Think Scientology’s Weird? Read This!
Here is a list of of questions asked during a sec check. What’s a sec check? Good question, because as far as I know Scientology’s the only “religion” which requires them and then logs them. This isn’t the same as a Catholic confession, and here’s why:
Potential blackmail
Scientology researcher Jon Atack, who is a former Scientologist and a known critic of Scientology, posits in his book A Piece of Blue Sky[1]:“In theory, Security Checking could be applied either as a Confessional, in which case the replies obtained were said to be confidential, or during the course of an investigation, in which case they were not. In practice, the Confessional has proved to be a double-edged procedure, sometimes giving genuine relief, but always harboring the potential future use of the material as blackmail. An enthusiastic convert is willing to expose even his most tortured secret. Should he become disillusioned by Church practices, he will keep quiet for fear that his confession will be disclosed.
See that, once again Scientology takes a perfectly useful tool which has been proven to ease people’s minds, confession, calls it something creepy and sinister, logs is for future use by the auditor and BAM! instant compliance. Law enforcement is effective at using this mind trick too when getting criminals to confess. As Mr. Atack states above, initially confessing gives genuine relief, but once you know that information is being kept somewhere, it provides and effective means of coercion.
Glosslip, in the interest of being fair, will now undergo a sec check:
“Whole Track Sec Check”
Have you ever enslaved a population? No, unless readers of celeb websites count?
Have you ever implanted anyone? Is this a personal question? How DARE you!?
Have you ever sacked a city? Hmmm…thinking…..no?
Have you ever sunk, or otherwise destroyed, a non-combatant vessel? Only that one time, and it was a complete accident. Sorry.
Have you ever abused hostages, or prisoners? Not in this decade.
Have you ever ordered, or yourself committed, genocide? One time I sprayed some ant spray over a huge swarm of ants entering my garage, so I guess that’s a yes.
Have you ever annihilated a population? See above. I am pretty sure they were all dead.
Have you ever poisoned food or drinking supplies? Is this a trick question? I better com back to this one.
Have you ever strangled anyone? Only with my mind.
Have you ever deliberately spread disease? Well, I have a cold right now and I went to the grocery store today, so YES, I have.
Have you ever degraded a religion? Hehehe, trick question again.
Have you ever raped a child of either sex? NO, unless hermaphrodites count, and then still NO!
Have you ever warped an educational system? It’s interesting you’d ask that. I was once forced to sit out in the hallway for an entire quarter for disrupting my algebra class, and my teacher said I was the most obnoxious student he’d ever had, so maybe.
Have you ever deprived people of hope? Every single day. Twice on Sundays!
Have you ever committed murder? Does that ant colony count, because like I said, I killed them all.
Have you ever destroyed a culture? I was afraid you’d ask that. Does New Wave 80’s count?
Have you ever forced anyone into an undesired beingness? Um…hrmmm, can I hear that in a sentence please?
Have you ever stolen a body from another being? LOL! Seriously, I just laughed right now.
Have you ever destroyed an economy? No, but I know a guy who did, can I tell on him? His last name starts with B and rhymes with tush.
Is anybody seeking to discover your whereabouts? Likely, a lot of people.
Have you ever violated a nation’s neutrality? I make fun of France sometimes, but hey, who doesn’t?
Have you ever broken a treaty? Official or unofficial.
Have you ever blanketed bodies for the sensation kick? WTF? Seriously, WTF?
Have you ever upset an ecology? I peed in the woods a few times and may have dropped a deuce once, but there were NO bathrooms. Cut me some slack.
Have you persecuted others for their religious or political beliefs? Not any “real” religions, and yes to the last part.
Have you ever interfered with the free flow of trade? I refused to buy some underage kids beer once, so yeah.
Well, that was fun, and weird. Are there a lot of dictators in Scientology? Those are some really strange questions.
Ok, where’s my certificate?



















