Ahoy, Mateys, It’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Arrrr! Hoist th’ mainsail, swab th’ poop deck, grab ye some grog, and join us in celebrating one of the most pointless holidays of all, International Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Before we go any further, there’s something we need to be clear about. Pirates were and are bad people. Really reprehensible. Even the most casual exploration of the history of pirates (and believe us, casual is an accurate description of our research) leaves you hip deep in blood and barbarity. We recognize this, all right? We aren’t for one minute suggesting that real, honest-to-God pirates were in any way, shape or form worth emulating.
So what is it exactly that we’re celebrating here, if not pirates? What, you’re wondering, is the point?
We’re going to be painfully honest here, perhaps fatally so.
The point is, there is no point.
And that’s what’s fun about Talk Like a Pirate Day specifically, and talking like a pirate in general.
We’re talking about the mere image of swaggering pirateness. And while this is a guys’ guide, the comely wench will have fun talking like a pirate, too. It’s powerful, yet harmless. Perhaps, dare we suggest it, the ultimate aphrodisiac. Try it!
When Sept. 19 rolls around and suddenly tens of thousands of people are saying “arrr” and “Weigh anchor or I’ll give you a taste of the cap’n’s daughter,” it staggers us. They are talking like pirates — not because two yahoos from the Northwestern United States told them to, but simply because it’s fun.
What is my pirate name, you might ask?
Iron Prudentilla Kidd
A pirate’s life isn’t easy; it takes a tough person. That’s okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you’re not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!
And what is my pirate profile?
The Quartermaster (The ship’s disciplinarian).You, me hearty, are a man or woman of action! And what action it is! Gruesome, awful, delightful action. You mete out punishment to friend and foe alike – well, mostly to foe, because your burning inner rage isn’t likely to draw you a whole lot of the former. Still, though you may be what today is called “high maintenance” and in the past was called “bat-s**t crazy,” the crew likes to have you around because in a pinch your maniacal combat prowess may be the only thing that saves them from Jack Ketch. When not in a pinch, the rest of the crew will goad you into berserker mode because it’s just kind of fun to watch. So you provide a double service – doling out discipline AND entertainment.
It’s like they know me!
I know most people think of Long John Silver or Captain Jack Sparrow when they think of pirates, but here are my all-time favorite pirates!
Happy Friday, lads and lassies…I’m weighin’ anchor and settin’ sail!
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