Or at least that’s my prediction, and I’d be willing to bet on it.

With Tony Bennett coaching the Idol contestants this week, this gave the controversial Sanjaya Malakar the opportunity to show off his retro-flair and show off he did. Sporting a slicked back hair-do, Malakar did a relatively good version of Fred Astaire’s “Cheek to Cheek” including hamming it up for the cameras by crooning to his fan-base, a twelve-year old girl in the crowd, and twirling AI judge Paula Abdul around like some-kind of sassy Desi-Astaire.

In fact, Sanjaya would have had to have come out on stage and punch a cripple, strangle a box of playful kittens, and thrown rotten eggs at confused Alzheimer patients in order to get himself voted off this week.

Sanjaya vowed his objective for the week was to “show America I can sing,” which in essence means he wanted to shake the notion he’s some kind of flukey phenomenon. So while he may not be the strongest singer in the group, he’s got a little something-something going on and even Randy noted that he’s become a “real performer.”

Maybe I will start a new trend and continuously eat ho-hos until Sanjaya is finally voted off in a fit of overwhelming concern for my increasingly bloated frame. Help me America - I can’t eat this truck load of ho-hos forever.

Or can I?

I predict that Phil “Nosferatu” Stacey will go home, although I think that hosebag Haley Scarnato deserves it more. Phil actually sounded great, despite what the judges said, and all Haley has going for her, is her innate ability to show off a lot of T & A.

 

Former radio DJ turned satellite star, Howard Stern, proclaimed on his Sirius show that he wants to take down Fox’s hit show American Idol.  On his show on Thursday, Stern said this about his efforts to subvert the voting process on the show.

“We’re corrupting the entire thing. All of us are routing ‘American Idol.’ It’s so great. The No. 1 show in television and it’s getting ruined.”

For those not following the controversy or the show, now in its sixth season, the website VoteForTheWorst.com has picked contestant Sanjaya Malakar, a 17-year-old from Washington State, as their object lesson for derailing the show.  The site was started by supposed AI fan Dave Della Terza, and began their campaign of voter “fraud” during season three, with Jennifer Hudson as their first candidate for her ‘over-the-top’ singing and ‘crazy outfits.’  And we all know what became of her. The New York Times has a nice article about the controversy.

During season four, Scott Savol was effectively stinking up the show, and it’s most likely that he hung in as long as he did because of VFTW influence and backing him as their choice to torture American Idol fans.  That was really annoying, as was Savol.
But wait, there’s more…

 

Maybe it’s the fact that Fox’s American Idol infused some fresh blood into the show by having Gwen Stefani on to mentor the Top Ten final contestants, or the anticipation over the fate of pop culture phenom Sanjaya Malakar, but the show is now becoming interesting.

I like Gwen, think she’s really a great performer and an icon.  I don’t say that lightly because I pretty much hate ALL celebrities and most popular music.  But anyone who can reinvent ska and pop gets a thumbs up from me, plus her single with Akon is fun and light.  Just like her. I loved her honesty on the show, and clearly the contestants took her advice to heart.

Gwen told Blake to put the beat-boxing on the dl while performing the Cure’s “Love Song” - and he did an incredible job, sans beatbox on a classic alterna-rock ballad.  The guy has a nice voice and a unique quality.  I agree with Paula, he’s the best male on the show. He’s safe.

I also agreed with her suggestion that Chris Richardson needs to keep the “vocal olympics” to a minimum, while performing No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak.”  He’s hot, he’s got JT all over him, but seriously that whole effected voice thing is lame and gets old real fast.  He’s safe.

She also suggested that Chris Sligh get the timing and the rhythm down before he performed the Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”, too bad he wasn’t able to handle the song.  I like Chris, but he’s losing my interest.  Bottom three tonight.

LaKisha looked good and sounded great doing Donna Summer’s “Last Dance”.  I like her, she’s a great performer and deserves to win.  Plus, she’s nice and fluffy up top!

Haley Scarnato looks good, but she’s boring as hell.  Bottom three. 

Phil Stacey has an awesome voice and I really like to hear him sing, but he’s not showing as much charisma as I think he has, plus his look is killing me.  I don’t know.  I want to see him stay, but I feel like he’s going to be in the bottom three, despite doing a great job on the Police’s, “Every Breath You Take.”

I had great concern over Jordin Sparks doing No Doubt’s “Hey Baby,” the song as they said is very stylized and not easy to mimic.  She did an okay job and for some reason people like her.  She’s too perky for my taste, but she’s safe.

Melinda Doolittle needs to stop mugging for the camera, we get it, you’re humble and surprised that everyone loves you.  Enough already.  Safe - and annoying. Safe.

Gina Glocksen did a nice job.  Her face scares me, she might be in the bottom three.

Sanjaya, safe.  Why? Because his hair rules!

UPDATE: Sanjaya Safe, Chris Sligh Goes Home. I guess he isn’t bringing chubby back.

TMZ is reporting that E! News  Los Angeles office buildring has been evacuated due to two separate overseas bomb threats.  So far, nothing has materialized, in other coincidental news, PerezHilton’s site is down.  Hmmmm…. very interesting 

Ohh, I so hope the bomb squad is probing his every orifice right now.  On second thought, I hope not.  Why should he have all the fun?

 

  Jennifer 170 - hell no                  Jennifer 140 - um, no

I am not trying to harsh Jennifer Hudson’s mellow or anything, but she doesn’t weigh 140lbs.  I am guessing she weighs about 160 pounds, if she’s lucky.  According to the April 2 issue of In Touch, J-Hud claims that she’s lost 30 pounds since her time on American Idol in 2004, by working out and eating smaller portions and healthier food.  That’s awesome, but the numbers she gives:  I call total BS.  She looks like she weighed closer to 200 during her time on American Idol.  Sure the camera adds 10 pounds, but seriously, I have a scale too and I know what weight looks like what.

Obviously Jennifer’s lost a lot of weight, there is NO doubt, and she looks great, but she needs to start being honest. 

If she’s going to make statements like, “There’s something wrong when you’re just skin and bones,” then she should be forthcoming about how her figure reflects her weight.  In a world where women are obsessed with their weight and see images of celebrities and try to emulate them, how can we possibly attain any level of equilibrium within ourselves when celebrities lie about their weights.

Jennifer is 5′9″.  For her to be that tall and be that curvy still, there is NO way she weighs 140.  Look at Tyra Banks, she claims she weighs 161 and she looks a damn site better in a bikini than Jennifer Hudson would.  Again, not trying to hate on J-Hud, just trying to be real. 

Show me the scale with her on it, and I will eat my words with a double helping of whipped cream.  mmmm…whipped cream.

Fox’s American Idol, is finally infusing some fresh blood on to its top show by having No Doubt singer and solo artist Gwen Stefani perform and mentor the AI contestants during next week’s Top 10 week.

Gwen is scheduled to perform a new single “The Sweet Escape” featuring R&B artist Akon live on the results show on Wednesday, March 28th (9:00 - 9:30pm EST).

That’s sweet. I wish they were performing Akon’s “Smack That” and Ryan Seacrest and Simon could get on stage and finally act on their intense passion for each other to the erotic and reggae infused hotness that is Akon.

Cripes almighty that was by far the most shocking, disturbing, exhilarating experience ever! American Idol’s flyweight singer in loafers, Sanjaya Malakar unleashed his inner rocker singing the Kinks classic “You Really Got Me Now,” made famous again by recent Hall of Fame Inductees Van Halen, by screaming his head off. I think he may have also pulled a muscle in his nutsack. It was kind of hard to tell.

One thing is for certain, Sanjaya’s rendition made a 12-year-old girl weep like she was experiencing the Beatles for the first time.

For a guy with as much sex appeal as a wet hankie, he sure makes the girls panties all moist. I actually feel kind of nauseas.

Off the topic, I think the judges were totally wrong about Lakisha’s version of “Diamonds Are Forever.” She would make any 007 film proud.

Also, I want to have Chris Richardson’s babies. That is all.

UPDATE: We now have video. Hot damn, I can relive again and again and again!

This is the first week of American Idol with the final 12 contestants decided last week. The men have not fared well, and many wonder why Sanjaya is still in the competition with his weak voice and mediocre performances. So far Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones are frontrunners to win the competition, but it’s still early.

This week the contestants got to spend some time with superstar Diana Ross and each chose a song from her repertoire of hits. Diana performed “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday” from the Spiral Starecase on tonight’s show off her new album, I Love You she didn’t sound super great, but she’s looked the best she has in years, considering her rehab battles and well, her age. As Simon would say, she sounded like a “cheap cabaret version of Diana Ross” and Randy might have noticed that she was a bit “pitchy.” But whatever, she’s a diva so who cares.

Ryan asked Diana who she thought was going home tonight, her response: “I am.” She’s gracious. Let’s hope that beeyotch J-Hud takes notes.

Several contestants forgot their lyrics. But for Brandon Rodgers, 28, who sang “You Can’t Hurry Love” nerves got the best of him and America said hit the road. I would rather have 12 Brandons than one Sanjaya.

Who are these jackasses voting for this kid? Besides, his hair is poofy is a non-manly way. I am not hatin’, just pointing out the obvious.

 

Not that anyone would have confused last year’s AI contestant Mario Vasquez as being straight - look at that sly grin - but now there is a damaging lawsuit against him, and the American Idol Production team, outlined in this document. 

Last year, Vasquez dropped out of the show after making the Top 12, claiming Idol “wasn’t right for him.”  At the time, rumors swirled that a gay scandal might be the cause, but he denied this and never really gave an adequate reason for quitting the show  -  which has launched many a lucrative and rewarding career.  Perhaps this lawsuit and the alleged sexual misconduct is the true reason behind the departure.

According to the lawsuit, an assistant accountant for Fremantle Media, Magdeleno Olmos, was sexually harassed while at work by Vasquez. As outlined in the lawsuit, TMZ pieced together the account of what happened to Olmos, and for your reading pleasure, I have condensed into a porn script format:

But wait, there’s more…

Makes you want an ice cream cone and a picnic in the park.

Makes your want to stab your ears with ice picks and punch crippled children.