David Letterman and his long-time girlfriend Regina Lasko have finally gotten married!  The couple have been together since 1986 and they have one son together:

“They say, ‘Well, why did it take you so long to get married?’ and, of course, the answer honestly is we wanted to make sure we had the prenup just right,” he joked.

The TV host tied the knot at a courthouse in Montana on Thursday and announced the big news at Monday’s taping of CBS’ “Late Show” in Manhattan.

“I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years,” he said. “I secretly felt that men who were married admired me – like I was the last of the real gunslingers.”

Letterman, 61, didn’t explain why he decided to bite the bullet, but he noted that when he headed to the courthouse in a pickup truck with Lasko, 49, and their 5-year-old son, Harry, they got stuck in the mud.

“So now we think, ‘Well, somebody’ll come. No, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro?

“So I get out of the truck and I walk 2 miles back to the house into a 50-mile-an-hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sake. And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself….

“So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.”

Dave was married once before but was divorced in 1977, and he famously had a long relationship with Merril Markoe, former writer and producer on Late Night.

You know what my first thought was when I heard Dave had gotten married?  “Won’t his mom be thrilled!”

Best wishes to the happy couple!

Speaking of crazies on David Letterman’s show, when I was watching that wonderful little clip Dawn put up about Joaquin Phoenix’s disastrous appearance, it reminded me of when a certain singer named Madonna was a guest on his show.  I watched it happen, folks, and it wasn’t pretty.

What, y’all think he invented it?  (She didn’t either…ever see Emo Phillips on Dave’s old show?)

Joaquin Phoenix made an appearance on the David Letterman show either to promote his new film, or to further confuse us about his apparent bout with insanity. I almost fell out of my chair when Dave made reference to the Unabomber, channeling our own brilliant k dubbing Joaquin as the “Unarapper”. Great minds think alike.

Although Dave poked fun at Joaquin, his rapping and his appearance (especially his beard), Joaquin did a good job of playing the straight man. While some might suggest he was out of it, it was pretty obvious to the observant that the jokes were planned.

That said, Joaquin is OFF the reservation. Dude has a great talent and this foray into hip hop isn’t just strange, it’s WEIRD.

Any guesses as to what he’s up to? He claims he’s serious, but really? Color me skeptical.

Nobody, nobody, not one person since the late great Johnny Carson can deccimate a guest like David Letterman. He alone possesses the art of slowly drawing a guest into his comfortable web, self-consciously fiddling with his tie as they are lured there with pleasant words and a golly-gee-willikers-grin that belies the sharp teeth lurking therein.  Suddenly, before you know what is happening to you…you’re pwned.

Case in point:  Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, who appeared on Dave’s show.

Where do I start?  It was a low blow, Blowgojevich, to compare your case to what happened between Dave and Jay Leno.  First, no; second, you can’t compare the two events; and third, no.  Dave exhibits a wonderful example of total pwnage.

Anyway, Dave once again shows why he is the Undisputed King of Late Night, and all those other guys are just all blow and no go.  Much like Blowgo.

via Gawker

The host of NBC’s long-running show The Tonight Show, Jay Leno, is basically being forced out of his job, but never fear…he isn’t leaving, he’s just switching time slots.  While younger and presumably more hip Conan O’Brien moves into the late night slot (as opposed to the late late night slot), Jay is taking his show onto the earlier road:

The network will announce Tuesday that Mr. Leno’s new show will appear at 10 o’clock each weeknight in a format similar to “The Tonight Show,” which he has hosted since 1993.

Five years ago NBC announced that it would hand the job of host of that franchise show to Conan O’Brien in May 2009. Since then the network has maneuvered to try to keep Mr. Leno, who continues to be the late-night ratings leader, fearing that he could leave and start a new late-night show on a competitor’s network. “The Tonight Show” is seen at 11:35 weeknights.

While rumors had circulated that Jay was entertaining offers from other networks, he was eventually “persuaded” to stay at NBC:

Retaining Mr. Leno will undoubtedly be seen as a coup for Mr. [Jeff] Zucker, who has faced some serious questions about the wisdom of guaranteeing “The Tonight Show” to Mr. O’Brien and possibly losing Mr. Leno to another network.

Details of Mr. Leno’s agreement and the new show were provided by NBC executives who were briefed on the matter and who requested anonymity because they were not authorized to talk about the project until the network made its announcement.

The new show, which will begin next fall, is expected to be set in Mr. Leno’s longtime studio in Burbank, Calif. Mr. Leno is expected to retain many of the most popular elements of his “Tonight Show,” including his monologue and bits like “Headlines” and “Jay Walking.” One “Tonight Show” staff member said the new program would not be a variety show. [...]

An executive involved in the discussions with Mr. Leno said that Mr. Leno finally came around to the idea that the television business had changed and a show like his could be a success in prime time.

However, some see it as less wanting to keep Jay and more like a cost-cutting measure:

Though Mr. Leno will command an enormous salary, probably more than $30 million a year, the cost of his show will be a fraction of what a network pays for dramas at 10 p.m. Those average about $3 million an episode. That adds up to $15 million a week to fill the 10 p.m. hour. Mr. Leno’s show is expected to cost less than $2 million a week.

In addition, NBC will get more weeks of original programming. Network dramas typically make 22 to 24 episodes a year. Under this deal, the executives involved in the discussions said, Mr. Leno will perform 46 weeks a year.

Also, it is at this time I should point out that there has been no new hits on any of the networks at 10 PM for four years.

Look, I don’t know about you, but in my house ten o’clock at night is a busy time.  I have teenagers…they are busy taking showers, getting their homework finished, I’m probably cleaning up what is left of any supper dishes, people are trying to get laundry together to be washed for the next day…that or we’ve just got home from some sporting event and we’re all too tired to mess with watching TV.  Do people really have time to sit down and consistently watch television during prime-time any more?  I find that it’s only before or after prime-time that I have any time for television.  About the only thing I bother with on network TV in prime-time any longer is House, and I normally only catch that on DVR.

Let’s face it…after Johnny Carson left, there was really no longer any point in watching The Tonight Show.  And besides, David Letterman is cooler.

Wait…since Jay is no longer going to be on late-night television, does this mean Dave has epic win?

It’s no big secret that I loves me some David Letterman.  I’ve been a big fan of his since his first days at NBC, when I was a teenager and staying up until 12:30 on a school night to catch his irreverent show was a big deal for me, and I remember being upset that he wasn’t offered The Tonight Show after Johnny Carson left.  I can look over at my bookshelf and see a copy of The Late Shift, chronicling the behind-the-scenes story of the late night wars.  And it isn’t like nobody knew that there was a bit of friction between Dave and his late-night rival, Jay Leno, who ended up with the coveted chair at NBC.  Well, in the twilight of Jay’s day behind the big desk, Dave gets a bit philosophical on just why Jay is leaving:

“Unless I’m misunderstanding something, I don’t know why, after the job Jay has done for them, why they would relinquish that,” Mr. Letterman said in the interview. “I guess they thought it was a less messy way to handle what happened to me at NBC. I don’t know.”

Mr. Letterman famously moved from NBC to CBS in 1993 after Mr. Leno replaced Johnny Carson on NBC’s “Tonight” show, establishing one of the foremost rivalries on television. Asked by the interviewer Jason Gay whether he empathizes with Mr. Leno’s situation, Mr. Letterman said: “I guess empathy is the right word. It’s hard to know what he felt about it. I have to believe he was not happy about it.” [...]

In the interview Mr. Letterman spends more time talking about the succession plan at NBC than he does his own future. Mr. Leno’s last edition of “Tonight” is scheduled for May 29, 2009. Mr. O’Brien is expected to take over on June 1. Mr. Letterman apparently harbored doubts about whether his former network would go forward with the plan. “I’m not quite sure why they would do that, so much so that one wonders if that’s actually what’s going to happen,” he said, later adding that it “just seemed so preposterous to me.”

But NBC reaffirmed the plans in May with the hiring of Jimmy Fallon as the future host of Mr. O’Brien’s “Late Night.”

“It’s only until recently that I felt this thing had traction,” Mr. Letterman said. [...]

For a while there, Dave insisted that CBS was not giving him a strong enough lead-in with their local broadcasts, and that is why he lagged behind in the ratings.  However, he has a bit of a different approach to it now:

Mr. Letterman has ranked No. 2 behind Mr. Leno, who is 58, for more than a decade. Mr. Letterman acknowledges in the article, “I wish that we — and when I say ‘we’ I mean ‘me’ — I wish I could have prevailed.” But he concludes by saying that the reason for the ratings lies not in the local-news lead-ins of the two networks or the promotions of their shows, but in the difference between the two men. “I think he has greater appeal for more people than I do,” he said simply.

So far this season Mr. Leno’s “Tonight” show has averaged an audience of 4.8 million, while Mr. Letterman’s “Late Show” has averaged 3.5 million.

“It seems unlikely that now, after years and years of trying under a wide variety of circumstances and advantages and disadvantages, that suddenly I’m going to prevail,” Mr. Letterman said. “You can’t go through life fooling yourself. You have to be honest with the situation. That’s fine.”

That said, next year’s transition on NBC may present a new opportunity for Mr. Letterman. He told Rolling Stone that he had not given much thought to the forthcoming competition with Mr. O’Brien because “I still find it hard to believe that Jay won’t be there.”

And I think that is the crux of it right there.  Jay is more acceptable to everyone…he doesn’t offend, he doesn’t push the envelope, he pretty much plays it safe.  He’s very much the cheeseburger of late night television.  Dave, however, is more like rattlesnake…very much an acquired taste, but those who like it really like it.  I believe Conan’s humor is similar to Dave’s, because it sure isn’t anything like Jay Leno’s.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  Both Dave and Jay have great bands, however, so that should be interesting to follow.

In the meantime, Dave has done what I thought would be the unthinkable…he has offered a seat to Jay Leno:

“I think he’d be a great guest on the show. The first night that he is out of a job, I think that would be a great situation.”

Now that would be cool.  To have Jay on Letterman’s show the first night of Conan’s show…well, that would be a huge coup for CBS.  I hope they can work it out.  I also hope that Dave can visit Jay’s show before he gives up the chair.  It’s great to see these two, who battled for so long, finally come to a place in their lives where this is possible.

Besides, it’s my opinion that it’s still Johnny’s chair, Jay has just tried to fill it all these years.  And I really don’t think that Conan can do it.  He’s funny in his own way, but he’s not Tonight Show funny.  So come on, Dave and Jay…bury the hatchet, and not in each other’s backs.  That would be the most fitting end to Johnny’s legacy.

I’m not right all that often, so when it does happen I like to gloat a bit.  Okay, a lot.  But who’s counting?

Way back, I predicted that late-night show hosts would be forced to return to the air without their striking writers, following in the footsteps of the late great Johnny Carson, who also had to return without his striking writers in the last big strike.  I said they would have to do so to save the jobs of non-writers on their programs.  And while it may have been overlooked in all the Britney brouhaha (and my own nagging illness -shameless plea for sympathy-), sure enough…it happened.

Admitting he resembled “a cattle-drive cook,” a bewhiskered Letterman returned to the Ed Sullivan stage, surrounded by placard-bearing pickets who looked – and kicked – remarkably like Rockettes, and said, “Two long months but, by god, I’m finally out of rehab.

On the Tonight Show, Leno, clean-shaven, welcomed former Arkansas Governor Huckabee, who addressed why he should be in the White House. [...]

The reason for the shows’ long absences, of course, was the strike by the Writers Guild of America, which put the show’s scribes into cold storage – or, at least, on the picket lines. Letterman struck a deal with the Guild so his show could return and proceed in a scripted fashion, while Leno, as well as his NBC colleague Conan O’Brien – also sporting a beard – and ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, returned without theirs and were forced to ad lib their programs.

“A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim walk into a bar,” said Leno, dredging up one of the oldest jokes on earth. “The Jew says to the Muslim – see, I have no idea what they say, because there’s a writers’ strike.”

Okay, I didn’t say they were hilarious, but at least you could see them (courtesy of the non-striking cameraman) and hear them (courtesy of the non-striking sound person) and note their coiffed hair (courtesy of the non-striking hairdresser) and marvel at their clear complexions (courtesy of the makeup artist) and gaze upon their designer suits (courtesy of the non-striking wardrobe person) and listen to the bands (courtesy of the non-striking musicians) when they cut to commercial (courtesy of the non-striking director).

The late-night titans were basically forced to return to the air because anyone not related to the writer’s strike (cameramen, sound people, hairdressers, makeup artists, wardrobe people, musicians, directors, etc) were in danger of losing their jobs due to shows not being in production.  And, as I have said, this is exactly what the bigwigs at the major studios want to happen…they want people fighting with one another, feuding with long-time friends, to pit colleague against colleague, hoping that the pressure will force the writers to give up their strike and return to work for the same (or even less) benefits and pay.

The Writer’s Guild is looking into whether Leno broke any of its laws by returning to the air (NBC says no, that Leno is allowed to write for himself, just not other people), while Letterman was able to strike a deal since he owns his show through his company Worldwide Pants.  Therefore, Letterman did have some of his writers, while Leno was forced to go it alone.  Now, will the tack set by Letterman be followed by other television shows?  If Worldwide Pants can forge a deal with the WGA, will other shows now try to seek their own deals?  Is Letterman’s deal the key to breaking this strike?

There was some good-natured saber-rattling going on between the beleaguered network late-night offerings…when a bearded Letterman said he was going to shave off his beard on the show, bandleader Paul Shaffer asked if he would do it on his own show.  Letterman deadpanned, “No, Conan’s.”  And he offered a bit of tongue-in-cheek analysis:

“Ladies and gentlemen the only show on the air now that has jokes written by union writers,” Letterman declared. “I know you’re thinking to yourselves at home — ‘This crap is written?”‘