In an interview with Cosmo magazine (UK edition) actress and humanitarian Angelina Jolie goes on the defensive about her “bad girl” reputation.

Angelina Jolie is stunned by her man-eating reputation, insisting she has only ever slept with four men. The star claims she has only had sex with current partner Brad Pitt, former husbands Billy-Bob Thornton and Johnny Lee Miller and one other nameless man.

She tells Britain’s Cosmopolitan magazine, “It was never true. I had only slept with four men in my life - and I married two of them.”

While some may question the veracity of these statements, I choose to take them at face-value. But only if you do the math.

Statistics show that most people deflate the number of people they’ve slept with by a factor of 4, so that means she’s really slept with 16 men. But you also need to factor into the equation that people in Hollywood lie at a rate of 50%. Which in simpler terms, means they lie 50% of the time. So if we split the difference with Angelina and assume that this time she might be telling the truth, that means there is a 25% chance she is lying and so we must multiply the 16 men she’s slept with by .25%, which brings the number up to 20. Plus, there’s the additional factor that in Hollywood everyone’s slept with everyone, so for every one person you’ve slept with, you’ve really slept with approximately 500.

To further complicate matters, we must take into account Angelina’s past history of falsehoods and her pattern of truth-telling. Angelina claims to have not begun a relationship with Brad Pitt until he ended his marriage with Jennifer Aniston. But recently, Brad Pitt revealed that he went to Jennifer Aniston while the two were still a couple and asked her how she wanted to handle his “outside influence” with Angelina Jolie. While I am no relationship expert, I think it’s safe to assume that Brad was well aware of his attraction and compatibility with Angelina Jolie well before announcing to his wife of four years that he wanted out of his marriage so he could pursue a new relationship with Angelina.

Of course, this means that Angie and Brad were at an intimate enough level in their relationship for Brad to know he was no longer in love with his wife, and was in fact in love with Angie. In summary, Angie lied about having begun a relationship with Brad BEFORE he had ended his then current relationship with wife Jennifer Aniston.

Assuming you are still with me in all this complicated abstract algebra, what we know must resort to some very intense mathmatic theorems and so you will have to excuse me for a moment whilst I work this up on my chalkboard.

Ok, so if you multiply 20 by 10 and take the squareroot of that number which is then multiplied by a factor 50, carry the 4 and then divide that by 7…………

A ha, I have figure for you: 10000.

Yes that seems about right, Angelina Jolie has actually slept with 10,000 men, give or take a couple (this isn’t an exact science here folks). Wow, somehow that number seems spot on and just about what I’d expect out of the most beautiful, kind-hearted slut in the world.

Sweet mother of mercy, Angelina Jolie isn’t just a she-devil in the sack, she’s also a money-grubbing hellcat.

According to an article in the New York Daily News, Angelina was overheard speaking to a ‘tall, muscular male’ about her and her partner, Brad Pitt’s, divergent financial viewpoints. A source claims to have heard Ms. Jolie say the following while enjoying a glass of wine at the bar of the Waldorf Astoria in New York on Sept. 5:

“I won’t talk to Brad about this because you know how he is financially, which is stupid,” she said. “Someone has to make the big decisions, though. He’ll put money into things — but it’s bizarre! It doesn’t always make sense to me.”

“The reality is, we’re not a company together. Things should be separate. I think you know I make my own financial decisions. Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty.”

And so what can you say about that? Brad’s never been known for being a “real man of genius.” In fact, some might call him a dim-bulb. I for one, applaud Angelina’s heartless, cold and calculating scheming. Why should the father of her adopted children and a sometimes sperm donor be privvy to the financial empire she is planning to build without his knowledge. I mean, you heard Angie, Brad’s ‘finacially stupid.’

I mean other than making close to $175 million dollars in the last twelve years, clearly the guys a real money loser. Especially when you compare it to Angelina’s $59 million. I mean I can see her concern, particularly when you think about how she spends her cash:

“Save one-third, live on one-third and give away one-third.”

According to my calculations that means she’s worth about $17 million. And what of Brad’s investments and spending habits? Hmmm…his production company Plan B (the one he started with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston) produced Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with the film grossing $473 million worldwide. Not bad for a day’s work. But then again, he also produced A Mighty Heart and allowed Angelina to play the lead instead of ex-wife Aniston, who was slated for the role, and that only grossed $9 million in the US. So, I can see what Angelina’s saying about Brad and him putting “money into things - but it’s bizarre.”

Clearly, Angie is the money wizard in this team, and by wizard I mean opportunistic beeyotch.

In Brad Pitt’s recent interview in Details magazine, the 43-year old actor reveals some inconvenient truths about Angie and that other chick he was with, what was her name? Jennifer Lopez? Jennifer Garner? No that’s not it, but whatever, who cares. Brad sure as hell doesn’t.

Brad offered some insight to where his mind was at when it ultimately succumbed to the wily ways of the vixen Jolie:

“I carried the standard cynicism. But it was also feeling like, I can’t sit on my couch anymore, I’m going crazy. This thing I’m doing with my life, it’s very nice. But it’s not doing it for me. (Trying to help the world is) something that brought Angie and I together certainly - she’s absolute evidence for me of someone facilitating changes for the better.”

Angie is also evidence that magical vaginas DO exist and aren’t some kind of fairy tales you read about in the back of a Penthouse.

So what ABOUT that other chick he was married to whom he unceremoniously dumped for his new unicorn of all poontang?

“Jen and I still maintain a deep friendship and have a lot of life together that isn’t erased in any way. I don’t know how better to have handled it…My view was, this is no one’s business in the end - at least in matters of the heart. So you need to protect all involved as much as possible…

I don’t know if that cooled things off or exacerbated them, but it was a thing I felt justly about at the time…

…Again, the thing guiding me then was you don’t know how many days you have and you need life to be everything you want it to be.”

If you read those two varied quotes, much can be gleaned from them. First off, he compares his life prior to Angie as one of sitting around on the couch languishing in a world of non-importance. It wasn’t enough to just sit back, smoke a spleef, hang with your homies and bang your hot actress wife, Brad wanted to save the world, one brown orphan at a time. Jennifer was clearly too pedestrian for Brad and his philanthropic needs. Surely it had nothing to do with Angelina Jolie putting some kind of voodoo hex on him with her ethereal hooha while brainwashing him with her smoke and mirror “Mother Theresa” routine.

Obviously, Brad feels guilty about dumping Jennifer Aniston, but not guilty enough to keep from comparing his old life, as some kind of never-ending pretentious dinner party– to his new life — as some kind ennobled journey of transcendent awakening. Honestly, if I were Jennifer, I’d prefer to think it was the call of the Angelina’s wild nethers, rather than some kind of spiritual deficiency on my part.

That’s really pretty insulting when you think about it. While we can never be sure, I’d be willing to bet that if Brad had gone to Jennifer and told her about his desire to change the world she would have stepped up to the plate with him, but clearly, he was already too ensconced into Angie’s world (and her vajayjay!)

As has now been plastered all over the blogosphere, Mrs. Jane Pitt (Brad’s mom) paid a visit to her ex-daughter-in-law Jennifer Aniston. The two had a cozy two-hour visit this past Sunday and are said to still speak on the phone frequently and visit with each other when they can.

While that in itself isn’t terribly strange, it certainly can’t make Brad’s current girlfriend and mother of his biological daughter, Angelina Jolie very happy.

What’s strange about this continued closeness is the lack of grandchildren to keep Jennifer and Jane tied to one another. Clearly, their bond is one that is genuine and unmarred by Jennifer and Brad’s divorce. It’s also not a stretch to assume that The Pitts feel a sense of betrayal towards Brad and Angelina for how Jennifer was treated. You can love your children and still find their behavior disappointing and unacceptable.

While we can’t know for sure how Jane Pitt justifies her relationship with her former daughter-in-law to the mother of her grandchild(ren), I have ZERO doubt that there is tension between Jane and Angelina - and definitely some unstated animosity.

I would also be willing to bet that Jane and Jennifer remain close not only because they love each other, but also to torture Angie and Brad, which in my cosmic world of karmic justice is completely fair and absolutely acceptable.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too Angie.

Photos and scoopage: Celebrity Babylon 

In the new edition of Parade Magazine, due out this weekend, Angelina Jolie talks about her life with Brad Pitt and their four children, Maddox, 6, Pax 3, Zahara 2, and Shiloh 1, as well as their future plans as a family, and her humanitarian efforts.

Angelina on being a working mom with four small children:

“Brad and I are very lucky that we’re in a situation where we can choose to take turns, and one of us can be home with the kids, and so we kind of have that plan of who is doing what. So I have been home, and now I am going to go to work for a little bit, then he is going to work, then I m going to work, then basically we’re going to try to take a year off and just be with the kids. So certainly, we’re trying to find a few projects that we love or that we think would be good to do for one reason or another. But mainly our focus is, ‘OK, let’s look at our schedule, and try to figure out when we’re going to have our family time.’”

She and Brad’s plans for their future, work and family:

“Brad and I have a lot of kids, and we want to have more kids. It’s fun, and we love it. But you can’t balance everything.I think both of us only plan to work for a few more years. We’ll try to stop sooner or later, so we can be home and travel, and just live.”

Are they abandoning the Hollywood lifestyle?

“Certainly we’re not running from all that. That’s not our motivation. We’re public people. We know that, and the world is what it is today, with press and media. But, yeah, I think it will be nice to, you know, just not be so – so out there.”

Angie’s mother died this past January after a long bout with ovarian cancer, she now opens up about how her mother influenced her own humanitarian efforts:

“I am my mother’s daughter. I mean, I hope but don’t think I’ll ever be as good as her.She was just such a pure, kind, unbelievably gracious mother. From a very young age, I saw my mother doing aid work. I saw how it made her life very happy and fulfilled. But really the biggest lesson she taught me was: It’s the little things. This was somebody who the world didn’t know about at all, but her simple acts of kindness left a huge impression.”

Angelina admits that her life hasn’t always been a model one and shares some insight on what intrinsically changed her outlook:

“I think that when I was in my early 20s, I knew, innately, that I wasn’t living an important life. I think that I didn’t so much lose my way, but I hadn’t found my way. I wasn’t giving very much. My life was not really benefiting anyone. That just doesn’t feel good.”

What does she think about her star-status and the impact this has had on her pet causes?

“There’s a part of me that understands that I can get people to pay attention to certain things. When that happens, there’s nothing that feels better. But my intention was never, ‘I need to go out there and teach other people something. Whether people’s thoughts about my family are positive or negative, at the end of the day, I get to come home to these four little people who are the greatest things in the world.”

Angie also gives some practical advice on how the average person can help those in need around the world:

“My advice for [those who want to help in the world]: People have the Internet, they have access to magazines, newspapers from other countries, they have access to human rights Web sites, U.N. Web sites, all kinds of discussions on many different things—justice, aid abroad, volunteer vacations. There are many things to explore.

I think the first step is to try to navigate your way through some of that and see where your heart goes. That’s a big part of it. I do think it has to be personal. It has to be strong for it to last and grow, and then it will be a pleasure to work hard to do it.

I know people who now work in Washington, very high-powered jobs, who simply started as young people who decided they would just GET to different countries, and say, ‘I’ve got a pair of hands, and I’ll help—does anybody need me?’ There is a lot to be said for that. If you investigate, there are a lot of volunteer organizations, a lot of NGOs [non-governmental organizations], a lot of religious groups. But first I do think that there is something to knowing who you are and where your heart goes and what you feel you can contribute.”

For more on Angelina Jolie, check out Sunday’s Parade Magazine. Also, she is making it really difficult to hate her. Her beauty is spellbinding. Witch!

Photo: Marie Claire

We almost forgot to wish the world’s most beautiful celebrity child Happy 1st Birthday. Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt turned 1 over the weekend (May 27) and she’s had quite a year. Here’s a nice little retrospective of my favorite celeb child who has a quite a 1st year.  We wish we had more recent pics of you and more candid shots with you and your family, but, you know how your mom is.

She made her film debut in The Curious Case Of Benjamin Buttons with proud papa Brad.

She gained another sibling, older brother Pax Thien.

She weathered many a tabloid storm while her parents were stalked by the paparazzi.

She likely bonded with her army of nannies and hopefully has learned to defend herself as her older sister Zahara is said to be a real terror with a jealous streak.

Don’t worry Shiloh, we got your back. If you start to feel neglected you can come stay with Aunty D. I promise not to ignore you. At least not anymore than my other kids! Happy Belated B-Day.

Angelina Jolie has been talking to the press more lately than she has in some time, all part of her and partner Brad Pitt’s media blitz for their new film A Mighty Heart, which opens in theaters on June 22.

The film was produced by Brad’s production company Plan B, and features Angelina in the starring role as Mariane Pearl, a journalist and slain wife of fellow journalist Daniel Pearl. Daniel Pearl, who worked for the Wall Street Journal, was investigating “shoe-bomber” Richard Reid in Pakistan, when he was kidnapped and killed in 2002. His story was riveting, and made all the more tragic as his murder was captured on film and made public while his wife was pregnant with their first child.

Angelina was handpicked by Mariane Pearl to play her in the film. Pearl had to be convinced by studio heads to adapt the memoir she wrote (also title A Mighty Heart) which detailed happier times with Daniel and the events leading up to his horrific death. Mariane has stated that while she was approached by several Hollywood types about her book, only Brad Pitt had actually read it - and having Jolie’s involvement most certainly sealed the deal.

Pearl and Jolie became friends (prior to any plans for the film) after Mariane read an interview with Jolie where she spoke about adopting her son Maddox and how that had changed her perspective on life. The two have been close since.

Now, with the film’s premier in Cannes, and the world premier in just weeks, Jolie has been prompted to speak to the press not only about the film, but about her life with Brad, her kids and their life through the eye of the paparazzi.

On NBC’s Today, Angie sat down with Ann Curry to discuss ii all. Much of the interview, which can be seen here, focuses on the film and Jolie playing a person who isn’t just a “real” individual, but also a friend of hers. Curry attempts to make some side-by-side comparisons between Jolie and Pearl and their life in the media, but Jolie is quick to point out that while there are flashbulbs to contend with, her life has not been marked with tragedy — and in fact — she is quite lucky to have a loving family that she can enjoy during her private times away from the spotlight.

What struck me as “intriguing” in this interview, which was mostly predictable, was Angie’s summation of the difference between journalists like Daniel Pearl and celebrity journalists. Jolie readily admits that journalism as a profession (and as is portrayed in the film) can be a heroic quest, but that when the media focuses only on “silly stories” about her, that’s what truly bothers her.
But wait, there’s more…

Looks like she’s flipping Brad the bird!

Just kidding. Good to see these two attention-whores hanging out in Prague. I hear Prague in the spring is like Paris in the Fall.

No, I didn’t, that was a false. Just like the love these two share.

Ok Brangelina fans, do your worst.

 

The tabloids can’t seem to make up their mind.  One minute, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are splitting, the next minute they are madly in love.  Then there are reports that a journalist lied about Pitt defending Angelina, and now, the couple’s spokespeople are of course stating they are still happily together.

It makes it difficult to know where the truth in all this conjecture and speculation really is. 

What we do know is that Brad and Angelina as a couple have four children under the age of five, we know that three of those children are adopted, 5-year-old Maddox, 2-year-old Zahara, 3-year-old Pax and their one biological child, 11-month-old Shiloh.

We also know that as of yet, none of the three children Angelina Jolie adopted have been officially adopted by Brad Pitt, though he has submitted a petition to adopt both Zahara and Maddox and they do have Pitt as their surname. Only their daughter Shiloh, 11 months, is officially Brad Pitt’s child.  As of yet, no petition has been filed for Pax on behalf of Pitt, but in fairness, there may be a waiting period for Angelina Jolie’s paperwork to be finalized in Pax’s native country Vietnam. 

Another thing we know is Angelina told the press in Vietnam at the time of Pax’s adoption her intentions were to stay at home for a while and mother and nurture her expanding brood, when in fact within the first days of returning back home with Pax, Maddox and Zahara, she flew to Chicago for a screen test for her new movie Wanted, which will begin shooting in Prague in May.

And what about those children?  Maddox had been enrolled in school for two months when the couple moved to New Orleans at the beginning of the year, and has since been uprooted again and is now back in L.A. living in their Los Feliz home.  The two pre-schoolers, Zaraha and Pax are being dropped off at studio lot daycare center.  Sure, kids are resilient, but only when they have a constant and stabilizing force in their lives to balance all the uprooting and moving around.  Who is their constant?  Brad?  He’s been working on his film, The Curious Case of Bejamin Button, and Angelina’s getting ready to begin her new film — not too mention all her globe-trotting as UN Ambassador and various charitable works.

Obviously, Angelina and Brad want it all: a multi-national family, thriving movie-careers, to save the world and have mind-numbing sex lives.  Who wouldn’t?  But the reality is, no one can have it all.   Not regular folks, not movie stars.  Throw in the estrangement of Angelina and her father Jon Voight, the death of her mother,  the disapproval Brad’s parents have towards Angelina, and then Angelina’s own unwillingness to marry Brad — and that’s a lot of issues to deal with.  

The couple’s spokeperson tells In Touch: “Their plan is to always be together, with the kids, too.”

Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans.  Both In Touch and Life & Style are reporting the couple got into a heated exchange on the phone while Angelina was doing a photo shoot for St. John’s which they say “raised eyebrows” on set and Angelina was mad when the call ended. She then refused to take anymore of Brad’s calls. 

The L&S article says that Brad has had enough and in fit of anger, let out some suppressed feelings that have been building up over the tension within the relationship:

According to a friend of Brad’s, he yelled at Angie, “I don’t love you anymore — you’re not the woman I fell in love with!” Then, after calming down, says a friend of the couple, Brad quietly asked her, “Why are we doing this? We’re both unhappy — let’s walk away before it gets worse.”

There are also reports that Brad and his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston have been communicating throughout all this turmoil and she is providing him a shoulder to cry on and a place to crash if he needs it. Hmmm….

Clearly, something is amiss, and the fact that the couple released a statement tells me that are trying to do some damage control.  If they make to the end of the year as a couple, I will be amazed.  But they sure aren’t going to break up now.  Not with promotions for their latest movies Oceans 13 and A Mighty Heart coming out. 

Can’t afford bad press during movie promotion time can we?

Brad Pitt, perhaps tired of seeing his mate smeared in the tabloid magazines, shot back with some criticism of his own when he ran into a reporter for the Daily Mail while at a hotel with some friends. Us Magazine, one magazine who’s given Jolie a fair bit of criticism for her seemingly addiction to adoption has the story:

“You know what it’s like to be on the cover of every magazine, having your personal life dissected with all the lies, all the rubbish?” he asked the writer, taking a swig from a bottle of beer. “It’s hell. Certainly, pick on me — but why pick on Angelina? That’s so low. She’s such an amazing woman - like Supergirl, in every way.”

Pitt, 43, quickly apologized: “I’m sorry if I seem to be taking my frustration out on you.”

It’s good that someone is defending Angelina, as she seems to be gaining more detractors lately than allies - and this for a woman who’s been on a one person crusade to rid the role of orphans — by adopting them. A man who claims to have known Brad for years, Jim Cruse wasn’t so kind about the journey Angelina has taken Brad on:

“Brad always said he wanted a family. But you should be careful what you ask for. He got four kids in two years, all under the age of six. It’s no picnic.” Cruse also took issue with Jolie’s attitude that she can “have it all” and balance being a working mother, a loving partner, and a U.N. ambassador. I don’t think she’s ever really been content,” says Cruse. “ If you ask me, this thing about her ‘wanting it all’ is just another way of saying she’s never happy. The truth is that she makes no excuses for who she is. She thinks of herself as a survivor.”

Yikes! Perhaps we aren’t reading Brad’s message correctly. Maybe when he says Angie’s a “Supergirl” he’s talking about the XTC version of “Supergirl.” Here’s a little food for thought from Andy Partridge and the boys about ’supergirls.’

That’s really super Supergirl
How you saved yourself in seconds flat
And your friends are going to say
That’s really super Supergirl
How you’re changing the world’s weather
But you couldn’t put us back together
Super Supergirl
How you stopped the universe from dying
But you’re never going to stop me crying
Super Supergirl
I’m here in your Fortress of Solitude
Don’t mean to be rude
But I don’t feel super