I have been debating for days now whether to even discuss the rather unflattering pics circulating of Mischa Barton in a bikini. This really isn’t the first time we were made aware of her less than smooth posterior, but surely this young woman (she’s all of 22) has a mirror and can see for herself that she’s in no shape to be wearing a far-too-small bikini for her body.

The problem with Mischa is she lives on a healthy diet of cigarettes, pot, booze, pills and who knows what else. Smoking is said to contribute to cellulite, and Mischa’s a living example this is true. Hey, even supermodels can get cellulite, it’s a matter of biology. But with a decent diet, plenty of healthy exercise and some self-tanners even those of us who haven’t been blessed with unnaturally smooth skin can look “ok” in a bikini.

Mischa needs to come to terms with reality and admit, even though she’s a pretty girl, she’s NOT in good shape and should really do something about that.

Smoking pot all the time will only lead to unhealthy snacking, so put the bong down and pick up some weights and take a walk young lady, those bumps on your humps are really out of control.

Your PSA for the day.

Okay, don’t answer that.  I really, really don’t want to know.

Yes, it’s spring, and that’s the time when people’s fancies turn to cleaning out the house of all the junk that has accumulated over the past umpteen years.  it seems that stars aren’t immune to this, because over the weekend permatanned Pamela Anderson held a garage sale where you could pick up some, um, unmentionables (and I really do mean unmentionable):

Pamela Anderson has been selling off just about everything from one of her two homes in Los Angeles. We’re talking light bulbs, a hot pink butt blaster exercise machine, bedroom furniture, children’s toys — even used lingerie!

The garage sale took place over the weekend at Pam’s rented Malibu home with all proceeds going to the animal charity PETA. 

Eager fans wanting to grab a piece of Pam’s past waited hours in line for the sale to begin and were shuttled in vans to her house after meeting in a public parking lot deep in Malibu. Most buyers were avid estate shoppers or fans of the former Baywatch babe who just wanted a glimpse of her house. One buyer said, “I just want to see how rich people live.” […]

And like every good celebrity, Pam was milking the pr stunt for all it was worth. The entire thing was being filmed for her reality show on E! to premiere this summer.

Is there no d-lister that E! won’t put on a reality show?  First Denise Richards (who was Pammie’s co-star in some forgettable movie released some time that I forgot about), and now this.

Expect to see many of Pam’s former belongings on eBay.

It is interesting to see that she’s trying to raise money for PETA, seeing as how she uses makeup, hair dye, collagen injections, and breast implants, some or all of which were possibly tested on animals at some point.  Because she’s never do anything that would hurt animals.  Like serving pigs in a blanket at her wedding reception (along with tuna and lobster).  Or wearing a leather corset in Barb Wire.  Or act in a movie with an animal in it (because, you know, it’s just wrong), especially not one with a bear chained up in an ice cream truck.  Or go to the circus.  Or wear Uggs.  Or possibly fix a “problem”.  Twice.  (that we know of)

(thx Deceiver for the research help…moar caeks for you)

I don’t know what those women out there in Long Island are drinking, but I think they’ve had a bit too much tequila in their iced teas, if you know what I mean.  It seems that Dina Lohan, mother of perpetually off-the-wagon Lindsay and upstart Ali, is going to be honored as one of their “Top Moms”:

Right now, Dina’s daughter, Lindsay, is literally a poster girl for bad behavior. Her mug shot appears in liquor-industry ads as an example of a “hard-core drunk driver” who needs a Breathalyzer to stay off the road (even though the ads are against having the devices in every car).

Yet, Dina will be named a “Top Mom” tonight by a Long Island-based charity, Mingling Moms Organization, even though Lindsay went to rehab three times last year and was jailed for drunken driving and cocaine possession.

Mingling Moms president Erica Logiudice called Dina “such a dedicated mom . . . Through all the ups and downs of Lindsay, she has been by her side.”

Some of Dina’s fellow honoree moms are: Rae Stern, mother of shock jock Howard Stern; Lillian Robinson (Eddie Murphy); Ann Iris Guttenberg (Steve Guttenberg); Betty Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld); Shelley Stevens Herschlag (Natalie Portman); Amy Hughes (Olympic skating gold medalist Sarah Hughes); and Eileen Connolly (”Entourage” star Kevin Connolly).

Nothing like keeping standards high for other mothers to follow.  But don’t get too excited…it isn’t necessarily for excellence in motherhood; in fact, pretty much all you need to qualify is a kid and a Long Island address (at some point or another):

“We’re just honoring celebrities’ moms on Long Island,” a spokesperson from Mingling Moms tells OK!. “It’s something for Mother’s Day. It’s a list of mothers from Long Island who have raised superstar children.” […]

New mom Jennifer Lopez, who lives on the Island with hubby Marc Anthony and gave birth to twins Max and Emme in North Shore Hospital, will also receive the Celebrity Mom of the Year Honor for putting the media spotlight on the 118-mile long strip.

But these famous-by-association moms shouldn’t feel too special.

“It’s not just about the celebrities – it’s more about Long Island moms,” the rep says. “Over 1,000 Long Island moms will be at the Gala tomorrow evening as well.”

I wonder if JLo will show or blow?

Seriously…what’s the point?  I mean, if there’s not a lot of criteria for this, why bother with it?  I live out here in the middle of a cornfield.  Should I receive a “Cornfield Mom Of The Year” award just because I do?  Or maybe Dawn should receive a “Scientology Bootay-Kicking Mom Of The Year” award?  (Actually, maybe she should.)

The woman didn’t mention that while Dina has stood by Lindsay in her troubles, if Dina hadn’t been so busy whoring out her daughter instead of actually (oh, I don’t know) mothering her maybe there wouldn’t have been as many problems to deal with in the first place.  So if they are honoring Dina Lohan with any sort of award celebrating mothers, then that is truly one of the last signs of the Apocalypse.

Apparently Brooke Hogan can’t apply her own suntan oil, so she has daddy Hulk do it for her.  I take it they didn’t read my post the other day about the dangers of being fair and getting too much sun.  Oh yeah, and this is just creepy to look at.

Very few photos make me literally jump with surprise and fright, but these did.

Apparently Brooke got over her feelings of betrayal that her daddy was boinking her best friend…

They seem to be doing pretty well at playing happy families, although perhaps they should have taken this scene indoors.

What else can I say about these?  I need to go wash out my eyes with some Mercurochrome or something.