Over the weekend, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie welcomed their twins, a boy and a girl, into the world.  Reportedly, mom and babies are doing well.  We at GlossLip wish little Knox and Vivienne a happy and healthy life.

And that’s pretty much all there is to that story. 

This here video (said with a drawl) featuring a close facsimile of Jamie Lynn Spears, explains the reproductive system and asks the question, “Where do babies come from?” Something apparently Jamie Lynn didn’t know 9 months ago, but clearly knows now.

I have to admit, any video that can rhyme wiener with vageener is a winner!

Yep, they like to start ‘em out young down there in the deep South.  In this week’s issue of OK! magazine, we get Exclusive! photos and an interview (a setup brokered by none other than mama Lynne, and I’m not linking to the article because I don’t want to give this story any more revenue) with none other than teen mom Jamie Lynn and her new baby Maddie:

“Around here, everyone has the same focus,” Jamie Lynn tells OK!. “The focus is family, and that’s a good way to live.”

And, of course, the focus on the family is the reason Jamie Lynn was able to do real hard stuff like resist the temptation to have unmarried, unprotected, teenage sex with her boyfriend.  Because her mama took her under her wing and taught her all sorts of real important stuff mamas are supposed to teach their daughters.  Like to apply makeup for your Wal-Mart runs in case a pap is there and how to bat your eyes at a casting call.  And how to properly pimp out your infant, just as your mama pimped out your knocked-up self to a national magazine.

Jamie Lynn goes on to tell how wonderful her life is at the moment:

“She is very good,” says Jamie Lynn. “She’ll feed every two or three hours. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I’ll feed her and she goes right back to sleep. There’s no screaming and crying.”

The proud mama continues, “We get up in the morning, and she gets her little bath. Then I get my bath. We have a routine, and I love routines. I’ve worked one out with her, and we’re happy going about our little life.”

How sweet.  Next she’s going to be telling us the baby poops fairies and spits up rainbows.  Don’t get too used to it, though.  Babies have a way of waking up one morning and deciding that they only need an hour of sleep for every five they are awake, and they also decide it would be a good idea to scream four-and-three-quarters out of the five waking hours, all the while spewing projectile liquidy stuff of multiple colors out of one orifice or another, sometimes all at once.

I know.  People are going to say I’m an old prude.  I realize that even if you try really hard, sometimes teenagers just insist on having sex and making babies.  And if they do, I also realize that you just have to make the best of it.  And I even realize that it can turn out well for all concerned.  But let’s just face the cold, hard facts…many, many times (I might even say most of the time, considering the epidemic of teen pregnancies) it isn’t the fairy tale that OK! and Jamie Lynn and meemaw Lynne are trying to portray it as.  It’s irresponsible of Jamie Lynn, but she doesn’t know any better…meemaw Lynne should know better, and therefore it’s doubly irresponsible of her.

You see, most teen girls who end up pregnant don’t have millions of dollars in the bank, or a nice big house to live in, or an SUV to drive around, or enough money to buy diapers, or even a babydaddy who stuck around after the line turned blue.  The sad reality is that for so many of teen mothers, life is hard and it’s extremely difficult to try to make a life for oneself when you’ve got a screaming baby at home.  Some are lucky enough to have supportive families.  Many don’t, however, and must try to make it on their own in an adult world, when they should be worrying about math tests and after-school jobs instead of midnight feedings and trying to find a babysitter.

Glorifying teen pregnancy in this manner (and giving Jamie Lynn a cool million in the process, which is what her mama’s deal with OK! netted her) makes me sad and despairing for the teens who see this.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to give one red cent to OK!.  I wish little baby Maddie all the best in the world.  I also hope that in another sixteen years, history doesn’t repeat itself.

And come on…a million dollars for photos of a baby?  Like I’ve said before, babies look like babies.  And Maddie, as cute as she is, looks like a baby, just like millions of other babies.  Yippie.

If things happen in threes, I wonder who’s next?  The day after the news of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcoming the newest addition to their family, we hear that Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend Camila Alves also have their own bundle of joy, a little boy:

The baby – the first child for both – was born at 6:22 p.m. in Los Angeles, weighing in at 7 lbs., 4 oz.

“They’re so happy!” said a close pal.

About the only thing I know about Matthew McConaughey (although I have seen U-571, which I didn’t realize he was in) is that he likes to hang out at the beach, jog shirtless, work out, he lived in a trailer for a long time, and he’s hawt.  But, isn’t that enough?  Seriously, what more does one need out of life?

From what I’ve seen of them, they look like a happy and fun couple.  They certainly don’t seem to have sticks up their butts like some celeb couples I’ve seen.

So that’s all I got.  Our best wishes for a happy and healthy life!

Get out the yarn and knitting needles, Nicole Kidman is going to need some pink booties!

The Oscar-winning actress and husband Keith Urban welcomed their first child together on Monday morning in Nashville, Tennessee.

A spokesperson for the couple said: ‘Husband Keith was by Nicole’s side, and mother and baby are very well.’

He added that the pair, who celebrated their second wedding anniversary on June 25, were ‘delighted’ at the arrival of their newborn, who weighs 6 lbs., 7.5 oz.

Aww.  As much as I’m not a Nicole fan (and Keith Urban isn’t my thing either), they always look so cute together, and they seem to be really good for each other.  I hope mom and baby (whom they named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban) are doing well.  Congratulations!

I guess this is news of some sort, but I can’t seem to figure out why. As is being reported, Jamie Lynn Spears, the little sister of Britney Spears and former star of Nickelodeon’s “Zoey 101″ has given birth to her first child, 6-pound 10-ounce baby girl, Maddie Briann.

Jamie Lynn made headlines when she revealed to tabloids that she was pregnant and keeping her baby, which considering she was 16 at the time, and at the very beginning of her life, this seemed like a tremendously great idea.

Baby-daddy Casey Aldridge, Jamie’s long-time boyfriend and the younger Spears were engaged in March of 2008, but delayed their wedding until after the baby was born.

Let the Ho-Down begin. Congrats you two knuckleheads. Next time, use some damn protection.

The much-maligned tabloid darling Jessica Alba, 27, finally gave birth to her first child this week, daughter Honor Marie Warren, with long-time boyfriend Cash Warren, 31, whom she met on the set of Fantastic Four in 2004. The couple married a couple of weeks ago, just in the nick of time I’d say. Congrats on both fronts!

Jessica claimed recently they wouldn’t be selling pictures of their baby to the major print tabs, but it seems that statement was less than true. MSNBC’s the Scoop, has the scoop:

Jessica Alba, who gave birth to a girl on June 7, doesn’t seem to have plans to sell photos of little Honor Marie Warren — at least not yet. “I haven’t really gotten any (offers) — not that I’m aware of. You have to understand, everything that is written is kind of bull,” Alba told the New York Daily News.

Several magazine insiders say Alba’s claim about the offers is not true. In fact, the insiders say offers were made to Alba, that she was kept in the loop and that some talks are still in progress.

The insiders cite Us Weekly, OK! magazine and People as the weeklies most likely to score a deal. “She is part of the talks, I don’t know why she’d go out and say that,” said one insider.

Alba’s rep, Brad Cafarelli, clears up some of the confusion, saying, “While several publications have expressed interest in photos, Jessica and Cash have not entertained any specific offers, nor was it something they wished to commit to before the baby was born.”

I love Hollywood. Seriously, if it weren’t full of so many phonies, liars, cheats and sneaks my job would be a drag! Luckily, there’s something about being a detached-from-reality famewhore that makes people’s brains sort of sluggish.

I loved that last paragraph quoting Alba’s flack and how he “clears up some of the confusion,” ‘cuz you know, we’re all really stupid. Personally, if you want to sell pics of your “brown” baby to the tabs, just go for it you miserable grouch (”brown” is the term Jessica used, when she stated she hoped she’d have a brown baby and not some “white” baby, most likely because she has a horrible reputation for being less than proud of her latin heritage). It’s her kid, if she wants to profit off of it, it’s her business, but don’t go around lying about it, or trying to spin it, or worse yet, perhaps imply those who do sell pics are somehow beneath you.

Ugh, some celebs are too stupid to see how absolutely ridiculous and pathetic they come across. If I did PR for famous people (something I think I’d be great at IMHO) I’d have said, “Look, nannies, silk diapers, mink jumpers and Jaguar strollers don’t pay for themselves. If some dumbass wants to spend $3.50 to see pics of my client’s spawn, then who are we to deny them their joy. Now piss off jackass.”

See, simple, honest and direct. Just the way I like it I’m available, will work for beer.

The Pixies are one of my all time favorite groups from the 80’s and 90’s, having worn grooves in their second album Doolittle in ways I didn’t think possible. So it’s good to know that while they’ve been off the road and out of the studio, front man Frank Black/Francis Black/Charles Thompson has been keeping himself busy by gettin’ busy.

Frank and his wife Violet welcomed baby boy Jude to their growing brood, 20 inches long and weighed in at 6 pounds, 14 ounces. He joins big brothers and sisters Julian, Annabelle, Jack and Lucy who all live in

WOW! And I thought having four kids was a lot (yes, I include my two step children ‘cuz they’re awesome).

Eric and I saw the Pixies a few years ago when they had a reunion tour, and while they were more subdued, slightly pudgier and fair bit older, they still managed to rock out on all our favorites. Above is mine and Eric’s favorite, “Here Comes Your Man,” which in light of his new little man, seems appropriate

Congrats Frank - Here’s one for you, which in between feedings in the middle of the night, you might find yourself singing.

Angelina Jolie had to confirm that yes, it’s twins, after co-star Jack Black “accidentally” spilled the organically grown beans…and then other co-star Dustin Hoffman “accidentally” let slip her due date:

First, Jolie’s Kung Fu Panda costar Jack Black spilled the beans and confirmed that Jolie and partner Brad Pitt are expecting twins. Now fellow costar Dustin Hoffman has revealed her due date!

The big day? Today show reporter Natalie Morales revealed on Thursday’s program that Hoffman told her the babies were due Aug. 19.

The new arrivals will be the fifth and sixth children for the Jolie and Pitt. The family currently consists of Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, who turns 2 this month.

Accidentally my foot.  She probably promised to adopt both Dustin and Jack if they’d help “accidentally” leak the news.

Angelina says that she doesnt feel like “most women” when it comes to pregnancy…you know, because she’s so much better and more spiritually in tune with herself than us regular folk:

“I’m very happy,” said Jolie, 33, according to Today. “Unlike most women, I love being pregnant. [It makes] you feel like more like a woman than you’ve ever felt. You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby.”

During the on-air interview, Jolie said that she would “possibly” stay in France for the births, and that she and Pitt preferred not to disclose the sex of the babies.

Hey, I didn’t mind being pregnant.  Pregnancy was actually very nice, despite being sick all the time.  And getting that way was fun, but the baby-coming-out part…well, not so much.  “Unlike most women”?  You mean, like those of us who don’t have the money to travel to a new country every month and who are forced to keep their children in one place until they are grown, thus providing a sense of security and stability and continunity in their young lives?

I’ve taken a lot of stick from people who say I hate on Brangelina or that I’m jealous somehow of them and their life.  Let me say…whatever.  I’m not hating on them for having a bunch of kids or for having a bunch of money or for traveling the world.  But she has shown time and again that she is a bit obsessive when it comes to this particular area of her life and that while she professes to love her kids, she has no idea what terms like “stability” mean.  I know people with lots of kids (five or more) who totally make it work, and who had children for the right reasons, and I know people with lots of kids who are not making it work and who had kids for the wrong reasons, and I believe Angelina is adding to her family for the wrong reasons.

But despite saying after Shiloh was born that she would find a spot, stay home and raise the kids, she’s been off trotting the globe making movies.  She’s dragged those kids all over the world, instead of keeping them in one place to give them structure and continuity in their lives.  Poor little Maddox had to quit his school in NYC after Angelina decided to uproot the family once again.  And even though she’s pregnant with what will make her fifth and sixth children, she’s not ruled out adding to the brood.

Look, I have no doubt that she loves her children.  But much like animal hoarding, this obsessive preoccupation with “saving” children and hoarding as many as she can isn’t about care, but control.  Angelina seems to have well-documented control issues, and this manifests itself in her everyday life and this need to adopt children.  Once the children get older, I’ll be interested to see just how well they like their globetrotting lifestyle then.  Her lifestyle is not child-centered, but adult-centered, and the children just happen to live in it.

I’m NOT against adoption, but if she’s that set on adopting then there are babies right here in the USA who need homes.  Or would she not be able to swoop in and take them away as easily here?

Beautiful control freak.  She may love her kids, but love alone isn’t enough.

Regardless, I wish her a safe pregnancy and healthy babies.  I’m not a total jerk, y’know.

 

Olympic medal winner Nancy Kerrigan welcomed her third child, a girl, to her family:

“They’re very excited,” Kerrigan told PEOPLE. “[Sons] Matthew wanted a girl and Brian wanted a boy, and the two would occasionally argue about it, but they’re both looking forward to having a new sibling.”

Once home, the new arrival will move into a navy blue nursery, one of four bedrooms in the family’s Lynnfield, Mass., home.

Kerrigan, who announced her pregnancy in January, gained only 25 lbs. with this baby, a pound less than she gained with Brian and two pounds more than she put on with Matthew.

Well, good, because I was so concerned that she might gain twenty-seven pounds this pregnancy.  It was totally keeping me awake at night.  Whew…another worry off my mind!

In other current events news, New Kids On The Block broke up, OJ Simpson walked, and Bill Clinton was re-elected.