I understand your daughter is 26. I understand that she’s a grown woman and that sometimes you might feel a little awkward talking to her about stuff like bras, underwear and tampons. But, sadly while your ex-wife is off in Louisiana dealing with your other daughter (who should have learned to keep her underclothes on), it’s your job as a father (and conservator, no less) to gently instruct your daughter Britney on the use of intimate apparel.

Perhaps you’re a bit unfamiliar with the subject, being a man and all, but when a woman gets older and has the added benefit of having had two children in succession, well, let me be frank — the ol’ boobies just ain’t what they were when she was, say, 19.

Maybe while you have Britney locked up in her room like Rapunzel with a really bad weave, you might consider sending the assistant out to buy Britney some cute bras. Nothing too fancy, I’d hate for her to get the wrong idea and think they were OUTERgarments. Just something simple yet functional with a bit of support. Get her a strapless one while you’re at it, so she can’t complain about bra straps ruining the lines of her high-priced designer clothing.

Trust me on this one, Jamie. Years from now, she will thank you.

Very Truly Yours,
Crazymom

If I ain’t being too subtle.