Denise Richards would love these if they came in a bigger size…you know since she’s so into whoring out her kids on reality television.

For the prostitot who has everything, now we have high-heeled crib shoes:

Your little one  will look fabulous in these soft crib shoes designed to look like high heels!  Each pair of heelarious heels is packaged in a darling purse-shaped gift box, complete with a rhinestone closure.
Zebra satin heel with hot pink satin lining for infants size 0-6 months.

Why stop there?  Pair these with the House of Deréon line of pimpin’ fashion and your little girl is well on her way to her very own bootylucious lifestyle.

I’m not even going to link to the site.  Heelarious?  More like disgusting.

Yeah, I know they’re just little baby crib shoes.  But it’s the thought behind them…that somehow we have to dress up our little girls to look like miniature adults, and really skanky ones at that.  What is the matter with letting kids look like (stop me if I get too crazy here) kids?  Are our daughters targets or treasures?

via dlisted

When I saw these ads I first was speechless…but don’t worry, I’ll have enough of my voice back to rail about this on BTR Today later on.

Yes, these are ads for the House of Deréon, a clothing line created by singer Beyoncé and her mama, Tina Knowles.  According to Wikipedia:

House of Deréon is a prêt-à-porter fashion line introduced by singer Beyoncé Knowles and her mother/stylist Tina Knowles. The style and concept is inspired by three generations of women in their family, with the name “Deréon” paying tribute to Beyoncé’s grandmother, Agnèz Deréon.

Expanding the brand, Jay Z and her sister Solange Knowles launched the junior line Deréon that is geared towards younger consumers and is more reasonably priced. The tag line for Deréon is “Where the sidewalk and catwalk meet”. [...]

It is reported that Beyoncé has an active role in the House of Deréon’s design department, approving and discussing fashion designs and ideas.

First of all, what is it with all the stinkin’ acute accent marks?  I don’t like to drag out Character Map every time I try to type up an article.

I like what Pop Gumbo had to say:

Tina, we understand that you had to pimp out your daughter at a young age in order to make her a star and bring money into the home. Without that sacrifice, “bootylicious” might never have made it into the American vernacular. So for that we are truly grateful, but this boo, is a disgrace. These little girls look like whores. Why all the lipstick?

What is the next ad going to look like? Babies wearing gold metallic bikinis while five-year old boys throw Monopoly money on them.

These ads creep me out…but more importantly, they make me sick.  The top photo is the worst offender; the bottom one is just dumb in a too-much-makeup-on-a-little-kid way.  It’s bad enough that we have teenagers walking around dressed like they’re looking for their pimp, but little girls?  I’m no prude, and I don’t believe little girls should always be in ruffly dresses and hair bows, but come on…high heels on preschoolers?  They’re probably a grown-up pair, but still…what are these people thinking?  Who would buy such trash for their child?  Why would advertisers want to show children in full makeup and hairdos, looking like adults?  What’s with all the lipstick and “come hither” looks?

And the sad thing is that clothing like these are not relegated to ads.  Go to any mall on a weekday and you can see mothers with their preschoolers walking around dressed like this.  Whatever happened to kids being kids?  Being silly with mommy’s makeup and playing dress-up with grownup clothes and shoes in one’s home, during playtime, is one thing.  Taking it to the streets is something else entirely.  And that’s exactly what these little girls look like they’re getting ready to do.  Let children be children…and let children look like children.

Don’t tell me I’m a sicko who is seeing something that isn’t there…take some software, age the photographs of these girls about fifteen years, don’t change their expressions, and see what they look like.  Sexy ads.  I rest my case.

A friend of mine once told me that we can make our daughters targets or treasures.  I’ll let you decide.

Dear John:

Although some people might think you are a bit crazy to do it, I, for one, applaud your decision to wear and maintain an authentic 1980’s feathered haircut:

“Today I set off on my newest project,” writes the 30-year old musician, who made news this week after spending time in Miami with Jennifer Aniston. But his newest project isn’t romantic — it’s hairier than that. His goal: “To grow and maintain an authentic ’80s style feathered haircut,” he blogs, further insisting, “It’s something I’ve wanted to do for some time.” He admits to being “very excited to bring this amazing look into today’s pop culture landscape,” noting, “The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. And as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.”

But as someone who actually lived through the 80’s, I have to say…you’re on your way (the jacket you have on is a nice touch), but you haven’t got it right just yet.  Please, allow me to offer you some advice.

But wait, there’s more…

 

Of all the things I can find to pick on Paris Hilton about (and they are legion), her feet aren’t one of them (or, to be more accurate, two of them):

She’s not one to shy away from attention of any sort, but not even Paris Hilton would be pleased that all eyes were on her rather peculiar feet yesterday.

The heiress’ huge size 11s attracted attention for all the wrong reasons - they looked exceptionally bony and sinewy as she hit the street in a silver pair of ballet flats in LA yesterday.

Paris has previously bemoaned her super sized feet, saying: “Yeah, it sucks, because I see all these super cute shoes in the stores: Guccis, YSLs, Manolos. And when they bring them out in my size, they look like clown shoes.”

I am really sick and tired of the media finding something about people that doesn’t fit what some arbitrary anonymous person has decided is the “norm”, and flogging it to death and beyond.  I can pick all day on things like Paris’ clothing, hairdo, choice of makeup, horrible pet-owning skills, stupid decisions, vacuous personality, and even her choice of shoes, but those are all things she can change or do something about.  There’s not much one can do about the size of one’s feet.

Besides, there are more women in the world with big feet than small ones (you hear that, shoe stores?).  Just in America, the average shoe size for women is around a size 9.  And it must be taken into account that Paris is 5′8″ tall (coincidentally, also my height) and very slender (coincidentally, how I vision myself inside my head), and she has long, thin limbs and fingers.  Of course her feet look bony, it’s how her body is built.  People need to stop describing larger feet in terms normally reserved for abcessed pus-filled sores.

And of course her foot looks sinewy in that photo…she’s taking a step!  Really, that’s just stupid.  It’s a foot.

I’ve had a big foot since I was a kid.  Most of the time, I wear a women’s size 12.  All the better to kick you in the butt with when you make fun of my big feet, my dear.

And jeans tight enough to show what religion you are need not apply:

She said: “I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops-exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt.

“Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!”

The jeans will come out as part of Beckham’s dVb label. She told men’s fashion website DNR: “These are not skinny jeans. They are what I call proper men’s jeans.

“If you are a man that likes really skinny jeans, very fashiony, this isn’t really the line for you. I didn’t want anything too tight around the crotch.

“That really repulses me. It might be fashionable, but you are not going to get that from dVb.”

While she’s at it, she gets in a little dig at people who don’t do their fashionista homework:

Beckham, the creative director of the brand, went on: “I’ve used the best Japanese denim, and I think I’ve created a fit that is very flattering and very comfortable.

“I’m a complete control freak and I want everything to be perfect. I’m not doing a Britney Spears and just putting my name on something and saying, ‘Sell this perfume.’

Ooooh, burn.  I believe homegirl has a case of the OCD.  But she does have a point…if I had my name on something, I’d be sure to know everything about it before I ever let it go out with my signature.  People associate it with you.  I’d definitely want to make sure the product, be it jeans or perfume or microwave popcorn, was top-notch.  Unlike Curious.  So anyway:

The jeans, sourced in Asia and Morocco, will retail from $220 to $285 USD, she said. They are expected to be sol

Wait, what?  These are still jeans, right?  They don’t have diamonds or jewels embedded in them, correct?  They are denim, which is basically cotton twill, right?  They don’t come with motorized zippers or a pocket full of cash?

And people actually pay prices like this?  For jeans?

I think I’ve just met people who annoy me more than Mad Posh.

“Oh my goodness, there are photographers here? My my my…I nevah thought there would be somebody here to take my picture! I’m so embarrassed! Let me put my hand up by my face in complete giggly surprise. Oh, the ring? Why, that’s nothing, just some silly costume jewelry I threw on. I forgot I was wearing it! How embarrassing!”

pause

“Are you still shooting? Oh, how embarrassing!”

 

Don’t you know how people are, nobody loves you when you’re down on the floor after you fell off your shoes because they’re stupid and everybody is laughing at you?  (My apologies to John Anderson)

Baby needs a new pair of shoes, but these are evidently for people with more money than brains:

The 5 1/2in creations by Briton Antonio Berardi can hardly be described as high heels, since they lack the most important part - a heel.

For the bargain price of £1,800, the wearer will get to totter around with all her weight balanced on a thickened platform sole.

Unsurprisingly, fashionistas are jostling to buy a pair.

Stars including Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman invested in a black patent version costing more than £1,100, shortly after they were unveiled in Berardi’s spring/summer collection in Paris.

And Victoria Beckham apparently has a snakeskin pair.

They are going on sale in Browns stores in London, where they have to be ordered up to five weeks in advance.

Lincolnshire-born Berardi, 39, said he was inspired by Latin American music and 1980s post-modernism, adding: “When you walk, it is almost on tiptoe. You look really dainty.”

Uhm, no you don’t.  You look like an idiot.

Maybe this explains the “dainty” appeal of the shoes:

A spokesman for his Paris-based fashion house said: “The shoe has a bigger platform sole which stretches back further than normal and gives support under the arch of the foot.

“When walking though, you have to put your toe rather than your heel down first and you cannot wear them for very long.

“They are not dangerous because you would have to lean quite far back before you fell over.”

A reminder…don’t drink and couture. 

Seriously…$3600 to traipse around on my tippietoes, with my foot bent into a position feet are not meant to be bent into, just for a pair of shoes?  No thanks…I’ll stick to my crocs.  At least my feet don’t hurt and I don’t have bunions the size of ostrich eggs.

Oh yeah…and at least I have a brain and know how to use it to be individual, instead of being a slave to every crazy fashion that clomps down the runway.

All you tweenyboppers and young thangs so infatuated with hot star Orlando Bloom? Yeah, you might want to rethink that…if you’re into not stinking up the room, that is:

“Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly. Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often.”

When he’s not working on a film, the Pirates of the Caribbean star, 31, “goes days without washing his clothes,” adds the source. “He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks.”

It doesn’t help that he sleeps with his dog, Sidi, and lets her slobber all over him.

Since Miranda, 24, told him to clean up his act, Orlando has been trying. But, says the source, he’s told friends “he doesn’t know if this relationship will last.”

Okay, I’ll be the first one to admit that I personally believe that we are a bit too germophobic as a society at large (and this from someone who deals with OCD). All this antibacterial this and that is just helping to breed supergerms that will someday destroy us all.

Having said that…I shower every day (even if it is at noon), I wash my hands after I go potty, I do my laundry, and I change my socks and unders at least once a day. Because BO is a no-no. And if Orlando thinks that a supermodel is going to stick around with him and overlook his skidmarks and nasty pits and cruddy socks that stand in the corner on their own, he’s got another think coming. I know he likes being “green”, but you can find “green” laundry detergent and soaps and grooming products.

I mean, for some women that stuff might be a turn-on, but they tend to not shave their legs and eat only organic vegan soybeans and pick their toenails with their teeth and read via candlelight and live on houseboats that sink once a day. I can’t see Orlando doing that. For me, nothing says “This relationship is going nowhere” like week-old pit stains or wearing the same clothes day after day (which he has been photographed doing).

Yeah, think about that the next time you gaze at that poster of Will Turner on your wall. It’s more authentic than you thought…pirates don’t smell like Axe Touch, you know!

 

Monkey see, monkey do.  Brit got her lips did, and now Lindsay is the latest celeb to jump on the lip enhancement bandwagon.

She is seen here leaving Il Sole last night, showing off both her spectacular case of trout pout and her Day-Glo orange Press-On Tan.  What do you think?  It seems to be very orangey right above her newly enhanced Cupid’s Bow…not a good look on anyone, much less an attractive girl like Lindsay.  I wish she’d let her hair go back dark, too.

In other Lindsay news, she is no longer hosting the New Year’s party at Pure in Las Vegas.  The company seems determined to have her host something at some point, however:

…it appears the club plan to force Lohan to honour her contract, as PURE said “they will both wait for a day” when she can host an event for the company, perhaps even “another year from now.”

Maybe she could host a Bait and Tackle show. 

She seems determined to hold on to her sobriety.  Good for her…she seems to be really making an effort.  Now, if we could just keep her away from the oranges…

Mad Posh done went and got her hair did.  Which look do you like better?

Blonde Posh bob?

Or retro Spice Girls look?

The Daily Mail says it is a wig, but I’m not so sure.  As seen in the above photo, she’s let the Posh Bob grow out quite a bit, it isn’t as asymmetrical as it was before.  The new look seems to be the same only darker.

I sorta like her hair darker.  She doesn’t look all ice queen fakey LA soccer mom with it darker.  She’s quite pretty if she’d just stop trying to be the International Pout.

Apparently the new look is for the upcoming Spice Girls tour set to kick off December 2.