GlossLip » Angelina Jolie Will Replace Tom Cruise In New Movie; Doesn’t Change The Fact That Nobody Cares

11/19/2008 (11:08 am)

Angelina Jolie Will Replace Tom Cruise In New Movie; Doesn’t Change The Fact That Nobody Cares

If I were a producer and it came to the choice of either Angelina Jolie or Tom Cruise to headline my new movie, I believe I’d sit in the corner and cry and cut myself, because that’s what it’s gonna feel like when the reviews and returns start coming in.

As we reported way back in August, rumors were flying that Angelina had been tapped to replace Tom in the new spy thriller tentatively titled Edwin A. Salt, but those rumors just got legs with confirmation from the woman herself:

Asked in an interview with BBC Radio on Monday about her next film project, she said, “I’m working on a film called Salt. And it’s with [Bone Collector director] Phillip Noyce. And that’s it.”

It had first been reported in August that Jolie was in talks for the role after Cruise dropped out. Writers had reworked the lead character — a CIA officer falsely accused of being a Russian agent — to be female.

Of course, they went after Angelina because of her ability to carry a movie that doesn’t have guns and action sequences and sexy poses, but which features serious dialogue and heartfelt scenes of emotional pathos. Oh wait, what was this movie about again?

Srsly. Her new movie Changeling isn’t doing that hot at the box office, and Tom Cruise (who is busily promoting his new flop movie Valkyrie) hasn’t had a bona fide hit in years, possibly a decade. Which one you gonna pick to headline a multi-million dollar movie project?

But there is an upside to this…since it appears Angelina and her quicksand-like mommy parts will be busy starting in February shooting her latest bad movie, then it would definitely seem that she won’t be available to work on Pierce Brosnan’s long-awaited Thomas Crown sequel. Yesssss! It is said that Pierce wants Charlize Theron to costar with him, especially since Pierce took a not-so-subtle swipe at Angelina in a recent blurb:

“Charlize Theron is someone who I’ve always admired. I think she’s someone who has acquitted herself grandly. Nothing against Angelina Jolie. I think she’s a magnificent actress. But Charlize has a poise about her and has an inner strength and femininity which I really like to watch.”

He ain’t sayin’, he’s just sayin’.

I firmly believe that almost any actress would be better to share the big screen with my beloved Pierce than Angelina (well, maybe not Denise Richards, but he’s already costarred with her and let’s face it, that automatically earns him a big honkin’ medal and a free pass never to have to work with anyone like her again). Besides, the first time little Nancy-boy Bradley Pitt pranced onto the set with his new state trooper stache, mincing and making googly-eyes and dragging his forlorn apron strings stained with baby spitup and finger paints, Pierce would have to punch him right in the mouth. You know, just to show that Pierce is the alpha male. Which he is. And then Brad would cry and bleed all over the place and Angelina would have to run over and suck it all up and shooting would be delayed and that would cost money…it’s just better for everyone if she stays far, far away.