Twitter, Tweeter, Twatter, Celebrity Fodder
Demi Moore’s Backside, Ashton Kutcher’s POV
You know how sometimes you are stricken with a brilliant thought only to discover someone’s already out-thunk you. Well, that’s what happened to me this morning.
Most internet savvy people know about Twitter, or as I like to call it “another time-sucking activity.” Essentially Twitter is like micro-blogging, or fortune cookie blogging. You update constantly but say very little. My husband, the incredibly handsome fellow over at Blogcritics (I get cookies for sucking up to him 
began Twittering in earnest a few weeks back and now thinks I need to tweet more often.
So that got me thinking about celebrities and Twittering. As in WHY would a busy celeb want to use a site like Twitter? Aren’t they busy doing famous people stuff? You know, shopping, having their pictures taken, getting DUI’s, being sluts, etc.? Being the arm chair psychologist I am, I began analyzing the psychology of why a celebrity would want to take the time to inform the world of what they are doing at any given moment, when all they do is bitch about their lack of privacy.
Then it hit me, instant gratification. Celebrities, for the most part do what they do because of an insanely bloated sense of self. They have HUGE egos they must feed everyday, and clearly the army of sycophants tending to their every whim just isn’t enough, so now, they have this new tool that allows them to quickly blast off a mini-missive and share with the whole world. And since Hollywood is the new high school, it’s all about popularity.
Now before I get too ahead of myself, here’s where I was out-thunk. HolyMoly already jumped on this idea and even went one further by coming up with a formula to determine which twittering twat-heads are the most into their own damnselves.
*claps hands, bravo, bravo* More from HolyMoly’s post on twats who tweet:
So now Twitter has become as much a part of our lives as bread and masturbation, what have we learnt? Well on one hand we’ve learnt that lots of people can’t spell, that P Diddy has a daily nervous breakdown and that Alan McGee spends a lot of time swimming, eating sushi and trying to get Jonathon Ross to DJ at his club night. I’m not quite sure this is what the inventor of Twitter had in mind.
The service has very quickly become a very easy, cheap way for celebrities to have their ego stroked so they can bask in the glory of their popularity. Some people are brilliant (Richard Bacon, Adam Woodyatt, Boris Johnson) but the majority are complete and utter self-obsessed wankers. Yes you, Ashton Kutcher.
Twitter is supposed to be interactive; the very nature of its success is based on one person talking to another. What it is not is a forum for celebrities to use as a ready-made fan site.
So we wondered, who are the worst? Which celebrities are the most narcissistic? In order to find out I asked someone cleverer than me at HM HQ to come up with an equation which would immediately let us know if the celeb is a tool or not. The equation is thus:
100-(100 divided by f1 multiplied by f2)=tool percentage when: f1=followers f2=following
It’s quite simple – the bigger the gap between followers and following, the higher the percentage. Are you still with us? Good!
Here is the current Top 40:
1. Russell Brand
2. Katy Perry
3. Lily Allen
4. Ashton Kutcher
5. Chris Moyles
6. Fred Durst
7. Demi Moore
8. Holly Willoughby
9. Fearne Cotton
10. Jamie Oliver
11. P Diddy
12. Perez Hilton
13. Andi Peters
14. Ryan Seacrest
15. Eddie Izzard
16. Charlie Brooker
17. Graham Norton
18. Paul Daniels
19. Richard Bacon
20. Matthew Horne
21. Solange Knowles
22. Matt Lucas
23. Alex Zane
24. Calvin Harris
25. Katie Price
26. Justin Lee Collins
27. Graham Coxon
28. Coldplay
29. Greg Wallace
30. Phillip Schofield
31. Peter Andre
32. Bille Piper
33. Adam Woodyatt
34. Jonathan Ross
35. Phil Jupitus
36. Jimmy Carr
37. Mike Skinner
38. Richard Branson
39. Britney Spears
40. Stephen FryShame on you, celebrities. Enough with the smug backslapping and either interact or f*ck off.
It’s funny they mentioned Ashton Kutcher because that’s what got me thinking. Early in the week I saw a post about Ashton taking a picture of wife/mother figure Demi Moore bent over half nude (top photo) which then Ashton posted on Twitter. Why? Cuz he’s a twat.
Celebrities are fascinating. Now I know how Dian Fossey felt. “Twatters In The Mist.”
(ok, I am done using that word, but you have to admit, it’s fitting.)
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Pingback by Celebrity Blog | Babelogs | Celebrity Gossip » Blog Archive » Twitter, Tweeter, Twatter, Celebrity Fodder — March 27, 2009 @ 10:29 pm
I really don’t “get” twitter, @ all. I just can’t comprehend it. Now, I am not going to trash it, or say it’s some big waste of time, or anything like that. Simply because that’s what I used to say about Myspace years ago. And then I finally signed up and quickly became addicted to it for a couple of years. Now I’m trying to get all of my Myspace friends to join me on Facebook, which I like even better. And I’ve occasionally argued with “civilians” who like to claim that Myspace & Facebook are a waste of time. So I could be wrong about this, too.
But, really, what’s the point of Twitter? I’m supposed to be signed in constantly so I can read a bunch of “status updates” all day long? So I can be standing in line @ the grocery store, typing on my phone: “I’m standing in line @ the grocery store, & the old lady in front of me has 100 coupons.” I’m just not seeing the necessity.
Again, I won’t say it’s bad, or even that I’ll never sign up, because of my previous opinions on social networking. Who knows? By this time next year, I could be a non-stop twittering maniac. But right now I honestly can’t conceive of having any interest in it.
As for the knock on celebs, I think you are perhaps being a tad unfair. I mean, to question why a “busy celebrity” would have time to post on Twitter, yet not why anyone else would, doesn’t quite make sense. If you think about it, wouldn’t your average celebrity have even more free time than a non-celeb? Other than those who are on regular TV shows, most don’t have the same kind of steady jobs, that everyone else does. When Big Name Actor is inbetween movies, they’ve got all day to waste time. Same as Big Name Professional Athlete, inbetween sports seasons. Or singers when they’re not on the road or in the studio. Or tv newsanchors, or radio DJ’s, who are only on the air for a few hours a day, then have the rest to themselves.
And then to say that they do it because they have big egos and think that everyone wants to know what they’re up to, well, couldn’t we say that about everyone who’s on Twitter, or some social networking site, or has a blog/livejournal? We right this stuff, & put it online, so that everyone can see it. We’re all trying to be mini-celebs in that way. All my FB friends now know that I was up @ 6am yesterday, eating ice cream. I just looked @ your twitter page, and now I know that you like New Wave music. Whoopie, look @ us.
I also don’t knock the ratio of followed/followers, because I think that’s expected when you sign up to follow someone famous. I don’t add P. Diddy on Myspace, and then get made that he doesn’t leave random comments on my page, or respond to my blogs. Celebs get so many people who add them, that there’s just no way they can keep up with everyone. I’ve got a little over 100 friends who’ve subscribed to my blogs on Myspace, and around 60 on Blogspot, and I have trouble trying to read everyone else’s blogs and comment, like they do in mine, but I try. But if I had several thousand friends, like some celebs (& even non-celebs) do, I wouldn’t even bother.
Comment by J.R. LeMar — March 29, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
[...] I figured out a long time ago that many (not all…yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, Ashton) celebs who have these sort of social networking pages don’t maintain them themselves, and I [...]
Pingback by GlossLip » Do Twit Twitty Stars Really Tweet On Twitter? — April 2, 2009 @ 9:41 am
[...] I figured out a long time ago that many (not all…yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, Ashton) celebs who have these sort of social networking pages don’t maintain them themselves, and I [...]
Pingback by Celebrity Blog | Babelogs | Celebrity Gossip » Blog Archive » Do Twit Twitty Stars Really Tweet On Twitter? — April 2, 2009 @ 7:12 pm