When I saw these ads I first was speechless…but don’t worry, I’ll have enough of my voice back to rail about this on BTR Today later on.

Yes, these are ads for the House of Deréon, a clothing line created by singer Beyoncé and her mama, Tina Knowles.  According to Wikipedia:

House of Deréon is a prêt-à-porter fashion line introduced by singer Beyoncé Knowles and her mother/stylist Tina Knowles. The style and concept is inspired by three generations of women in their family, with the name “Deréon” paying tribute to Beyoncé’s grandmother, Agnèz Deréon.

Expanding the brand, Jay Z and her sister Solange Knowles launched the junior line Deréon that is geared towards younger consumers and is more reasonably priced. The tag line for Deréon is “Where the sidewalk and catwalk meet”. […]

It is reported that Beyoncé has an active role in the House of Deréon’s design department, approving and discussing fashion designs and ideas.

First of all, what is it with all the stinkin’ acute accent marks?  I don’t like to drag out Character Map every time I try to type up an article.

I like what Pop Gumbo had to say:

Tina, we understand that you had to pimp out your daughter at a young age in order to make her a star and bring money into the home. Without that sacrifice, “bootylicious” might never have made it into the American vernacular. So for that we are truly grateful, but this boo, is a disgrace. These little girls look like whores. Why all the lipstick?

What is the next ad going to look like? Babies wearing gold metallic bikinis while five-year old boys throw Monopoly money on them.

These ads creep me out…but more importantly, they make me sick.  The top photo is the worst offender; the bottom one is just dumb in a too-much-makeup-on-a-little-kid way.  It’s bad enough that we have teenagers walking around dressed like they’re looking for their pimp, but little girls?  I’m no prude, and I don’t believe little girls should always be in ruffly dresses and hair bows, but come on…high heels on preschoolers?  They’re probably a grown-up pair, but still…what are these people thinking?  Who would buy such trash for their child?  Why would advertisers want to show children in full makeup and hairdos, looking like adults?  What’s with all the lipstick and “come hither” looks?

And the sad thing is that clothing like these are not relegated to ads.  Go to any mall on a weekday and you can see mothers with their preschoolers walking around dressed like this.  Whatever happened to kids being kids?  Being silly with mommy’s makeup and playing dress-up with grownup clothes and shoes in one’s home, during playtime, is one thing.  Taking it to the streets is something else entirely.  And that’s exactly what these little girls look like they’re getting ready to do.  Let children be children…and let children look like children.

Don’t tell me I’m a sicko who is seeing something that isn’t there…take some software, age the photographs of these girls about fifteen years, don’t change their expressions, and see what they look like.  Sexy ads.  I rest my case.

A friend of mine once told me that we can make our daughters targets or treasures.  I’ll let you decide.

Jay-Z and Beyonce have been dating for six years. They are essentially scandal free, relatively uninteresting (except Beyonce’s deplorable taste in fashion) and have been threatening to get married for the last two years. At some point, the media says “Ehh, quite crying wolf.”

What am I talking about you ask? Good question. I stumbled upon an article on Ben Widdecombe’s Gatecrasher (NYDN) where he asks: Were mags biased against Beyonce and Jay-Z?

As someone who covers celeb gossip (well, sometimes anyways) my first reaction was: no. When it comes to celebrities at the levels of Jay-Z and Beyonce (A-Listers for sure) race isn’t the issue. When all things are essentially equal, the only difference in any moderately educated and cultured person’s view is socio-economic, not race. From my perspective, race plays no part in my judgment of an individual, but a person’s values and how this effects their world view absolutely does, and sadly this is often predicated on their socio-economic standings. But this isn’t the point of the story.

Ben Widdiecomb’s article:

Are the celebrity media racist?

A top tabloid editor tells me that Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s wedding was played down by the weeklies because “African-Americans don’t sell covers.”

Of the big five celebrity glossies out midweek, only Us Weekly gave Beyoncé the top spot on the cover. Other magazines gave her second billing to the likes of Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Aniston.

“None of the magazines landed an exclusive on wedding pictures, which would have made the story bigger,” said one tabloid insider, justifying why Beyoncé was relegated to a small cover box on his magazine.

But even wedding photos make less money for black stars, says another source. “Eva Longoria can get $1 million for wedding photos, but without the expectation of cover sales, Beyoncé might have gotten as little as $250,000 if she had sold hers,” says a top editor.

Magazine publisher and black gossip pioneer Flo Anthony responds: “That sounds to me a very racist statement. Beyoncé is one of the biggest stars in the world, much bigger than Eva Longoria.”

Anthony publishes Black Noir for women, as well as Toy Box, a black parenting magazine with a celebrity focus. She said: “It is hard for African-Americans in magazines. Only a few people, like Will Smith and Halle Berry, are mainstream. Editors really still think that only blond hair and blue eyes sell magazines.”

As another tabloid source says: “We have a saying, ‘Only Oprah.’ Oprah is the only black celebrity big enough to put on our cover.”

But Us Weekly editor in chief Janice Min tells me: “Janet Jackson has been on our cover twice, for two of our best-selling issues we’ve ever had.”

Min is also the only non-Caucasian to helm a top celebrity magazine. She acknowledges there is a perception in her industry that black stars don’t sell covers, but adds: “Typically, you will hear that discussion among a group of all-white editors.”

Well, unless celebrity magazine editors represent an entirely different demographic than mainstream America, this sounds like a tempest in a teapot. Real racism exists, there is no doubt, and it is UGLY and reprehensible, but when you get to the level of celebritydom of Jay-Z and Beyonce, it’s just not applicable.

Admittedly, what may have been a factor in the lack of value for putting Jay-Z and Beyonce’s wedding on magazine covers, may have more to do with the celeb magazine consumer demographics as a whole. Flyover country (middle-America) who make up the majority of celeb magazine’s market share, are not your average listeners of rap or even R&B, which is the music Jay-Z and Beyonce predominately make. Especially Jay-Z, white kids may be buying this music, but they don’t much care about who Jay-Z does or doesn’t marry. Again, no one who buys celeb magazines care much about this “non” story.

And again, it’s not like they invited the media. They made several efforts to keep the media out.

When mainstream media starts making racist accusations where they don’t exist, it takes away from the real dangers of racism, which directly effect the poorest segments of society, not the rich A-Listers. When you boil it down, it just wasn’t breaking news - merely a foregone conclusion minus the pretty pictures.

(It looks fuchsia to me)

Now, you can take a little piece of Beyonce with you everywhere you go.  Introducing the B’Phone, a tricked-out Samsung UpStage SPH-M620 Sprint-mobile music phone, personalized by Beyonce herself:

The handset features gold-and-burgundy colors designed by Beyonce, a Beyonce-themed startup screen and the ability to download exclusive Beyonce photos, videos and a song she recorded as a child.

“When I was 10, I recorded a song called ‘632-5792′ — a phone number. It’s a little embarrassing but it’s cute. There’s a recording of that song on the phone exclusively for my fans,” Beyonce told journalists. “I wanted to make sure people got a feel for who I really am. It’s only through this phone that you can get this close to my life.”

You know, just this morning when I got up and was eating my Frankenberry cereal, I was ruminating on what was missing in my empty life, and I came to the sad conclusion that there just was not enough Beyonce in my life.  I didn’t feel close to her, I didn’t have any sort of feel for who she really was.  It was like she was a stranger to me.  I felt so….alone.

Then, as if on angel’s wings, the heavens opened and the news that I could, at last, achieve my dream came to me, and now I know that I’ll truly never be alone again.  My life has new meaning.  I can both feel close to Beyonce and give her money that I’m sure she so desperately needs.  After all, somewhere there are orphaned weaves who need the kind of home that only Beyonce can give, and now I can be a part of that.

And the best part?  They will go on sale November 4 at Wal-Mart.  As if it couldn’t get any better, along comes the best part.  Wal-Mart!  Now even the most remote corners of the world can have the gloriousness that is Beyonce in their hip pocket.  I’m sure, somewhere in Iowa, a farmer is dancing in his cornfield, secure in the knowledge that it is just a few short weeks until he can drive his tractor to Wal-Mart and get his very own B’Phone so he, too, can feel close to Beyonce.

According to Beyonce’s rep, Alan Nierob, the singer is not at risk of contracting Hep A, as Beyonce did not consume any of the food at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit event that was catered by Wolfgang Puck.  As reported earlier, an alert had been issued by the LA Health Department about possibly of contracting the disease due to an infected staff at the catering company preparing food for that event, and several others.   

Well thanks goodness.  I just don’t know what I would have done if our precious Beyonce contracted hep eating sushi and raw veggies.  That would have been awful.  Awfully cool that is.  Yes, if Beyonce contracts Hepatitis A, it will be the old fashioned way.  She’ll get it from her rap mogul boyfriend Jay-Z. 

Seriously, Beyonce Knowles is a buttplugg and her parents are a couple of jerks.  The way the whole Dreamgirls thing went down with Ms. B being all divaesque about Jennifer Hudson getting some attention.  Not to mention the way Destiny’s Child was dismantled. 

I realize that my candor may shock some of you, as I am typically so positive and even-handed about my feelings towards celebrities, but the truth is, sometimes they upset me.  I cried when I saw VH1’s Behind the Scenes - How Papa Knowles F*&!ed The Other Members of Destiny’s Child So He and His Mama Knowles Could Live High On The Hog Off of Little Princess Beyonce. And by little princess, I mean big, wide-thighed bitch.

Those docu-dramas are totally real.  And it came as no surprise to hear that Beyonce wasn’t eating sushi and raw veggies.  Homegirl looks like she lives on gumbo and cheesefries.  

Not me man, after ten days of airbrushing, I look like an Amazon warrior.  My diet of consuming men raw keeps me lean and mean.  Well, mostly just mean.