Matt Lauer’s Celebrity Roast, Or Why Can’t Tom Cruise Be This Funny All The Time?
The past several years have seen a steady decline in the movie fortunes of one-time cinematic golden boy Tom Cruise. From movies that nobody cared about to working on films that have yet to be released to hearing the old “you’re too old but it’s because you’re really a box-office bomb waiting to happen” excuse, it seems that the best days of Tom might truly be behind him if he can’t get his act together, stop the Scientology stuff, and return to his old, fun-loving self.
However, every once in a while, we get a glimpse of what Tom used to be like, before the e-meters and purification rundowns and Scientology schooling. Case in point: Today show host Matt Lauer’s recent celebrity roast, held to raise money for the benefit of the Friars Club foundation, for arts education, and a new journalism scholarship in Tim Russert’s memory. You’ll recall Tom and Matt squaring off back in 2005 over antidepressants and psychology:
At one point Cruise told Lauer, “You’re glib” and said Lauer didn’t know what he was talking about. The star launched into a detailed discussion of the use of the prescription drug Ritalin.
“It’s very impressive to listen to you,” Lauer replied, “because clearly, you’ve done the homework. And you know the subject.”
“And you should,” Cruise retorted. He also told Lauer, “You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do.”
The NBC anchor told Cruise he had known people who had been helped by psychiatric drugs. Cruise then accused Lauer of advocating the use of Ritalin.
Well, it all seems to be forgotten, or moar likely well-disguised, as Tom was a surprise guest at the celeb roast, and surprise…he was actually funny:
At the roast, Cruise joked that Lauer had given him some advice before his now-famous couch-jumping interview with Winfrey: “Go crazy. Trust me. Trust me. People will love you for it.”
The actor also recounted a golf outing Lauer had with O.J. Simpson. “Matt said to O.J., ‘If people have your memorabilia, go back and get the (stuff) back. People will love you for it.’”
Cruise later dragged NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker into the joke, saying that Lauer told Zucker, “Jay Leno’s contract is up. Why don’t you let him go while everyone still thinks he’s funny. People will love you for it.”
He got in a few more, even showing off mad computer skillz:
As the audience crunched with laughter, Cruise presented a slideshow of Photoshopped pictures of the frenemies jetskiing, frolicking and cooking.
“Matt and I are so close now, that if we can’t be together, we talk on the phone three, four times a day. I’ll call him up and ask, ‘Are you watching this?’ And he’ll just say ‘yeah,’ and we’ll watch the whole show together on the phone.
“I have to hand it to you, my friend,” Cruise went on. “I go from international movie set to movie set, from one amazing party to another, yet you have found happiness doing the same thing every single day. Sitting on a couch, interviewing Charles from ‘Knight Rider,’ making five-minute radish puffs with Rachael Ray.
“Yes, we all wake up to you every morning – because that was the last channel we had on the night before.”
Matt, ever the good sport, managed to get in a zinger of his own:
Apparently Cruise didn’t have time to spare, since he made for the exit shortly after his speech. That led Lauer to call after him.
“Tom, can you stay?” Lauer said. “I’ll get a booster seat.”
But it was Al Roker who got the last word:
Al Roker, the master of ceremonies for the surprise roast, quickly responded that Cruise couldn’t stay because his spaceship was waiting outside.
Oh, for the days when everything Tom did wasn’t self-promotion, and, by extension, CoS-promoting (please like me and come see my movie). You know, I can’t help but think back to the early days of Tom’s career, when everybody loved him and he wasn’t the laughingstock that he has become of late. Maybe I’m an optimist, but I believe that it isn’t too late for Tom. I believe if he could manage to get the strength to get himself out of the cult that is Scientology, he could not only resurrect both his career and his life, but he could become a beacon to so many who are trapped and to so many who managed to break out.
Tom, please…there are people who will help. You would be a hero. Find it within yourself to seek out and learn the truth.
People will love you for it.
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Roger Freidman’s column:
Cruise Sells Out
Tom Cruise sold himself out yesterday.
Desperate to be able to sell his movie “Valkyrie” when it comes out on Christmas Day, Cruise made a rare appearance at Friday’s Friars Club roast of the “Today” show’s Matt Lauer.
At the roast — where Lauer had daily press banned from the actual lunch — Cruise delivered a slide show message to Lauer that made it seem like they were old buddies. “Believe it or not, Matt and I are friends,” Cruise told the crowd that included Lauer’s “Today” show co-hosts, as well as ABC’s Diane Sawyer from competitor “Good Morning America.”
Old buddies? Right Tommy, sure you are.
Comment by Rachel — October 27, 2008 @ 10:31 am
Trust a pimple brain — If you conform to MY way, people will like you better. Spend a little time before a mirror and pop your own pimples, pimple-brain.
Comment by Terryeo — October 27, 2008 @ 11:37 am
Terryeo’s spaceship is double parked in front of Cruise’s. I can’t tell if the Big T is referring to Lauer, Cruise or the esteemed author.
Comment by Not by Terryeo — October 27, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
Imagine how devasting Cruise’s depature from the cult of greed and power would be. $cientology would likely crumble completely. It’s barely hanging on now, what with all the negative press, Anonymous, the warning signs going up in Berlin, being sued for fraud in Belgium, Jenna MISCAVIGE blows and tells all on http://www.exscientologykids.org, even Rinder has blown.
It would be a win/win. Cruise gets his life and career back, Katie and Suri would finally be free, and we would see an end to the human rights abuses perpetrated by this phony religion.
Come on Tom-do it!!!
Don’t end up a babbling, incoherant Ronbot like Terryeo.
Comment by Rachel — October 27, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
A “pimple brain,” Terryeo? Wow. Is that some of your cult’s communication tech at work there? Thanks for another example of how debating with a $cientologist seems so much like debating a 6 year old.
I do hope you realize that your behavior on comment boards is not exactly a very good representation for your cult.
I still think you must actually be a sneaky anon or OG working against the cult by going on to comment boards and making $cientologists look even more like completely insane a-holes than people initially thought!
Comment by liz — October 27, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
Tom could completely get out and I believe he would experience I career resurrection never before seen. All he would have to do would be to distance himself publicly and privately with the Co$ and quit being such a wet blanket on Katie’s parade.
Tom, if you or your people are listening, that’s all you have to do to get your career back. In the words of Al Gore, “I’m super cereal.”
Comment by OTsuperduper — October 27, 2008 @ 4:50 pm
Cruise discusts me. At first I was feeling sorry that he got wrapped up into the cult, and now I am just angry he’s staying in the cult. But since he has canvassed Washington and other areas for putting Scientology in our schools, has a private apartment and tennis courts,and insisted on a sidewalk built so his shoes wouldn’t get dusty at Gold Base,(made by the cult’s slave labor Sea Org members in the blistering hot sun along with a field of wild flowers that him and Nicole can run through, back when he was with her),he really just discusts me.
He also has been continually trying to get even MORE people in the cult, and is seen hanging out with David Miscavige. He also put 6 mil in a newly renovated California Org (which is always empty by the way HA HA)
So now I think he is just as guilty of some of the same crimes as Miscavige, and whatever he gets in the end…. he deserves.
He has ruined Katie’s AND Suri’s life, AND Katie’s parents must be SICK to death over this…..(and by the way, where the hell are her parents? Why hasn’t anyone interviewed them over this?)
I hope they all can eventually break away peacefully.
I hope he goes to jail. (Which I know will never happen.) But maybe it would humble him.
Homo Novis my ass!
He’s OT7 and has wasted many precious years of his life and ruined other lives on the way, AND his career. For What? A stupid damn cult.
SAD
Comment by Discusted — October 27, 2008 @ 10:37 pm
Oh! and more thing! KUDOS to Mr. Al Roker!
Comment by Discusted — October 27, 2008 @ 10:40 pm
“Disgusted”- I agree. He turns a blind eye to the non-millionaire cult members plight, which includes child abuse according to many people who have gotten out.
Perhaps he needs to spend a little more time in the Sea Org slums and less time at the opulent “Celebrity Centre”.
Comment by Rachel — October 27, 2008 @ 10:56 pm
Oh, I definitely think it’s a mistake for folks to count Cruise out just yet. I don’t think he’ll ever be #1 again, but that’s just natural. He’s, what, 46 years old now? Even if none of this Scientology/couch-jumping stuff ever happened, his career still would’ve subsided a little anyway. No one stays on top forever. But he’s a good actor. He stole every scene he was in, in Tropic Thunder. All he needs is some good scripts, and he’ll have hits again.
Comment by J.R. LeMar — October 28, 2008 @ 1:44 am
The day of reckoning will one day HIT Cruise smack in the face. Miscavige will, of course, escape with his suitcases full of blood covered money and leave idiots like his Hollywood tribe behind to take the flak. All OT7’s and 8’s will be arrested immediately as members of the NSDAP party were, and the cult declared illegal.
Comment by Flour Power — October 28, 2008 @ 2:15 am
I have a hard time not liking TC. I was a huge fan before COS and still like to watch his older movies. Risky Business, Rain Man, Top Gun, Mission Impossible, A few good men, Jerry Maguire, Cocktail..these are some of my fav’s. I too hope he comes to his senses someday and his true fans will return. At least I know I will.
Comment by andrea — October 28, 2008 @ 8:53 am
the one-two punch from Lauer and Roker was pretty classic.
Comment by Evan — October 28, 2008 @ 11:33 am
Dear K:
It’s too late for Tom Cruise Mapother IV.
Sorry. It’s the truth. I know the facts, and he’s advocated for a dangerous cult that kills people, poisons their own congregation on Asbestos-Laden party cruises, puts people through health-threatening “Rundowns”, etc. Even if he does come out of the closet, he’s going to have a hell of a lot to answer for, including but not limited to the RPF, the CHILDREN’S RPF, child slavery, and the list goes on forever. Forgiving him is not possible at this junction, at least in my mind.
Comment by Engineer — October 28, 2008 @ 1:53 pm
Well, I guess that’s where you and I differ, #14. I believe that nobody is past forgiveness and redemption. However, it’s got to involve movement and action on both sides, not just empty words spoken into air.
He might be put in the position where he’d have to make restitution of some kind or another for the rest of his life. But if he were to truly learn what the CoS is about, he just might do it.
Comment by k — October 28, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
Tom Cruise for sure will turn things around.
Comment by Marcelo — October 30, 2008 @ 8:40 am
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Can’t wait to see Valkerie go up in flames and see it in the bargain bin somewhere.
Do not support this film.
If you do, you are supporting Scientology. Any profit(LOL if that can actually happen) to be made will go eventually to Scientology.
Let Katie and Suri go Tom!
Comment by Cruise is a major NERD — November 5, 2008 @ 8:53 am