A little Christmas cheer to put you in the mood. Because if there’s anything I am right now, it’s cheerful about F*CKING CHRISTMAS. You hear me? I am damn cheerful. NSFW!

Special thanks D-Bomb for sharing the x-mas cheer, maybe I’ll buy you a drank!

Doesn’t anyone believe in marriage anymore? First Jamie Lynn, now Lily Allen.

I don’t have the energy to get into this story and to be honest, it’s not that surprising. All celebs are apparently too busy to use birth control or get married, or stop being stupid. The Sun is reporting singer Lily Allen is pregnant with her boyfriend of four months, Ed Simmons baby. Ed is one of the two guys from The Chemical Brothers. I like the Chemical Brothers. I like Lily Allen.

I also like people to not have kids until they are married and when they do have kids, to not be complete idiots. I hope Lily has given up drinking and smoking. Not a requirement by any means, just a suggestion. But don’t listen to me, you do what you want. What do I know? I waited to get married to have kids, and look at me. On top of the world!

Congrats you two knuckleheads.

And is apparently so proud of her friggin’ self she’s telling her whole story to Ok! Magazine. Wow, that Spears family is full of surprises and by surprises I mean sperm. Jeebus, my kid watches Zoey 101 and while Jamie Lynn is hardly some kind of world-class chemist, I thought she was smart enough to wait until she was 18, perhaps married, graduated from high school before injecting her genetically enhanced ovaries with male DNA.

This disgusts me. The whole Spears family are a bunch of crazed loons who are single-handedly destroying the very fabric of this country. Nickelodeon, the creators of Jamie-Lynn’s show issued this statement:

“We respect Jamie Lynn’s decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn’s well being.”

I hear Nickelodeon is thinking of changing the name of the show to Biology 101, clearly not a class one of the Spear’s girls ever attended.

The baby-daddy for Jamie’s unborn child is her long-time boyfriend Casey Aldridge. They met at church. Really? Ok. What is it with these Spears women? Are they some sort of super-human race of semi-talented fertile aliens sent to repopulate the earth.

There are so many things wrong with this whole story, and you have NO IDEA the restraint I am using.

And spare me your lectures about her being a good person for keeping her baby and being responsible and all other manner of horsecrap. The common-sense cat is out of the bag, and all I can say is the Spears trainwreck has now extended beyond the ratted-weaved wonder. Great job Britney, what a fine role model you’ve been for your little sister.

While I could not care less about what 2008 holds for Britney Spears, though I am hoping something between herpes of the face and losing her children permanently for being a selfish, uncaring pig rank high, I do care a fair amount about what happens to Amy Winehouse.

Because Amy, unlike Britney has A.) real talent, B.) a real problem. This is not to say I don’t still harbor some very serious anger towards Amy for throwing her life down the drain for a complete loser like her husband Blake Field-Civildouche (where do these hanger-ons come from?), I have empathy for her. Maybe my shriveled, whithered little heart has grown three sizes larger during this time of peace and giving, or perhaps, I really want to see Amy get her life together and triumph over her Blake/drug addiction.

In any case, my hopes may be dashed on the rocks as Amy faces new hurdles besides her depressive nature and a crippling drug and alcohol addiction.

While police were investigating her husband’s “grievous bodily harm” charges and subsequent witness bribery charges, (Blake and some pals beat up a bartender, and then tried to pay witnesses to change their story) authorities have concluded Amy may be involved. When bribery sums in the amount of $200K were being thrown around, cops must have figured the unemployable Blake couldn’t be the mastermind behind this plot. They started looking into computer and phone records of Amy’s — and low and behold — they found some corroborating evidence implicating the diminutive and troubled songstress.

“As soon as the figure of £200,000 emerged, the finger of suspicion started to point in her direction. How could Blake, who is not wealthy, be expected to come up with that kind of money? Police want to see where Amy’s money goes to. They will account for every penny.”

Amy was arrested in London today, though no charges have been filed. She later posted a $40K bail and is scheduled to appear in court on the matter in March.

Other rumors persist that Blake and Amy have a suicide pact should they be given stiff sentences for their involvement to “pervert” justice.

If found guilty of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice Amy could face life in prison. We can all imagine how well Amy will be taking that news. Amy canceled her entire tour due to stress over not seeing her Blakey - life sentence would be the final nail.

Can this get anymore overly dramatic? Did Shakespeare write some sort of previously unknown comedy/tragedy and Blake and Amy are punking us all? Is there a major gas leak in the entire country of Great Britain and only Amy and Blake have been affected?

This bums me out, because I see no hope for Amy. She has the “look.” That last time I saw that look was in October of 1993 at a Nirvana concert. Kurt Cobain was wearing it, and we all know how that turned out.

There’s a new monster movie coming out in January by Lost creator JJ Abrams called Cloverfield. Using viral marketing and annoying secretiveness they have generated an absurd amount of interest. Except for me, I don’t really care. The best Godzilla movies were made long ago and no amount of cgi is going to change that. The film is set in New York and mimics the 9/11 terrorist attacks New Yorkers endured, including insulting scenes of the Statue of Liberty being raped by a big skyscraper sized gila monster. I am against raping large historic figures, even those given to us by those cheese-eating Francophiles.

Anyways, many a rumor has been generated about what kind of monster will eat NY in this new movie, as Abrams has hinted his inspiration came after visiting Japan and seeing a Godzilla-type creature with his son. Who knows if any of that is true. But, after doing some extensive and exhaustive investigation I have discovered what I think might be the monster. There is very little warning I can give you for what you are about to witness and I am sorry for those with weak hearts who may be stricken by sudden heart failure, but rest assured, this is only a photo and there is no real danger from the monster known as Brooke Hogan.

Sadly, just moments after this photo was taken, the innocent human standing next to Brooke was eaten. Remember, Hollywood is a dangerous place.

Singer Dan Fogelberg died this morning at the age of 56. He is best remembered for his 1981 hit “Same Old Lang Syne.” Dan was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2004 and waged an unsuccessful battle for three years.

Fogelberg was also known for his hit “Leader of The Band” and this song, like “Same Old Lang Syne” was inspired by real-life events. Dan’s father was a band leader, and “Same Old…” was about running into an ex-girlfriend during the holidays. I can remember when this was hit, and while it may seem dated and cheesy by today’s standards, I found it very touching (and still do) when I hear it.

Dan was survived by his musician wife Jean. From the article:

“Dan left us this morning at 6:00 a.m. He fought a brave battle with cancer and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife Jean at his side,” it read. “His strength, dignity and grace in the face of the daunting challenges of this disease were an inspiration to all who knew him.”

This makes me quite sad. Rest in Peace Dan.

Where’s my Shocked crayon, because that’s what you’re going to have to color me.  I’m just shocked, I tell ya!

No, apparently Pam and her third hubby, Rick Salomon, couldn’t make it work, despite giving it a whopping seventy-two days of effort:

According to court documents first obtained by CelebTV.com, the former Playboy Playmate has filed for divorce against her husband of just over two months.

On Dec. 14, Anderson filed a claim for dissolution of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences.

Anderson, 40, and Salomon, 39, a longtime pal, tied the knot on Oct. 6 at the Mirage Hotel Las Vegas. It was the third marriage for both.

Another Hollywood photo op publicity stunt pathetic attempt at grabbing headlines marriage bites the dust.  Such a good example for their children, are these wonderful, exlemplary parents.  It really shows the kids the meaning of compromise, working through one’s differences, and making absolutely sure one wants to make this level of commitment.  I aspire one day to be just like Pam.

Well, without the hepatitis, of course.

That’s probably what sunk the marriage…their respective diseases didn’t get along.

EDITED TO ADD:  According to the NY Daily News, Pam posted a note on her website that says they are “working things out”.  Who knows what’s going on in Pammy’s head?  All I know is that this is twice now she’s married and filed for divorce in a fast hurry.  Whether she goes through with it remains to be seen, but she seems to view her marriages as disposable as a used lipstick.

There’s a party at Alec Baldwin’s New York pad, if the writer’s strike isn’t settled by the Golden Globes:

Barring any imminent settlement of the WGA strike, the 2007 Golden Globe Awards will be held at my apartment on the Westside of Manhattan this year. I have cleared all of this with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. The HFPA makes only one simple request and that is that you pre-order your meal selection NO LATER than Friday, January 4th, 2008.

The choices are as follows:

1) Tuna Salad, whitefish salad or egg salad (choice of one)

2) Ham, turkey, bologna, swiss cheese (choice of two)

3) Potato salad, macaroni salad, cole slaw (choice of two)

4) Pickles, relish, mustard, mayo, rye bread…all complimentary.

5) Beverages are as follows: Liter of red or white wine or 6 (six) cold bottles of Amstel (promotional) complimentary.

All other cocktails will be cash bar. (Sprite, Coke, Strawberry YooHoo and Diet Peach Snapple are complimentary)

Hmm. I’d like the whitefish salad, turkey and swiss, none of the salad choices (ick), some mayo with rye, and I’ll have a Strawberry YooHoo. Five-thirtyish? I’m so there.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Alec is hawt.  He’s the reason why I am at Glosslip. As long as he doesn’t start ranting about, well, whatever it is he likes to rant about, he’s a total dilf to me.

Actually, I shouldn’t say that I think he should just look good and not talk. I actually agree with Alec on some things. Such as the fact that his ex is a total nutter. Actually, Alec is a bit of a nutter himself. But he looks good doing it. And, by golly, that’s the really important thing…not what you say, but that you look good saying it.

(yeah, I know the pic is against the Bills)

It would seem that having Jessica Simpson on the sidelines, officially confirming her status as Football Girlfriend, was no good-luck-charm for the Dallas Cowboys, as QB Tony Romo had his worst game ever as a starter:

Sitting next to her father and manager Joe Simpson, the Employee of the Month star showed her support for her new beau by sporting a Cowboys jersey with Tony’s #9 — in pink, of course — emblazoned on the front and back.

Sadly, having Jess in the stands was not exactly good luck for Tony, who not only lost the game, but also had his worst day ever as a starting quarterback.

I’ll say.  Romo lost against Donovan McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles, who threw for a 10-6 win against the home team.  Misthrowing on his first six passes and being sacked four times in just the second half didn’t do anything to make him look good in front of what is now admittedly his girl.

Jessica attended the game with her parents.  Apparently freak strange dude manager father Joe was the one who set up the two lovebirds, to the disheartening sighs of Cowboy fans everywhere.

And what the crap is up with stinking pink football jerseys for women?  Be a real fan and wear your team colors!  Pink jerseys ought to be outlawed.  It’s an abomination against football.  And does Jessica even know anything about football?  Or is she just staring at the guys in tight pants?  Jessica, a word of advice…those are protective athletic cups.  It’s part of the gear.  They’re not all David Beckham.

What do you want to bet Tony was trying to impress his new girl, like the high school quarterback trying to shine in front of his new cheerleader steady?  I’ll bet he looked over and give her a cutesy little wave while trotting out to the huddle, gave a little extra strut as he got under center, took the snap, stepped back into the pocket, looked up at beaming Jessica, gave her a little smile and a wink, and then promptly got sacked by a huge Eagles defensive lineman.

At least he has natural homemaker Jessica to take care of him and nurse his wounds and make him a tuna fish sandwich.  Oh wait…

Flaming marshmallows on a stick, has this girl fried ALL her brain cells?

News is now emerging that Amy Winehouse, singer and druggie extraordinaire, is being investigated on charges of allegedly trying to fix the upcoming trial concerning her husband, Blake Whatever-Whatever.  This report comes from News Of The World (considering they’re like the British National Enquirer, you can take it FWIW, although other reputable news sources have reported it as well):

Amy has been told to present herself to detectives for questioning this week. She is likely to be quizzed under caution.

A police source said: “This is a very significant development in the investigation.”

The distraught diva will be finger-printed and required to give DNA samples because police believe they could link her to crucial documents at the heart of their investigation into an alleged conspiracy to pervert the course of justice—a crime that can carry a LIFE sentence.

If she fails to show up she faces the humiliation of a raid on her new home in Bow, east London, and formal arrest.

But wait, there’s more…