Here we go again.
It has been announced that the remake of the Beatles classic Yellow Submarine is in the works.Why or why do they insist on taking classics and and trashing them? Didn’t they learn their lesson with Willy Wonka, The Whiz, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and Charlotte’s Web? (just to name a few classics).

Yellow Submarine was magic on the screen back in 1968. Imagine how it looked to a generation that was used to seeing black and white television and experiencing the whole “make love not war” movement. It was also the year that Martin Luther King was assassinated. The movie came out at a time of great civil unrest, and it was a hit I mean a ray of yellow sunshine. *snicker*

In the movie, the playful rhymes of  the charachter Jeremy Hillary Boob PhD. (he was my favorite) pretty much summed up the premise behind Yellow Submarine, “Peace! Peace! Supplant the doom and the gloom! Turn off what is sour! Turn into a flower and BLOOM! BLOOM! BLOOM”

To me, Yellow Submarine was more than just a trippy animated flick. It was part of an entire movement of peace and love. Beatles classic songs like Nowhere Man and All You Need Is Love melded together with trippy animation into a sensory overload of psychedelic yumminess which was loved by many young and old.

But Yellow Submarine was not loved by all and many considered it just a drugged out cartoon. Take for instance this scathing review  (<<<click on the link) of  Yellow Submarine when it was re-released in 1999. The review was entitled “ Take a psychedelic journey to Nowhere land with the Beatles & the Nowhere Man where you’ll find nothing too pleasing without the help from your friends.” Needless to say of course I disagreed with that interview.

The original Yellow Submarine took two years to make, by 40 animators and 140 technical artists and had 14 different scripts. Now I know by today’s standards, those methods are now obsolete, and technology has improved by leaps and bounds, but I am not too privy of someone taking this classic and making it into a modern day mess either.

Sadly, Disney is doing the remake. Now don’t even get me started on Disney, with it’s mass marketing of clothing and toys made in their GLOBAL sweat shops, and other things I don’t care to get into. I just ask you to please do your homework before you support them!
Disney is also pairing up with Rob Zemeckis for this remake.

Now granted Zemeckis has some big  and successful films under his belt, he also did two movies that I just totally despise which were Forest Gump and Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Two of the most annoying movies I ever had the displeasure of watching. Save me all the Forest Gump love  fest comments which I am sure I will get. I HATED the movie with a passion and had trouble getting through the whole thing and almost walked out. And if I hear “life is just like a box of chocolates” in that HORRIBLE fake accent that Hanks did one more time, I swear I am going to get the screaming Blue Meanies out.

In Yellow Submarine, the Captain of the Blue Meanies says to ”glove”, “A thing of beauty; destroy it forever!”

Is Disney going to be Yellow Submarine’s ”glove”?

Of course I know the original can never be destroyed. But sometimes another thing occurs when movies are remade. The younger audience thinks that the remake is the first one that was ever made and tend to think the real original is crap. This also happens with music today and it drives me totally NUTS! Grrrrrr! And no, Limp Bizkit was not the originator of the song ”Behind Blue Eyes“. Geez!

A lot of younger people also think if the movie is not in their face with special effects, then it just plain stinks. Perhaps that’s why Disney is going with 3-D animation to inhance it a much as posisble.

But…Disney has yet to acquire the rights to the Beatles songs thus far and one has to wonder if Michael Jackson’s recent death has anything to do with acquiring these songs.Why? Jackson’s estate happens to include the 4,000 song catalogue of  Beatle’s music which he purchased for 47.5 million back in 1985. But keep in mind, he owns the publishing rights for the songs. There is a difference in owning the publsihing rights and the performance rights. For a full explanation go here.  

A bit of history with Jackson and Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney. Jackson worked with McCartney on the song  Say Say Say and they did a video together for the song in 1984. Jackson also did The Girl Is Mine with McCartney in 1982. ( I won’t comment on the title or lyrics of that song, it’s just too easy).

Jackson was ironically advised by Paul McCartney. Sir Paul told Jackson more or less that buying music was a sound and lucrative investment. This advice was prior to the 1985 auction of the Beatles catalogue of songs. Jackson took Sir Paul’s advice and outbid both Paul McCartney AND John Lennon’s widow,Yoko Ono! 
Hey all you Jackson fans out there, how can you justify this dastardly move by Jackson? Huh?

Sir Paul and Yoko must have been a tad hot under the collar to say the least. If Jackson had any scruples, ESPECIALLY for the fact that he was also in the music industry, he would of let McCartney keep the publishing rights to his own songs that HE wrote with Lennon and not outbid him in the first place. But then again who knows what McCartney would of done with the songs either. Or even Yoko for that  matter. Maybe it was a good thing that Sir Paul didn’t get the songs? Sir Paul’s ex-wife, the money grubbing Heather Mills, never signed a pre-nup and the songs  may have ended up as being partly hers. GASP!
That money grubbing biotch got WAY too much from Sir Paul as far as I am concerned. At least she is out of the picture now. But when will you ever learn Sir Paul?

So what has happened with some of these songs over the years? Let’s jump back to the 1987 Nike commercial using the Beatles Revolution song. Capital Records owed the performance rights and was paid $250,000. Michael Jackson owned the publishing rights, (meaning use of the words and music) and he was paid for use of the song. Which was later followed by others like All You You Need is Love, which was used for a Luv’s Diaper commercial, and a version of the Beatles song Help, which was used in a car commercial in 1985 . Son Julian Lennon, son of John, lent his voice to When I’m 64 for an Allstate commercial and  let’s not forget Target’s use of Hello- Goodbye for their TV commercials. Egad!

The Beatles song collection saga continued on….. and in 1995, Sony paid Jackson 95 million and merged with ATV, to form Sony/ATV Publishing which was a 50/50 joint venture. So it is probably safe to say that Jackson’s estate includes HALF of the publishing rights to the Beatles songs. 

But there may be a silver lining in this dark cloud, well sort of.
Supposedly Jackson left the 4,000 Beatles songs to McCartney in his will. Rumor has it that Jackson felt remorse about his failed relationship with Sir Paul, and thought this was a way to make amends. Too bad Jackson didn’t do this YEARS ago, so he could of actually made amends in person with Sir Paul, rather than from the grave. So Sir Paul may end up with the publsihing rights to half of his own songs in the end. Just plain sad. *shakes head* But I guess it is better than nothing.
Sadly, Sony/ATV doesn’t need permission from surviving Beatles or heirs to license the songs. Damn you Jackson! And Damn you Sony!
So it’s still up in the air as to whether this remake of Yellow Submarine will eventually get the rights to use these songs.

So getting back to this movie remake.
The NY Times called the original a 2-D CARTOON and they also mentioned two of the movies I despise by Zemeckis.
From the NY Times :

More than 40 years after Old Fred fired up the titular vehicle of “Yellow Submarine” and used it to round up four Liverpool lads who would defend Pepperland from the Blue Meanies, Disney is preparing a remake of the Beatles’ 1968 animated movie, Variety reported.

The original film was a traditional (if thoroughly trippy) 2-D cartoon directed by George Dunning and designed by Heinz Edelmann, in which the Beatles appeared only in a live-action segment tacked on at the end. The planned remake, to be directed by Robert Zemeckis (“Forrest Gump,” “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”), will be a 3-D animated feature that would use the performance-capture technology seen in Mr. Zemeckis’s “Beowulf” and his coming remake of “A Christmas Carol.”

The Variety report said that Disney was still seeking to obtain rights to the Beatles songs used in the original “Yellow Submarine” film, including the title song and tracks like “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” and “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” The remake is being planned for a 2012 release.

No casting was announced for the motion-capture remake, though the project does call to mind Paul McCartney’s recent remarks to Daniel Radosh in The New York Times Magazine: “In 10 years’ time you’ll be standing there, and you will be Paul McCartney. You know that, don’t you?”

Fact: Many people didn’t realize that the voices used in the original Yellow Submarine where not those of the actual Beatles. I never knew that myself. The Beatles only appeared at the very end of the movie as themselves.

Yellow Submarine had it’s fair share of merchandising back in the day to say the least, and it continues today. The Beatles had more merchandise than any other band in history. There were Yellow Submarine pop up books, calenders, Blue Meanie Halloween costumes, Goebel figurines and even Huffy Bikes jumped on the YS band wagon in 1968 and came out with a girls YS yellow bicycle complete with movie graphics right on the seat which I found on a Beatles memorabilia website.

Of course all this stuff had a huge resurgence in 1999 when they re-released the movie for the 30thyear Anniversary. Today you can still buy Yellow Submarine merchandise in all shapes and forms from neck ties to purses, to t-shirts to wallies to stick on your walls. They also came out with new YS Beatles figurines in the 90’s and again in 2000. Even the Cirque du Soleil has a show called LOVE dedicated to the music of the Beatles. I am sure Disney will jump on the merchandising band wagon and will have their little workers slaving away making sure that there is enough Yellow Submarine Onesies and Jeremy Hillary Boob lunch boxes. And don’t forget Yellow Submarine Happy Meals complete with plastic figures which will end up in landfills and stay there for all eternity. Oh wait that s right, Disney dumped McDonald’s back in 2006. Maybe Burger King then? *snicker*

OK, I know I am being cynical, and maybe I am too sentimental about movies being remade and the “old days”. So I decided to check myself, and I went through the list of movie remakes on Wikipedia, but I still found myself rooting for the original versions. Even really early movies like Mighty Joe Young which came out in 1949. I still found myself favoring the original over the remake. (ironically Disney did a remake and they also did  an animated version of course, they make me sick).

Films like Little Shop Of Horrors? DEFINITELY the original. Who can deny the greatness of the cameo by a very young and loony Jack Nicholson in the original? You can’t.
Even though some of these original movies were sheer cornball and the filming techniques were primitive, but that was part of what made the originals so great. They had a lot less to work with back then, but yet the movies were still phenomenal.

That is why I wish they would just leave the classics alone. You can’t reproduce living in the era when these original movies came out or the way people felt when they first saw the original Yellow Submarine. Many people may be annoyed by the remaking of Yellow Submarine. And I can’t speak for the hard core Beatles buffs. Maybe some will be unhappy and some will embrace the new movie with the hopes of a whole new generation of yougins’ buying Beatles music once again and helping to continue the Beatles legacy. I myself do not support Disney, so I will not be catching this particular flick.

But at the very least, let’s just hope that this new release does the original Yellow Submarine some justice and more importantly let’s hope it sends the same message as the original.
Which of course was:

Allen Klein,Yoko and John

Allen Klein, one of the most ruthless managers in the history of the music biz, succumbed to Alzheimer’s at age 77, on the 4th of July.
Klein was in the music biz for fifty years and gained many enemies due to his not too kind business ethics. Back n the 1960’s, he managed the Rolling Stone for five years and bought the copyrights for two of the Stone’s biggest hits, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction and Jumpin’ Jack Flash from a former manager. This purchase was instrumental in ending the relationship between Klein and the Stones, and the Stones more or less said they learned a valuable lesson. An very expensive lesson at that.

Klein was then hired by John Lennon in 1969 to manage the Beatles, against the protests of fellow Beatle, Paul McCartney (too bad Sir Paul’s intuition was not working when he married gold digger Heather Mills years later.) Klein was known for being a “shark” in the music biz and striking huge deals with record labels that padded his pockets to the brim and caused many of his clients to despise him. Some did admire his ability to kibitz with record labels and the talent he had of getting the most bang for his buck, however, he was considered cold blooded by most and Klein went to court numerous times fighting the very people he managed. Many blame him for trying to rob the Beatles of their artistic legacy and even more damaging, many feel he was the reason behind the Beatles split — Yoko Ono was also blamed for the same.

A snippet from Wikipedia about his ruthlessness with the Beatles:

By 1969, Apple Corps was in a financial mess, and it was becoming obvious that a business brain was needed to sort things out. Several names were considered, including Lord Beeching. Paul McCartney favoured Lee Eastman (father of McCartney’s wife, Linda) as the man for the job, a suggestion that did not sit well with the other three Beatles, as they felt that Eastman would be batting for McCartney’s interests ahead of those of the rest of the group. Klein contacted Lennon after reading his press comment that the Beatles would be “broke in six months” if things continued as they were. Klein was willing to break precedent, and only take a commission on increased business; if Apple continued to lose money, he would be paid nothing.

After a meeting at Klein’s suite in the Dorchester Hotel (opposite London’s Hyde Park, where Klein impressed Lennon with both his in-depth knowledge of Lennon’s work (he could quote lyrics from all of his songs) and his “streetwise” attitude and language, Lennon convinced George Harrison and Ringo Starr that Klein should take over instead. McCartney agreed to pose for photographs with Klein as a show of unity, pretending to sign a new contract, but he never put his signature on the paper. This fundamental disagreement about who should manage them, fueled by a decade-long build up of resentments and insecurity about other matters such as power and influence within the group, was one of the key factors in the eventual break-up of the Beatles.

In 1969, Klein re-negotiated their contract with EMI, granting them the highest royalties ever paid to an artist at that time; 69 cents per $6–7 album. In exchange, EMI was allowed to repackage earlier Beatles material as compilations, which Brian Epstein had not permitted. Klein oversaw the issuing of the single “Something,” “Come Together,” at a crucial point when Apple needed income. He helped rescue the abandoned “Get Back (sessions)” Get Back project (released as Let It Be), by bringing Phil Spector to England to work with the band. He also transformed office habits at Apple, installing a time clock for the staff and insisting meals be pre-ordered from the building’s kitchen (instead of cooked on demand). Klein slashed expenditures at Apple, canceling payouts and charge accounts for many Beatles associates, and friends of friends, who had worked or consulted for the company.

On the other hand, Klein also managed to alienate many of the people who had previously been part of the Beatles’s business and personal circle, with his abrasive style of management and negotiation. His cost-cutting measures at Apple included what was considered by some to be the “cold-blooded” firing of many of the employees who had flocked to the band’s experiment in “western Communism” (including the erratic Magic Alex, and Epstein’s old friend Alistair Taylor). Klein also closed the Zapple Records imprint. He spoke occasionally at Apple and Beatles press conferences; a reporter for the London Evening Standard remarked later that Klein “must have set some kind of record for unprintable language” at one such conference. He was also unable to save Northern Songs from a buyout by ATV, which took away ownership of nearly all the band’s song copyrights.

McCartney continued to distrust Klein, though admitting to him at one point “If you are screwing us, I don’t see how.” Following their informal agreement to split in late 1969, he eventually sued the other three Beatles for what he called “a divorce,” and the Beatles as a business unit came to an end. McCartney has stated he chose to legally dissolve the Beatles rather than allow Klein to milk and diminish their artistic legacy.

Although the Beatles broke up in 1970, George Harrison surprisingly rehired Klein for his Bangladesh Concert at Madison Square Garden.
I find this puzzling after his previous dealings with the Beatles, but knowing Harrison’s outlook on life back then, perhaps Klein was just plain forgiven by Harrison.

Klein was quoted as saying:

John Lennon had hired him to protect his interest in The Beatles, because he wanted what he called “a real shark – someone to keep the other sharks away”.

Was Klein’s life a rags to riches story?  Being a huge music mogul and owning his own firm was quite a long way to come for a man whose Mom died when he was an infant and spent several years in an orphanage and then was raised by his Aunt and his Grandmother. Maybe it was his sad upbringing that paved the way to his shark-like business ethics.

A little more from the BBC News:

Music entrepreneur Allen Klein, blamed by many for contributing to the demise of The Beatles, has died in New York at 77 after suffering from Alzheimer’s.

In a career spanning five decades, Klein earned a reputation as a ruthless operator, extracting lucrative deals from labels for his clients.

In the mid-1960s, he managed The Rolling Stones for five years.

Later managing The Beatles, he tried and failed to secure control of copyrights on their behalf.
 
“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, because I’m the biggest bastard in the valley”

Allen Klein, parodying the 23rd Psalm. Though reviled by many, others admired his ability to negotiate with record labels.

“Don’t talk to me about ethics,” he once told Playboy magazine. “Every man makes his own. It’s like a war.”

Accountant at heart

“I never wanted to be a manager,” Klein told The Star-Ledger of Newark in 2002. “It was going over the books that I loved. And I was good at it.”

Allen Klein was born in Newark, New Jersey, on 18 December 1931 and spent several years in an orphanage after his mother’s death during his infancy.

Later raised by a grandmother and an aunt, he served in the US Army before joining a Manhattan accounting firm, according to his company.

He started his own firm, which later became ABKCO, in the late 1950s.

His other clients in the music business including Sam Cooke, Bobby Darin and Herman’s Hermits.

According to the Associated Press, he was reputed to be the basis for the slick manager Ron Decline played by John Belushi in the 1978 film The Rutles, as well as the inspiration for John Lennon’s 1974 song Steel and Glass.

His funeral will take place in New York on Tuesday.

Klein’s life story is the perfect example of, you can do whatever you want in life if you want it bad enough. But at what price?
In your push to make your dream a reality in life, one should realize along the way, that the way you live your life can greatly affect others. But I don’t think Klein cared one way or the other how people perceived him. 

This reminds of a  quote from  the movie Bronx Tale. When ”Sunny” who was played by Chaz Palminteri was asked if he would rather be feared or loved, his answer was:

“That’s a good question. It’s nice to be both, but it is difficult…but if I had my choice, I would rather be feared. Fear lasts longer than love.”

In my opinion, with Klein’s soured reputation, it was obvious that he preferred to be feared rather than loved. One may wonder if his passing on the 4th of July, was some sort of final message from Klein to his past clients. Although some disgruntled clients may say that Karma finally caught up with Klein in the end with him suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, many who knew Klein’s personality, may think that Klein probably had the whole thing planned to pass away on the 4th of July, so he can go out with a bang. A bit far fetched? Sure, but it certainly matched his style.

When someone messes with mega music greats like the Stones, the Beatles, Bobby Darin or any of his “associates,” it’s hard to find sympathy for them. It would seem Klein’s only agenda was to exploit these creative legends for his own personal gain. Of course I mean no disrespect to his family or friends, but I am sure I am not alone with my feelings about the passing of Allen Klein.

So, RIP Allen Klein, if anything, at least you have taught future greats in the music business to be fearful of sharks.

The mayhem started when two tabloid reporters taunted her at the Wembley Plaza Hotel in London and that really got her Scottish ire up. Boyle was seen in tears and swearing her head off. The poor gal has been through a whirlwind of emotions lately, having gone from virtual nobody to instant celebrity. As with all reality stars, Susan had a very publicized make over after appearing on Britain’s Got Talent, and became an overnight sensation.

It must be quite an ordeal to have non-stop media in your face 24/7, especially compared to her previously humble lifestyle. But as Susan has quickly found out, it goes with the territory.

Supposedly Susan was sadly taunted as a child, so perhaps it all came wheeling back to her in that moment. Initially, when I heard the reports of her outburst, I snickered and thought good for her, and perhaps they deserved Susan’s tongue lashing, but unfortunately it didn’t go over so well in the showbiz arena. And, not surprisingly, it got the TV producer’s knickers in quite a bunch.

So Ms. Boyle was put in damage control mode for the sake of her continued quest for fame and was admitted to the hospital for some much needed rest as she was, as they like to call in Hollywood, “suffering from exhaustion.”

The Irish Centralwrote:

The day before the final of “Britain’s Got Talent,” Susan Boyle has been whisked away to a hideout amidst fears the singing sensation is cracking under the pressure of her sudden fame.

British tabloid The Sun reports that the Scottish singer, whose mother was born in Ireland, was driven away from the Wembley Plaza Hotel in London, the site where she was spotted breaking down in tears after being harangued by a tabloid reporter.

The latest in the Susan saga is that the reality TV star, 48, sweared at police officers as they interviewed her about strangers that were harassing her.

The Sun says that Boyle, whose performance of “Les Miserable’s” “I Dreamed a Dream” received millions of hits on You Tube is alarming “Britain’s Got Talent” bosses with her erratic behavior, and they fear she may be suffering a mental breakdown.

Reportedly, the formerly reclusive singer threatened to quit the show due to the pressures of her sudden fame, but TV bosses persuaded her to stay.

In his blog, “Britain’s Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan said: “Susan is finding it very difficult to cope, and to stay calm. She has been in tears many times during the last few days, and even felt like quitting altogether and fleeing all the attention.

“She was actually going to leave the show, packed her bags to go because she couldn’t see the point in going on.”

Earlier, Boyle was seen at the Wembley Plaza Hotel bar screaming “f*** off” at the TV as she watched Morgan tell “Britain’s Got Talent” contestant Shaheen Jafargholi, 12, he had given the “best singing performance so far.”

This unstable behavior is atypical for the usually cheerful Scottish woman. Morgan wrote: “Susan Boyle is a very kind, generous-hearted, lady who has had a pretty tough life. But she’s always, according to people who knew her well, been a fun-loving woman who would do anything to help others.

“I’m not saying she’s a saint. But I am saying that before all this fuss, Susan was generally considered to be a genuinely lovely person – albeit, one with a lively, feisty character, and a wonderfully eccentric sense of humor.”

If Boyle doesn’t pull her act together, TV producers may ax her from tomorrow’s show.

Her brother John told The Sun: “Celebrities have professional people who insulate them from these stresses but she hasn’t had this protection. The shows producers should have been looking after her more.”

Well I am not into this whole American Idol or Britain’s Got Talent mania, but I wish Susan the best and hope she can cope with her new found stardom. But be careful Susan, celebreality can be very fleeting…just ask William Hung.

Who can forget his Ricky Martin rendition of “She Bangs” on American Idol? I know I would like to.

I still can’t believe this man made three albums and even a few commercials for Ask Jeeves.

I can’t believe he was ever famous to begin with. It certainly was a fluke and kinda pissed me off, when you consider all the far MORE talented people out there who have been passed by. Hopefully Hung will go back to his civil engineering classes at UC Berkeley.

Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly not comparing the REAL talent of Susan Boyle to William Hung’s NON-talent. It’s just that populatity can be very fickle, and at any given moment, another Vanilla Ice can be born. Word To Your Mother!

I already knew Billy Bob Thornton was a smelly, infected douche-nozzle (being married to Angelina Jolie – his FIFTH wife – and all) what I didn’t know was how embarrassingly full of himself he was. Consider me fully on-board with that now.

During an interview for the CBC, interviewer Jian Ghomeshi asked Thornton some benign questions about his career shift and in the audio clip you can hear Thornton dressing down a radio host for daring to mention that he is also an actor, along with a slew of other apparent perceived “insults.” Essentially Thornton refuses to answer the Jian’s questions from the very beginning, including such simple questions like, what kind of music did you listen to as a kid, with BBT telling him a story about entering a monster building contest? HUH?

Did Billy Bob and Joaquin Phoenix drink from the same batch of “kool-aid”?

BBT fronts a band called the Boxmasters, which he describes as a mix of British Invasion and hillbilly music, and goes on to say no one else has ever done anything like this type of music and he even compares himself to Tom Petty. WTF? I don’t think so.

The portion of the interview where BBT gets his boxers in a bunch starts out innocent enough. Watch entire interview here.

JG: “Given that you seem to be quite passionate about music, I was wondering about your…
BBT: interrupting “Would you say that to Tom Petty?”
JG: “Would I say that he’s passionate about music?”
BBT: “Yeah.”
JG: “Yeah”
BBT: “Really? Would you explain why it’s not a hobby?”
JG: “Are you reacting to the fact that I asked about…”
BBT: “Yeah I am, since you were instructed not to talk about that sh*t!”

It just spirals out of control from there, with BBT becoming increasing douchey and arrogant, and Jian desperately trying to regain control of the interview despite the fact that he really didn’t cross any line, imaginary or otherwise. Terry Gross would have kicked Billy Bob’s ass for that display of complete nonsense.

Here’s the thing, Billy Bob’s attempt to keep things from getting sidetracked from his “music” actually does the opposite, unless of course this was his plan all along: create controversy. Which brings me to a real issue with today’s PR machines. We’ve gotten to the point in our society where the only way celebrities think they can generate attention is to behave outrageously, or in Billy’s case, boorishly. Not to get all philosophical, but WTF?

The glitz and glamour once associated with Hollywood is in a critical shift. You have people like Ashton Kutcher, so desperate for attention they need a site like Twitter to feed into their bloated egos, reality stars becoming famous for being famous and folks like Billy Bob who have to resort to behaving like cavemen to get publicity.

What does this say about our culture? I’m afraid nothing good. By the way, the music is NOT good enough to justify his behavior. Let’s put it this way, by the end of the interview, I almost felt sorry for Angelina Jolie.

Almost.

This whole Britney thing just gets weirder and weirder.  Let’s recap:  Last night, she had employees open Kitson at 1:30 in the morning so that she could drop $10,000 on merchandise (I was going to say that’s a lot of clothes, but when hoodies are $95, I guess that’s about one and a half shopping bags).  Four paparazzi were arrested after chasing her the other night and driving very erratically through the streets of LA.  She told police one of them tried to run her off the road, but could not identify who (so where was Anon Brazilianwax or Osama bin Loopy?  Can’t this girl afford a driver?  Or is that part of Anon’s master plan?).  And now, “sources” are saying that Brit suffers from multiple personality disorder:

We’re told the whole British accent thing — well, it’s more than an accent. Britney has multiple personalities, including, as people in her life call it, “the British girl.” We’re told when Spears loses the British personality, she has absolutely no idea what she did during the time she assumed that personality.

Sources say Brit has a number of other identities, where she becomes “the weepy girl, the diva, the incoherent girl,” and on and on.

Sources say Britney had become the British girl the day she didn’t show for her deposition and has no recollection of it.

Hmm.  I have a bit of a problem believing this one.  If she truly has no memory of the deposition, surely someone (lawyers, Anon, housekeeper, somebody) has mentioned it.  She checks the internet every day for photos of herself, so surely she’s seen pictures of herself at the courthouse and read articles about it.  And the problems in the brain that cause multiple personalities don’t just spring up overnight, they are years in the making, although a new personality can suddenly pop up with no prior warning.

However, I can also see the argument for this, as it definitely does seem at times as though we see a different Brit every day, sometimes even two or three different Brits in the course of a day.  However however, this could just be something as easily explained as PMS or hormonal swings or blood sugar imbalances.  After all, many of us wake up feeling and acting one way, but as the day goes on our behavior and actions change.  Speaking in a British accent isn’t necessarily indicative of a mental issue.  And it’s easy to cite “sources”…I can say that “sources” told me I had a McDonald’s burger for supper tonight, but that don’t necessarily make it so (I actually had mushroom and spinach pizza, although I have had a McDonald’s burger in the past, dun dun dunnnn).  But but again…when one pieces together the events of the past year or so in Brit’s life, one does come to realize that she definitely has a mental disorder of some kind.

I know that some will say that Britney is perfectly sane and that this is all a ruse to get people to either feel sorry for her, or for her to emotionally manipulate the masses.  However, I don’t agree with that one…while I do think that she sometimes does work the media to her advantage or to pull what she considers a joke on the public (as is now believed to be behind the pregnancy test purchase the other day), I truly do believe that she is mentally ill.  Even she should know, in her right mind, that being taken away strapped to a gurney wouldn’t be helpful to her child custody case.

Let’s just stop for a minute and say that this multiple personality thing is true.  IF it is so, then that means Anon, Osmarma bin Loopy, Cuzin Alli, her parents, her family, are all letting her go on and on without stopping her or attempting to get her help…especially those who are closest to her on a daily basis, which at this point are Anon and Smarmy, who appear to be the wall (either known or unknown to Brit) between she and her family.  If Anon is making zexytime with her, while refusing to get her help and at the same time selling his “exclusive” pics to Finalpixx, that’s reprehensible beyond belief.  I realize that having an adult committed to a mental facility is a tortuous, difficult, and arduous process, but somebody needs to attempt it before this girl self-destructs.

So, Mythbusters, let’s mark this one as plausible, but not practical.  In other words, I need more information.

And how close is she to hopping that train to Anna Nicoleville?  The Associated Press already has an obituary ready to go, a distinction usually reserved for the sick and aged.  Well, they got the sick part right.

UPDATE:  Uh, yeah, I’d say Brit definitely is not pregnant.  That, or she doesn’t have very good aim with the ketchup.  You can see the pictures here.  (warning…NSFW and rather gross)

You know, this is why I don’t do things with a bunch of women.  I’m all the time being invited to go shopping, out to lunch, whatever with several girl friends, and I always turn them down.  You know why?  Because you get a bunch of women together in once place, and it can’t turn out well.  They all think they are the boss and they know best, so you know there’s going to be bloodshed.

I could have warned the Spice Girls of this, had they bothered to ask me, because it seems that all is not well in Spiceworld:

Last week, the first of its release, their Greatest Hits sold 1.4 million copies worldwide, of which 75,000 were in the UK. X Factor’s Leona Lewis trounced this by selling 375,000 copies of her album in Britain that week.

A further worry for those involved in the reunion is that things are so bad in the Spice Camp that there are worries the tour might disintegrate before they have completed all the dates.

Relations between the girls range from “tricky” to “terrible”, and there are genuine fears over whether the ladies will be able to cope with the physical demands of the gigs, too. A tour insider said: “It’s obvious from what is going on in rehearsals in Los Angeles that there are a lot of problems.

“They have been doing their dancing and singing routines.

“They are having to change things all the time because the girls are frankly not up to it.

“There are worries about the stamina – apart from Mel B [Scary] who although she is now 32, is phenomenal and seems to never get winded.”

You’ll remember that Mel B just completed a stint on Dancing With The Stars, where she came in second.

Apparently, there has been backstage fighting between the girls about everything from wardrobe to babysitting.  Emma (Baby) is horrified at her costumes and is relying on slimming underwear to pull her through.  Mel C (Sporty) is irritated at Geri’s (Ginger) going on and on about her baby and what a great mom she is to her.  Emma has told Geri to shut up and spend more time with her own kid, instead of trying to tell Emma how to raise hers.  Geri has told Mel C that “one day” she’ll make a great mom.  And Victoria (Posh) can’t seem to make it through a routine without becoming winded and tired.  Sources say that before the Victoria’s Secret show, the girls went a bit nuts, swearing at one another.

And while Geri is perfectly happy to get nearly naked on stage, the rest of the girls aren’t so thrilled at the idea:

By contrast, Geri seems to have not a moment of self-doubt and is almost fanatically committed to the renewal of the Spice Girls brand.

“Geri is happy to bare her flesh, she is working out all the time and is proud of her six-pack.

“She has suggested coming out in a swimsuit, she wanted to go on stage and show off her body. I think everyone else felt sick at the thought, because it was such a competitive thing to say.”

The source added: “No one else wants to get almost naked.

“Emma is not happy with her outfits, because they are a bit revealing and so she’s out of her comfort zone.

“She wanted Alice Temperley, something beaded and pretty, but was told no. She is wearing control pants under all her outfits and has asked for corsets where she can have them.

“She is really insecure about her hips which are bigger than they used to be. It has left her feeling self-conscious.”

Victoria, for her part, is having problems with eating enough to keep up with the physical demands, along with her bunions and her hair falling out, and did I mention that she thinks she could be pregnant?

Victoria fears she may be in the early stages of pregnancy – something which she is keeping from [Simon] Fuller, who told them all not to dream of disrupting the tour in this way.

She is also suffering daily agonies because she is dancing in high heels, and her bunions are “dreadful”. And she frets that she looks the oldest of the group, paying the price for her erratic eating habits with poor skin and thinning hair. [...]

An insider said: “Victoria has the biggest insecurities.

“She is worried about her skin, which is very bad again, and her hair, which is falling out.

“She is thinking of having some short extensions put in to add volume, as the condition is so bad after all of the dyeing this year.

“And she feels that she has aged. When she saw the pictures from the press conference this summer she was upset because she thought she looked the oldest out of all of them.

“She has been struggling with the workload.

“They have had a buffet laid on every day and Victoria has surprised everyone by eating pulses and brown rice. She even had some brown bread. Mostly she has lots of salads and strawberries and edamame beans, that is her usual diet, but she has been advised to keep her energy up with some carbs.

“People are concerned about her. She is not very fit and doesn’t have much energy.

“Some people wonder if she is going to last the tour.”

So all these years of foot-twisting heels, bad dye jobs, and edamame beans have finally caught up with Mad Posh.  It just goes to show you that just because someone is thin and pretty, that doesn’t mean they are healthy, or that they have a healthy self-image.

Of all the girls (why do we keep calling them girls?  They’re in their thirties), Mel C has the strongest singing voice and most talent, and subsequently has the most to lose if this tour is a flop, because she is the only one with a successful solo career to worry about.  Victoria probably has the weakest singing voice, a breathy soprano, and she’s doing mostly backup harmonies.

But as far as how they look physically…I think they all look amazing.  Emma shouldn’t worry about her hips, they look fine.  If they have a few more curves now, so what?  Curves can be amazing if used to your advantage, instead of trying to hide them.  Frankly, I think Geri’s sixpack is a bit scary, and Victoria needs desperately to put on some weight, but overall they should all be proud of their appearances.

But I’m telling you, a bunch of women together in one spot never works out.  Mark my words.  It’ll be interesting to see how the tour works…and if they are speaking to one another at the end of it.

Today marks the 27th anniversary of Ian Curtis’ death, when at age 23, Curtis hanged himself on the eve of his band’s departure for a tour of the U.S. In a fitting tribute to his brief, but brilliant career, a new biopic titled Control premiered last night at Cannes which chronicles his short life and that of his band Joy Division. The film is based on the book written by Curtis’ wife Deborah called Touching From a Distance and follows his life from the start of band’s formation (1976) to his death on May 18th, 1980. The couple have one child, daughter Natalie who was born in 1979.

It would be difficult to imagine today’s musical landscape without the influence of Ian Curtis and Joy Division. Despite having the legacy of being one of the youngest rock musicians to die so early in his career, Ian Curtis like so many before and after him, continues to impact our lives through his music.

Dutch rock-photographer and videographer Anton Corbijn, who is making his directorial debut with Control, photographed Joy Division in the late 70’s. He’s also a legendary music videographer who directed Nirvana’s “Heart Shaped Box,” Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus,” and literally dozens of others, as well as, having photographed virtually every big name in music including the album covers for Depeche Mode and U2′ s Joshua Tree. Corbijn is quite literally a legend of rock in his own right, which makes him the perfect fit to capture the life of a rock legend.

Working as a photographer for British rock mags, Corbijn was on the scene to capture the dark, but electric mood of the late 70’s as the now legendary label Factory Records helped spawn the careers of Joy Division, and later New Order (see also OMD, Happy Mondays and Duritti Column) during a period that also saw the emergence of The Sex Pistols and the Buzzcocks, just to name a couple.

Corbijn recalls the period and his decision to film the movie in stark black and white:

”My whole memory of that period is black and white. There is basically no color photography of that band around. So it felt very proper to the project.”

Corbijn also felt strongly about his decision to cast a relative unknown actor Sam Riley in the role of Curtis based on his initial impressions of the actor:

”A lot of bands I met, including Joy Division, were kind of underdressed – a thin coat on, smoking and shivering in the cold. When I met Sam it was also in the winter and he was totally the same…had an innocence and a freshness that I was hoping for but never thought I would find.”

Despite an all-too-short life, both as a group and for that of their lead singer Ian Curtis, Joy Division has had a tremendous influence of many of today’s biggest names in rock. U2’s Bono has described Curtis voice as “holy” and wrote the song “A Day Without Me,” as a direct reference to the suicide of Curtis. This was the first single released off of U2’s debut album Boy in 1980. NIN’s Trent Reznor is also a fan of Curtis’ work and covered Joy Division’s amazing song “Dead Souls” which was a released on The Crow soundtrack and Reznor often lists the band and Curtis as an early influence.

It would be fair to trace Curtis and company in the sounds of Bauhaus, Echo and The Bunnymen, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Siouxie and The Banshees and certainly later in the sounds of techno master Moby, who covered “New Dawn Fades” for the Heat soundtrack, which may possibly be the greatest movie soundtrack ever made.

Clearly, Curtis’ life was polarized between his creative forces and his personal pain. Ian suffered from epilepsy and this certainly contributed in part to his various spikes in emotions and personality conflicts. His wife Deborah described him as very controlling, often moody and distant. At the time of Curtis’ suicide the couple were contemplating divorce which was exacerbated by Ian’s affair with a Belgian writer named Annik Honore.

Deborah says these torn feelings may have been at the root cause of his suicide, but even she has no definitive answers:

“Maybe he was concerned about doing the right thing. Maybe he was torn between what he should do and what he wanted to do. Maybe Annik wasn’t the one, but he felt he needed to go. I don’t know. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering, because there were so many other things he could’ve done besides commit suicide.

Only Ian Curtis knows why he took his own life on the eve of what was clearly to be a journey into rock greatness, leaving behind many broken lives, including that of his bandmates. With the end of Joy Division (the band agreed that if any member departed, they would change the name) New Order was created, and we should all be thankful for that.

Hopefully this new biopic will shed some light into the world of a mysterious figure that most of us know only through his lyrics and haunting voice; and while these gifts are priceless in quality, their absence in quantity is painful to bear.

Perhaps the answer to the mystery of his death can be found in Ian’s own words:

Love Will Tear Us Apart

When the routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
But emotions wont grow
And were changing our ways,
Taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again

Why is the bedroom so cold
Turned away on your side?
Is my timing that flawed,
Our respect run so dry?
Yet theres still this appeal
That weve kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again

Do you cry out in your sleep
All my failings expose?
Get a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Is it something so good
Just cant function no more?
When love, love will tear us apart again

Lily Allen, the fiery little lass from the UK who’s ska-revival-infused pop sound is slowly infiltrating the U.S., doesn’t much appreciate how our culture pits her against her music rivals.  In this case, fellow Brit singer the bluesy-rocker Amy Winehouse.  Allen insists there’s no real rivalry, only one made up in the press.  I tend to believe her on this one, as Allen’s non-too-shy about expressing how she feels about other celebrities and musicians.  Lily on the Amy Winehouse much-ado-about-nothing:

“Every interview I do I’m getting asked how I feel about Amy. It’s starting to really p%#s me off. I really like Amy and am totally supportive of her. “Why do people always try to play women off against each other? Or why not create a rivalry between the boys? I think there is something seriously wrong with this part of our culture.”

Lily makes a good point, but why is she surprised? If there’s no controversy, then one will be created, especially in her case.  It is Lily Allen’s very outspokenness that has helped to make her a household name.  She must know deep down, that this willingness to speak critically and openly would not only bring her attention, but also some negative repercussions.

Her most recent attack was shot at the Beckhams, David and Victoria.  Lily on the Beckhams:

“We are bombarded with fashion mags and gossip mags with rich pop stars and Victoria Beckhams with their new handbags and kids think that’s the sort of life they should have.”

That’s what we here in the states call: keeping up with the Joneses.  It’s what drives our capitalist society, and quite honestly, it’s what makes us great.  Our greed and need to have EVERYTHING.  All in all, that’s one of the more insightful things Ms. Allen has said.

Last week Lily blasted our President Bush in concert when she got drunk while performing in San Diego.  Here’s an excerpt of what happened:

The ‘Smile’ singer, after guzzling beer and cider onstage during the concert, attacked Bush for being an “a**ehole and a c**t” before turning her ire on Brit PM Tony Blair and calling him a “c**t’s bitch”.  Allen then had people gaping when she declared that she was “probably bisexual”, and that she was tired of men with “tiny d***s”. She also said that San Diego has the best crack whores she’d ever seen, and that she was thinking of becoming a lesbian.

I totally know how she feels.  San Diego’s crack whores are THE BEST. 

Anyway, this is typical of the cherubic-faced Allen.  She’s gone off on Sir Bob Geldolf, Madonna, Pete Doherty, MTV and James Blunt to name a few. Not that I blame her, they are all a bunch of tossers.  But with that kind of “mouthy” track record she has no place to complain about people wanting to create a rivalry from fellow Brit singer and total drunk Amy Winehouse. 

In truth, I am totally psyched about this British Invasion; drunk chicks who sing, crackheads who date cokewhore models, metrosexual soccer players and their pimped out wives – and who knew Tony Blair was a total b*itch.  A total hot b*tch at that!

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