Britney Spears Mastermind Behind Plot To Bring Down Paris Hilton
Where do we begin with this one? Splash News is reporting a rumor Britney Spears, contrary to my earlier statement, is in fact PISSED about Paris Hilton ruining her impromptu 26th birthday party. The same party she decided to throw for herself at someone else’s party which had NOTHING to do with Britney, whorish pop stars, or greasy hilljacks with lots of money. Oh, and this is allegedly the same party in which Britney is said to have stolen over $28K in furs from a swag room at said party.
To recap, Britney and her low-rent posse of neverwases (O”sam”a Bin Lufti and Alli Sims) showed up to a party hosted by Sharon Stone at the Scandinavian Style Mansion last Saturday. The party was being held to promote Scandinavian merchandise or something. In any case, at some point Brit and crew busted out a cake and sang Happy Birthday to Queen Nitwit, but at the same moment Paris Hilton was arriving and sucked all the paparazzi and attention away from Britney and her birfday celerbrations. That was so rude y’all.
Originally it was reported Britney didn’t mind the interruption to her ongoing make-out session with the paps, and Paris and Britney even reunited later in the evening at Four Season hotel for more partying. Well, here’s the caveat in that story:
The singer made the claim in a far-from-nice letter she penned Paris after falling out with her while celebrating her 26th birthday last weekend. Our Stateside spy said: “Britney and her pals wrote to Paris and told her they are hearing rumours of a new sex-tape scandal – similar to the One Night In Paris footage her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon put on the web four years ago. “The letter also claims the tape shows footage of Paris locking lips with one of Britney’s female friends at a party. “It warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online.â€
Yes, I know this is likely a pile of made up nonsense, especially since Splash is citing Daily Star as the source? I couldn’t even get their site to pull up, assuming such a thing exists. But this is a slow news day and I liked the mental image of Britney masterminding anything even remotely requiring some kind of intellectual prowess.
Can you imagine the scene:
Britney: “Hey y’all, Paris is such bitch. Remember last year when we was best friends and I kept eating food off her plate and she got all mad ‘cuz I wouldn’t stop wiping my greasy fingers on everything. Then she said she didn’t think we could be friends anymore because I was “uncouth”. I don’t even know what that means. *BURP*
Sam: “Didn’t she call you an animal?”
Alli: “And a disgusting pig too, if I remember.”
Britney: “Um I don’t remember her calling me a disgusting pig Alli.”
Alli: “Ooh, that must have been someone else, um, my bad.”
Britney: “Yeah well I am going to fix her wagon. Remember that video we made when we was all drunk and high? You know the one with the circus midgets, the donkey and a gallon of mayo? Mmmmm….I love me some mayo.”
Alli: “I don’t remember that, maybe I was home with the boys that night.”
Sam: *grabbing credit cards from Britney’s wallet* “Midgets AND a donkey? Wish I’d have been there. Have I mentioned I am a movie producer?”
Britney: “Yeah, you’ve mentioned it. Well anyway, that video was sompin’ else. We spread mayo all over our bodies and the circus midgets were doing something to the donkey because it kept HEHAWING and then next thing I know, there’s Paris and the donkey. I had to wait a whole 20 minutes until it was my turn to ride the donkey.
Alli: *ahem* Yes, well, I have to go use the restroom. You two carry on. *Runs for the door*
Sam: “So you say you have video of this?”
Britney: “Yeah and won’t Paris feel dumb when I put that out on the web? That’ll teach her to ruin someone’s birthday party.”
Or something like that. If only this were true, because you know, if a sex tape really existed with Paris and Britney, it would be far, far, far more disgusting than anything I might imagine. And that is saying something.
Update: Now reports are saying it was the Daily Mail. Cripes those British tabloids are crazy.l
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Britney seems tired and those fur coats made her look like a street hooker, cheap as chips, looks loke she has eaten plenty of them rather than giving them away.
On the other hand Paris is the darling of the moment, it doesn’t seem to matter what she does the sun keeps shining. All eyes now are looking out for Paris’s new man with whom she is said to be planning a baby with. Despite frantic searching the media have come up with nothing. It is believed that she is mesmerised by an unknown Australian by the name of “Derek”. Is this an other publicity stunt ?
I am sure we all are about to find out over the next few days as the search for her new beau goes on.
Comment by Coalburner — December 7, 2007 @ 2:11 pm
Like either of them need any more pictures… jeeze.
Comment by MySpace Text — December 7, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
Paris is awesome and I hope she finds love with Derek, I am sure their baby is going to be cute.
Comment by Vicky — December 7, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
The cake looks delicious.
Comment by the commentator — December 7, 2007 @ 11:03 pm
“Britney” and “Mastermind” obviously don’t belong in the same sentence.
Comment by diony — December 8, 2007 @ 2:03 am
I don’t know, the tone of this article is a little immature and uses weak sarcasm.
I wonder why people hate Britney so much. It’s not like she’s ever done anything to them. Sure she is a trainwreck right now but I don’t see how that hurts people who go searching for news about her, devour it, and then post nasty comments. It just doesn’t make sense. And honestly, I would think Britney’s current train wreck status would evoke more sympathy than hate, but I guess people are better at hating than sympathizing.
I wonder how haters would feel if their life fell apart like Britney’s and it got broadcasted and exagerrated, and all anoyone could do was kick them when they were already down.
I personally feel really bad for her, and think it is ridiculous for people to hate someone who has never offended them–who doesn’t even know they exist. It shows how pathetic some people are, hating someone who doesn’t know or care about their existence.
On a separate note, I look down upon journalists who use distastefully cheap sarcasm (if you can even call it that) and force biases into their articles, but are incapable of doing so smoothly or cleverly.
-Lena
Comment by People are pathetic — December 8, 2007 @ 3:13 am
To the Above Poster,
There’s a site called http://www.BritneySpears.org that you would most likely appreciate.
You’ll find folks like yourself who admire and pity this minimally talented, drug and alcohol abusing using, crotch exposing, shoplifting, deposition avoiding,unfit mother of two. If you’re expecting sympathy for the Selfish One, go there. The rest of us feel bad for the two kids she ignores.
This a celebrity gossip blog. Were you expecting a Pulitzer Prize winning article? Of course the writing is sarcastic and immature. It’s meant to be humorous and irreverent, you twit.
Comment by Give Me A Break — December 15, 2007 @ 11:12 pm
Most excellent reporting, D.
And #7, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Rock on with your bad self!
Comment by k — December 16, 2007 @ 7:20 pm