A Suggested Title For Larry Flynt’s Sarah Palin Porn Flick: “Drill Baby, Drill”
Yeah, so Radar Online is reporting a hilarious and disturbing story about an ad on Craig’s list looking for a Sarah Palin look-alike for a porn flick. As it turns out, the ad (according to the Radar article via the NYP) was place by none other than Hustler founder and publisher, the classy Larry Flynt.
Luckily for Radar, Flynt was kind enough to offer the script for their erotic pleasure journalistic endeavors and being the edgy folks they are, Radar has shared this information with the online community.
So the company that placed an ad on Craiglist seeking a Sarah Palin lookalike for a porn shoot? Hustler! A spokesperson for founder Larry Flynt confirms that the film has already been shot, but wouldn’t release the name.
Flynt did, however, provide Radar with a copy of the script. (For what it’s worth, the working title appears to be Riding Pipeline.) Here’s the first scene. [CAUTION: GRAPHIC CONTENT]
(Open on the PALIN residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor SARAH PALIN is sitting on the couch, reading “all of the magazines.” She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. TODD is out of town on business. TRIGG is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door. PALIN puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.)
PALIN: Who is it?
GRUFF MALE VOICE: It’s JOE, the tanning-bed repairman.
(PALIN unlocks the door and opens it)
PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?
JOE: I’m sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.
PALIN: Well, you’re in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don’t you come inside and I’ll fix you a plate of ‘em?
(JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.)
PALIN: My oh my. That’s quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.
JOE: I have a big hammer.
PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America’s diverse tools, big and small. They’re what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.
(PALIN takes a seat on the coach beside JOE and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.)
JOE: Let’s go take a look at the tanning bed first.
PALIN: Oooh, okay.
(PALIN leads JOE to the tanning salon in the basement. JOE carefully inspects the machine.)
JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose.
PALIN: (seductively) You’re in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling.
(PALIN pounces on JOE and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.)
PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!
JOE: I’m bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?
PALIN: It’s okay. I already took a morning-after pill.
JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?
PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I’ll get back to ya with specifics.
(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)
PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can’t even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!
(After 10 minutes, the two finish.)
PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven’t had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog.
JOE: That was amazing. What now?
PALIN: I feel so alive! Let’s grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter.
(End scene)
Say it ain’t so Joe, there you go again….
Yeah, so that sounds sexy and all, but I wonder if Tina Fey knows about this. Surely she can make time in between her Emmy-winning schedule to crank this out. Or not.
Seriously, this is what happens when you are marketed on your looks, which Sarah Palin certainly has a LOT of. How shallow are we as a nation that we have people out there who are willing to vote for a person simply based on their “curb appeal” rather than their leadership skills, track record or experience. Would we be having this conversation about Joe Biden, Barack Obama or heaven forbid, geezerlicious John McCain (ewww “viagra-sponsored” porn).
Oh wait, would they be saying this about Hillary Clinton? We know Bill Clinton wouldn’t. Is this the best we have to offer as a society and a culture? Truth is, Palin’s not as bad we think she is, and not as good as the Republicans keep trying to convince us she is. She’s a popular governor of a large but remote state with the population of a medium sized city. She appeals to a small percentage of a political party which represents well under half of the citizens of this country. What is needed here is a major interjection of perspective, not more porn. Besides, after today’s bailout fiasco, every American taxpayer got a good screwing.
So while “Riding Pipeline” is a clever turn of the phrase, we feel “Drill Baby, Drill” better embodies Palin’s obvious sexual electricity.
(special thanks to my big sis “L” for assisting with this post)
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“How shallow are we as a nation that we have people out there who are willing to vote for a person simply based on their “curb appeal” rather than their leadership skills, track record or experience.”
Obviously pretty damn shallow because how else do you describe Obama? O but he makes legs tingle and women pass out.
Just loaded with experience isn’t he?
Comment by gradyman0 — October 3, 2008 @ 11:48 pm
McCain’s choice was purely political, based on what Palin might mean in the election, with no thought about whether she was qualified to be President. He’d met Palin only twice, and her background check was hasty and incomplete. Because she was a woman and a religious conservative…McCain set aside all considerations of ability. McCain makes a big deal of always saying he puts “country first” but in the first- and what may prove to be the most important- choice of his candidacy, he acted in defiance of that pledge.
McCain is 72 years old and a 3-time cancer survivor. More than any other Presidential candidate in recent history he owed it to his country to base his choice strictly on who would be best qualified to survive him in office. He did not, and in that sense McCain did not serve his country well.
Ken Bode, political analyst
Comment by Rachel — October 4, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
HA! and why not? I am not a porn fan, but that certainly gave me a giggle. Palin’s nomination is laughable. And I am not pro Obama either. I don’t trust that either party can deliver what they promise after the mess that Bush has created. I would like to see FOX or shall I say Faux news finally change for the better, and start reporting what’s really happening though.
All politicians are crooks. PERIOD. Padding each other’s pockets, and the rich get richer. The big corporations, and the insurance companies are the ones who have the last word in this country.
The lies they hand down to the US citizens blows my mind. It’s all about money these days, and has been for quite a while. They don’t really care about the US citizens any more. They bail out greedy Wall Street, while people are losing their homes and families suffer.
The bail out shouldn’t have been passed so quickly. They should revoke the tax exemption status for the cult of Scientology and get ALOT of cash from them!They own billions of dollars of taxable properites. But yet because the IRS was threatened by them in the 80’s…..their tax exemption was reinstated and so now they continue to be tax free. WHAT? are you kidding me?????
If it some how turns around in a very BIG way, then maybe I will not be so cynical, and I will eat my hat. But for now…… it’s just a SAD situation with little light at the end of the tunnel.
Comment by I Can See Russia — October 6, 2008 @ 9:47 am
It’s just disturbing that there are people out there who think a porn flick featuring a Palin lookalike would be funny stuff, a great joke…but would they be laughing if it were Michelle Obama? Or is she off-limits because of her race? Would the same people laughing at Palin come out en masse to protest? Is it only funny when it’s a conservative as the butt of the joke (no pun intended)?
Dawn’s right…moar lerns, less pr0n.
Comment by k — October 6, 2008 @ 11:06 am