In our efforts to sanitize the world of all things unpleasant (can’t someone do something about Paris and Britney?) we are now embroiled in the next “Imusgate,” this time the offender/victim is Duane “Dog” Chapman from A&E’s “Dog the Bounty Hunter”. The show, as you can ascertain from the title, is about a bounty hunter, with camera’s following Dog and his extended bounty-hunting family as they track down criminals and bad guys on the loose.

I’ve caught the show a few of times (which has been canceled due to this flare-up) and not once have I picked up on any overt racial vibes from Dog or anyone in his family, that said, this audio clip is pretty damning. It seems Dog is angry with his son Tucker and goes off on a paranoid tirade, which in part attacks Tucker’s girlfriend, who happens to be black. What everyone seems to fail in seeing, is that if Dog and his family were TRULY racist, not in a trillion years would anyone, let alone Dog’s son, even associate with people of varying degrees of racial diversity. And they certainly wouldn’t date someone outside their racial circle.

Trust me, racists teach their children early on who they can or can’t date, if Duane hated any racial group, Tucker wouldn’t even entertain the idea.

But wait, there’s more…

Does marrying a woman 24 years younger than yourself make you a creepy guy? No, being a creepy guy makes you a creepy guy.

Fred Thompson is one of the major Republican candidates making a bid to be the next President of the United States. As with all political contests, every aspect of a person’s life is dragged out and paraded around for the world to judge.

Some might know Fred Thompson as a Tennessee Senator, and a regular for such popular TV shows like “Law and Order.”

Here’s what I know about Fred Thompson. He’s been married twice, his second and current wife, Jeri Kehn Thompson, is 41. They’ve known each other since 1996, which means they “met” when she was 30 and he was 54. They have two young children.

Fred Thompson is pro-life, doesn’t consider crimes targeting gays as hate crimes, doesn’t want gay marriage or affirmative action for women or minorities. He’s all for greater penalties on drug-related crimes, supports funding for abstinence programs in schools. He’s no fan of the environment, he loves guns, thinks American’s should continue to pay more for health care, immigrants are ok if they are doing unskilled, manual labor, he’s opposed to raising the minimum wage and last, but not least, he completely agrees with President Bush’s policy in Iraq.

On a more positive note, he gets points for supporting the death penalty on violent crimes!

So the real question isn’t whether his much younger wife is a “trophy wife,” but rather, do we really need another “compassionate” conservative? And by compassionate, he means “F U blacks, gays, women, Mexicans, old people, poor people and middle-class people.”

Schweet! And no, I am not a bleeding heart liberal. In fact, I kind of like Mitt Romney, even though he’s a Morman.

In the continuing drama that is the life of Britney Spears, the latest news to pop up is that Britney’s ex, Kevin Federline, is going balls out to keep her from having custody of their two children, 23-month-old Sean Preston and 11-month-old Jayden James.

K-Fed may even be the responsible party behind the recent investigation by the DCFS and unscheduled hearing to discuss abuse charges. The DCFS is stating they have received several anonymous tips about possible abuse allegations in reference to Britney’s children while in her care. Some sources are claiming that while the abuse claims are not of a physical nature, she is neglecting her responsibilities as their mother, with charges ranging from the bizarre, but completely disgusting assertion that she does not brush their teeth (but uses Crest whitening strips WTF?), gives them booze to make them sleepy and compliant and keeps them up late so they won’t bother her in the morning.

I can totally see this happening. Just look at the above pic. While there is nothing particularly untoward about what’s happening to the untrained eye, as a mother I can see several things that are totally uncool. First and foremost, smoking in front of small children is a exceptionally selfish thing to do, secondly, having your cigarette dangle so closely to their faces is even worse. Then there’s the fact that this little man is completely unclothed outside when she knows there are paps climbing out her every orifice. Not to mention the blank and vacant expression on her face, which if you ask me, looks like someone whose been popping Natural Lite tabs all morning and possibly some Nyquil and Redbull.

And last but not least: Britney + that bathing suit. I guess that’s not really germane to this discussion, I just wanted to mention how much it offended me.

TMZ reports:

“An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present — Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court.

“We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.

“A hearing in the custody case has been scheduled for September 4, which will be a follow up to today’s appearance.

“A rep for Britney did not immediately return our request for comment.”

Well, that doesn’t sound good. *Sigh* I don’t know how many different ways I can say this, but I will give it another shot.

Britney is simply too stupid to be a mother. Or in other words, her intelligence quotient is such that she is incapable of making sound judgments when it comes to the care and concern of young minds still in the stages of being formed and molded. People of Britney’s mental abilities are typically assigned to making overpriced lightbulbs that are then sold to guilt-ridden members of society at a greatly increased markup. In summary, there are inanimate objects within our universe when in the presence of children have far more positive impact than Britney Spears. It’s as though she sucks the smart out of a room.

This is all very unfortunate and I feel sorry for her children, and certainly even Britney, who most likely loves her children. Though I imagine her love is akin to the way a toddler loves a new toy: intensely, but fleetingly. Sometimes, loving your children isn’t enough, you have to also be able to formulate appropriate thought patterns in such a way that coincide with basic social mores and scientific evidence available as it applies to child-rearing.

We all want our children to be quiet and compliant much of the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to squander their braincells with booze and sugar, deprive them of sleep and deliberately rot out their teeth.

As strange as it is to say this, these two toddlers would be better off in the care of their father, who as we know, is Kevin Federline. AKA: K-Fed, Shifty McShiftless, Wangsta Extraordinaire, MacDaddy von Baller, Whorey El Whoremonger, ecetera and so on.

This simple fact alone may be the most glaring indictment of one’s failure at motherhood.

Photo Source: www.Britney.cl, visit for more in this series.

News stories are emerging today that Owen “The Butterscotch Stallion” Wilson made a failed suicide attempt this weekend and was transported from his Santa Monica home for emergency care after he was discovered by a family member with “superficial lacerations” on his wrists and an almost empty bottle of undisclosed pills near his person. Emergency personnel were contacted at approximately noon on Sunday and were dispatched to Wilson’s home where he was found unconscious.

No official statement has been disclosed to the press, but he is said to be with his brothers Luke and Andrew.

So, why would Owen, the purveyor of many a fine lady in Hollywood want to off himself? Was it Kate Hudson dumping his ass? Could it be his faltering career (You, Me and Dupree anyone?) or could it be a drug problem, as was hinted at by Malcolm McDowell on the radio this morning?

While being interviewed for his upcoming film Halloween, McDowell (A Clockwork Orange) spoke with Cleveland radio host Rover (talk show host for syndicated show “Rover’s Morning Glory“) and was informed of the suicide attempt by Wilson. In an off-the-cuff statement, McDowell said “that’s what that stuff will do to you.” Stuff being drugs, with cocaine being the implied drug of choice. McDowell later tried to re-clarify his statement by saying that he wasn’t sure if drugs were involved, but if they were, they could have contributed to Owen’s suicide attempt.

McDowell went on to say that Owen was one of the nicest fellows he’s worked with in Hollywood and hoped he was getting help. The two worked together on the film I Spy with Eddie Murphy in 2002. Maybe McDowell was speculating, or perhaps he knows more about the private Owen than we do.

This would hardly be the first casualty of Hollywood to succumb to the ravages of drug abuse, and if true, Owen wouldn’t be the first “funny man” to try to self-medicate his demons, especially with the “white lady” (John Bulushi, Richard Pryor, Chris Farley, Lenny Bruce, so on and so forth ad nauseam) but he isn’t the first person I would think of to attempt suicide.

You know what they say about the tears of clown…when no one’s around. Sad, sad, sad.

Owen, dude, seriously, what more do you want out of life? You’ve had half the panties in Hollywood, you are a working actor getting paid nice coin for your work and you are 50% responsible for the genius that is Wedding Crashers — don’t be greedy AND stupid. Stay away from the white lines man, get some help and find a nice girl to love, the rest will take care of itself.

It’s life, not rocket science. Sheesh.

UPDATE:  Owen has issued a statement to the press and is currently seeking treatment at Cedars Sinai Hospital in LA where he has been visited by his family, including brothers Andrew and Luke.

“I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.”

There’s no word yet on what led to the comedic actor’s suicide attempt, but stories are beginning to emerge of drug and alcohol issues from his not so distant past.  Star is citing a source who states that they were in AA with Owen, where he was seeking counseling for alcohol and drug related issues, especially prescription pills.  According to the source, as Owen’s career began to take off he was seen at the meetings less and less, and quit coming in 2006 altogether. 

It really is sad to watch someone as fun-loving as Owen Wilson seems to be battle a deadly addiction to alcohol — but it is NOT shocking considering his profession and environment.  Hollywood is no place for the weak.  Good luck man.

Joe Francis is still in jail and every time I think of that it confirms my belief in a higher power.

Apparently, the Girls Gone Wild creator isn’t having such a great time in jail. Having already spent 14 days in jail (Francis was taken into custody on April 10th at the Panama City Airport) he has been sentenced to 35 days (minus time served) in conjunction with his contempt of court charges stemming from a civil suit brought by seven underage victims claiming sexual abuse.

In court, the tearful Francis issued this apology and statement on the proceedings and contempt charges:

“I’m sorry for my behavior,” Francis said, wiping tears from his eyes. He said he was confused by an appeal his lawyers had filed and whether that meant he had to turn himself in. “That’s not an excuse. I should have just been there on time. I’m sorry. I really am. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.”

But there are more bad times ahead. Despite Francis’ lawyer Jan Handzlik’s efforts on behalf of his client to lessen the sentence to under 30 days, Judge Smoak would not concede. According to the article, 35 days exceeds 30 which is a magic number on his”criminal scoresheet” and makes him illegible for an additional year of jail time if Francis is convicted of federal tax evasion charges that were brought against him the state of Arizona.

Francis face further legal woes. After his contempt sentence has been served he faces additional charges of violating contraband restrictions for possessing prescription drugs and money while in jail. Since he is federal custody, those charges won’t be filed until his 35 day sentence is complete. Besides the tax evasion, contempt of court and contraband charges, Francis may also face federal charges in California for violating in that state in relation to not “keeping the proper paperwork showing that the performers in his “Girls Gone Wild” films were of legal age.”

To make matters worse, Francis’ cellmate, a man named Robert Bailey, is a convicted cop killer who has been sentenced to die, and has been taunting the soft porn peddler. Joe Francis suffers from an anxiety disorder and missed at least one drug cart round, plus he has been having trouble dealing with his cellmate wardmate [editors correction], who according to his lawyer Aaron Dyer, “would sit there and yell, ‘Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! Whoo!”

I realize that Joe Francis isn’t a mass murderer, or a drug cartel boss, or a serial killer or a whole host of other felonious things. But what he is, is a smut peddler and what he does, is target underage girls. He also thinks nothing of using his power and influence to take advantage of women who are minors and who are drunk, to humiliate and or, have sex with them — and to me, that’s almost as bad.

Can’t say I feel sorry for the guy, I can’t even admit to not feeling a twinge of joy at his expense. But hey, he broke the law, not me.

The whole Alec Baldwin voice mail nonsense is really getting old.  First off, Kim Basinger is a sanctimonious witch for pulling this stunt.  And let’s be honest here, we know she coordinated it - unless she can prove otherwise, which is HIGHLY unlikely.  Alec and his lawyers seem to think so too.  He has filed legal documents in a Los Angeles court to determine if his ex-wife has violated court order and is in contempt of that court order.  If you want the legal mumbo-jumbo TMZ has it.

There is a bigger issue here, and it’s not just about Alec Baldwin, Kim Basinger or their daughter.  It’s about how delusional and ridiculous this country has become.  I don’t care about Alec Baldwin as a celebrity, in fact, I think most celebrities are idiots.  I do care about his role as father being criticized by America, and the need to assail his character because he didn’t want to accept his daughter’s continued disrespect. 

And you know what, if they had a preset time to talk on the phone as part of their custody arrangements, it is entirely unacceptable for her and her mother to continually violate that court order without just cause or reason.

He’s her dad.  I bet he pays child support.  I bet he worries about her and cares about her and wants to maintain a relationship with her.  I bet he wants her to meet her obligation in the relationship and answer her friggin’ phone when he calls.  Cripes, is that too much to ask?

Sure he’s a hotheaded, big-mouthed, angry dope.  And yes, he definitely insulted her beyond what’s acceptable.  And you know what, he apologized, and now because his ex-wife’s a totally childish, psychotic manipulator, he’s had to apologize to the world.

Let me ask you something.  Have you ever said something you wished you hadn’t?  Have you ever done something you wish you hadn’t?  Of course, everyone has.  Children, contrary to what some idiots in the world think, sometimes behave like brats.  Either they’ve had too much sugar, don’t feel well, had a bad day, are in a mood or just plain feel like being big pains in the asses for no damn good reason.  It doesn’t matter.  But that surely doesn’t excuse them from the behavior, anymore than it does an adult.  In fact, it’s a parent’s job to point out a child’s poor behavior and help them correct it.  Far as I am concerned, if Alec’s daughter kept ignoring her phone visitation calls with her dad, then that makes her rude and thoughtless — and quite possibly a pig.  Who knows about that last one.

I’ve heard worse, by better, more kindly, patient people.  So really, let’s get a hold of ourselves.  Get off your friggin’ high horse and see this for what it is: a publicity stunt pulled by one angry parent trying to make the other look bad.  A cheap shot across the bow.  The real victim here besides Ireland for having two knuckleheads for parents, is me.  Because I have been forced to explain the obvious to a large number of people who are clearly full of crap.

Ok, I’m not really the victim, but neither is Ireland in this case. She’s 11, and as such she is old enough to own up to her responsibility as a kid and realize she has both a mom and a dad.  If she’s good enough to accept his money, then she’s good enough to accept his phone call at a designated time.

Update:  Kim Basinger’s own mother has openly defended Alec in the past and accused her daughter of intentionally alienating Alec from his daughter.  “My heart is sad for Ireland. She’s the one that’s suffering the most. All this is killing her. I think Kim has tried to alienate Ireland from her father. Alec loves his daughter with all his heart. He really is a family man…I hate what [Kim] is doing.” 

Here’s a great article about Alec’s situation and parental alienation.

Photo source

The saying “be seen, not heard” especially applies to Britney Spears.  The recently rehabbed and morphing Spears just can’t seem to keep her mouth shut even if it’s in her best interest.

Her latest move to fire (publicly, of course) her long-time manager, Larry Rudolph, couldn’t have come at a worse time.  Spears’ reputation and status has taken some major hits lately.  Not only did she go off the rails for two months right before our watchful eye, but she kicked and screamed her way into rehab — the only thing that seems to have broken her of her partying ways. Her endless need to blame everyone else for her problems and her inability to see the deep flaws within herself are going to be her undoing.

Now, in the wake of Rudolph being fired, Britney’s family have come to his defense and are once again appealing to the media to see past Britney’s b.s. and see the storm brewing within.  Britney’s dad Jamie Spears issued this statement about Rudolph’s firing:

“When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done. She was out of control. Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life.  The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter’s statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him.”

And of course Britney, via her spokeswhore Leslie Sloane Zelnick (who also reps Lindsay Lohan, go figure) released this retort:

“I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It’s sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman’s love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now.”

Brit goes one step further and has a “pal” (yeah, a real pal) say this on her behalf:

“[Britney]had no drugs in her system when she was admitted to Promises - they [tested her] and there was nothing. She was embarrassed she had to go in there when she knew she was suffering from postpartum depression, not a drug or alcohol problem. As for the head-shaving incident, the friend continued, “Britney’s aunt had just died of cancer. She was feeling very guilty because she hadn’t been there with her, she was overwhelmingly depressed and she shaved her head in solidarity.”

Veracity at its finest.  And this wouldn’t be complete without Larry Rudolph’s side of things:

A pal of Rudolph tells Page Six, “Britney obviously has a lot of issues . . . Larry’s trying to lay low and letting her act out, but . . . he doesn’t want to see her wind up like Anna Nicole Smith. He won’t get into a public fight with her - yet. This is about saving her from herself.”

Personally Larry Rudolph’s track record speaks for itself, he made Britney the superstar she once was (with one exception: introducing Brit to Paris *rolls eyes*).  And Britney chose to flush it down the toilet.  He should back off and let her make her own mistakes.  If she winds up choking in a pool of her own vomit, well, that would suck, but it wouldn’t be because people didn’t try to help her.  She needs to stop acting like a dumb hick, y’all. 

My sympathy has left the building. 

Some people ask “What does Kate Moss see in this guy?” and to that I say “What doesn’t she?”

According to Starpulse, the super-sexy, ultra-delicious metrosexually groomed Pete Doherty is ready to be clean and sober - for the 15th time. While in court today for review of his drug-treatment progress Petey had this to say about getting clean:

“The people I’m closest to have had enough. They’ve said it’s drugs or them. A lot has changed in the past week.”

Just in time too. From the looks of it, he was about to be condemned and torn down for being a health hazard. Seriously, is there anything more repulsive that this guy? Don’t answer that, because if there is, I don’t want to know about it.

I realize that this is a celebrity gossip site, but I am a journalist and this is world news which it affects us all.

Details are just beginning to emerge from the yesterday’s massacre at Virginia Tech.  It seems a lone student, 23-year-old South Korean native Cho Seung-Hui is the gunman responsible for the senseless deaths of 32 people.  An English major, Cho used two semi-automatic weapons in his killing spree –  and in cold blood, methodically went about destroying innocent lives full of promise.

One extremely disturbing element to all of this is the number of wounds being reported in the victims, according to a doctor who surveyed the scene, there was not one victim with less than three bullet wounds.  That’s hatred.  That’s an abomination within our own species.  Students who survived the attack either by luck or playing dead, said the gunman made a point of firing multiple times until everyone went down, and then came back a few seconds later because he heard talking.  How vile, how evil.

There are rumors of a note left by the gunman, and who knows what convoluted, selfish, demonic reasons he had for shooting his fellow students and professors - and really - who cares.  The end result is sealed.  Lives are lost and there is no one left standing to be held accountable in this bloodshed.  That’s what really pisses me off.  How cowardice to kill so many and then take your own life.

It is days like today that I am profoundly thankful for my beliefs, for I am certain that in this vast universe this man’s soul is being tormented beyond our comprehension.

My prayers and heart go out to all the students, family and faculty - and the entire Blacksburg community.  This truly could have happened ANYWHERE in a country where we all have the freedom to do as we wish.  Which, apparently includes mowing down 32 people in cold-blood for no reason whatsoever at a place of learning.  God help us all.

Even your computer isn’t safe from Paris Hilton’s cooties.  A new virus, disguised as an email has been spamming computers with promises of the over-exposed heiress doing what she does best: posing naked.  According to this article, a computer security firm has discovered a malicious virus that attacks the user’s system after being opened from their email.

Security firm Sophos said a new attack is using a lure of images of celebrity heiress Paris Hilton in a state of undress in order to invade users’ systems.  Spammed email messages with subject lines such as “Hot pictures of Paris Hilton nude,” and containing images of porn star Jenna Jameson, have begun circulating this week, Sophos said.  The emails link to a website containing the Troj/Iffy-B trojan horse, which links to more malicious code exploiting the animated cursor bug patched by Microsoft this week.

I have only one question?  Is there even a single soul left who hasn’t already seen Paris naked?  I mean seriously, my kids can recognize her naughty bits from three rooms away.  I am not sure what that says about my parenting, but I know what it says about Paris Hilton and pictures of her naked. 

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