Mad Posh done went and got her hair did.  Which look do you like better?

Blonde Posh bob?

Or retro Spice Girls look?

The Daily Mail says it is a wig, but I’m not so sure.  As seen in the above photo, she’s let the Posh Bob grow out quite a bit, it isn’t as asymmetrical as it was before.  The new look seems to be the same only darker.

I sorta like her hair darker.  She doesn’t look all ice queen fakey LA soccer mom with it darker.  She’s quite pretty if she’d just stop trying to be the International Pout.

Apparently the new look is for the upcoming Spice Girls tour set to kick off December 2.

Just because I simply have to post something that isn’t Orlando Bloom, Britney Spears, or Iggy the dog.

It’s pretty sad that I’ve been reduced to this, but here you go.  I bring you Chris Crocker, all prettied up in his shiny finery, at the T-Mobile Sidekick LX launch.

Have fun, kids.  I’m going to go pour bleach in my eyes now.

mad posh iz mad
offurd meh cheezburger
do not want!

(photograph by Michael L. Smith, “The Mad Bluebird)

That’s going to be her name from this point on, from me.  This is Mad Posh, working her pout during a modeling shoot in Paris (check out the shoes….you know, I was kind of feeling this outfit until I got to the shoes):

Sophistication, beauty and an eye for fashion. Stars are supposed to have these qualities, and they pay good money for people to create this mystique for them, in some cases, they are NOT getting their money’s worth. Here’s a sampling of what went down at the Poiret: King of Fashion Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

The Worst Of Them All: Jessica Simpson.

This young woman has zero sophistication. Not an ounce. It’s like she gets her sense of femininity and class straight out of Hustler. Her stance, her pose, her makeup SCREAM whore. I am sure she is nice, but seriously someone help a girl out. Also, I HATE her hair color. It’s awful and the tan, excruciating. She’s just an absolute nightmare. Teach her the art of “demure” please. Where the F is Henry Higgins when you need him?!

Linebacker Award Goes To: Brook Shields

I like Brooke. Back in the day Blue Lagoon and Endless Love were the BOMB. But she needs to tweeze those damn caterpillars she’s got creeping across her face. Soften it up. Also, square neckline with cap sleeves? Jeebus, that rarely looks good on anyone, but certainly not someone as “big-boned” as Brooke. V-neck for crying out loud, you’re a woman, not a half-back.

Awkward Pose Award: Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci is a gorgeous creature, all three feet and 85 pounds of her. And while I applaud her covering up her five-head, I actually think she looks much prettier withOUT bangs, and perhaps lighter hair. Highlights maybe to soften it up a bit. Why she’s standing like she’s got a cramp in her buttmuscle I don’t know, but it looks weird and painful. She’s having an off-night I guess.

Most Likely To Shatter A Camera Award: Hilary Swank and Donatella Versace

There is no good reason these two should ever be standing next one another. One grazes on carrots and apples, the other on cigarettes and vodka. The only thing these two have in common is their uncanny ability to scare the piss out of a person. I didn’t even know zombies and centaurs were invited to gala events.

But wait, there’s more…

 

You know how they say once a girl gets herself a man, she really lets herself go?  Well I think that pretty much applies to Jessica Simpson. 

I tried to ignore that fake tan.  I tried to ignore the poorly executed hair color (which makes the tan look AWFUL), I even tried to ignore the general feeling that she’s given up trying to look good - but I cannot and will not forget the above photo.  There’s no excuse to not keep her girls underwraps.  What, she’s doesn’t own a mirror?

Anway, this story about Jess and her main peen John Mayer on vacation in Rome made me want to throw up:

“Jessica and John got back fairly early and stayed in all night. But by the sounds of it, they didn’t get to sleep for a long time. “This woman was saying she couldn’t believe Jessica sounded like she was getting it on so loudly in the room next door.”

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, please keep your weird sex stuff to your damn self, that means your freaky noises and attention-getting moaning.  People only do that because they WANT people to hear them.  Spare me!

And then there’s this Daily News blind item revealed at IDLYITW :

Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? “Also, she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex,” says a snitch.

Look sh*t happens to everyone.  I one time had what had to be the Ebola virus and crapped in my pants at work.  Needless to say, not a high point in my career, but at least no one had to replace my chair.  It takes a lot of fluid to ruin an entire mattress.  Trust me, I have kids, I know.

 

Many a gossip rag is talking smack about these pictures of Uma Thurman in a swimsuit, here’s a few quality (and by quality - I mean dumb guys) comments from around the web:

“Uma Thurman has to be ugliest “Hollywood beauty” alive. Seriously, these three should be scaring away crows, not telling you not to hate them because they’re beautiful.” -  IDLYITW

“Seriously, there’s not an inch anywhere on her body I could say something nice about. ” - WWTDD

“I just can’t figure out if I’m supposed to be turned on or grossed out. It’s like watching lesbians, only one of them has a mustache.”  - The Superficial

There were more, lots more, but essentially they were all the same lame comments about her body looking shot.  So either these guys all have problems with their peens, have never seen a real women up close, or are all dating supermodels from another universe. Because the only problem I see with Uma Thurman is she needs a new bikini.  Preferably one with some support.  I think she looks great for being 36 and having two kids.  These are candid shots, not a friggin photo shoot. Do women have to have full makeup and hair to go to the beach?  Guys are so stupid sometimes. I’d like to see them in their swimtrucks.

Feel free to enjoy another Uma after the jump.
But wait, there’s more…

 

You know what we do for fun in our house?  We get these pictures of Donatella Versace blown up to life size proportions, and then we sneak into our kids bedroom after they fall asleep and put them up next to their bed.  The bloodcurdling screams of horror and the sound of deuces dropping in the pants is the best.  We lay in bed giggling like schoolgirls.  Then when the kids come running into our room crying uncontrollably we gently console them, while firmly reminding them that coke, smoke and excessive plastic surgery is bad.  Price of posters: $40 dollars, valuable lesson in self control: priceless.

Donatella’s daughter Allegra is suffering from life-threatening anorexia.  The crippling disease has Allegra at a dangerously thin 70 pounds and is currently in a treatment facility to help her overcome the physical and mental illness. 

Insiders report that the 20-year-old’s condition is really bad, so much so, that Woman’s Day reports Allegra is under 24-hour supervision and must be fed through a naso-gastric tube. A Versace family employee states to Woman’s Day: ”It was the most sad and traumatic experience of my life,” he said. “Her arms are like candlesticks. Her skin is this unnatural colour I’ve never seen before.”

But the constant party doesn’t stop just because your daughter is on the verge of death from starvation, a disease most surely brought on by living with a mother who’s obsessed with appearance, despite looking like a monster herself.  Donatella was in attendance for her pal Elton John’s birthday party on March 24, and made quite an entrance when she fell getting out of the car.  Perhaps she was overcome with grief.  How would you know though, her expression never changes.

Allegra is the heir to the Gianni Versace fortune and was Gianni’s beloved niece before he died after being shot by serial killer Andrew Cunanan in front of his Miami home in 1997.  I bet Gianni would be disgusted that Donatella hasn’t taken better care of his Allegra. 

 

Cripes, what the hell is on her head?  Is that a damn gila monster?  Bitch looks fierce.  I bet that thing is going to claw her eyes out. 

I wrote a hilarious post, perhaps the funniest thing I have ever written.  And then I thought, “I can’t compete with a lizard on the head.”  Oh well, more brilliant musings lost to fashion.

 

I once watched an America’s Next Top Model  where they went to Japan to study Japanese fashion, so I’d like to think that I am an expert now.

These pictures were taken for Tokyo Fashion Week.  In case you were unsure, this is for Fall/Winter 2007.  You can tell because they are sporting really fluffy eyebrows.  Which I am told is the new black AND it keeps your face warm.

This is so HOT.  Seriously, I would sweat my ass off with that much going on around my face.

I bet my Clown Local 317 is totally coveting these sweet-ass designs. 

This makes me really angry. Seriously, I am going to have to kill something now after seeing this image of former Olympic skater Oksana Baiul fouling up the red carpet in Miami for Superbowl festivities.

God, what a useless whore.  She and her stylist should be raped by Nosferatu.

Great, no amount of midday drinking is going to help now. 

My day is totally ruined.