I swore I would not write about these knuckleheads reality stars on our hallowed blog, but hey, even I can be shallow from time to time

So when I saw this PR release in my inbox, I checked it out and the sticker shock on what Audrina spent on her OWN birthday made me almost drop a deuce in my 100% cotton, reasonably priced drawers. While $4000 may not be much in Audrina’s world, for me $4000 is a large investment. I can say in an entire YEAR, I might have spent about half that amount on clothes for the WHOLE family. Granted, I am a bargain shopper and wait for sales at the Gap, Macy’s, and I sometimes shop at Marshall’s and TJMaxx when I can, but for the most part, I wouldn’t dream for a second about spending more than $15 on a t-shirt.

I don’t know how much these girls make being on their fake-reality show, “The Hills,” but DAMN, I want that job. The ladies of “The Hills” were featured on Rolling Stones most recent cover. WHY? I can think of about 15000 other individuals more compelling than these ladies, but hey, it’s what the young people want.

Here’s the PR release, we get these pretty often, I ignore them frequently because it’s not relevant in my view of Celeb culture, but hey, seeing what people spend is kind of interesting:

But wait, there’s more…

When I saw these ads I first was speechless…but don’t worry, I’ll have enough of my voice back to rail about this on BTR Today later on.

Yes, these are ads for the House of Deréon, a clothing line created by singer Beyoncé and her mama, Tina Knowles.  According to Wikipedia:

House of Deréon is a prêt-à-porter fashion line introduced by singer Beyoncé Knowles and her mother/stylist Tina Knowles. The style and concept is inspired by three generations of women in their family, with the name “Deréon” paying tribute to Beyoncé’s grandmother, Agnèz Deréon.

Expanding the brand, Jay Z and her sister Solange Knowles launched the junior line Deréon that is geared towards younger consumers and is more reasonably priced. The tag line for Deréon is “Where the sidewalk and catwalk meet”. […]

It is reported that Beyoncé has an active role in the House of Deréon’s design department, approving and discussing fashion designs and ideas.

First of all, what is it with all the stinkin’ acute accent marks?  I don’t like to drag out Character Map every time I try to type up an article.

I like what Pop Gumbo had to say:

Tina, we understand that you had to pimp out your daughter at a young age in order to make her a star and bring money into the home. Without that sacrifice, “bootylicious” might never have made it into the American vernacular. So for that we are truly grateful, but this boo, is a disgrace. These little girls look like whores. Why all the lipstick?

What is the next ad going to look like? Babies wearing gold metallic bikinis while five-year old boys throw Monopoly money on them.

These ads creep me out…but more importantly, they make me sick.  The top photo is the worst offender; the bottom one is just dumb in a too-much-makeup-on-a-little-kid way.  It’s bad enough that we have teenagers walking around dressed like they’re looking for their pimp, but little girls?  I’m no prude, and I don’t believe little girls should always be in ruffly dresses and hair bows, but come on…high heels on preschoolers?  They’re probably a grown-up pair, but still…what are these people thinking?  Who would buy such trash for their child?  Why would advertisers want to show children in full makeup and hairdos, looking like adults?  What’s with all the lipstick and “come hither” looks?

And the sad thing is that clothing like these are not relegated to ads.  Go to any mall on a weekday and you can see mothers with their preschoolers walking around dressed like this.  Whatever happened to kids being kids?  Being silly with mommy’s makeup and playing dress-up with grownup clothes and shoes in one’s home, during playtime, is one thing.  Taking it to the streets is something else entirely.  And that’s exactly what these little girls look like they’re getting ready to do.  Let children be children…and let children look like children.

Don’t tell me I’m a sicko who is seeing something that isn’t there…take some software, age the photographs of these girls about fifteen years, don’t change their expressions, and see what they look like.  Sexy ads.  I rest my case.

A friend of mine once told me that we can make our daughters targets or treasures.  I’ll let you decide.

Dear John:

Although some people might think you are a bit crazy to do it, I, for one, applaud your decision to wear and maintain an authentic 1980’s feathered haircut:

“Today I set off on my newest project,” writes the 30-year old musician, who made news this week after spending time in Miami with Jennifer Aniston. But his newest project isn’t romantic — it’s hairier than that. His goal: “To grow and maintain an authentic ’80s style feathered haircut,” he blogs, further insisting, “It’s something I’ve wanted to do for some time.” He admits to being “very excited to bring this amazing look into today’s pop culture landscape,” noting, “The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. And as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.”

But as someone who actually lived through the 80’s, I have to say…you’re on your way (the jacket you have on is a nice touch), but you haven’t got it right just yet.  Please, allow me to offer you some advice.

But wait, there’s more…

I know Dawn did a great story on this a few days ago, but I have to add my two cents…it seems that Rick Astley has become such an internet phenomenon, Sony is going to re-release his greatest hits:

The video for his 1987 hit Never Gonna Give You Up has received more than 15million hits after that internet prank.

Web users were tricked into thinking they were visiting footage of celebs up to no good — but were in fact directed to an Astley promo.

Now Rick, left, is set to coin it thanks to the scam - dubbed “Rickrolling” — revived interest in him.

Record label Sony are re-pressing his greatest hits collection in a bid to get it on shop shelves again by the end of the month. Rick Astley: The Ultimate Collection is due out on April 28.

It’s currently out of print — a situation that’s nothing short of mystifying.

I just want to say that I’ve always loved Rick Astley.  I’ll be in line for mine.  Who wouldn’t dig that smoove baritone?  Like buttah.

For those of you who haven’t rickrolled, basically it’s like this…someone sends you a link (or posts a link) to something like “CELEBS GONE WILD, U GOTTA SEE DIS!!!!!!11!!”  When you click the link, instead of nakie people, you get this.

But you know he’s gotta love rickrolling…after all, it’s boosted his career and undoubtedly done great things for his bank account!  Besides, it gives all us who grew up in the 1980’s something to reminisce about.  Those acid-washed pants, the Wayfarer sunglasses (I still wear mine), those faux-pompadour hairdon’ts….what’s not to like?

I know it’s not technically a rickroll, but…

Cilla, what is going on?  Somewhere, Elvis is turning over in his grave at the sight of his Cilla’s face looking like The Joker.  She’s had an affinity for plastic surgery for years, but it seems that a while back she got more than she bargained for.  Turns out that the botox injections she received a few years ago weren’t botox at all, but low-grade silicone similar to what they use for lubricating car parts:

Priscilla, whose face looks … strange on “Dancing with the Stars,” went to Dr. Daniel Serrano around 2003. Serrano was a good-looking doc from Argentina who hooked into Hollywood’s social A-list and started giving them what he claimed were miracle injections that worked better than Botox.

In fact, Serrano was injecting industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what’s used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina into the faces of these women. Several women, including Shawn King, Larry’s wife, and Diane Richie, Lionel’s wife at the time, held injection parties in their homes, with Serrano needling them with the non-FDA approved drug that he had smuggled in to the U.S. Shawn King has said the injections created a lump in her lip that made it difficult to speak and drink liquids. Serrano charged between $300 and $500 a pop.

But wait, it gets worse. Serrano wasn’t even a licensed doc in the U.S. The injections caused lumps, paralysis and holes in the faces of some of the women (and some men) he injected.

Serrano, who was nicknamed Dr. Jiffy Lube, was indicted by the Feds for smuggling drugs, and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs. He was convicted, and last week he was released and is currently being investigated by federal immigration officials and could be deported.

BTW, Diane Richie was also indicted as an accomplice. She pled out and was placed on probation.

As for Priscilla — who had no idea she was being injected with silicone — we’re told she’s undergoing corrective work.

Does LRH know about this?

Seriously…whatever happened to growing old gracefully?  Girlfriend is sixty-one years old.  I’m not an ageist, I’m all for keeping up with fashion and I don’t think we automatically need to start wearing polyester pants and SAS shoes once we hit a “certain age”, but come on…there’s having a little fun, and then there’s…this.  This…is just creepy.  A little work is one thing, but she’s completely altered her face to where she’s unrecognizable.  Her face no longer looks alluring or even pretty.

Sexy is not an age, but this is not sexy.  This is scary.

Besides…there’s just something about seeing meemaw slithering along the floor looking like this that just isn’t right on so many levels.

And jeans tight enough to show what religion you are need not apply:

She said: “I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops-exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt.

“Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!”

The jeans will come out as part of Beckham’s dVb label. She told men’s fashion website DNR: “These are not skinny jeans. They are what I call proper men’s jeans.

“If you are a man that likes really skinny jeans, very fashiony, this isn’t really the line for you. I didn’t want anything too tight around the crotch.

“That really repulses me. It might be fashionable, but you are not going to get that from dVb.”

While she’s at it, she gets in a little dig at people who don’t do their fashionista homework:

Beckham, the creative director of the brand, went on: “I’ve used the best Japanese denim, and I think I’ve created a fit that is very flattering and very comfortable.

“I’m a complete control freak and I want everything to be perfect. I’m not doing a Britney Spears and just putting my name on something and saying, ‘Sell this perfume.’

Ooooh, burn.  I believe homegirl has a case of the OCD.  But she does have a point…if I had my name on something, I’d be sure to know everything about it before I ever let it go out with my signature.  People associate it with you.  I’d definitely want to make sure the product, be it jeans or perfume or microwave popcorn, was top-notch.  Unlike Curious.  So anyway:

The jeans, sourced in Asia and Morocco, will retail from $220 to $285 USD, she said. They are expected to be sol

Wait, what?  These are still jeans, right?  They don’t have diamonds or jewels embedded in them, correct?  They are denim, which is basically cotton twill, right?  They don’t come with motorized zippers or a pocket full of cash?

And people actually pay prices like this?  For jeans?

I think I’ve just met people who annoy me more than Mad Posh.

You know, when I first read this, it reminded me of manipulators who take someone emotionally weaker than they are and work on that, telling them that their family and friends don’t care any more, that the manipulator is the only one who TRULY cares.  I could be wrong, but then again…?

[Sam] Lutfi said of [Britney’s] family, “They have an agenda. Their agenda is jealously because they don’t fit in. I do. They see her three times a year.”

Britney was by the phone during Lutfi’s conversation with [Harvey] Levin [owner of TMZ]. Lutfi claimed he did not force Britney to buy a car, asking Brit, “Did I force you to buy a car.” In a heavy southern accent she responded, “No.” He continued, “Do I ever bug you.” She replied, “We argue.”

Is anyone else totally creeped out by that?  It’s like the manipulator and his prisoner…he brings her up out of her box to stand there and parrot monosyllabic answers while he does all the talking.

But what else is interesting about this little tidbit is this line:

Lutfi said there was no intervention last night, but then said Britney’s family “barged in.” For the record, the family is staging an intervention and Lutfi has been kept in the dark.

Um…HELLO?  Isn’t an “intervention” supposed to be a surprise thing?  It sounds like the only one surprised is Osmarmy because everybody else on the planet knows about it.  Way to keep it on the down-low, folks.

And like I said yesterday, I don’t think “intervention” is quite the correct term here…what are they going to say to her, if she doesn’t get help they’ll never speak to her again?  They barely speak to her now.  Or that they’ll withdrawal monetary support?  Um, she’s the one supporting them.  Perhaps they’ll not let her see her kids?  The court tried that, it didn’t work.  They aren’t planning an intervention…an argument, perhaps, or a strong talking-to, or a finger-waggle with a “no no no”, but not an intervention.

In other Brit news, she took delivery of a new Mercedes-Benz yesterday.  Yes, another one.  And apparently she went shopping for it in the middle of her, um, intervention:

As TMZ first reported, the family is staging an intervention so Britney can get help for her bipolar disorder. Family sources say they are furious at Lutfi, claiming he pushed Brit into going to B.H. Mercedes today to buy a new car — in the middle of the effort to save her.

And just what did she buy?  A black, two-seater, SLK 350 Mercedes-Benz, for which she paid $55,000.  Cash.  Paid in full.  What, no place for child seats?  Then she went out driving in it later that night, only to get lost and have to ask one of her pap friends to help.

That’s right, folks…all you who shelled out fifteen bucks for her CDs are co-conspirators with Osmarmy.  She used your money to buy a car that’s worth more than many people’s houses, possibly more than the houses of the very people who have supported her by buying her products.  That’s the money she uses to blow her life away, while her kids grow up with no mother.

Can I tie this very irrational decision to my theory on the effects of her menstrual cycle to her possible bipolar symptoms?

This is quite possibly the most frightening video of Brit I’ve seen yet.  I like what Michael from dlisted had to say about it:

Brit’s relationship with the paps is so f*cking strange. She’s standing there like a little girl and they are saying sh*t like “ooooh, it’s ok Britney…it’s ok…don’t be scared” while snapping away. It’s like they are petting her head and slapping her in the face at the same time.

(video language NSFW)

UPDATE:  TMZ is reporting that Brit is getting some medical help for her mental health issues, which apparently have been confirmed as bipolarity.  However, she is having the typical problem of taking her meds for a while, feeling better, and then stopping them:

Britney has seen doctors who have been referred by other doctors, plus doctors who have been referred by celebrities Britney knows, and doctors referred by her lawyers, family and friends. We’re told the process has been excruciating for her, partly because her disease is severe.

Sources tell slightly different stories about the efficacy of the medication. A friend says when Britney takes her medicine she is like “a different person — normal and sweet.” But she takes her meds for a while and then feels as if she can live without it — so she stops taking them — and her condition quickly deteriorates. But a professional tells TMZ flatly, “The medication just isn’t working.”

That same professional tells TMZ, “She’s really trying. Whether it works — we’ll have to see.” That person also says it’s extremely frustrating when the media shows video of Britney out on the town acting crazy, adding, “She has a disease. Sometimes when you see her she’s in the middle of an episode. It’s like mocking someone with Down syndrome.”

UPDATE#2:  You simply must see this video.  At some point she turns her shirt completely around and wears it backwards (you don’t see it on tape but it’s obvious).  And check out Osmarmy’s eyeroll.

WHERE IS HER MOTHER???

UPDATE #3:  According to X17 (I really hate that site, but sometimes it’s the only place to go for info, true or not), Brit has been up for over 60 hours.  It would seem this is the manic phase.

Oh wait, that’s her fourteen-year-old sister Ali.

Yes, I said fourteen.

People say that Lindsay looks older than her age of twenty-one, but I don’t think so.  I think she looks fine.  Well, other than those boots.  I’d rather see the Uggs than those boots.  And that purse has to go.  She looks her age, though.  But Ali…is fourteen.

There’s really nothing else for me to write here.  Oh wait, I want to yank Dina Lohan by the hair out in the street where I’d like to German Suplex her onto a car hood.  And I can do it, too.  I have the Power of Righteous Indignation on my side.  Dina just has cooties, and I have Germ-X.

Okay, now I’m done.

Unfortunately, his name is Reginald and he can only see Blakey when they’re both let out of solitary to shower.

Also unfortunately, faithful little wifey Amy has fallen victim to the curse of the perpetually bored, rich, horny, and high, and has turned to taking her frustrations out on her hair, assaulting it with a bottle of peroxide.  She didn’t just tease her hair, she totally ticked it off.

She’s also fallen victim to the train of thought that if you’re famous, whatever comes out of your mouth must be interesting as all get-out, so to that effect she’s given a rather rambling interview in which she claims that being addicted to alcohol is worse than being addicted to heroin (both subjects in which she has considerable expertise):

“Drinking long-term is a lot worse than doing heroin. Alcohol’s a real poison.”

Although with her well-documented problems with drink and drugs, and her failure to address them, it’s clear Amy is not exactly the voice of reason.

And despite her terrible problems with drug and alcohol abuse, when it comes to rehab she still says no.

A newly bleached Amy said: “I’m of the school of thought where if you can’t sort something out for yourself then no one can help you,” she told a U.S. magazine.

“I don’t know whether that’s because I’m a strong woman.

“If I go to the gym and I have a drink, I’m lovely to be around and really sweet.

“But if I haven’t been training or if there’s something bothering me, I’m a terrible drunk.”

She also claims that the drinking does not affect her work:

Amy, told the U.S. edition of OK! Magazine, that she works so hard her drinking does not affect her work.

But she then admitted: “There are certain instances where I’ll be out and I’ll be drunk, and I’ll come to work and I’ll be shattered.

“Then there are other days where I’m like, ‘Listen, if you want to have a nice day, please get me some alcohol’.”

Um.

Hmm.

Uh…

So I hear Britney ran away to Mexico!

Who?  Oh yeah, that one guy who tells us who dressed horribly the year before.   Anyway, he has decided that Mad Posh, also known as Victoria Beckham, was his official Worst Dressed Celebrity of 2007:

The fashion maven’s 48th Annual Worst Dressed Women List, released Tuesday, placed the Spice Girl at number one, a dishonor that was accompanied by this biting remark: “In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty Posh can really wreck-em.”

I could have told you that without a press conference.  Glad nobody’s releasing a Worst Pun Used To Describe A Fashionista list.

I have to say, I agree with him.  Rarely have I seen a woman with so much potential to be a beautiful style icon, screw it up so badly on such a consistent basis.  I’d also like to see her favorite fashion accessory, David, on some sort of a list as well.  I’m sorry, but you can just tell these two fight for space in front of the mirror.  Your man shouldn’t look more stylish and put together than you do.

Noticeably absent from the list is Britney Spears, because he believes that she needs to get her life in order before he picks on her bad clothing choices.  Well, at least he has a heart.

But I have to agree with the other women on his list as well.  They are, in order: 

1. Victoria Beckham
2. Amy Winehouse
3. Mary-Kate Olsen
4. Fergie
5. Kelly Clarkson
6. Eva Green
7. Avril Lavigne
8. Jessica Simpson
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Alison Arngrim

WAIT a second…Alison Arngrim?  Nellie Oleson from Little House On The Prairie?  Uh oh…Mr. Blackwell’s skinny behind is in for it now.  Crazazy bizzle will kick some gay boo-tay for putting her on this list.  I hope he has a well-dressed security guard, because don’t nobody diss Nellie without some hair getting pulled out.

Now THAT’S may-jah.