A Big, Fat Mike Huckabee Christmas
Above is a Christmas family portrait of presidential candidate Republican Mike Huckabee. I don’t typically make fun of people just for being fat, but I will make fun of them for being total assplows. Having said that, Mike Huckabee and his big, fat and seemingly “special needs” son in the middle there are both total assplows.
Maybe you weren’t aware of Mike Huckabee and his bid to drive this country into the stone ages prior to the Iowa Caucuses? Well don’t feel bad. In a perfect world, Mike Huckabee would have remained hidden in his world of bigotry and hatred and leave us normal people alone. But, since we are in the midst of a presidential campaign all sorts of creepy crawlies are coming out of the floorboards, and it is our personal duty to do the Mexican hat dance and squash their skittering asses.
Perez Hilton has done his part to expose this filthy gutter-dweller for what he is, and since the mainstream media refuses to do their part now, I guess it’s up to us “bloggers” to do the dirty work.
Let’s break it down:
While governor of Arkansas, Huckabee pardoned convicted rapist and murderer Wayne Dumond in 1999, after he was found guilty of killing a 17-year old girl. Dumond went on to kill and rape another woman in 2003. So much for his Republican stance on violent criminals.
Huckabee hates gays, always has, always will:
Quote: Huckabee on homosexuality,”an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle.”
Thinks people with AIDS should be quarantined from the rest of the population:
Quote: We should “isolate the carriers of this plague.”
Mike’s son, David Huckabee is a doofus with a penchant for breaking the law and torturing animals. Back in April, while his dad was launching his bid for president, David was arrested to trying to board a plane in Little Rock with a loaded Glock. David claimed, “It was a silly mistake” and when asked if this would affect his dad’s campaign, he replied “It shouldn’t.”
Yes it should you jackass. I don’t try and board planes with loaded Glocks and pretend it was a silly mistake, and neither should you, you moron.
Oh, and what about that pesky dog torture case. Let’s not mention that while we are patting old Mike on the back for his win in Iowa, no, we wouldn’t want the mainstream to broadcast anything that might taint his squeaky clean, gay-hating, AIDS-quarantining, murder-rapist pardoning ass would we?
Yes, it seems little David had some fun when he was a camp counselor. From the article in Newsweek:
One issue likely to get attention is his handling of a sensitive family matter: allegations that one of his sons was involved in the hanging of a stray dog at a Boy Scout camp in 1998. The incident led to the dismissal of David Huckabee, then 17, from his job as a counselor at Camp Pioneer in Hatfield, Ark. It also prompted the local prosecuting attorney— bombarded with complaints generated by a national animal-rights group—to write a letter to the Arkansas state police seeking help investigating whether David and another teenager had violated state animal-cruelty laws.
The state police never granted the request, and no charges were ever filed. But John Bailey, then the director of Arkansas’s state police, tells NEWSWEEK that Governor Huckabee’s chief of staff and personal lawyer both leaned on him to write a letter officially denying the local prosecutor’s request.
Bailey, a career officer who had been appointed chief by Huckabee’s Democratic predecessor, said he viewed the lawyer’s intervention as improper and terminated the conversation. Seven months later, he was called into Huckabee’s office and fired. “I’ve lost confidence in your ability to do your job,” Bailey says Huckabee told him. One reason Huckabee cited was “I couldn’t get you to help me with my son when I had that problem,” according to Bailey. “Without question, [Huckabee] was making a conscious attempt to keep the state police from investigating his son,” says I. C. Smith, the former FBI chief in Little Rock, who worked closely with Bailey and called him a “courageous” and “very solid” professional.
Wow, nothing says transparency in government like a guy who uses his power to “pervert the course of justice” in an attempt to protect his son. I mean what’s the harm in a little dog hanging? Only some animal torturers go on to kill humans. Seriously, what are the odds? I mean it’s not like this guy carries around a loaded weapon and tries to board airplanes. Oh wait, scratch that.
Honestly, it disgusts me that this country has allowed a guy with this many personal issues in his family to get as far as he has in the political process. Whoever keeps voting for this guy and pushing him further up in the polls really needs to think long and hard. There are far better candidates with much better morals available. ANYONE in the Republican race right now is better. Even Fred Thompson is better. But not much.
Pink Stripe WordPress Theme Designed by Joni Mueller &
Assplow? I have to remember that.
Comment by k — January 7, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
the whole huckabee family should go to jail just for wearing those gay ass shirts.
Comment by D-Bomb — January 7, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
Bright blue stripes and elbow patches are all the rage! Where have you been!
Comment by S.Rod — January 8, 2008 @ 8:47 am
obviously not in huckabee candy land!
Comment by D-Bomb — January 8, 2008 @ 9:43 am
[...] A Big, Fat Mike Huckabee Christmas Glosslip [...]
Pingback by Bits & Pieces - Celebrity Crumbs — January 8, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
Apparently, if you’re Republican, it doesn’t matter how dysfunctional your family is, nor does it matter if you’re a bigot and that your kids are law-breaking wack-jobs.
None of that matters, as long as everyone knows that you believe in Jesus… as long as you don’t get caught having sex (or a reasonable facsimilie thereof).
Comment by crazymom — January 8, 2008 @ 10:20 pm
[...] some factions within this country come out swinging HARD and then we end up with people like Mike Huckabee (and certainly President Bush) running for office and actually WINNING [...]
Pingback by GlossLip » Hollywood Elite Hedging Bets With Presidential Campaign Donations — January 15, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
You all need to do a little more research on Mike Huckabee. Don’t take “bloggers” info as truth. Make up your own mind by doing your own research. Every candidate, republican or democratic, running in this presidential race has “dirt”. Some a lot more than others. Don’t point the finger at someone especially when you don’t have all the facts AND take a good look at yourself. Would you pass up the opportunity to be president b/c of past issues that really aren’t that impressive?? I think NOT!!
Comment by Elizabeth — February 12, 2008 @ 2:05 pm