At the top of my Christmas list in BLACK BOLD LETTERS is: MORE PICTURES OF BRITNEY SPEARS’ ASS. And just in time and right on schedule, I got my wish. I also wished for bleach and forks to gouge my eyes out after viewing said pics, but Santa wasn’t feeling all that generous I guess. I think he’s had it with the attention whores of fame.

So here you go, pics of Britney showing her best feature, which just so happens to be a far site better than her face these days. Nothing like have your face bloated from Starbucks frappes, prescription drugs, heavy doses of Nyquil and whatever other crap Brit shoves in her gaping maw. This new lifestyle has done wonders for her skin. She’s a real beauty that Britney.

Pics courtesy of Dlisted, Wenn.

Good heavens.  I’ve seen some horrid cosmetic surgery in my day.  Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Joan Rivers, Priscilla Presley.  But I do believe that this could just be one of the worst pieces of cosmetic surgery I’ve ever seen.

Joan Van Ark, star of 1980’s soapy drama Knot’s Landing, is sporting what appears to be either burn salve or an extremely bad reaction to a chemical peel at a charity event this past week.  I mean, this seriously looks literally painful.

It does seem in the past few years that she’s undergone some procedures, but at least in this earlier shot she didn’t look quite so cadaverous.  She looks kind of like Dina Lohan, dontchathink?

And in this old publicity shot from the 1980’s, it looks like she’s had a bit of tweaking done, but it was tastefully presented.

I hope that she just had an allergic reaction to a cosmetic or something (although that doesn’t explain the spiderlashes).  Why do people feel this need to surgically alter themselves to this extent?  Whatever happened to aging gracefully?  Did she think this would be good for her career?  Well, it did get her in the gossip pages this week…

I’m going to admit that I barely know who these guys are (Brody is the son of perpetually surprised Olympian Bruce Jenner), so go ahead and laugh at me now.  Apparently, that’s Brody on the left and Frankie on the right.

I just wanted to say that perhaps the wrong guy dressed up as Batman.

I know getting old happens to all of us, but what happened to Richard Grieco (remember 21 Jump Street?  mmm, Off. Booker) is not a raging case of the old, but rather a raging case of the “Hollywood.”

When Johnny Depp left 21 Jump Street to pursue a real acting career, the execs brought in Richard to fill his “hottie” spot for the young female demographics (of which I belonged, thank you very much). He wasn’t Johnny, but he sure knew how to work those eyebrows.

Then the “Hollywood” hit him. Don’t know what the Hollywood is? Well it consist of a toxic dose of coke, alcohol, skanky whores, neglect, straight to DVD movies, TV spots, living on the edge and most likely some botched plastic surgery.

Richard is 42 years old and looks beat down. Hard. Like with a bat to the face. This kind of thing is deserving of a strongly worded letter to someone. First Mickey Rourke and now Richard Grieco? For pete’s sake, is NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For proof that failure in Hollywood will make you ugly, here’s Johnny Depp, then 24 and now, at age 45. You do the math. Age has nothing to do with what’s happened to Richard.

Source: Dlisted 

Britney Spears, not to be outdone by Lindsay Lohan, has made a point of keeping her good name in the tabloids with all sorts of tawdryness.

Earlier (one post down to be exact) we discussed an interview Britney was doing with OK! Magazine, which was being touted as a “let it all hang out” sort of thing. Kind of like Britney’s outfits, but I digress y’all. Now before you get all in a twitter, it seems the handsome folks at Mollygood have some updates about that. Apparently it’s not as bad as it was first described, which in light of how bad is was first described is kind of a bummer. From an article in the Daily Mail:

She [Britney] was “completely out of it” during the shoot and the photos are so bad that to publish them could “kill her career”.

Apparently Britney was snapped with her eyes rolled back in her head. Her mood, they claim, was extremely erratic. The website reported: “She was also completely paranoid … fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her.”

She then ordered some fried chicken and when she’d finished eating, wiped her sticky fingers on a several-thousand dollar Gucci dress she was wearing for the shoot. Then, as a foul finale, Brit’s little lapdog pooped all over the floor, and she reportedly used a Chanel dress to mop it up.

So does this mean we won’t see Britney wipe KFC on Gucci, clean dogcrap with Chanel, and turn down hair and beauty professionals for her own “skanky” people? The same skanks who we know are trained in the art of whore chic and hillbilly haute couture. I mean gosh, just look at Britney, she is like some kind of Venus. You know, the planet made up of smelly, deadly gases.

Oh, and just in case that didn’t make you feel all sorts of queasy, there are additional rumors that little Brit-Brit (or as we like to think of her, Malibu’s own Daisy Mae) is pregnant. Again. And she doesn’t know the baby’s father. Which if you think about it, is kind of a good thing really because look how well the first two pregnancies turned out when we KNEW who the father was.

No offense SPF and JJ, just sayin’ is all.

Anyway, all in all, this was a good week for Glosslip to stop slacking off. I mean how fair is it to earn $1.35 a day and not do any work. It’s like grand larceny or something.

You know how they say once a girl gets herself a man, she really lets herself go?  Well I think that pretty much applies to Jessica Simpson. 

I tried to ignore that fake tan.  I tried to ignore the poorly executed hair color (which makes the tan look AWFUL), I even tried to ignore the general feeling that she’s given up trying to look good - but I cannot and will not forget the above photo.  There’s no excuse to not keep her girls underwraps.  What, she’s doesn’t own a mirror?

Anway, this story about Jess and her main peen John Mayer on vacation in Rome made me want to throw up:

“Jessica and John got back fairly early and stayed in all night. But by the sounds of it, they didn’t get to sleep for a long time. “This woman was saying she couldn’t believe Jessica sounded like she was getting it on so loudly in the room next door.”

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, please keep your weird sex stuff to your damn self, that means your freaky noises and attention-getting moaning.  People only do that because they WANT people to hear them.  Spare me!

And then there’s this Daily News blind item revealed at IDLYITW :

Which blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced? “Also, she and [her boyfriend] have a reputation for really dirty sex,” says a snitch.

Look sh*t happens to everyone.  I one time had what had to be the Ebola virus and crapped in my pants at work.  Needless to say, not a high point in my career, but at least no one had to replace my chair.  It takes a lot of fluid to ruin an entire mattress.  Trust me, I have kids, I know.

Pink’s been taking some heat lately for her “Dear Mr. President” ballad which is kind of lame, but heartfelt.  I’d really rather someone like Pink stick to, “Get The Party Started,” but hey, who am I to judge - she can sing whatever goofy songs she wants. 

She’s so into her politically-themed song, that while doing an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show, she outright thanked him for letting her talk about the song, which she claims is being censored on the radio.  It probably is.  Again, people want to hear songs about “parties getting started” and “backs being sexy” than about people getting killed in wars and our president being a doofus.  Don’t hate on the messenger, I’m just being real.

Anyway, in other Pink news, she recently discussed her newly adopted regime for staying healthy and looking good, which includes drinking a lot of wine and her decision to quite smoking:

“I run 60 minutes a day, I do an hour of yoga and then I drink a lot of wine - I think that helps, I honestly do.”

You know what this means don’t you, it’s time I take up smoking and stop drinking wine, because if looking like Pink is right, then I wanna be wrong, really, really wrong.