Call the suicide hotline, she won’t have a reason to live!

Yes, Brit may be banned from any Starbucks in the Valley because of the complete and utter chaos that ensues whenever she gets the urge for a Grande Vanilla Frap (with two extra shots, y’all).  Apparently there have been meetings, and consultations, and the general consensus is that she just needs to stay home.  Or at least away from the ‘bucks.

It’s incredibly selfish of her to continue to go to these places and create this sort of frenzy in public.  Where is her consideration for other shoppers?  Where is her concern for other people who might get caught up in this walking mess?  What a self-centered little brat she is…time to grow up. 

You know, I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again:  If going to Starbucks causes this much commotion, and Britney knows this, then why do it?  Why not send someone to get her Frap for her?  Oh wait…because then she can’t get her photo taken by her bestest friends.  But lately the relationship between Brit and her pap buddies has gone a bit sour…listen to her tell them to stay off her “f*cking car” in the video below.  (video possibly NSFW)

Kevin Dubrow, lead singer of 80’s metal band Quiet Riot, died of an accidental cocaine overdose according to toxicology reports from his autopsy. This is tragic news, but hardly a shock.

I got a rash of abuse over my post which implied famous people always died of “mysterious” causes when it typically (though NOT always) stems from some sort of nefarious reason. Of course the point of my post was to make reference to how PR people and entertainment execs try to spin every death into something innocent, when 9 times out of 10, it’s NOT something innocent. Kevin Dubrow was one of the stories I mentioned in that post. It was not to diminish the sadness or loss of the individuals who died. But you can’t help what people choose to think.

Still no word on the other two subjects of that “scandalous” post, but at least one proved to be EXACTLY what I thought: a drug overdose. Color me surprised.

No pun intended.

David Beckham is now the new face, and a few other things, of Emporio Armani Underwear and has completed one of the modeling shoots, which will be debuting in Vanity Fair in February.

Now, I have to admit, I’ve never quite understood the appeal of Davey boy.  Too many tats, too much metrosexualness, too much Posh p*ssywhippedness.  I don’t think I’d like a guy who dresses better than I do.  And he probably smells like Instinct (which is nasty, stinky stuff).

I do have to say, however, that this photo holds a certain appeal for me.  I can’t quite put my finger on it, though.  I’ll just sit here and stare at the photo until it jumps up at me.

No, give me a minute, it’ll come to me eventually.

Okay, you can go away now.  I’ll let you know when you can return.

Does that title even make sense? It’s like a very “special” after school program or something.

HolyMoly is reporting repeat drug offender and Babyshambles member Pete Doherty was bitchslapped for refusing to buy drugs off of some local dealer. Here’s what they are saying happened:

The dealer reportedly said to him, “You should get your gear from me,” at the Sun Inn in Whiltshire before punching him in the face.

“It was horrible. Pete was really shaken up and upset. He had been enjoying a quiet pint on his own, just him and his cat, and went out to make a phone call.

“Pete has never seen this bloke before, he just attacked him for no reason.”

This is one of those stories that’s WAY too full of irony to be completely true. First of all, I have a hard time imagining Pete Doherty turning down drugs from any sort of shady cat, second of all, doesn’t Pete have a damn cell phone? I mean I know four-year olds with cell phones. Are you telling me international drug sniffers like Doherty can’t get a cell plan (do they call them telly-plans in the UK)?

And thirdly, what’s up with the cat? Is this the same cat he gets high on crack for fun? ‘Cuz I’d have thought that cat would either be dead, whoring itself out for some rocks, or wised up and run away?

Must be one of those 80’s new-wave “Stray Cats” looking for a fight.

Well, here’s one for Pete’s pussy:

Good heavens.  I’ve seen some horrid cosmetic surgery in my day.  Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Joan Rivers, Priscilla Presley.  But I do believe that this could just be one of the worst pieces of cosmetic surgery I’ve ever seen.

Joan Van Ark, star of 1980’s soapy drama Knot’s Landing, is sporting what appears to be either burn salve or an extremely bad reaction to a chemical peel at a charity event this past week.  I mean, this seriously looks literally painful.

It does seem in the past few years that she’s undergone some procedures, but at least in this earlier shot she didn’t look quite so cadaverous.  She looks kind of like Dina Lohan, dontchathink?

And in this old publicity shot from the 1980’s, it looks like she’s had a bit of tweaking done, but it was tastefully presented.

I hope that she just had an allergic reaction to a cosmetic or something (although that doesn’t explain the spiderlashes).  Why do people feel this need to surgically alter themselves to this extent?  Whatever happened to aging gracefully?  Did she think this would be good for her career?  Well, it did get her in the gossip pages this week…

This just about broke my heart. Amy Winehouse, whom I recently wrote a not-so-nice post about out of sheer frustration and anger, has driven her mother, Janis, to the public forum of pleaded with her daughter to get help.

As a mother myself, and a person who caused her own parents some pain in her youth, I can empathize with Amy’s mom’s feelings of helplessness. It must be terribly painful to watch her daughter slowly destroy her talent, her health and her life through drug and alcohol abuse. Amy’s mom is very open and honest in her letter to Amy, and it gives me greater perspective on being so disconnected from your child, while they surround themselves with enablers and sycophants.

While I have great doubts about Amy’s ability to see the light and get the help she needs, as long as her parents continue to have hope there will remain the slightest glimmer she may wake up and see what she’s doing, not only to herself, but to those she loves.

Amy, man, how can you do this to your mom? She clearly loves you and is desperate to hold you and help you? How can you break her heart. Cruel.

Amy’s mother’s letter after the jump:

But wait, there’s more…

Come join us as we host our first show on www.BlogTalkRadio.com. This will be a regular feature for Glosslip and we are really excited to be bring you all the latest in celebrity news to a live streaming radio show as part of the Blogcritics Radio Channel.

To listen to the show, click here.

Tonight’s show will feature guest appearances with Eric Olsen, publisher of Blogcritics.org, author, radio and TV personality, musician, record producer, DJ extraordinaire, discographer and suspected ruler of the known universe. Eric will talk about his most infamous encounters with celebs: including Anna Nicole Smith, Paula Abdul, Sting, Trent Reznor, girl band L7, David Bowie, James Brown, Butthole Surfers, Sly Stallone and Bridgette Nielson and many,many more.

I am also excited to announce my second guest, Josh Hathaway, Blogcritics Asst. music and publisher of Confessions Of A Fan Boy. He and I will be discussing this week’s top stories in our own inimitable style. (READ: colorful language and amusing euphemisms).

Listeners are encouraged to call in with questions, insults and off-topic nonsequiturs. Call in number: (646) 478-0139.

I normally wouldn’t give two figs of a rat’s hat about Fall Out Boy, Pete Wentz or both, but the fact I have to see is pseudo-gay-wannabe fake ass everywhere with Ashlee Simpson is reason enough to find this funny.

Seems Pete and the boys (he’s not even the lead singer, so why must we keep hearing from him?) are all bummed that they didn’t get any kind of recognition from the Grammy committee, yet were asked to play and entertain at the event. He uses stupid metaphors and meandering language to basically whine and cry about being left out of the big show. From their blog:

got bitterness? vs. a revelation on true connection (and the award goes to).

the first reaction is jealousy mixed with a slight sense of entitlement. we just want to be a part of your club. we feel like the orphans in the movie the warriors, when we are just dying to be the baseball furies. the truth be told though when you explore it further than that you realize much more. other than the fact that we play the events for you and the right parties all the time (which is a bit embarrassing either for you or us, not sure which, possibly both. its kind of like being invited to a birthday party and then not allowed to eat the cake.)- it shouldnt mean much. (almost) noone in this industry has vision beyond the fear that this week is their last paycheck. we want our songs to be immortal and a statue doesnt do anything to help them live forever. it is the people that live and die with them in their ears and throats that give them life. we wont lie to you, accolades from our peers feel great. however, a fifty year old white man shouldnt decide whether we are relevant or not- and he doesn’t. we wanted to thank you for making us feel relevant- for sitting up all night to get into our shows and for buying our music. it means more in the wake of moments like this. we know who we are based on those who would walk through hell with us. this is not a disappointment, rather a revelation on what is truly important. thanks.

Dude, you’re in a band that caters to squealing girls under 15 and emo boys who don’t know any better. You have more money than most of us will ever dream about and yet you blather about “those who would walk through hell with us.” No one’s walking through hell with you dumbass, you spend your nights drinking and partying, you give interviews about kissing guys, yet date a girl whose very countenance is a science experiment in post-birth design and you cry about not being taken seriously?

Here’s a suggestion: stop acting like a complete douchebag, do something selfless, have interests beyond your own narcissistic self, and finally, accept and embrace your fate is about making as much money as possible, and not about having credibility and respect in the music business. That’s for real musicians who care MORE about making great music than making headlines.

Free yo’ mind and yo’ ass will follow.

Here’s that annoying “Meals In 30 Minutes” woman Rachel Ray with her money-grubbing, cheating ho of a husband John Cusimano at some event.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I bet Rachel can think of a thousand words to say to her whore-mongering hubby. They all start with M and end with R and rhyme with SoutherPucker.

I kid, you can tell these two are in love. Or something.

Where do we begin with this one? Splash News is reporting a rumor Britney Spears, contrary to my earlier statement, is in fact PISSED about Paris Hilton ruining her impromptu 26th birthday party. The same party she decided to throw for herself at someone else’s party which had NOTHING to do with Britney, whorish pop stars, or greasy hilljacks with lots of money. Oh, and this is allegedly the same party in which Britney is said to have stolen over $28K in furs from a swag room at said party.

To recap, Britney and her low-rent posse of neverwases (O”sam”a Bin Lufti and Alli Sims) showed up to a party hosted by Sharon Stone at the Scandinavian Style Mansion last Saturday. The party was being held to promote Scandinavian merchandise or something. In any case, at some point Brit and crew busted out a cake and sang Happy Birthday to Queen Nitwit, but at the same moment Paris Hilton was arriving and sucked all the paparazzi and attention away from Britney and her birfday celerbrations. That was so rude y’all.

Originally it was reported Britney didn’t mind the interruption to her ongoing make-out session with the paps, and Paris and Britney even reunited later in the evening at Four Season hotel for more partying. Well, here’s the caveat in that story:

The singer made the claim in a far-from-nice letter she penned Paris after falling out with her while celebrating her 26th birthday last weekend. Our Stateside spy said: “Britney and her pals wrote to Paris and told her they are hearing rumours of a new sex-tape scandal – similar to the One Night In Paris footage her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon put on the web four years ago. “The letter also claims the tape shows footage of Paris locking lips with one of Britney’s female friends at a party. “It warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online.”

Yes, I know this is likely a pile of made up nonsense, especially since Splash is citing Daily Star as the source? I couldn’t even get their site to pull up, assuming such a thing exists. But this is a slow news day and I liked the mental image of Britney masterminding anything even remotely requiring some kind of intellectual prowess.

Can you imagine the scene:

Britney: “Hey y’all, Paris is such bitch. Remember last year when we was best friends and I kept eating food off her plate and she got all mad ‘cuz I wouldn’t stop wiping my greasy fingers on everything. Then she said she didn’t think we could be friends anymore because I was “uncouth”. I don’t even know what that means. *BURP*

Sam: “Didn’t she call you an animal?”

Alli: “And a disgusting pig too, if I remember.”

Britney: “Um I don’t remember her calling me a disgusting pig Alli.”

Alli: “Ooh, that must have been someone else, um, my bad.”

Britney: “Yeah well I am going to fix her wagon. Remember that video we made when we was all drunk and high? You know the one with the circus midgets, the donkey and a gallon of mayo? Mmmmm….I love me some mayo.”

Alli: “I don’t remember that, maybe I was home with the boys that night.”

Sam: *grabbing credit cards from Britney’s wallet* “Midgets AND a donkey? Wish I’d have been there. Have I mentioned I am a movie producer?”

Britney: “Yeah, you’ve mentioned it. Well anyway, that video was sompin’ else. We spread mayo all over our bodies and the circus midgets were doing something to the donkey because it kept HEHAWING and then next thing I know, there’s Paris and the donkey. I had to wait a whole 20 minutes until it was my turn to ride the donkey.

Alli: *ahem* Yes, well, I have to go use the restroom. You two carry on. *Runs for the door*

Sam: “So you say you have video of this?”

Britney: “Yeah and won’t Paris feel dumb when I put that out on the web? That’ll teach her to ruin someone’s birthday party.”

Or something like that. If only this were true, because you know, if a sex tape really existed with Paris and Britney, it would be far, far, far more disgusting than anything I might imagine. And that is saying something.

Update: Now reports are saying it was the Daily Mail. Cripes those British tabloids are crazy.l