control terrifying brain seizures.

She has suffered a string of fits in recent months and has been checked over at a private clinic.

Pals say Amy relied on Fielder-Civil when the seizures struck.

One friend who has witnessed her collapse said: “Her parents are really worried. Having fits on top of taking class A drugs is not a good combination.

“The fits are scary. She had a funny turn the other week and was foaming at the mouth.”

Apparently Amy only went on stage last night if she could visit her husband, because when she had tried earlier she learned his mother had taken the only visiting spot for that day.  While at the jail, minders made her undo her beehive to make sure she wasn’t hiding drugs in there (I said when they arrested her in Norway that they should check the beehive!).

When Amy’s parents couldn’t reach her earlier in the week, they called for an ambulance to go and check on her.  Why couldn’t they have gone over themselves?  Perhaps they should think twice about that approach to Amy.

You know, I’m sure that Amy is very upset at her husband being taken to jail.  I’m sure it’s been a rough time for her.  But…for one thing, the problems are of her own making.  It doesn’t make them hurt less, but she’s caused a lot of what she’s upset about.

And for another thing, people go do their jobs every single day when they have worries and problems on their minds.  I think a certain kind of person (read: immature) gets it in their heads that they can’t possibly be asked to do their work (and let’s face it, this IS Amy’s job) if there is a drama going on in their lives.  But there’s an old saying…the show must go on.  What makes her worries any more special than Joe Schmoe’s worries, that we should have to offer her special treatment and overlook these constant mini-breakdowns?  Because she’s talented?  Yes, she is, but what does that have to do with anything?

One of two things is going to happen from this turn of events with her husband.  She’s going to hit rock bottom, that’s almost a certainty.  But when she does, she’ll either see what a mess she’s made of her life, check into rehab, and make a huge effort to turn her life around and reclaim her voice in it; or, she’ll stay at rock bottom, living in the sludge and slime netherworld of the drug addict, until she either fades into obscurity or burns out her star permanently.

In a video she was shooting for Back To Black, there was a funeral scene with a tombstone which reads, “R.I.P. The Heart Of Amy Winehouse.”  I have a feeling we’re not far from that, if something drastic doesn’t happen and soon.