Palin Relaxing With Her Snuggie

Sarah Palin has written a book called Going Rogue.
It hits book stores today.
It’s being called a memoir of her life.

I’m sorry, a memoir? It’s not like she has this great history behind her life as a hockey Mom and ex Governor of Alaska. And certainly her political career has been beyond laughable.

So the question now is…
will Palin’s book end up on the bestseller list? Or go over like a fart in church?

Besides the obvious that will plague this book, (Palin’s lack of popularity) I read that her book was ghostwritten by Lynn Vincent. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Why you ask? Whos’ Lynn Vincent?

Lovely Lynn is not only the ghostwriter of Sarah’s book, she is pretty cozy with well known, white supremacist, Robert Stacy McCain (no relation to McCain the maverick) and she co-wrote a book with him. 

Some snippettes The First Post about Lynn and Robert Stacy McCain,

She (Lynn) is also staunchly anti-gay, backing the controversial vote to re-criminalise gay marriage in California, and – this is where Palin and her publishers might have drawn the line, but didn’t – she is closely associated with a well-known white supremacist.

He is Robert Stacey NcCain, a former editor at the Washington Times, a paper he left two years ago after a steaming row with a colleague.

Another Vincent collaboration was with a retired general, William Boykin, former head of the US Army’s Special Forces Command. He described his career mission as to defeat Satan in order to save America as a Christian country. “We are hated because we are a nation of believers,” he said.

“Defeat Satan to save America as a Christian country”?
Yikes! What year is this again?

As mentioned previously, Lynn is also a credited author on Robert Stacy McCain’s book, “Donkey Cons: Sex, Crime, and Corruption in the Democratic Party”. Again, just lovely.

According to a comment left on Little Green Footballs

After resigning as governor in late July, Palin spent most of August in San Diego working with Vincent on the book, “Going Rogue: An American Life.” Rumors swirled about Palin sightings at Vincent’s condo complex in north San Diego County. Palin reportedly was joined here by her family and top aide, Meghan Stapleton. This month, Palin huddled with her editors in New York.

So out of all the ghostwriters that Palin had to choose from, she picked Lynne Vincent? As always, Palin shows her brilliance. And to think that she ran for VP. *shudders*

What did Mark Halperin of Time have to say about Going Rogue?

Based on discussions with various sources who have seen or been briefed on the book’s contents, here’s what you can expect from “Going Rogue”:

* just five chapters—but they are very, very long.

* some score settling with McCain aides she believes ill-served her (names will be named).

* a hearty bashing of the national media.

* an account of how her upbringing shaped her maverick sensibilities.

* a testimonial to the importance of faith in her life.

* a warm and personal tone, written in Palin’s own voice, despite the involvement of a collaborator.

Two things not in the book:

* Don’t look for hefty policy prescriptions.

* Once source who has seen  “Going Rogue” says it does not include an index.  That would give Palin a subtle revenge on the party’s Washington establishment, whose members tend to flip to the back pages and scan for their own names. If they want to know what Sarah Palin has to say about them, they will have to buy the book—and read the whole thing.

Let’s recap, shall we?
She picked a ghostwriter who is anti gay, who is a creationist, and who has has teamed up with white supremacist Robert Stacy McCain.
There’s nothing in the book on policy. (well no surprise, she can’t write what she doesn’t know)
There are FIVE chapters in her book with NO index.
She bashes the media big time, even though they are the ones who put her on the map.
She throws people she once worked with under the bus, and adds a touch of holy rolling goodness.

WOW! COUNT ME OUT.

Now according to Comcast News,

Palin doesn’t elaborate on her book compensation, describing the $1.25 million figure only as a “retainer” that appears to be a reference to her lucrative advance.

So $1.25 big ones for a ghostwritten ”memior”?
Again… wow!

I think once the right wingers are done buying Palin’s crappy book, (Elisabeth Hasselback probably camped out at Barnes and Nobles last night) this book may be headed right for the bargain bin.

Although it would make quite the dandy door stop! Gotcha!

Rosie O’Donnel recently chatted with shock jock Howard Stern on Sirius XM Radio.

She dished about her not so fabulous relationship with her wife lately, Oprah Winfrey and Oprah’s BFF Gail. And oh yeah… that she thought her and Angelina Jolie almost hooked up once.

Was this wishful thinking on Rosie’s part? Or wishful thinking on Jolie’s part? Or just creepy Howard Stern with his usual everyday thoughts? *snicker*

First, about Oprah….
Both Rosie and Howard say they think that Oprah and BFF Gail are closer than they are letting people know.

From EOnline:

As for her thoughts on Oprah’s relationship with her BFF, Rosie and Howard think there may be some sparks.

“I don’t know that she and Gayle are necessarily doing each other,” Rosie said, “but I think they are the emotional equivalent of…”

“A gay couple,” the radio man finished.

“When they did that road trip, that’s as gay as it gets, and I don’t mean it to be an insult either,” Rosie explained. “I’m just saying, listen, if you ask me, that’s the couple.”

Doesn’t Howard imagine ALL women that have a relationship with another women of any kind in bed together? I can’t stand the man and he skeeves me out to no end. I bet his palms are always sweaty. EWWWW!

As far as Rosie thinking that Oprah and Gail are a couple? 
I just think her bringing up Oprah and Gail was ridiculous and a real yawn fest.
Although Gail would have been a BIG improvement over Stedman! (I always considered him Mr Excitement)

Don’t get me wrong, I am not defending Oprah the Scientology cult sympathizer in any way. Even though everyone is eternally grateful to Oprah for having Cruise on her show, which led to the famous career end phrase “jumping the couch”.

Hey Tom! How’s That Scientology Going For You Lately?

So if you are keeping score, I find Howard Stern, Rosie AND Oprah all repulsive. Oh yeah Cruise too. All for different reasons. And none of those reasons have anything to do with sex.

So what about Oprah’s BFF Gail? I don’t think I have EVER thought of that women before in my life in any capacity what so ever. I find her as about exciting as a fence post. Although again, she still would have been a better pick than Stedman.
FYI…when Stedman and billionaire gal pal Oprah finally ended their 21 year old fling, he received $250 mil for his “years of ridicule and you better keep your mouth shut” severance package. Wonder what Oprah’s gal pal Gail will get? *snicker*

So where does Angelina Jolie come into this picture?

Well….
Rosie told Howard that she talked to Angelina on the phone a couple of times way back when.
Ohhhhhh! That’s where she got the idea that they were going to hook up. Who could blame her? WHAT?

Some more help from EOnline… Rosie said,

“She gave me her phone number,” Rosie said. “We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that. There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through.”

Fear got the best of Rosie and she wasn’t able to seal the deal.

“I was a little afraid of her,” she said. “She’s scary in a sexual kind of way. I have dreams about her a lot still.”

Dinner plans too? WOW! Now wonder Rosie thought that there may have been a little somethin’- somethin’ going on between them.
Are you freakin’ kidding me?

First off, I have to mention, that I find Angelina Jolie ALSO repulsive, and again, it has nothing to do with who she did, who she almost did, or who she is doing now. Which of course is Brad Pitt, who I can’t stand either since he hooked up with “Angelina -Jimmy- Deana”. My nickname for her because of her huge plumped up sausage-like lips. You know…. Jimmy Dean sausage?

And secondly…. who gives a rats ass?
Really. Sounds like Rosie is doing a little “shock jocking” herself to get some attention.
And does anyone really want to hear about Rosie’s….  ahem….”wet dreams?”

I think many people think that there is no way in hell that Rosie could have scored with Jolie and that Jolie is way out of Rosie’s league. You know because everyone thinks Jolie is Ms. Wonderful and her beauty is simply breath taking? *ROLLS EYES*

But remember when Jolie kissed her brother on the lips on camera way back when? That was WAY too long of a kiss for any one’s comfort. How about her fling with Billy Bob Thorton? (ick)
I really wouldn’t have been surprised one iota if she did actually hook up with Rosie back then. Nor would I have cared. Hell, I wouldn’t care now!

But of course times have really changed now for Jolie. She thinks that when she poops it should be bottled as perfume. And I would imagine that Jolie would think that Rosie is not worthy of having scary sex time with her now. Besides, Jolie is saving it all for BRADLEY. *puke*

I think it’s moronic that Rosie thought that a few phone calls and a dinner date than never happened was some sort of prelude to jumping in the sack with Jolie or anyone for that matter.

So a word of caution people……
If you are not into Rosie that way…. I wouldn’t talk to her on the phone. And whatever you do, don’t make any dinner plans with her. Because it will obviously be perceived as steamy foreplay and undoubtedly an invitation for sexy time.

Unless of course, you want to hit that…..

Where’s The Camel Toe Police When You Need Them?

It’s hump day and what’s been going on in the world of celebrity gossip lately?
Same old crap and some new crap.

Lindsey Lohan went to court and partied the night before and the night after her court hearing. Yawn!
But wait… she said she’s afraid her Dad may kidnap her now. Uh.. again yawn. Wake me up when she does something new.

What’s also up?
Not Balloon Boy!  That news is SO rampant, that I am already tired of it. But it looks like reality has caught up with the Heenes. Honestly, I caught these loons on Wife Swap a while back and the father was a hot headed, delusional wacko, who thinks the sun rises and sets by him. I thought this man was questionable way back then, but you can’t always tell, with the way “reality” shows edit their shows. But now we know for sure. Yep! My gut instinct was totally spot on.

Now I think his wife is either abused and doesn’t know enough to get away and agrees with everything her idiot husband does regardless, or she actually agrees with everything her hubby does and also thinks you should raise your children by dragging them to twister romps and pulling them out of school and allowing them to trash talk to whomever they want. Either scenario is SAD. 
Oh! Have you seen their video on YouTube? I can’t understand what the hell they are singing about, but it looks pretty darn questionable. Future Beastie Boys ya think?

I wonder if wifey-poo will throw hubby under the bus, when it comes down to their day in court? Get out the popcorn! And as far as reality fame goes? Heenes… you got it now! Yah happy?

And more people who get under my skin…
Elisabeth Hasselbeck is back on The View. (oh joy) 
I guess little Ms. Perfect sent out some not so perfect baby pictures of her baby AND a guest appearance of her nipple to her friends and family by mistake. HA HA HA! This story brought me so much joy.

On to other idiots…
Rod Blagojevich (again NOT a celebrity), WILL appear on Celebrity Apprentice, yet another reason not to watch Trump’s show ever again.

And even more idiots…
Stephanie Pratt was busted for DUI. I wonder what bible thumper sista -in-law Heidi Montag will have to say about this? Maybe Heidi can get Stephen Baldwin to baptize Stephanie for her. ‘Cause we all know just how beneficial it was for Heidi. Praise Jesus!

And on to the King  and Queen of idiots…
Jon Gosselin is still hated by the majority of America. Well wait a minute…I stand corrected. Octomom, Nadya Suleman told Radar Online she thought Jon Gosselin was hot and has a crush on him. Ummm… hot?Perhaps Nadya needs her eyes checked and should pick up a paper every once in a while. Oh that’s right, she has 14 children, who has time?

But sorry Octomon, Jon was too busy getting his sexy on in a fancy cab with gal pal Hailey Glassman.
Hey Jon, you sure you want to pass this up? Could be a new show fer yah!
How about “John +Nadya +14+ 8 = The Earth Spinning Off It’s Axis”?

Well not if TLC has anything to say about it! They are already suing Jon for breech of contract, of course.
And he also has been ordered to pay back $180,00.00 back to his account with Kate. Kate ALSO has been ordered to pay some money back too. Seems like Karma has been rearing it’s ugly head with those two.

And speaking of Octomom, the Doc that implanted the SIX embryos (one split into two) into Octomom has been booted from the practice where he was employed for not following the rules. But of course he is still allowed to practice. Who knows what he will do now that he is on his own. I smell another reality show?
I can hear the promo now…
“Meet Dr. Eggo! He’s serving them sunny side up, so you too can have your very own reality show and start exploiting your very own litter of children in no time! Hey! Let Go Of My Eggo!”

Seriously, have you seen the latest clip of Octomon and her brood with all those kids crying? It makes me want to pull my hair out.

Speaking of child exploitation, Kate Gosselin tells Vanity Fair she ”feels like a prisoner” of her own fame and that the kids are starting to act out. STARTING to act out? Wow, if seeing Maddy in previous shows was only the start of her bitchdom, I woudn’t want to see her now. That child is not a force to be reckoned with! And please Kate…  let me get out the violin….you were being interviewed by VANITY FAIR and getting paid for it. Prisoner my ass!

On to more phony things….
Miss California, Carrie Prejean is being sued for her her boobs! K2 Productions (which directs the California USA pageant ) is asking Carrie for $5,200 back. I guess they paid for her boob job. K2 says it’s not about the money, and the money will go to charity. I doubt if will want the implants back. *snicker*

Speaking of cash….
Nicholas Cage is in a heap of debt. Cage is suing his former manager Samuel Levin for $20 million. Levin allegedly screwed with Cage’s money and Cage says that his manager is the one responsible for his current debt headache. Word of advice Nick…. don’t wait seven years before you check up on hired help that handles all your dough.

And on to big sloppy messes…
Anna Nicole Smith is back in the news again. Well, the court case of her doctors and Howard Stern that is.
In court, Larry Birkhead told a scathing account of Anna’s drug use while she was pregnant. 

Maurice Brighthaupt, former bodyguard of Anna, claims he saw Howard Stern, and Dr. Eroshevich injecting Anna with needles. He also said he saw Anna injecting herself. Why did this guy wait so long with this information? Supposedly Dr. Eroshevich was the bodyguard’s friend, as well as Stern. Sorry! No excuse.

Supposedly Anna Nicole was drinking pedialyte out of a baby bottle and laying in her own feces when found. Why was she ever brought to Florida in this condition? Now I know Anna was a complete mess with drugs, but when someone is that addicted to drugs and that incapacitated, she should have received help from the people around her, especially her doctors and those closest to her. Not checking into a Florida hotel. Stern was not present at her death, he was busy seeing a man about boat.

The IRS is also in play with Anna Nicole these days, and have filed a $125,112.86 tax lien on the estate of Vickie Lynn Marshall. So much for resting in Peace. Geez, what a mess.

And some weirdness in the news…
Marge Simpson is on the cover of Playboy’s October issue. Sorry, I didn’t find it at all amusing and I refuse to show a picture of it.
In fact I poo poo Playboy for advertising the Simpsons.

Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, Scientologist extraordinaire, donated TEN MILLLION DOLLARS to Scientology in May of 2008. Anyone that supports the Simpsons in any way is inadvertently giving money to Scientology down the line. Why would Cartwright give the money to her children, when she would rather hand it over to Scientology? Gotta keep everything KSW! (Keep Scientology Working) Right Nancy? Hope she wakes up some day.

Speaking of naughty pictures.
Levi Johnston (former husband of Bristol Palin) will be posing for Playgirl and has been in the gym bulking up for his upcoming saucy shots. I also caught him on a commercial for Wonderful Pistachio nuts. Yes, the man who will soon be showing his nuts was hawking nuts on TV. The commercial shows him with an immense bodyguard and Levi is eating a few nuts and the tag line says “Now Levi Johnston does it with protection”
I kid you not. See the commercial for yourself!
Wow! Talking about pissing Palin off! Yeehaw!

But wait it gets better….
Levi was interviewed by Vanity Fair. The name of the article is “Me and Mrs. Palin”.

Levi dishes about Palin and her lack of parenting, her bad moods, Todd flipping out and Levi was quoted as saying,

“I thought, Was this woman—who, at home, would literally say things that did not make sense—really running for vice president?”

You go Levi! I have a new respect for the boy. *snicker*

Then we move on to more puzzling things…
The court case of John Travolta.
Readers are probably wondering why I haven’t reported on this case as of yet. The testimonies in the court case were changing on a such a daily basis with so much “he said/she said” garbage going on, and with changing stories, that if I wrote about what was happening as it happened, I would have had to edit the story every single day.

I will be covering this story when and if I feel that some sort of conclusion of sorts has been made. I will say that this case has been one big puzzle of unanswered questions on BOTH sides.

And speaking of The Travoltas moving on …
Both Kelly and John attended the IAS (International Association of Scientologists)
Scientology 25th Anniversary at Scientology’s St. Hill Org in England.
Sadly, it looks like John will not be leaving this cult any time soon.

Tom Cruise, Katie and Suri were also in attendance. Poor Katie and Suri.

Scientology wanted people to believe that 4,000 people were in attendance at their event. ROTFL!
That number is just classic Scientology spin in which they are so famous for. They usually have to fly and bus tons of people in, as well as dressing up their Sea Orgers members to fill in the seats so it will look full. Reason for this? So their IAS PR photo will look like they are still successful to their members. It’s an old smoke and mirrors trick of Scientology, so they can continue to deceive their members. Lovely, isn’t it?

The IAS is nothing more than members donating money to Scientology. (which the majority goes straight to cult leader David Miscavige) In return for their donation, they get a discount on courses, auditing and such. Which is not a discount at all since they are donating money. Duh!

Cruise and Travoilta have donated millions and millions of dolllars to Scientology. Exactly what Scientology does with all that money as fas as “helping” to “clear the planet”  is a mystery. The money goes to buy more buildings that stand idle, make Miscavige richer and pay for all their pending court cases, lawyers and Sci goons. Oh! and I almost forgot, they have to pay their Sea Org slave labor members about .25 cents an hour.

US Magazine reported on the 25th Anniversary and quoted Cruise about the Scientology protestors outside the event:

Later, during a reception, Cruise was overheard chatting with another American man about the protesters outside the venue. “They’re squirrels,” Cruise said angrily, according to a witness. “Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!”

“Protesters are squirrels stuck in an electronic incident?”
Oh Tom, you certainly are one brainwashed mofo.
A ”squirrel” in scio-speak, means someone that messes or changes the tech of dead cult founder L. Ron Hubbard. Aka “squirreling the tech”. And “stuck in an electronic incident” is more scio babble from Hubbard’s work.

I wonder if Cruise actually said this though? Personally, I think if anything he would of called the protesters SP’s (suppressive people) not squirrels. And I think the “stuck in an electronic incident” line may have been borrowed from a video of another wacky Scientologist named George, which we reported on recently. Many duplicate videos of Scientologist George (who is an OTVIII, the highest that you can get on Scientology’s Bridge) showed up on YouTube and showed just how brainwashed Scientologists become the longer they stay in. The video is totally unscripted and SAD.

Cruise is supposedly an OTVII on The Bridge To Nowhere.

One more level to go Tom until you reach the tippety top to the Bridge of Total Freedom!
Yippee!
Good luck with that Tom! Wait till you see what OTVIII is all about!
SO worth the millions and millions of dollars that you blew. *snicker*

And now for something completely different and funny….
I was watching TV the other night, and there was a brief teaser for Season 6 of the steamy Nip /Tuck show, which started on Oct 14th. I thought I was seeing things, when I saw Mario Lopez completely decked out in black lingerie complete with a garter belt and black stockings. But no, I looked it up and yep it was none other than A. C. Slater (his name on Saved By The Bell) in drag!

Mario played Dr. Mike Hamoui on the series and he was seen in a steamy shower scene in a previous episode. Damn! I am going to have to start watching that show! Kudos for Mario for having the balls of steel for donning the less than flattering get up.

And even though Mario is one huge piece of eye candy…
sorry, this outfit just doesn’t cut it for me Mario. *snicker*

Seriously people. Has everyone lost their damn minds?
The AMA Awards (American Music Awards) recently announced the nominees for 2009, and Michael Jackson is up for FIVE awards. When I read this news, I actually thought it was some sort of spoof.

But no, Jackson was nominated for Best Artist, Best Male Artist, Best Album, Best R&B Male Artist and Best R&B Album.

I just can’t sit back and watch this stupidity unfold without asking WTF?
This may be the only time I will ever stand up for Lady Gaga.

The AMA Awards are actually based on sales and radio data from Nielsen. And for the last three years, fans were able to vote for the winners on AMA’s website.

So although Jackson’s album “Number Ones” is selling like hot cakes now,*shakes head*, it was RECORDED BACK IN 2003.
SIX YEARS AGO.
So why the HELL was it eligible for a nomination? And how is this fair to the other artists?
It’s not.

A tribute to Jackson at the AMA Awards would have been more than enough. Even although I am sick to death of ”Jackson mania” and do not understand the worship that this man is receiving. It just blows my mind that people have such short memories.

If you think the award nominations are insane, hold on to your sequined glove, because just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any more ridiculous, I happen to see a petition online, for Michael Jackson to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. I kid you not.

Here is a snippet from the petition, and it is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time and I have bolded the parts I find most hilarious.

Dear Norwegian Nobel Committee,

We the undersigned, would like to nominate legendary performing artist and global humanitarian Michael Jackson for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize. He was and will continue to be one of the most famous, and influential men on earth. Michael’s message for humankind has always been rooted in compassion, and kindness. He has succeeded a lifelong dedication to the well being of humanity. Moving beyond all political, social, and economic borders Michael Jackson consistently spread a positive message of global unity, healing, and love.

Wait…. I have to get off the floor, I was laughing too hard.
I know I always say this, but I swear, you can’t make this crap up.
Surprisingly, there are over 45,000 + people supporting this petition. *pinching myself*

Yes Jackson has helped some people over the years. Ok.
But the Nobel Peace Prize?
He doesn’t exactly have the best reputation. *snicker*
Remember?

Remember that tiny little court case where he showed up in his PJ’s?
You know, the one where they let him go even though the evidence was a mountain high? *grumble*

So back to the most ridiculous AMA Awards in the history of the AMA.

A truthful snipette LA Times:

Michael Jackson’s “Number Ones” will compete for favorite album in the pop/rock field against Lady Gaga’s “The Fame” and Taylor Swift’s “Fearless.”

Both of the latter have a decent shot at being represented at the upcoming Grammy Awards, but the latter won’t feature any albums from Jackson.

That’s because his “Number Ones” was released back in 2003. What’s more, the album is simply a greatest hits compilation, featuring only a pair of songs actually released this decade. Regardless of retail impact, a 2009 award show should be restricted to albums actually recorded within its recent history. At last check, Jackson has already won plenty of American Music Award trophies for the songs on “Number Ones,” including an artist of the century accolade in 2002.
A segment or two honoring Jackson would have been a better way to recognize the King of Pop’s contributions to music. The MTV Video Music Awards opened with a tribute to the star, and the 2010 Grammy Awards will surely feature some sort of Jackson memorial. Yet giving the artist posthumous awards, especially when said artist hasn’t released an album of new material since 2001, seems an unfair slight to today’s current crop of pop stars.

 

Yes! Exactly!
Thank you LA Times!

I think it is a damn shame that other artists are going up against someone that recorded an album SIX YEARS AGO, and who won’t be present to accept, because of a little minor detail that can not be rectified. What is it again? Oh yeah.. HE IS DEAD.

Further more, do people think that Jackson would have been nominated if he was still alive?
HELL NO!
Under these circumstances, and besides that other little thing about Jackson…. what was it again? Oh yes… the fact that he was an alleged child molester, who admitted on camera  to sharing his bed with young boys…
I think if he wins ANY one of these awards, it will show just how insane people really are and I may have to donate some money to NASA so they can continue working on an alternative planet for me to move to. (certainly not the moon, Jackson was already there too)

 Now you can bash me all you want in the comment section, because I know that all the Michael Jackson blind sheep without memories will be out in droves praising their fallen King.
So go ahead…bash away.

But keep in mind that these nominations for Jackson are simply NOT FAIR to the other artists, besides the fact that is beyond RIDICULOUS.

Yes the man was talented. We get it, I would never dispute that. But enough is enough!
Give the other artists the chance they deserve.

If Jackson ends up winning any awards, the best thing the Jackson estate could do, is to not accept it and pass up the award (s) to the most deserving artist. At least that would show some class.

If you were one of the artists that busted their tails to get where they are today and then lost to someone who would have not won if they were alive, whose album was recorded SIX YEARS AGO, and again that little minor detail of them being DEAD, how would you feel?
How would YOU feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Or in this case…. the glove on the other hand?

Well, well, well.
Looks like Paris will be mixing junk food and fine art.

Yes, McDonald’s is slated to move into the famed Louvre in Paris.
This news made me both cringe and laugh.

Even though there is an underground mall in the Louvre and a food court, I hardly think that picking McDonald’s as a gastronomic delight shows good judgment or taste.

Underground Mall In The Louvre

I find it very ironic that Paris chose to put a McDonald’s in the Louvre. Not only did they pick a restaurant that is a crappy corporate fast food chain, but they picked a food chain that pretty much screams The United States of America. Especially with France’s lonnnnng history of poo-pooing the US.

The US should be poo-pooed for their love affair with fast food. It’s sad that McDonald’s has become one of the symbols of US culture by many.

I would be happy if all the McDonald’s, Burger Kings, Kentucky Fried Chickens, and the rest of the heart attack restuarants would all go away. They lure customers in with convenience and low prices, and could care less about their customer’s health.Yeah, I know, everything in moderation, and it’s up to the individual if they want to eat there or not. But many people just don’t get how dangerous these places are to their health.The fat content and calorie counts are not in plain site for the consumer in these places, and I think they should be posted.

These restaurants (I use the term lightly) not only play a major role in US obesity, but other related health problems such as high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol levels and many more.
WE SIMPLY DON’T NEED THEM FOLKS.

So, back to the Louvre…

The NY Post wrote:

PARIS — French culture and American convenience will come together in December — thanks to plans by the McDonald’s restaurant chain to hang its shingle in the shadow of the Louvre.

McDonald’s is delighted at the prospect of feeding hungry culture vultures. But not everyone is happy about mixing high art and fast food.

The McDonald’s will be installed in the food court of the underground mall adjoining the museum, known as the Carrousel du Louvre, as the fast food chain fetes its 30th anniversary in France, McDonald’s France said.

The pairing could serve the interests of both. The Louvre is the world’s most visited museum; France is McDonald’s top market outside the United States.

In France and elsewhere, McDonald’s is emblematic of U.S.-driven globalization and the homogenization of cultures. However, the fast food chain’s chief executive, Jim Skinner, said in an interview published Monday that the reason McDonald’s is such a hit in France, where it has over 1,000 outlets, is that “we are perceived as a French enterprise.”

The McDonald’s on the famed Champs-Elysees Avenue is the most profitable in the world, he said. The interview was published in the economic daily Les Echos.

The Louvre refused comment on the expected arrival of its new neighbor. Spokeswoman Aggy Lerolle said only that it is not up to the museum veto McDonald’s arrival since the Carrousel is run by a private company rather than the state-run museum.

However, some French are indignant about mixing French fries and art treasures in the backyard of the former palace of the Sun King, Louis XIV.

The Web site louvrepourtous.fr, which is aimed at keeping museum visitors informed, is among those whose hackles have been raised at the coming of McDonald’s, even in a food court where a variety of restaurants offering cuisines of the world are present.

“Rendezvous in December for a Mona Lisa Extra Value Menu,” it wrote, contending that the Louvre could have, and should have, put its foot down.

Some saw McDonald’s taste for art coming long ago. In January 2007, the culture wing of the large CFDT union decried what it said was the “Disleylandization” of French culture, claiming the state is looking to turn museums into theme parks. It cited plans for the so-called desert Louvre, to open in 2013 in the United Arab Emirates, and the arrival of a Starbucks coffee house near the Louvre.

“When will McDonald’s set up shop?” the union asked, perhaps more presciently than it wished.

McDonald’s says no date has been set for its opening at the Carrousel du Louvre.

European art and what passes for American cuisine have crossed paths before. The former chief of Italy’s McDonald’s chain, Mario Resca, now supervises that country’s chain of
illustrious museums.

 

“The McDonald’s on the famed Champs-Elysees Avenue is the most profitable in the world“.

In the world?  Wow.
I also had no idea that there were already over 1000 McDonald’s restaurants in France.

So I guess they figure one more can’t hurt? 
The one in the Louvre will probably end up outselling the Champs-Elysees Avenue location.

AND Starbucks, another more recent symbol of American culture (again, very sad) may be moving down the block from the Louvre? 
I say anybody who is dumb enough to pay Starbucks for their over priced coffee concoctions can have them.

Hmmm… Remember France… those who throw stones….

But perhaps the Louvre can put a spin on this particular McDonald’s location and turn it into an artsy/educational approach for the kids.

Maybe they can have the very first ”Mona Lisa Happy Meal”.
Or perhaps something more catchier like the “Oui Oui Happy Meal”, (well… maybe not)
The kids can collect “Paintings of The Louvre Trading Cards”!

Although the painting below of Madame de Sorquainville by Jean-Baptiste Perronneau, in which he brilliantly captured the first official “purple nurple“ in oil in 1749, should be left out of the Happy Meal trading card collection in my opinion.

Hey Kids! Collect Them All And Receive Free Pommes Frites!

And what about the parents?
How about a ”McDavinci  Sandwich”meal? It can come complete with secret codes that you must hold in front of a mirror and decipher for your chance to win a free McDe Milo shake or the grand prize of a family four pack of tickets to the Louvre. Dan Brown would be so tickled! (if this idea materializes… I want 10%)

So France… you took Jerry Lewis, (well, not really) and now you are putting a McDonald’s in the Louvre? 
What’s next? A Dunkin Donuts selling “croissanwiches” next to the Jules Verne in the Eiffel Tower?

So will the French become chubby from all the junk food they will be consuming? Only time will tell.

Some Americans love junk food SO much, they have become quite desperate! 
Just ask Darrel Medley of Jacksonville…

A Jacksonville man has been charged for extorting a Jacksonville Dunkin Donuts for a croissanwich.

Darryl Andre Medley, 33, of Sherwood Road, was charged Friday by the Jacksonville Police Department with extortion and resisting a public officer.

Medley told another customer to go ahead of him in line, Capt. Billy Houston said.

“He told her she was going to pay for his too. She thought it was a joke until he motioned down and acted like he had a gun,” he said.

Medley was located about a block away from the Dunkin Donuts on Sherwood Road and U.S. 17 without a weapon, Houston said.

No injuries were sustained by the victim.

Bond was set at $6,000.

Wow $6,000 bond for a croissanwich heist! 
Yeehaw! Totally worth it dude! *snort*
I swear, you can’t make this crap up.

FYI: “The kipfel – ancestor of the croissant – has been documented in Austria going back at least as far as the 13th century. The French version of the kipfel was named for its crescent (croissant) shape.”
Thanks Wikipedia!

AND many people also think that french fries were invented by the French. Nope!
French Fries first showed up in BELGIUM.
Thanks again to Wikipedia:
“Belgian historian Jo Gerard recounts that potatoes were fried in 1680.”

Gee, France…. can’t you come up with your own dern junk food for cripes sakes! *snicker*

So to the controversy…
Many people are outraged over McDonald’s moving into the Louvre. Some people think it’s a shock at first and that visitors to the Louvre and residents of France will get over it, and others could simply care less.

I am stuck between being a little dismayed, and not caring, mixed with a little bit of gloating over the fact that France seems to be getting more and more Americanized.

I do know I wouldn’t like to see a McDonald’s move into the MET.

So what’s your take on McDonald’s moving into the Louvre?
Should we have the same attitude as France’s former Queen, Marie Antoinette? 
And say “let them eat burgers“?

Do you say, oui?
OR… non et non ! (absolutely not!)
OR… je m’en fiche! ( I don’t care)

Speak your mind and leave a comment.
Merci!

No I am not talking about his bathroom habits or Britney.

It looks like K-Fed is a real dirty bird and may end up as a jail bird if he doesn’t pay up!

TMZ posted pictures on their website which revealed the total mess and supposed damage that K-Fed left behind when he moved out of his rental property in Tarzana Ca. Gee K-Fed, just because you lived in Tarzana, didn’t mean you had to live like Tarzan. *snicker*
 
So I guess it is a case of white trash, leaving trash. No surprise there.

Although TMZ may have exaggerated things a bit, the place did look pretty darn unsavory. Most of the pictures they posted were kind of boring though. *Yawn*
But we included the two pictures that made K-Fed look like a total slob.

Laundry Day At The Federlines?

Other pictures from TMZ were almost laughable, like a few tiles missing here and there, or paint wear on the cabinets with a few knobs missing.

There was one picture of an outdoor lamp that looks like there was a bird’s nest behind it. Not sure where they were going with that one. Did they think K-Fed built the nest? Oh that’s right, he is a dirty bird. *snicker*

Of course the mini fridge was pretty disgusting and there was a myriad of ciggy butts all over the property and a busted lamp and some chips in assorted things here and there.

So I guess collectively it must have looked pretty darn bad to the owners. So bad, that the owners are asking for over $100,000.00 in payback for repairs and back rent. Yup! K-Fed skipped out on SIX MONTHS rent. Whoopsy!

Popeater wrote:

One-time rapper Kevin Federline, aka “K-Fed,” is being asked to pay over $100,000 in unpaid rent and damages for a ransacked home, TMZ reports.

Aren’t the parents supposed to clean up after the kids? One-time rapper Kevin Federline, aka “K-Fed,” is being asked to pay over $100,000 in unpaid rent and damages for a ransacked home, TMZ reports.

K-Fed has been accused of trashing a Tarzana, California home where he lived until this past May. The owners also claim Federline disappeared unexpectedly without paying his last 6 months of rent.

The owners are demanding $110,661 in damages and unpaid accommodation. The list of what has been wrecked is as bizarre as it is exhaustive. Via TMZ:

- Cigarette butts and empty beer bottles filling the gutters,
- A broken beer dispenser on the barbecue island,
- Cracked light covers,
- Mangled light posts,
- Cracked tiles,
- Drawings on the walls,
- Dead plants and trees due to failure to upkeep,
- Unapproved conversion of a room into a studio,
- Malfunctioning dishwasher with broken baskets,
- Smoke detectors that have been dismantled,
- Oil damage on the front driveway,
- Unapproved tinting of master bathroom windows,
- Missing garage door opener,
and the pièce de résistance
- Permanent spit marks on the exterior paint! No camels were reported on site.

The letter threatens to take K-Fed to court if he refuses to pay.

Federline, 31, is a dancer, rapper, fashion model and, ahem, actor. He was married to pop princess Britney Spears for two years before their highly-publicized divorce. They were also involved in an ongoing custody battle over sons Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline. There is no word about how clean the boys’ rooms are.

“Permanent spit marks” Huh? Maybe from chewing tobacco? Does K-Fed or his buddies partake in a little pinch between the cheek and gums? (that’s chewing tobacco for all you non-rednecks) if not, does spit actually stain paint? Ewww!

And lately, K-Fed has not exactly been the picture of health either, he is really packing on the pounds as you can clearly see.

I have read rumors that he was supposed to be on the upcoming VH1 Celebrity Fit Club Season 7, but then he denied those rumors.

But guess what? Celebrity Fit Club has just confirmed it.

Can it be that K-Fed is packing on the pounds on purpose so he can have a paying gig? It certainly looks that way to me. It seems awfully ironic that a person who has always looked very svelte, suddenly packs on the pounds and then is going to be on Celebrity Fit Club. Hmmm… I smell a rat.

Of course this is all speculation on my part. But I wouldn’t put it past Sean and Jayden’s baby daddy to supersize himself for the cash. Yes of course I know that the pictures prove he is portly now, but did he graze on food just so he can get on the show?

And if so… it further proves that reality TV has little reality.

He will also be appearing with his other ex, Shar Jackson as well as perpetual loser and Whitney Houston’s ex,Bobby Brown.

Egad, “Celebrity Fit Club” will do anything for ratings. Perhaps they can bring back Dustin Diamond (I hate Screech) with K-Fed and they can duke it out in the ring together. Now your talking ratings! I don’t know who I would root for. It’s  a toss up, but a double KO would be totally SWEET!

But seriously…

It’s time to grow up KEVIN. You’re over thirty, your career *cough* is toast, and your living like a slob. Your parenting skills have become pretty questionable now, (well, I should say have worsen) since you are not paying your bills and you turned a rental property into a total sh*t hole in your wake. Not cool when there are kids involved.

So to K-Fed… time to nut up or shut up.

Ok, first off…
Let me get this out of my system.

HA HA HA HA HA HA…ohhhhh…. HA HA HA HA HA!
*Wipes Eyes*
Sigh… Ok I’m better now.

Now I am not going to hold back, so if you are a Gosselin lover, (are there any left?) then you have been warned!

Kate Gosselin has recently stated that she would work at McDonald’s if she had to. Bitch PA-LEASE!

Hurry Kate! Your Turn To Switch On The Fryolator!

How can she have the audacity to say that she would work at McDonald’s? Now let me get this straight Kate, when you are busy doling out fries and burgers, who will be home taking care of your kids, dumb ass?

I caught TMZ on TV last night and they said it was going on day TWO that the nanny has picked up your kids at their school bus stop for crying out loud. Is anyone buying this crap? Does she think she can hire nannies to care for her kids while she is out slinging hash? Give me a break!

Or is this going to be her next reality show? “Kate Plus Ate” *snicker*

Everyone knows darn well that Ms. Gosselin wouldn’t be caught dead working at a McDonald’s. I am sure she thinks that working at McDonald’s would be a total subservient job. Can you imagine working with her? McDonald’s my ass!

But Oh dear!
What is Kate to do now that Jon no longer wants to do the show any more? It’s YOUR fault that you pissed away all your money, or you let Jon piss away all of the money. Who ever is to blame, it doesn’t really matter now, does it? The fact of the matter is, over two hundred THOUSAND dollars is now gone. What about your EIGHT children?

Looks like the Gosselins should have thought this through a LONG ago. But no, they were too busy getting “famous”.

US Magazine reported:

Could Kate Gosselin soon be asking if you want fries with that?

The mom of eight, 34, called into The View Monday to say she’d take a job at McDonald’s to support her kids if it came down to it. (A few hours earlier, she appeared on the Today show.)

Finding alternate work may be necessary now that Jon has halted production on her TLC reality show and left her with just $1,346 (down from $231,000) in a shared bank account, she said.

“We’re on temporary holding right now. A lot of this stuff is out of my control,” she said. “I can tell you that my kids are upset that it’s on hold, that the opportunities that they did have. For example, they’re supposed to be in New York. We were supposed to come up this weekend and see the Statue of Liberty and they don’t understand why we can’t do that now. So for myself and the kids, I’m hoping it goes on for the opportunities as well as, obviously, the financial. I mean, essentially, it’s my job, and I’m hoping to continue working.”

And if it doesn’t?

“I do know that no matter what, I know within myself that if I have to work at McDonald’s, I will do what it takes to provide for my kids, period,” she said.
Former co-host Lisa Ling, who was guest hosting the show Monday, challenged Kate’s desire to keep her kids on TV as they grapple with their parents’ split.

“My parents got a divorce. I can’t even imagine any of it being on television,” Ling said. “I don’t see what the problem is with stopping the show or taking the kids off the show for a period of time until things can get resolved…There have got to be other ways to make money than putting your kids on television.”

Your kids can’t go to the Statue of Liberty now Kate? Wahhhhhh. Maybe you should have thought of that before you two blew over $200 grand. 

But wait, hold on here…you got a free tummy tuck, but nobody would pay your way for Lady Liberty? What’s the matter Kate? Not networking enough? You didn’t tell the paps or the rags that you wanted to go to NY with your little money makers?

I am sure the National Enquirer would have paid you pretty well for that photo op! 

I can see the headlines of the Enquirer now..

“Kate Gosselin Begs For Spare Change Outside The Statue Of Liberty So She Can Afford To Send Her Kids To The Top!” *snicker*

Or is it that your popularity is dwindling and people see you and Jon for the total idiots you are?  Perhaps you two are no longer a hot commodity any more? *crosses fingers*

Sorry Kate, I do not have one smidgen of sympathy for you. Or you either Jon. You whored out your kids for cash and fame, and you were too big for your own britches. You acted like a total beeyotch and now you want everyone to feel sorry for you. You made money off your books, appearances and that horrible show, and now it’s all gone. Tsk Tsk.

I only feel sorry for your kids. You forced them into appearing on TV and did not care about their emotional well being. They have total idiots for parents who put themselves first and made horrendously BAD choices.

Taking those kids off the show is the best thing you can do for them right now. Let them be kids and have a normal life if that is at all possible. And Maddy can stand to use some serious anger management courses already.

But I am sure we have not seen the last of your kids. You will be pushing your kids into TV commercials or acting lessons so you can continue to live off them. Have to keep that dough flowing in! Right?

So Kate…and this goes for you too Jon, if you are hurting for cash (I find that hard to believe) you both are getting what you deserve.
I guess Maddy can always sue you two when she gets older. *snicker*

It’s a damn shame that your poor kids got caught up in the middle of your train wreck.

Looks like Spencer and Heidi have put a hold on their honeymoonin’.

Spencer Pratt aka Speidi (hate conjoined names with a passion) was interviewed by Pop Wrap of the NY  Post, and happened to mention that he hasn’t been gettin’ any from his wifey-poo because he is a fraid of her becoming pregnant. He is preventing Heidi’s dream of becoming a mother by refusing her sex. Oh Spencer, you are a side splitter!

He says that Heidi has him ”debating whether to cut off his nuts”. Considering there isn’t much to cut off in the first place Spence, I am sure there are many people standing in line who would be willing to do that for you.

Apparently, Spencer is mortified of Heidi going off birth control and not telling him about it. Hmmm, what’s that Heidi? Birth control? What would Jesus have to say about that?

Spencer also says that sex really isn’t a fact in their marriage. Wow, at their age, (or any age for that matter) I find that pretty sad and funny at the same time. Maybe they just totally bore each other to death in bed. Or perhaps they may be distracted by a mirror in the room and can’t stop looking at their reflections.

I guess Spencer and Heidi haven’t considered ALL the other alternatives they can do to get their groove on without doing the dastardly missionary position nasty. Perhaps you two should rent a couple of videos or buy a book or two?

But on the other hand.. maybe it’s a good thing that they are not reproducing. Speidi offspring is a frightening notion. After all, what will they do when their baby gets more attention then them? Oh the inhumanity!

At any rate, for the life of me, I don’t see how discussing their sex life, or should I say the lack of their sex life is very complimentary to their already failing careers. It makes Spence look like more of a wuss, and the admittance of Heidi’s birth control use, makes them look like the phony Christians they truly are.

People wrote:

There are many things most people would rather not dwell upon when considering the facts behind the marriage between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, perhaps the most reviled pairing in reality TV.

Thank God sex isn’t really a fact in their marriage, according to Pratt.

Speaking to the New York Post”’s PopWrap on Tuesday, Pratt, 26, says that he’s tried to prevent Montag, 23, from realizing her dreams of becoming a young mother – by refusing her sex.

“I’m not even kidding, my wife – OK, I’m gonna get crass here – but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby,” he says. “That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding – my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.”
Hidden Fear
Behind his abstinence is his fear that Montag might go off her birth control without telling him, he says.

“She’s not the kind of person who would lie – she would just walk away and not answer the question,” he says. “So yes, I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.”

Pratt, who hints that he’d like to go on a double-date with President Barack and Michelle Obama to “share the spotlight,” and bashes frequent Speidi mocker Joel McHale, host of The Soup, as “a struggling wannabe actor just clowning on reality stars,” also gets in a dig at Lauren Conrad – whom he claims quit the MTV reality show only as a ruse to get more money.

“She quit The Hills because Speidi was getting more famous than her. So she quit thinking the show would end, but she was wrong. Her ego ruined her life and her career,” he says. “I pray for her every day and we’d all love for her to come back to The Hills when she realizes her move didn’t work.”

Pratt says he wants to go on a double date with Obama? *laughs holding sides*

Gee, what would that conversation be like over dinner? Would love to be a fly on the wall during that outing.
Maybe the double date would go something like this….

Obama: “So Spencer, why are you famous again? And why did I agree to this double date?” (as Michelle ducks into the bathroom for the 3rd time since they sat down to dinner, to avoid talking to Heidi.

Spencer answers Obama: “Uh… excuse me? I was on I Am A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here dude!”

Heidi corrects Spencer and says, “WE were on the show“.

Obama says, “is that the show that you two left early and Heidi was crying all the time?”

Heidi interupts and starts to cry and whine… ”Yeah but… they were SO unfair! And there was icky bugs and stuff. And I was the only awesome person on the whole show! And if it wasn’t for Jesus, I would have left even earlier than holding out for those four torturing days. Thank God Baldwn baptized me on show”

Spencer chimes in “ahem! WE we the most awesome people on that show. We totally ruled dude.”

Spencer then asks Obama, “Well then, how about The Hills? Have you seen how awesome we were on The Hills?”

Obama, annoyed, realizing what losers they are….looks at his watch and says, “NO“.
 
Michelle comes back to the table and Obama gives the hint to Michelle for them to leave by shifting his eyes back and forth towards the door.

Spencer  says,  “you never heard of the Hills? Dude! that’s like SO impossible.”

Obama stands up and says, “well we really should be going, I have an important meeting tomorrow”

Spencer says, “ok cool man, you must be really busy with all the President dude stuff and all. Maybe we can do this again some time”The Obamas pretend not to hear Spencer as they hurry out the door.

Spencer proudly sits back and says ”Man, they totally loved us.”

And Heidi says, “Totally”

Spencer grabs Heidi’s leg, winks and says, “come on…. let’s get out of here and do some serious dry humping. Which I am totally rad at.”

Heidi says “Totally“.
End scene.

*Sigh*
I digress…
So back to not having sex and their dwindling careers….

Spencer and Heidi can always live off Heidi’s line of whore bag clothes called Heidiwood. (if they are still selling that is) I find the name Heidiwood for her fashion line totally ironic now.

Maybe they should change the title to “Speidi-Blue-Balls” and feature bedazzled chastity belts. Awesome!

Word of advice Speidi… Save your money dudes. I think your future careers will involve Heidi eventually doing a commercial for tampons. And down the line you both may be asking if people want paper or plastic.

Or perhaps you two can do a Christian public service video on abstinence? I can just imagine what it would sound like…. 
Spencer would say, “Just don’t do it dudes, you end up with babies and junk”
And then Heidi would say, “Besides sex can be SO icky! Yuck!”

I say if you want some really big bucks there’s always the all mighty sex tape leak that you two can fall back on. A comedy sex video that is. *snicker*

Oh wait….that’s  right… you ain’t gettin’ any.

Speidi Off To Dry Hump Like….Ummm, Errr…Rabbits?

Wow!  Just when I thought I was all done hearing about what a buffoon Bush is, and being tickled silly that this idiot is no longer our President, I hear that he snubbed J.K. Rowling, author of all the Harry Potter books because and get this… the books encouraged WITCHRAFT!

OMG!! Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Where was Bush’s head at? The Salem Witch Trials of 1692?

Gee, too bad stoning and hanging for suspicion of “witchcraft” was outlawed, hey Dubya?
I guess there’s always water boarding… oh wait, that’s right your veto on outlawing waterboarding thankfully failed. Sorry you out of luck Dubya!

Hey Dubya…. by the way…
Just how on earth does one encourage witchcraft from a children’s book, you dumb ass?
They weren’t written by Aliester Crowley for crying out loud!

Eonline wrote:

Noted Muggle/compassionate conservative George W. Bush was apparently a devout Harry Potter hater.

The former commander in chief wasn’t about to honor J.K. Rowling, the talent behind the book series, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom…and for quite the logical reason.

“People in the White House…actually object[ed] to giving the author J.K. Rowling a presidential medal because the Harry Potter books encouraged witchcraft,” writes former Bush speechwriter Matt Latimer in his book, Speech-less: Tales of a White House Survivor.

That’s right. Good ol’ Dubya and his administration dissed the mega-selling British author, refusing to let her join the ranks of James A. Michener, Harper Lee and John Steinbeck. (Guess he figured the Secret Service could handle any Avada Kedavra curse flung his way.)

Bush distributed 81 medals during his time in office, mostly to war-related allies.

The medals went to mostly war-realted allies? Gee, why am I not surprised?

Now I am not outraged that this author didn’t receive a medal.
I am outraged over the REASON why she didn’t receive a medal.

Long winded rant alert!
Deep breath…..
If any of you right wingers out there need proof that Bush is an idiotic, over conservative, totally incompetent FOOL that was jointly responsible along with his bunch of deluded administrators for putting this country in a total cluster f*ck, (and I am being kind) then here’s some further proof of the total idiocy that enveloped the White House!

And in the sheer brilliance of George W. Bush …
Only one of many of his pearls of wisdom… and I quote:

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, And so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we”

Every once in a while you read something that just makes you cringe and say, Oh come on!
This is one of those stories.

Apparently, Simon Cowell has written a letter, excuse me… a VERY LONNNNNNG letter to his younger self and it was published in the Daily Mail. I didn’t read all of it, because #1…. I have a life, and #2… it was just making me cringe so much I was getting a crick in my neck. And also one of my pet peeves is someone talking in the third person.

First off, who does this? 
Or if you are so silly to do so, do you have it published so everyone can say EWWWWW and think you are a total douche? Really, can Simon be any more full of himself?

Simon must have started at a very early age. The picture below is probably how Simon started out.

Simon Give Us Kiss Now.. You Handsome Dog!

He wrote this letter to himself because his 50th birthday is right around the corner on Oct 7th. I was speechless as I skimmed over the letter and just couldn’t believe what I was reading. We couldn’t post the whole letter here because it was beyond HUGE.

It’s best to read the entire letter yourself on the Daily Mail website.
The letter was entitled, “SIMON COWELL: A letter to my shallow, reckless, cocky younger self“.
I kid you not. Oh! Be sure to have a bucket handy. Click here and gag.

Eonline reported:

Simon Cowell’s Gone Soft (and Long-Winded) in His Old Age

Someone needs to pull the pen from Simon Cowell’s fingers.
While we love it when the crotchety American Idol judge decides to air his dirty laundry in public (that Susan Boyle botch list was a classic), is an absurdly lengthy diatribe really necessary?

On the cusp of his 50th birthday next week, Cowell wrote a letter to himself published in yesterday’s Daily Mail in the U.K. In it, he looks back on the past few decades, scolding himself for poor decisions he made in the ’80s and ’90s and patting himself on the back for the good ones.

It would be a good, self-deprecating, third-person about-face, but regardless of what he says, nearly 3,500 words makes for nothing but a puff (as in puff, the magic ego) piece.

“You are on a roll and you think the good times will last forever but, oh dear, Simon. You are so, so wrong,” he writes to the 1980s version of himself. “You look like a complete idiot…you are overconfident, far too cocky and dressed from head to toe in expensive designer gear…It hasn’t dawned on you yet, you idiot, that you can’t afford any of this stuff.”

Of course, Mr. Tight T-shirts takes it easy on himself for the final 1,000 words or so.

“I must say, despite everything, I’m quite proud of you, Simon,” he says. “You’re happy, you’re content and just incredibly grateful for where you are.”

Then he goes on to list what’s changed for him over the years—really important things like what he drinks and snacks on and how he doesn’t like to bum $5 from anyone. He pats himself on the back for never marrying because he’s such a workaholic, and for staying friends with his exes.

“Your job, Simon, was to make celebrities, not to become one yourself, dear boy,” he says. “Underneath it all, Simon, you are a realist. You don’t believe the hype about yourself. You can see what you do well and what you do badly. People think you are this Machiavellian character, forever plotting and scheming.”

He ends his diatribe as Hallmark would have intended—”So happy birthday! Love Simon”—although we’d hate to see the card size needed to print this self-loving loathing opus.

“Happy Birthday LOVE Simon“? I think I just threw up a little.

The definition for narcissism is as follows:

1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
2. Psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits

Well I am not sure if #3 applies to Simon, but it would not surprise me one iota!

His letter did remind me of a little poem from my grammar school days when people used to sign your autograph book when you graduated. The all so familiar ”roses are red” rhymes and those little clever ditties like “2 great, 2B, 4 gotten”.

No it wasn’t the “roses are red, violets are black, go sit on a tack“ rhyme that came to mind. (although it certainly would apply)

It was the following little poem, which I would like to dedicate to Simon on his upcoming 50th birthday….

You love yourself you think your grand..
You go to the movies and hold your hand.
You slip your arm around your waist…
And when you get fresh.. you slap your face!

With new reports of Cowell doing American Idol for another two years and also producing “The X Factor” in the US, he will be making over 100 million by this time next year. *shakes head*

It is quite obvious that he can care less that this letter to himself makes him look like a total conceited, pompous ass. Or maybe that is exactly what he wanted. His popularity seems to stay afloat by people loving to hate him.

Oh crap, I think I just contributed to that!
Touche’ Cowell!