TomKat Hit the Great Outdoors
Tom Cruise, Sci-bot wife Katie and PR dream daughter Suri are soon to hit the road on a “no frills” camping trip. No luxury hotels or resorts for the Cruises. Nope! They are going to rough it. No word yet as to just how “rough” it will be, but I am sure it’s going to be designer tents with futons, San Pelligrino water and gourmet food. Oh and one more TINY thing I forgot to mention…
No camping trip is complete unless you bring along a “church” buddy. That’s right. Tell Father O’Malley to pack up his holy water, and bible and jump in the SUV.
Yes, Tom and Katie are bringing along a “friend” from the cult of Scientology, complete with an entire security team camped down the road, (boy I bet that security is going to really enjoy this gig). Tom got the idea to camp in this rogue fashion when he was inspired by his trip to the Brazilian outdoors in South America last year.
He states “This is what Tom wants for Suri. He doesn’t want her to miss out on the things he and Katie enjoyed as kids, just because she is growing up in the spotlight.”
Huh? He doesn’t want Suri to miss out on a NORMAL childhood? The fact that she is being taught about Xenu, literally never walks anywhere, and has a camera shoved in her face every waking moment is normal enough I guess. I am surprised he hasn’t dressed her up like a monkey and have her perform with an organ grinder for cripes sake. Apparently there’s no room in their tent for his other two kids, or as they call them the Cruise house “the non-Suris.”
Was Katie’s childhood normal? I guess growing up on the “Creek” can be considered normal in comparison to the Scientology Purification rundowns, e-meter auditing, the now confirmed alien stories (thank you Tommy Davis!) and the brainwashing that she lives with now.
Katie also has shared her love for camping by stating, “We love the outdoors. Once when we were camping Tom made his pasta carbonara for me.”
Pasta carbonara? That must be some of the “roughing” they are talking about. Back in the day, when I went camping, it was always hot dogs, Dinty Moore stew and roasted marshmallows. What was I thinking?
I can just see it now. The “three” of them, all cozy around the camp fire singing “John Jacob Xenu Heimer Schmidt” and “99 Body Thetans on the Wall” while eating niacin and oil smores. Then that wacky Tom will put a flashlight under his chin and scare little Suri with tales of how LRH traveled the globe and hiding out in his old spooky trailer from all the SP’s and creepy wogs until he dropped his body for the good of all Scientology. Good times, good times.
Of course, the crack security team will be hiding in the bushes with night goggles waiting to pounce on anything that moves. Like maybe an ALIEN!!
Hey Tom, pass the old e-meter….. it’s my turn next! Ahhh the great outdoors, KOA is in for a BIG surprise!
(Posted by Glosslip contributor “Queen”)
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Very funny D. You must’ve been doing the same carbonaraless camping I did as a kid. I can tell you Vienna sausages aren’t the best canned selection, when sharing a tent with others.
No matter what they eat for a main course, there’s always room for Xenu.
This is probably a diversion anyway, and they are really going to be on vacation in Monte Carlo, or at some casino owned by that rich Austrian Scilon guy.
I just hope the Scilon friend is the tyrannical midget. I mean is there another? I thought he was the only one who was allowed to even shed his gaze on the Holy Cruiser. The others are instructed to keep their eyes averted.
Comment by Astrid — March 17, 2009 @ 4:30 pm
ok …
Cruise wants Suri to have a normal life?
uh…. to late.
Where are the other kids?
Gee, I used to hate it when my parents brought along Father Kevin (he always smelled like old bibles and drank too much wine) and oh yes…. the security task force in the bushes? It was always so embarassing. Especially when I had to pee. *shakes head*
I read these things and it just validates just how dilusional and in “LA LA land” these Scientologists are.
If anyone doubts that Scientology is a cult???
then they are NUCKING FUTZ!
Comment by I Love Camping — March 17, 2009 @ 4:45 pm
So why do we hear about their “normal” camping trip? I spose we should expect a “source close to the couple” will provide an itinerary and map, and there will be stories of Tom rescuing an elderly couple from the malfunctioning awning on their RV, because, say it all together, “only a Scientologist can help” in such circumstances.
Bah!
Comment by P2 — March 17, 2009 @ 4:47 pm
Sounds like it is going to be another “photo op” for the Cruises.
Suri roasting marshmallows
Suri throwing another thetan on the fire
Suri fishing
Suri, Suri, Suri!
Why is it always Suri? I wonder if that’s what Isabella says?
Is that her name? Who the hell remembers. You never see the other kids at all.
The Cruises sicken me and they are FAR from NORMAL.
Scientolgy is a big ass cult.
Comment by SP in my Bush — March 17, 2009 @ 4:56 pm
Tom Cruise will do anything to pitch a tent with his buddy David Miscavige. I bet Katie and Suri won’t even tag along except for a couple staged photo opps.
I guess Tom is going to spend all he made on Valkyrie in one place, all the other camping nights will have to come from other movie revenue.
Comment by Xenu Cruise — March 17, 2009 @ 7:18 pm
Do you think they’ll bring their Snuggies?
Comment by Rachel — March 17, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
You guys should step back and listen to yourselves.
You all sound like a bunch of catty jealous kids that can’t stand someone being happy and living life as they please.
Comment by Jim Warren — March 17, 2009 @ 11:07 pm
Nice job, guest writer! The Xenus songs are hilarious!
And Jim, it’s alll about Suri. Tom wants her to live a normal life– with a name like Suri, with a religion/cult like Scientology, and with a closet full of clothes worth more than my apartment complex… it’s just another silly “Oh, that crazy Tom Cruise!” moment.
I feel sorry for Katy and Suri, though… why does a Scientology goon have to come along? So much for a family outing.
Comment by Brooke — March 17, 2009 @ 11:24 pm
Dear Jim,
Most of us are big fans of happy people living their lives as they please…….without handlers.
Comment by Susanna — March 17, 2009 @ 11:41 pm
[...] Source: D [...]
Pingback by Celebrity Blog | Babelogs | Celebrity Gossip » Blog Archive » TomKat Hit the Great Outdoors — March 18, 2009 @ 12:47 am
The “Scientology goon” as you call him, has to be there, because he is bringing the special tin foil, which they will use for cooking, and wear on their heads to protect them from Xenu rays.
The evil galactic overlord Xenu may be in an electronic prison inside a mountain, but that doesn’t mean he has lost his awesome powers.
They will be using Hubbard tech, with every step on the trail.
Xenu lives!
Is there some kind of lottery for how long Katie is going to put up with this?
Comment by Xenufoil — March 18, 2009 @ 2:04 pm
I don’t go camping.
Why? I’m sad coz I can’t afford to have Tom come by and make pasta carbonara for me. What, is there some reason one must be so rustic? Just because one is in the woods doesn’t mean one must live like an animal. I don’t see what the problem is.
I mean, gosh.
Comment by k — March 18, 2009 @ 10:54 pm
@k
You are sad because you are a Scientologist, and can’t go camping because you can’t afford to, and have to stay at your computer writing stupid things, shilling for your cult, studying cult materials, playing the bimbo bambi cult apologist online. But that’s okay, because if it is real and true for you…
Comment by Xenufoil — March 19, 2009 @ 12:31 pm
Um, Xenofoil, k, the other writer here at Glosslip was being sarcastic and she is DEFINITELY not a Scientologist.
If only computers could find away to show tone and infliction. DAMNED INTERNETS!
Comment by D — March 19, 2009 @ 1:12 pm
Okay big D and small k, I got ya. Sorry for the insult about being a Scilon. They tend to be very slippery and subtle in the guises they take on, for message boards. Many Scilons, for example, will pretend to be very open and innocent Tom Cruise fans, and completely uncomprehending of people who don’t appreciate and adore Tom Cruise, and respect his personal religious choice of Scientology. If only that is all it was, a quiet, personal religion, instead of a nutty cult bent on world domination, and destruction of critics.
And D, you do a great job with the interviews and articles exposing the scam. I especially liked the one with Touretzky quite a while back.
Comment by Xenufoil — March 19, 2009 @ 1:29 pm
Aw, darn, and I thought the “I mean, gosh” just put it right over the top.
Xenufoil, I’m about as far from a Scientologist as one can be. No offense taken, I loled.
Plus, were I to convert to the CoS, Dawn would have to put a stake through my heart and shoot me with a silver bullet and generally kick my boom-boom, and then who would slobber on and on about meaningless piffle? Doggone it, that’s MY job!
Comment by k — March 19, 2009 @ 3:53 pm