Why yes, I am glad that Denise “Worst Bond Girl” Richards has been given the ol’ high kick off Dancing With The Stars, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.  Hey, if you don’t like it, get your own site.

It seems that she had to compete in a dance-off against Holly Madison, with the end result being that one of them had to pack up their dancin’ shoes and go home:

Denise’s dance-off performance was stiff, off tempo and unpleasant to watch (just like last night’s and, for that matter, like Holly’s two performances): You kept expecting either her high heels or her knees to shatter underneath her. Her hip motions were about as sensuous as a grandma playing with a hula hoop.

“Stiff, off tempo, and unpleasant to watch.”  So it was pretty much like her performances in the movies, then.  I know it adequately describes her turn as a Bond girl (my poor Pierce…he deserved Meryl Streep after that).  So I guess poor, impoverished Denise will have to find some other way of making money, like perhaps going back to her reality series.  After all, she’s only got a few more  years of cute left in her kids before they turn into surly teenagers.  Although, now that she has dancing experience, she should retitle her show Denise Richards: Electric Boogaloo.

Guest musicians Hall and Oates (now there’s a name I didn’t expect to be typing today) showed up and performed Maneater…not sure how to segue out of that one, considering the two contestants involved in the dance-off were Holly and Denise.  The article pointed out that they should have done She’s Gone, but I would have thought Rich Girl would have been more appropriate.  Oh snap!

Former two-time Indy 500 champ and DWTS winner Helio Castroneves pled not guilty last week to a possible case of tax evasion:

Castroneves, possessed of a sunny personality, wept throughout his hearing Friday.

Castroneves, accustomed to glowing attention from the media, was peppered with questions about how he got himself into such a mess.

He stands accused of evading taxes on more than $5 million in income. He and his sister and a lawyer were indicted for planning to use an offshore shell corporation in Panama to hide the money in a ”pernicious” scheme, according to the federal prosecutor.

Castroneves pleaded not guilty, and of course he is innocent until proved otherwise. But the Internal Revenue Service isn’t known for filing flimsy cases.

The money in question concerns a $5M deal with Team Penske.  A conviction could get the motorsports star 35 years in the pokey.

For his part, Helio says he and sister Kati, who manages his business interests, left much of the financial wheelings and dealings to lawyers and accountants, and he doesn’t really get the machinations of the tax machine here in America:

Prosecutors also said Castroneves lied to his tax preparers.

”I do not understand about income tax rules,” said Castroneves, 33, a native of Sao Paulo who lives in Coral Gables. “I know the difference between right and wrong, and I did not do anything what those guys are saying.”

Castroneves’ only sibling, sister Kati, managed his business interests. Her lawyer portrayed her — as her brother portrayed himself — as naive.

”She’s a foreign national, not schooled in the United States, who relied on lawyers and accountants to advise her on Helio’s financial and tax affairs,” Howard Srebnick said.

Well, while it could be true that Helio, while by all accounts a nice enough guy, could in fact be ruled more by greed than common sense, it could also be that he and his sister are telling the truth…after all, most Americans who don’t have special degrees in tax stuff get confused by just filing regular 1040 forms, let alone anything of this magnitude.  Even having your taxes done by a professional doesn’t guarantee that they are doing them right.  I don’t want to convict him before all the evidence is in, but it doesn’t look good…the IRS really hates cases like this.

It’s said that had Helio not participated in DWTS, he might have slid by:

It’s ironic that Castroneves will strap on a bright yellow fire suit in the colors of Penske team sponsor DHL this weekend at Road Atlanta, because Helio wore a flashy yellow outfit when he won the “DWTS” crown in November. The successful “DWTS” appearance may ultimately prove to have been a double-edged sword for Castroneves, because his increased public profile could have whetted federal prosecutors’ desire to put the hammer down on the alleged tax dodger.

With IndyCar racing rating a poor second cousin to NASCAR these days, Castroneves might have slipped under the radar had he not gained the additional tabloid notoriety from the prime-time dance contest.

And NASCAR veteran driver Jeff Gordon has some words of wisdom for Helio, although they may be too little too late:

Jeff Gordon, the NASCAR champion and a friend of Castroneves, said he doesn’t believe drivers should even have agents or middlemen. He relies on his stepfather, John Bickford, as his business manager, but Gordon wants to be at the negotiating table and investment meetings.

”To me, you’re ultimately responsible about where it goes, how it gets there and what happens,” Gordon said to reporters Friday at Talladega. “If it sounds too good to be true, it is. That’s the bottom line, and that’s just common sense.

“In this situation we’ll see how it plays out, but it’s certainly not going to be a fun ride for Helio for a while.”

Rag on Gordon all you want (and I do, I’m no fan), but that makes sense.

Helio, some more advice…if you lose this case, don’t be trying to climb any fences.

Is this show still on?  Apparently so, because ice skater Kristi Yamaguchi took home the big prize:

After five seasons of watching the men win Dancing with the Stars, Kristi Yamaguchi broke the curse and raised the mirror-ball trophy in triumph for the ladies.

“I love it! I guess ‘k’ is a good initial to have,” Yamaguchi gushed to host Tom Bergeron moments after she and partner Mark Ballas learned they had won.

Not since General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco’s win in season one has a female contestant been Dancing champ.

Well, I gotta agree with her there. 

In other Kristi news, she also won some sort of ribbony necklace bling thing at some minor sporting event a few years back, but I can’t remember.  My mind is too full of DWTS!

 

Cilla, what is going on?  Somewhere, Elvis is turning over in his grave at the sight of his Cilla’s face looking like The Joker.  She’s had an affinity for plastic surgery for years, but it seems that a while back she got more than she bargained for.  Turns out that the botox injections she received a few years ago weren’t botox at all, but low-grade silicone similar to what they use for lubricating car parts:

Priscilla, whose face looks … strange on “Dancing with the Stars,” went to Dr. Daniel Serrano around 2003. Serrano was a good-looking doc from Argentina who hooked into Hollywood’s social A-list and started giving them what he claimed were miracle injections that worked better than Botox.

In fact, Serrano was injecting industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what’s used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina into the faces of these women. Several women, including Shawn King, Larry’s wife, and Diane Richie, Lionel’s wife at the time, held injection parties in their homes, with Serrano needling them with the non-FDA approved drug that he had smuggled in to the U.S. Shawn King has said the injections created a lump in her lip that made it difficult to speak and drink liquids. Serrano charged between $300 and $500 a pop.

But wait, it gets worse. Serrano wasn’t even a licensed doc in the U.S. The injections caused lumps, paralysis and holes in the faces of some of the women (and some men) he injected.

Serrano, who was nicknamed Dr. Jiffy Lube, was indicted by the Feds for smuggling drugs, and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs. He was convicted, and last week he was released and is currently being investigated by federal immigration officials and could be deported.

BTW, Diane Richie was also indicted as an accomplice. She pled out and was placed on probation.

As for Priscilla — who had no idea she was being injected with silicone — we’re told she’s undergoing corrective work.

Does LRH know about this?

Seriously…whatever happened to growing old gracefully?  Girlfriend is sixty-one years old.  I’m not an ageist, I’m all for keeping up with fashion and I don’t think we automatically need to start wearing polyester pants and SAS shoes once we hit a “certain age”, but come on…there’s having a little fun, and then there’s…this.  This…is just creepy.  A little work is one thing, but she’s completely altered her face to where she’s unrecognizable.  Her face no longer looks alluring or even pretty.

Sexy is not an age, but this is not sexy.  This is scary.

Besides…there’s just something about seeing meemaw slithering along the floor looking like this that just isn’t right on so many levels.

I don’t watch Dancing With The Stars, even though I like to see ballroom dancing (Strictly Ballroom is one of my favorite movies), but I kind of kept up on this competition because of one man: Helio. That’s right, the two-time Indy 500 winner won the dancing competition, and all that was missing was a fence for him to climb.

So why isn’t the champ celebrating with his fiancee? Well, it could be because his fiancee is no longer his fiancee:

“I haven’t talked to him in two months,” [Aliette] Vazquez said. “I am devastated.”

While Vazquez, a Cuban fashion designer, did not give a reason for calling off the engagement, she hinted that the nuptials nixing was a long time coming.

“I came out for the first episode of Dancing and haven’t seen him since,” she said.

Castroneves himself confirmed the split.

“I can confirm that Aliette Vazquez and I have called off our engagement and are no longer together,” he said. “At this time, I would prefer to keep my private life private.”

The former couple had already pushed back their wedding to 2008, for which Heilo cited his busy schedule of auto racing and dancing, while apparently the kiss in the above photo is a ’stage kiss’ done as part of the dance routine.

But, there are rumors that there is more than just dancing between Helio and his dance partner, Julianne Hough:

Castroneves told entertainment news show “Extra” on Wednesday that he has split from his fiancée, Aliette Vazquez. There’s speculation that the breakup may have been caused by a budding romance between Castroneves and his “Dancing With the Stars” partner, Julianne Hough. The two shared a kiss on Tuesday night’s show.

“It was the beginning of something,” Castroneves told “Extra,” “[but] it [the relationship] was beyond that point. It was time to let go.”

He had just been on the television show The View talking about his win, and about dancing at his wedding. But after the show, he indicated that the interview was about the dancing, not his personal life, and he preferred not to talk about that with the chatty ladies on the show.

So hmm. It could very well be that they are just platonic friends, but maybe Julianne taught Helio more than just how to ball change.