Eminem and Mariah Carey Are Proof Some People Never Grow Up
My theory on Hollywood and the Entertainment Industry is that these two fake entities are a parallel to the experiences of junior high school: full of dicks, nerds, dweebies, geeks, freaks and kids who think they are popular.
So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that a dick and a freak are having a little pissing contest to see who is the biggest f-tard. In this case, I think the dick wins.
Allow me to illuminate you. Apparently, Hello-Kitty fetishist Mariah Carey started a fight with Mr. Headcase Eminem. At some point these two were rubbing their fuzzy nubs on each other, but that crab-infested coupling went sour, and now, instead of ignoring each other like any normal 36 and 39-year old should, they have decided to channel their inner 14-year old.
From the Examiner:
The love triangle between Eminem, Mariah Carey, and Nick Cannon has taken another turn. Eminem released a diss track aimed at the newlyweds titled The Warning.
The Warning is essentially Eminem demanding that the couple stop taking shots at the Detroit MC. Maybe Eminem’s memory has been affected by his many years of drug addiction, because he’s fired unwarranted shots at Carey for the last seven years.
With the release of Eminem’s Relapse, he took another shot at Carey and her husband prompting the couple to respond. On Bagpipes from Baghdad Slim Shady raps, “Nick Cannon you [expletive], I wish you luck with the [expletive] whore/Every minute there’s a sucker born.”
Cannon said in his blog, “So, Miss Marshall, I’m going to make you wish you never spoke my name and regret the ungodly things you said about my wife. This is going to be fun! It’s however you want it! Just remember, you did this to yourself! Your legacy has now been tainted from this day forth! You will now be known as the rapper who lost to corny-ass Nick Cannon!”
Carey then released the video and song for Obsessed mocking Eminem. Carey sang, “Why you so obsessed with me?/Lying that you’re sexin’ me/It’s clear that you’re upset with me.”
Eminem responded by releasing his most inspired song in years,The Warning. Eminem rhymes, “It’s a warning shot ‘fore I blow up your whole spot/Call my bluff and I’ll release [everything] I got.”
This battle clearly ranks as one of the all time corniest battles in rap history. Will Nick Cannon even respond to the The Warning? Stay tuned.
So, I listened to “The Warning” (cue two eye-rolls and a withering side-eye) and not only is NOT catchy, a serious no-no in my book of snarky comebacks, but it goes WAY beyond what is okay. It’s pretty damn repulsive, which, pretty much describes Eminem when he is sucking…something he’s done A LOT lately.
Artistically speaking, I’d prefer to listen to Eminem ANYDAY over Mariah Carey. I actually dig some of Eminem’s music a lot (just ask my iPod), but what I don’t dig is immaturity played out for all the world to see. Like all constants in the universe, I expect grown men and women to possess a level of maturity that reflects their age, and this lame-ass bullshit sets a very bad example to the world at large.
In essence, Eminem has not only made baby Jesus cry (and probably Mariah and Nick) with this adolescent drivel, but he’s helping the terrorists win. And that’s just UNAMERICAN.
Em you get a thumbs down on this one, in fact, if you are trying to prove you don’t have feelings for Mariah I’d say you just got an F, for fail. Next time why don’t you just pull her pigtails and push her into the dirt and spare us the drama.
That said, ball’s in your court Mimi.
Update: For those who have standards in their musical listening tastes and don’t want to listen to Mr. Mathers (Miss Mathers to you) dope track, Heckler Spray hilariously breaks this hissy-fit down for you:
It all stems from the relationship that Eminem and Mariah Carey had back in 2001, during one of the brief windows where Mariah wasn’t having a mental breakdown and Eminem wasn’t busy divorcing and remarrying his wife. Eminem referred to the relationship in his song Bagpipes From Baghdad, which we haven’t heard because it’s got the words ‘bagpipes’ and ‘Baghdad’ in the title and therefore probably sounds like a goat having its diaphragm pummelled.
But anyway, whatever Eminem said in the song, it was enough to make Mariah Carey dress up as a man and call Eminem a liar in her new song, entitled Obsessed. And this, somewhat inevitably, has caused Eminem to write another song about Mariah Carey, The Warning, in which he variously:
* Threatens to release a number of intimate phonecalls and photographs from their time together
* Describes an encounter where he accidentally ejaculated onto Mariah Carey’s stomach
* Calls Mariah Carey an ‘alcoholic’, a ‘liar’ and a ‘whore’
* Inevitably opens the door for Mariah Carey to release yet another song about Eminem – possibly accompanied by a video where she’s dressed up as a monkey or a unicorn or something – that goes on and on and on and on and on and forces Emimen to write yet another poxy bloody song about her.
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I’m gonna repeat what was on another blog. That Em did Bagpipes From Baghdad to draw Mariah out on purpose. If she denied it once, he know she’d want to deny it again. So he could come at her again. I don’t think she’ll fall for this a 2nd time. But, really, is this not the DEFINITION of Obsessed?
Comment by Me — August 1, 2009 @ 6:43 pm
“Fake entities”! You’re talking about the two most popular artists ever! Damn straight Eminem should be pissed off that Mariah denies they were ever together. Not only is it a masculine defense but he’s one of the most talented, creative, vivacious and attractive rappers ever!(Why wouldn’t you admit the truth?) His lyrics have always been true life stories, What makes you think that his relationship with Mariah is a lie or fabrication? If anything, admitting they were together would be a plus for her lame ass career! She’s an idiot for thinking that she can make Eminem look “OBSESSED” with her!
Comment by KRYSTAL — August 8, 2009 @ 12:26 am
LET’S SAY MARIAH CAREY SUCKS ASS! HER LAME ASS HUSBAND SUCKS TOO!
Comment by KRYSTAL — August 8, 2009 @ 7:31 am
KRYSTAL is officially retarded… Mariahs been in the scene for 19 years…. thats about double EMs time… and shes much more talented and has huge tits:) EM is so obsessed and MC wont fall for it again…shes better than that… shes won already and let him make a fool of himself… obsessed going to #1 BABY!
Comment by MIKEY — August 10, 2009 @ 10:47 pm
look this is how it goes emimem did start the fight but mariah is wrong 4 denying that she had any relationship with him. and eminem was wrong 4 making that song about her calling her all those names just because he was mad that she dint want to go out with him anymore ! but that song was funny as hell!!!!!!!!
Comment by cs — August 23, 2009 @ 2:35 am