Sarah Palin has written a book called Going Rogue.
It hits book stores today.
It’s being called a memoir of her life.

I’m sorry, a memoir? It’s not like she has this great history behind her life as a hockey Mom and ex Governor of Alaska. And certainly her political career has been beyond laughable.

So the question now is…
will Palin’s book end up on the bestseller list? Or go over like a fart in church?

Besides the obvious that will plague this book, (Palin’s lack of popularity) I read that her book was ghostwritten by Lynn Vincent. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!
Why you ask? Whos’ Lynn Vincent?

Lovely Lynn is not only the ghostwriter of Sarah’s book, she is pretty cozy with well known, white supremacist, Robert Stacy McCain (no relation to McCain the maverick) and she co-wrote a book with him. 

Some snippettes The First Post about Lynn and Robert Stacy McCain,

She (Lynn) is also staunchly anti-gay, backing the controversial vote to re-criminalise gay marriage in California, and – this is where Palin and her publishers might have drawn the line, but didn’t – she is closely associated with a well-known white supremacist.

He is Robert Stacey NcCain, a former editor at the Washington Times, a paper he left two years ago after a steaming row with a colleague.

Another Vincent collaboration was with a retired general, William Boykin, former head of the US Army’s Special Forces Command. He described his career mission as to defeat Satan in order to save America as a Christian country. “We are hated because we are a nation of believers,” he said.

“Defeat Satan to save America as a Christian country”?
Yikes! What year is this again?

As mentioned previously, Lynn is also a credited author on Robert Stacy McCain’s book, “Donkey Cons: Sex, Crime, and Corruption in the Democratic Party”. Again, just lovely.

According to a comment left on Little Green Footballs

After resigning as governor in late July, Palin spent most of August in San Diego working with Vincent on the book, “Going Rogue: An American Life.” Rumors swirled about Palin sightings at Vincent’s condo complex in north San Diego County. Palin reportedly was joined here by her family and top aide, Meghan Stapleton. This month, Palin huddled with her editors in New York.

So out of all the ghostwriters that Palin had to choose from, she picked Lynne Vincent? As always, Palin shows her brilliance. And to think that she ran for VP. *shudders*

What did Mark Halperin of Time have to say about Going Rogue?

Based on discussions with various sources who have seen or been briefed on the book’s contents, here’s what you can expect from “Going Rogue”:

* just five chapters—but they are very, very long.

* some score settling with McCain aides she believes ill-served her (names will be named).

* a hearty bashing of the national media.

* an account of how her upbringing shaped her maverick sensibilities.

* a testimonial to the importance of faith in her life.

* a warm and personal tone, written in Palin’s own voice, despite the involvement of a collaborator.

Two things not in the book:

* Don’t look for hefty policy prescriptions.

* Once source who has seen  “Going Rogue” says it does not include an index.  That would give Palin a subtle revenge on the party’s Washington establishment, whose members tend to flip to the back pages and scan for their own names. If they want to know what Sarah Palin has to say about them, they will have to buy the book—and read the whole thing.

Let’s recap, shall we?
She picked a ghostwriter who is anti gay, who is a creationist, and who has has teamed up with white supremacist Robert Stacy McCain.
There’s nothing in the book on policy. (well no surprise, she can’t write what she doesn’t know)
There are FIVE chapters in her book with NO index.
She bashes the media big time, even though they are the ones who put her on the map.
She throws people she once worked with under the bus, and adds a touch of holy rolling goodness.

WOW! COUNT ME OUT.

Now according to Comcast News,

Palin doesn’t elaborate on her book compensation, describing the $1.25 million figure only as a “retainer” that appears to be a reference to her lucrative advance.

So $1.25 big ones for a ghostwritten ”memior”?
Again… wow!

I think once the right wingers are done buying Palin’s crappy book, (Elisabeth Hasselback probably camped out at Barnes and Nobles last night) this book may be headed right for the bargain bin.

Although it would make quite the dandy door stop! Gotcha!

I happened to catch Lady GaGa’s new video Bad Romance
or shall I say Nemiroff’s Vodka new video?

I had to both laugh and cringe at the story behind her video and the rampant amount of product placement.

By the looks of this video, it seems like Nemiroff Vodka (which you can see about seven times in the video) is the winner of the “most shoved in your face award” hands down.

The video not not only shows the Lex Nemiroff bottles repeatedly, they show people drinking glasses of clear liquid which is supposed to insinuate drinking the vodka. They also show someone pouring it into a glass, and also forcing a glass of clear liquid down GaGa’s throat. 

Nemiroff Vodka is not only being shoved down GaGa’s throat in the video, but GaGa chose to shove it down her fan’s throats.

Then there is the story behind the video, that can be very questionable to certain audiences. Doesn’t GaGa have an awful lot of young fans? Was booze, kidnapping and sex slaves the right direction to go with this video? We will get to that in a bit.

The product placement is EVERYWHERE in this video.

In the beginning of the video, once you get past the first picture of the Nemiroff Vodka bottle, there is a group shot of the “cast” in the video and right up front on either side of GaGa is a Parrot by Starck pair of black funnel tower speakers with an iPod or iPhone perched on top on the left speaker.

Then you can see GaGa’s mesh covered finger push the button on a Parrot by Starck iPod speaker. Parrot by Starck was designed by French product designer Philippe Starck (although the real product name is “Zimku”). It is a $1,600 sound system for an iPhone or iPod.

We then move on to GaGa wearing a pair of her very own silver Lady Gaga Heartbeats head phones in the bath tub scene. These will set you back $100.00 and of course, they’re available on her website.

Then THREE times you see GaGa wearing a pair of white “Safari” sunglasses by Carrera.

And last but not least, there is the HP Envy Beats Limited Edition laptop and headphones by Monster. There is a whole row of these laptops to show the “sex slave bidding” results in the video’s story. The laptop logo was very prevalent. A real bargain at $2,500. 

Also making an appearance, was a Wii controller a couple of times which was used to bid on GaGa the sex slave by the bidding Russian mafia men. Wonder how Wii weighs in on what their controller was used for?

Now there are a few smaller product placements in the video, but they are not as visible. There are gold aluminum cans in the beginning of the video on the floor and some of the “actors” are holding them. Maybe someone knows what they are? 

There are also plastic bottles of a red “drink” on the tables which are seen several times. It also shows one the “actors” drinking one of these bottles. Looks like Vitamin Water (acai blueberry) to me, but the name is not visible. I guess they didn’t pay enough moolah for their name to be visible in the video. Funny they showed people pouring vodka, made it look like people were drinking vodka, but put no emphasis on the Vitamin Water.

They showed SO much vodka in this video, I was kind of shocked. Even though you don’t actually see the word vodka on the bottle, I still think it was a big mistake. Gaga has a lot of young fans, what kind of message does this send? In one of her earlier videos,LoveGame, it shows people drinking Campari on the subway. Again, more booze placement.

I know many other artists do this too. Rappers show a lot of crap they shouldn’t be showing when it comes to excessive behavior and demeaning women, but this video wins the award for booze placement.

This new video is definitely Lady GaGa’s style in all her wackiness and her “edgy” shenanigans. One of the things I did like about this video, was the scene with the floating crystals around her, I thought that was pretty darn cool.

Now the premise behind the video according to Wikipedia:

“Gaga is kidnapped by a group of supermodels who drug her and then sell her off to the Russian mafia for sex slavery.”

The Russian mafia? OH! That’s where the Nemirfoff Vodka ties in — their bottles state it’s a product of the Ukraine.

Lovely story for young fans, isn’t it? Hello sexual degradation…your table it waiting!

Lady GaGa believes that the opening scene with her wearing a pair of razor blade glasses “portrays a tough female spirit.”  I didn’t really pick that up from that scene.

I guess the “tough female spirit” is then squashed with the rest of the video’s story:

“Two women pull her out of a bathtub, rip her clothes off and force her to drink a glass of vodka. As the second verse begins, Gaga seductively dances for a group of men bidding on her. She straddles one of the men and performs somewhat of a lap dance on him.

Afterwards, he raises his bid and becomes the highest bidder for Gaga. When the chorus is played for the third time, Gaga is shown wearing a jacket made of a polar bear hide. She walks toward the man, who is sitting on a bed, unbuttoning his shirt. Gaga has a look of indifference on her face and removes her jacket and sunglasses.

Suddenly, the bed spontaneously combusted with the man still sitting on it. The video ends with Gaga laying beside a smoldering skeleton on top of the destroyed bed with ashes everywhere. She smokes a cigarette, while her pyrotechnic bra goes off”

The Russian Mafia Bidding Scene

Ok, I am not a fan of censorship, but again, she has MANY young fans. Between all the vodka drinking and sex-slave bidding…is this the message GaGa wanted to send? FYI.. Her website sells Lady GaGa back to school supplies.

There was a comment left on her website by a women who said her daughter loved the video so much that she watched it 100 times. Now I know it is up to the parent to police their kids, and I don’t know how old this girl was, but it’s close to impossible to watch your kids 24/7.

I also DID NOT LIKE the polar bear coat, (don’t care if it was fake or not, it is what it implies) nor the dead bat on her head, or the dead impala head mounts on the wall on either side of the bed at the end of the video. Very irresponsible dead animal placement which was certainly not necessary with all the other crap going on in this video.

And some of the lyrics?

The hook of the song is:

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

“GaGa-ooh-la-la”? I can’t stand when artists sing about themselves. Especially when they compliment themselves. Sorry, it’s too damn cheesy.

Some fans think that Bad Romance sounds too much like a faster remix of her other song Poker Face. (eessh, it su-su-sucks) 
If you play the two songs back to back, they are very similar. Some fans think it’s her best song that she has done so far.

But you have to admit, for a five minute video that had so many products shown over and over, it came off more like a vodka commercial, rather than a video. She should of used her noggin and just done a Nemiroff Vodka music commercial for them and gear it towards older adults. Oh wait…that’s what she did.

But was the product placement in the video and it’ premise her record company’s idea or hers? Could she say no to product placement in her videos if she wanted to? Did Nemiroff Vodka fund the entire video? I really don’t know how the politics of record companies work. I do know they are quite ruthless, and some record companies have a lot of control over their clients.

BUT with a little research I found…the video was done by Francis Lawrence. He also did I Am Legend. FYI.. GaGa says she is a huge fan of Will Smith. Careful Gaga! I am sure Scientology would love to get you in their clutches!

Back to who was responsible for the video, Lady Gaga stated:

“I wanted somebody with a tremendous understanding of how to make a pop video, because my biggest challenge working with directors is that I am the director and I write the treatments and I get the fashion and I decide what it’s about and it’s very hard to find directors that will relinquish any sort of input from the artist.”

So….GaGa was responsible for the premise behind the video and agreed to the product placement too? That’s what it sounds like. If so, shame on GaGa for not considering her fan’s young impressionable minds.

Hey GaGa! Question…Do you think kidnapping women, forcing liquor down their throats, dancing for men, doing a lap dance and having men bid on women to be their sex slaves while showing a butt load of vodka in your video is showing the same “tough female spirit” as your razor blade glasses?

I couldn’t include all the pictures of all the products in her video, or the whole sex slave story pictures. So watch the video yourself and see how many products you can spy and let me know if this video’s story was a good idea for young eyes.

Now as you can guess, I am not a Lady GaGa fan.

This broad is doing THIRTY ONE gigs between 11/27-1/18 in the US, and then between 2/9-3/08 she is all over Europe with another eleven shows on her tour.

Her eight song album, sells for a reasonable price, (smart move GaGa)  and it had four #1 radio hits. So it’s quite obvious that her fans are in love with her ”cover your face up with crap“ get ups and they find her pop songs ever so edgy and innovative. 

Maybe if I didn’t witness Madonna’s fame rise up in the 80’s and other bands in the 90’s, I would think that Lady GaGa was edgy and innovative too. But I have seen it all before well before Gaga was born.

This video reminds me of Madonna’s voice (although not in her early years when her voice was really high) with a touch of Marylin Manson’s “Dope Show” video freakishness, and Grace Jones’ costumes all rolled up into one. Now I am not a Madonna, Marilyn Manson or Grace Jones fan either, but they did do it first. And I am not saying their videos were for young eyes either, and Madonna and several other artists (hello Britney) and rappers are FAR from being decent role models. But you would think that GaGa could have used a little more sense for this video, since many of her fans are so young.

Truth be told, like it or loathe it, Lady GaGa’s ”Bad Romance” song is a tough tune to get out of your head. (drat!)

When I watched the video several times and tried to count all the product placements, I had to turn the sound off. This song gets tired real fast. But I am sure it would be a lot of fun to dance to after a couple of martinis in a dance club. Hell ,after a couple of martinis, I will dance to just about anything.

But I can’t imagine having to sing this song for 42 shows. I would be SO tired of dressing up in all that crazy shit every night and singing this song over and over. A performer’s life can be far from glamorous.

GaGa has set herself up for a tiresome future. Her fans will always expect to see her looking outrageous, and wondering what wacky outfit she will be seen in next. Very exhausting way to go career wise, unless she can evolve gracefully.

 I saw a couple of pics of her where she wasn’t dressed up at all and she was out and about in town. The first thing the gossip rags commented on, was how plain she looked, and people seemed a tad disappointed in that. Well I guess a true fan could care less what she’s wearing. Right? Still.. it has to be all very exhausting.

Speaking of exhausting…Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (GaGa’s real name) best be careful on her Fame Monster Tour. With a grueling schedule like hers, she can easily burn herself out right quick. Fans can are also be very fickle. What’s in this year may be gone the next. So invest wisely Gaga!

The picture below is a behind the scenes shot which was posted on her website. It’s a shot from the end of the video, minus the cigarette hanging out her mouth which is seen in the finished video. Again…. did she have to include a cigarette? Weren’t the exploding fembot tatas enough?

Hey! Was Amy Winehouse In The Video Too? *snicker*

Demi Moore recently posed for the cover of W magazine.
WHY? Does anyone care?

What the hell is she wearing? This metallic swimsuit toga with epilettes reminds of something out of the movie Mad Max. Who picked out this silly frock?
And talk about smoke and mirrors! Her photo must of had to jump through hoops to achieve the more than obvious photo shop and airbrush -a-rama. If her name was not on the cover, I wouldn’t have known it was her.

There comes a time when someone should just accept that they are getting older, and stop trying to nip and tuck their way back to their youth. When everyone knows your age and they see little evidence of any aging, people just think it’s ridiculous and fake.

Although of course Demi, (make sure you pronounce it De-MEE, ick) completely denies that she has ever had any plastic surgery. Yeah, OK De-MEE. *laughs holding sides*

To make everyone really roll their eyes even more…
Apparently, Ms. Brat Pack has just announced that she would like to be called a puma rather than a cougar.

Bitch please… you are forty seven years old. Pumas are women in their thirties dating older men. Your barking up the wrong tree Ms. Hot Flash!

I never cared for Demi Moore. 
She is not that talented and completely full of herself. Top that off with her early interest in Scientology… and that really sealed the deal for me. Thank you Bruce Willis who had the common sense to put his foot down and say no to his kids being raised as Scientologists. Bravo Bruce!

But of course on the other hand, she is seen everywhere with that silly red Kabala string around her wrist. I guess they photo shopped it out of the pictures? 
Kutcher and her also got married by a Kabalah minister or whatever the heck. Silly celebutards. *Rolls eyes*

So on to her MUCH younger and prettier half, Ashton Kutcher.
Women are still crazy over him, and I think he was once perceived as a likable fun loving character. But now I think everyone just looks at him and thinks he is pretty much whipped by Demi and has lost totally his mojo. woo pah!

It seems that Ashton doesn’t do much of anything any more, except those stupid camera commercials. Not that he was some great big talent before. He has his Punk’d show and some crappy movies he did. But what does he do now? Or have I missed something major?

Same goes for Demi. What has she done lately? Would anyone take the risk and hire her for one of their movies? That seems very doubtful.

One thing that Demi has been busy doing, is biding her time by tweetin’ on Twitter. She loves to tweet about guess who? Ashton of course. All about their ooey gooey romance. Made me throw up a little. 

Yeah ok, we get it Demi, you landed yourself a young one with a pretty face. WE KNOW. Now what?

Eonline wrote:

Demi Moore is on the cover of December’s W wearing a festive holiday getup. The reigning Queen of Twitter talks about (what else?) being a cougar and how great Ashton Kutcher is. Feels like we’ve heard this all before from the actress, but let’s do it anyway.

While everyone considers Demi to be the O.G. cougar, she doesn’t see it that way.

“I’m certainly not the first person to be in a relationship with a younger man, but somehow I was plucked out as a bit of a poster girl,” she says.

“I don’t know why that is. But I just kind of step back sometimes and say, ‘There is some reason, and what is it that I have to share in a positive way?’ I’d prefer to be called a puma.”

(”Puma” is already used to describe women in their 30s who go for younger men, so 47-year-old Demi doesn’t really fall into that category. But she thinks “she came up with the new designation,” so maybe it’s best to let her go on believing that?)

Now about her 31-year-old husband. She loves him. A lot.

“The most overwhelming part of meeting someone that you already felt you had such a deep and old connection with is that your feelings are greater than the time you’ve had to actually be with one another. Now we’ve had the physical time together. The love he has for me makes me a better person by giving me the courage to take risks. I can fail and have someone who loves me just the same. I never knew it was quite possible.”

If she’s not gushing about her hubby on Twitter, she’s gotta gush somewhere. Now let’s wrap this up with a photo of Demi looking like she’s ready to join the next round of Dancing With the Stars. (That’ll happen at some point, right?)

So what about that dress that E is talking about?
Here it is below.

Hey Demi! The ’80’s called they want their dress back!
And what is that thing on her thumb? A grey bandage? Or am I seeing that wrong?

Such an awful pose she struck with that boney chicken wing of an arm sticking out. Why would W magazine and Demi approve of that picture? Were the other pictures to pick from that much worse? Hard to imagine.

Back to the inigma of their relationship.
I wonder if Demi’s cub (Ashton) will still be into making love to a 65 year old saber tooth when he turns a meer 49 years old?

Hey Demi, I hope you’re up for a hoo-ha rejuvenation? Or have you already had one? Well by the time you hit 65, you will be in need of yet another hoo-haw hoist anyways, because gravity is not kind.

Ashton was and still is considered quite the looker. I doubt he will ever have a shortage of women who want to jump his bones. He’s only 31 years old and has his whole life ahead of him. The older he gets… the better the young ones are going to start to look to him. It’s usually the way it goes. Sorry, fact of life. Get over it.

And don’t start with the “if Demi was a man, it would be more accepted” BS.
It goes both ways.

I have a friend who married a MUCH older man. They have a huge age difference. She did NOT marry him for money, he didn’t have any money. She still loves him of course, but the more he ages, the more his personality is changing, and he wants to do less and less. He is pretty content with just sitting around and watching TV when he is not working and of course that is normal for many. She jokes about him being a senior citizen, but I know it’s really starting to bother her. And no my friend is not shallow. I think when they got married, she convinced herself that his age wouldn’t be an issue. But now that he is in his sixties and he is changing his ways, she wishes for the younger man she married. It happens.

But maybe Ashton will feel differently.
Maybe he will stay with Demi, even when her ta-tas go completely south for the second time and she has to keep dying her pubes, so the rug will match the drapes. (ok, now I am grossing myself out) 

Hey Demi! I wouldn’t hire any cute young things as maids to hang around the house, if you catch my drift. And I think it would be a little tough to see Ashton smooching it up with a younger gal in a movie. Which has already happened. And as much as Demi acts like she is secure about their relationship, there’s bound to be insecurities. Especially when some of the girls are twenty years younger than her. It’s normal.

And what if Ashton wants to be a baby daddy? What if he wants his own kids? That has to weigh heavy on Demi too, especially that her baby making years are over. I know he considers Demi’s kids as his own, but it’s not the same as having your own child. He may be filled with a lot of regret when he gets a little older for not having one of his own.

Ashton still has PLENTY of time left for that. But Demi? Nope! She is done. I guess they can always hire a surrogate. But again, not the same.

Only time will tell if this puma cougar can hold on to her cub.
Who knows… maybe Demi will leave Ashton for a younger cub!

Not sure how many lives out of nine that Demi the puma cougar has already used.
I am just telling it like it is.

FYI… In the animal kingdom….
Cougars and pumas (and mountain lions) are all one in the same.
But don’t tell Demi that… she will then want to be called a kitten. MEOW!

Looks like Spencer and Heidi have put a hold on their honeymoonin’.

Spencer Pratt aka Speidi (hate conjoined names with a passion) was interviewed by Pop Wrap of the NY  Post, and happened to mention that he hasn’t been gettin’ any from his wifey-poo because he is a fraid of her becoming pregnant. He is preventing Heidi’s dream of becoming a mother by refusing her sex. Oh Spencer, you are a side splitter!

He says that Heidi has him ”debating whether to cut off his nuts”. Considering there isn’t much to cut off in the first place Spence, I am sure there are many people standing in line who would be willing to do that for you.

Apparently, Spencer is mortified of Heidi going off birth control and not telling him about it. Hmmm, what’s that Heidi? Birth control? What would Jesus have to say about that?

Spencer also says that sex really isn’t a fact in their marriage. Wow, at their age, (or any age for that matter) I find that pretty sad and funny at the same time. Maybe they just totally bore each other to death in bed. Or perhaps they may be distracted by a mirror in the room and can’t stop looking at their reflections.

I guess Spencer and Heidi haven’t considered ALL the other alternatives they can do to get their groove on without doing the dastardly missionary position nasty. Perhaps you two should rent a couple of videos or buy a book or two?

But on the other hand.. maybe it’s a good thing that they are not reproducing. Speidi offspring is a frightening notion. After all, what will they do when their baby gets more attention then them? Oh the inhumanity!

At any rate, for the life of me, I don’t see how discussing their sex life, or should I say the lack of their sex life is very complimentary to their already failing careers. It makes Spence look like more of a wuss, and the admittance of Heidi’s birth control use, makes them look like the phony Christians they truly are.

People wrote:

There are many things most people would rather not dwell upon when considering the facts behind the marriage between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, perhaps the most reviled pairing in reality TV.

Thank God sex isn’t really a fact in their marriage, according to Pratt.

Speaking to the New York Post”’s PopWrap on Tuesday, Pratt, 26, says that he’s tried to prevent Montag, 23, from realizing her dreams of becoming a young mother – by refusing her sex.

“I’m not even kidding, my wife – OK, I’m gonna get crass here – but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby,” he says. “That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding – my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.”
Hidden Fear
Behind his abstinence is his fear that Montag might go off her birth control without telling him, he says.

“She’s not the kind of person who would lie – she would just walk away and not answer the question,” he says. “So yes, I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.”

Pratt, who hints that he’d like to go on a double-date with President Barack and Michelle Obama to “share the spotlight,” and bashes frequent Speidi mocker Joel McHale, host of The Soup, as “a struggling wannabe actor just clowning on reality stars,” also gets in a dig at Lauren Conrad – whom he claims quit the MTV reality show only as a ruse to get more money.

“She quit The Hills because Speidi was getting more famous than her. So she quit thinking the show would end, but she was wrong. Her ego ruined her life and her career,” he says. “I pray for her every day and we’d all love for her to come back to The Hills when she realizes her move didn’t work.”

Pratt says he wants to go on a double date with Obama? *laughs holding sides*

Gee, what would that conversation be like over dinner? Would love to be a fly on the wall during that outing.
Maybe the double date would go something like this….

Obama: “So Spencer, why are you famous again? And why did I agree to this double date?” (as Michelle ducks into the bathroom for the 3rd time since they sat down to dinner, to avoid talking to Heidi.

Spencer answers Obama: “Uh… excuse me? I was on I Am A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here dude!”

Heidi corrects Spencer and says, “WE were on the show“.

Obama says, “is that the show that you two left early and Heidi was crying all the time?”

Heidi interupts and starts to cry and whine… ”Yeah but… they were SO unfair! And there was icky bugs and stuff. And I was the only awesome person on the whole show! And if it wasn’t for Jesus, I would have left even earlier than holding out for those four torturing days. Thank God Baldwn baptized me on show”

Spencer chimes in “ahem! WE we the most awesome people on that show. We totally ruled dude.”

Spencer then asks Obama, “Well then, how about The Hills? Have you seen how awesome we were on The Hills?”

Obama, annoyed, realizing what losers they are….looks at his watch and says, “NO“.
 
Michelle comes back to the table and Obama gives the hint to Michelle for them to leave by shifting his eyes back and forth towards the door.

Spencer  says,  “you never heard of the Hills? Dude! that’s like SO impossible.”

Obama stands up and says, “well we really should be going, I have an important meeting tomorrow”

Spencer says, “ok cool man, you must be really busy with all the President dude stuff and all. Maybe we can do this again some time”The Obamas pretend not to hear Spencer as they hurry out the door.

Spencer proudly sits back and says ”Man, they totally loved us.”

And Heidi says, “Totally”

Spencer grabs Heidi’s leg, winks and says, “come on…. let’s get out of here and do some serious dry humping. Which I am totally rad at.”

Heidi says “Totally“.
End scene.

*Sigh*
I digress…
So back to not having sex and their dwindling careers….

Spencer and Heidi can always live off Heidi’s line of whore bag clothes called Heidiwood. (if they are still selling that is) I find the name Heidiwood for her fashion line totally ironic now.

Maybe they should change the title to “Speidi-Blue-Balls” and feature bedazzled chastity belts. Awesome!

Word of advice Speidi… Save your money dudes. I think your future careers will involve Heidi eventually doing a commercial for tampons. And down the line you both may be asking if people want paper or plastic.

Or perhaps you two can do a Christian public service video on abstinence? I can just imagine what it would sound like…. 
Spencer would say, “Just don’t do it dudes, you end up with babies and junk”
And then Heidi would say, “Besides sex can be SO icky! Yuck!”

I say if you want some really big bucks there’s always the all mighty sex tape leak that you two can fall back on. A comedy sex video that is. *snicker*

Oh wait….that’s  right… you ain’t gettin’ any.

Speidi Off To Dry Hump Like….Ummm, Errr…Rabbits?

Every once in a while you read something that just makes you cringe and say, Oh come on!
This is one of those stories.

Apparently, Simon Cowell has written a letter, excuse me… a VERY LONNNNNNG letter to his younger self and it was published in the Daily Mail. I didn’t read all of it, because #1…. I have a life, and #2… it was just making me cringe so much I was getting a crick in my neck. And also one of my pet peeves is someone talking in the third person.

First off, who does this? 
Or if you are so silly to do so, do you have it published so everyone can say EWWWWW and think you are a total douche? Really, can Simon be any more full of himself?

Simon must have started at a very early age. The picture below is probably how Simon started out.

Simon Give Us Kiss Now.. You Handsome Dog!

He wrote this letter to himself because his 50th birthday is right around the corner on Oct 7th. I was speechless as I skimmed over the letter and just couldn’t believe what I was reading. We couldn’t post the whole letter here because it was beyond HUGE.

It’s best to read the entire letter yourself on the Daily Mail website.
The letter was entitled, “SIMON COWELL: A letter to my shallow, reckless, cocky younger self“.
I kid you not. Oh! Be sure to have a bucket handy. Click here and gag.

Eonline reported:

Simon Cowell’s Gone Soft (and Long-Winded) in His Old Age

Someone needs to pull the pen from Simon Cowell’s fingers.
While we love it when the crotchety American Idol judge decides to air his dirty laundry in public (that Susan Boyle botch list was a classic), is an absurdly lengthy diatribe really necessary?

On the cusp of his 50th birthday next week, Cowell wrote a letter to himself published in yesterday’s Daily Mail in the U.K. In it, he looks back on the past few decades, scolding himself for poor decisions he made in the ’80s and ’90s and patting himself on the back for the good ones.

It would be a good, self-deprecating, third-person about-face, but regardless of what he says, nearly 3,500 words makes for nothing but a puff (as in puff, the magic ego) piece.

“You are on a roll and you think the good times will last forever but, oh dear, Simon. You are so, so wrong,” he writes to the 1980s version of himself. “You look like a complete idiot…you are overconfident, far too cocky and dressed from head to toe in expensive designer gear…It hasn’t dawned on you yet, you idiot, that you can’t afford any of this stuff.”

Of course, Mr. Tight T-shirts takes it easy on himself for the final 1,000 words or so.

“I must say, despite everything, I’m quite proud of you, Simon,” he says. “You’re happy, you’re content and just incredibly grateful for where you are.”

Then he goes on to list what’s changed for him over the years—really important things like what he drinks and snacks on and how he doesn’t like to bum $5 from anyone. He pats himself on the back for never marrying because he’s such a workaholic, and for staying friends with his exes.

“Your job, Simon, was to make celebrities, not to become one yourself, dear boy,” he says. “Underneath it all, Simon, you are a realist. You don’t believe the hype about yourself. You can see what you do well and what you do badly. People think you are this Machiavellian character, forever plotting and scheming.”

He ends his diatribe as Hallmark would have intended—”So happy birthday! Love Simon”—although we’d hate to see the card size needed to print this self-loving loathing opus.

“Happy Birthday LOVE Simon“? I think I just threw up a little.

The definition for narcissism is as follows:

1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
2. Psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits

Well I am not sure if #3 applies to Simon, but it would not surprise me one iota!

His letter did remind me of a little poem from my grammar school days when people used to sign your autograph book when you graduated. The all so familiar ”roses are red” rhymes and those little clever ditties like “2 great, 2B, 4 gotten”.

No it wasn’t the “roses are red, violets are black, go sit on a tack“ rhyme that came to mind. (although it certainly would apply)

It was the following little poem, which I would like to dedicate to Simon on his upcoming 50th birthday….

You love yourself you think your grand..
You go to the movies and hold your hand.
You slip your arm around your waist…
And when you get fresh.. you slap your face!

With new reports of Cowell doing American Idol for another two years and also producing “The X Factor” in the US, he will be making over 100 million by this time next year. *shakes head*

It is quite obvious that he can care less that this letter to himself makes him look like a total conceited, pompous ass. Or maybe that is exactly what he wanted. His popularity seems to stay afloat by people loving to hate him.

Oh crap, I think I just contributed to that!
Touche’ Cowell!

The economy today has had an effect on retail sales across the board. Even celebrity fragrances have been hit with tough times.  Oh the inhumanity! *snicker*

Just two years ago, Forbes reported that according to Euromonitor International, (a Chicago-based market research firm) sales  totaled $353.6 million for the top seven celeb fragrances. Geez! No wonder why so many stars have their own scents.

This year however, overall sales are down 10%. Yep, the celebrity fragrance market is just not as hot as it used to be. Perhaps people just can’t afford it. Or maybe people are wising up to the fact that celebrity fragrances are just plain silly and embarrassing to wear? Could that be the culprit?

The celebrity fragrance market unlike other fragrances are way more fickle. If a celeb was caught in a scandal and their career turned lukewarm in the public eye, it can put a big damper on the popularity of the scent. Because that’s just how silly people are. Ridiculous but true.

So which celeb’s scents are currently top sellers?
Well, P Diddy, or Sean Puffy Combs, or Sean John, or Sean Combs, or just plain Diddy (wish he would make up his freakin’ mind) had a best seller with Unforgivable  that brought in brought a whopping $74.9 million in the past. And Britney’s scents are still selling VERY well and defying all odds even with the recent slump of other celebs fragrances. Maybe Diddy’s and Britney’s stuff just smells better?

The NY Daily News reported:

Fragrance peddler Parlux France relies heavily on its celebrity branded scents and has taken a hit for it. The company produces Queen Latifah’s Queen, Jessica Simpson’s  Fancy and Fancy Love, Andy Roddick’s Andy Roddick and all of Paris Hilton’s many fragrances (Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton for Men, Heir, Heiress, Just Me, Can Can, Fairy Dust and Siren).

The company lost $4.3 million last year and $2.5 in the second quarter of this year alone.
While the prestige fragrance market as a whole is down 10% from last year, Britney Spears is one celeb who appears to be bucking the odds.

Sales of her fragrances – Fantasy Britney Spears, Britney Spears Believe, Curious Britney Spears and Curious in Control Britney Spears – rose 13% in the June quarter. Elizabeth Arden, the company behind the ageing pop tart’s perfumes, just brought out Circus Fantasy, named after her latest tour and album. Then again, she’s global.

“More than half of the sales of Britney brands were sold of outside of North America,” said an Arden company spokesman.
Also doing well are classics like Chanel’s Coco, Mademoiselle and No. 5 and Dolce and Gabbana’s Light Blue. But it remains to be seen how Forever Mariah Carey, Derek Jeter Driven Black or Sara Jessica Parker’s Lovely will fare in recessionary times.

So even if the scent is sold globally and has a huge advantage over others, it still seems more important if the star selling the perfume is currently a hot commodity. Perhaps Paris Hilton’s perfumes have taken a nose dive due to her failing popularity. I think people are just sick to death of her. I know I am.

Mariah Carey’s ” Forever”is due to hit this September because she has a new album coming out. She also has a movie coming out this November. Anyone remember her movie *cough* Glitter?  Only time will tell how long ”Forever” will be around.

With over 100 fragrances coming out each year both from stars and regular companies, the market has become flooded. The competition has become fierce for celebs to have their scent be the next big hit. So many celebs in the music industry are scheduling their fragrances to coincide with their CD releases. This can be a risky move if the album totally bombs, because then the fragrance becomes a reminder of that failed album and then in turn becomes an embarrassment to wear to most.

Some celebs fragrances have stayed around for a while, like Sarah Jessica Parker’s Lovely and Covet .  Covet debuted two years ago when her Sex In The City Movie was released. Perhaps Sex in the City’s popularity has kept it’s ratings up? (the perfume that is)

I am sorry, I just think the whole celebrity fragrance thing is so cheesy. What’s next celebrity scented candles?

Especially for the fact that these fragrances’ popularity stem from whether or not the star is hot or not. If you find a fragrance you like and it was put out by a star that everyone now thinks is washed up or has failed in the popularity poles… would you stop wearing their fragrance even if you liked it? Would you be embarrassed to say,  “oh yes I still wear Clay Aiken’s Evening In The Stable” *snicker*
But this is exactly what happens.

I am not a big fan of perfume to begin with. I can’t tell you how many times someone has walked by me and I literally choked from whatever perfume that took a bath in before they stepped out their door. Some people slather it on so heavy, that their perfume arrives before they do and stays long after they’re gone. Thank God Poison is no longer popular. That stuff used to literally kill me. It was appropriately named.

One time I actually had to change my seat on an airplane due to the women sitting next to me. She must have dumped an entire bottle of Woah! Do I Stink! all over herself. I got an immediate headache, my throat was closing up, and I couldn’t even breath. I say wearing heavy perfume should be banned on airplanes. And that goes double for any of my gal OR guy pals who want to climb in my car. Whatever happened to the oh so silly move of spraying the room and then walking into it? *snicker*

Ok, enough of my drama on perfume.
Except I have to say that I would never buy something based on a star’s popularity and I have never bought a celebrity fragrance.
I have been wearing Alyssa Ashley Musk by Houbigant for ever. It’s less than $30.00 for a good sized bottle and I have received mega compliments on it over the years. It’s all I wear AND I am proud to wear it. I am just not caught up in the whole perfume mania. You will never hear me say “oh I am wearing The Beckhams Intimately Line” (you would actually have to pay ME to wear it)  Their promo picture alone is beyond pretentious.

Look How Sexy We Are!

Speaking of which, I wonder why Beckham’s  BFF Tom Cruise hasn’t come out with an entire line of Scientology cult scents yet? I am sure he would be able to talk Scientology cult members into buying Galactic Spice, or how about KSW Cologne (their acronym for Keeping Scientology Working), OT Orchard  for the gals or perhaps a line of body splashes like Body Thetan Splash. Oh I can go on forever, the possibilites are endless.

Of course Cruise would never use those particular names because….what is the first rule about Scientology? Don’t talk about Scientology.
So maybe he would have to kick it old school and name it something like Risky Business. After all, the name Risky Business does describe any company investing in any new movie projects with Cruise now. Oh snap!
But at the very least, we all know he would be the authority on fragrances. *tee hee*

Awesome! Got My First Order!

Aaaaanyways….
If you are going to buy celebrity fragrances in the first place, than you should buy it because you like it. Don’t be like all the other sheeple who buy what’s popular because the celebrity had another hit movie or a CD release. Because if this is the way you think, then that sixty clams you once plunked down for Jaylo’s Glow *snicker* has surely been wasted. Unless you want to lie about what your wearing. Yes some people are that ridiculous.

One fragrance that has stood the test of time is the hilarious Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds (of course with the much older crowd)

Sorry Liz, no dis intended, but White Diamonds always reminds me of a friend of mine whose husband bought her White Diamonds for Christmas. She hated it, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings so she acted appreciative. She left the bottle in plain site unopened, hoping he would get the hint that she never used it. But the following Christmas she received yet another bottle. We laughed are asses off. Men!

Perfume’s popularity has gone through many changes over the years. Sure the old standards like Channel No. 5 are here to stay. But the classics are a breed all their own, and cost a lot more to boot. I think celebrity fragrances have their own little group.

bellasugar posted The Top Ten Fragrances that You Loved or (Hated) in Jr High School.
 Which was a blast from the past.
They listed Jean Nate, Charlie, The Body Shop Perfume Oil, Heaven, Electric Youth,The Entire Roster of Designer Imposters, Sunflowers, Exclamation, Ck One, and Love’s Baby Soft.

The most popular fragrance when I was in school, was Patchouli Oil. And yes I wore it for quite a while, and I stil like it, but I haven’t worn it since then. So I guess I am guilty of changing fragrances for the changing times. (I also don’t want my car searched if I am pulled over) *snicker*

I also remember using  “Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific” shampoo, which was so fragrant, it killed two birds with one stone. Sure wish I can find some of that stuff today just to smell it once again.

There were plenty of fragrances that used to be popular way back when. (including the guys stuff)
Some biggies were English Leather, Old Spice, Aqua Velva After Shave, Tabu, Tigress, Shalimar, L’Eur Du Temps, Windsong, O’ de London, Rive Gauche, and the infamous Evening in Paris, just to name a VERY few.

Whoops! Almost forgot Hai Karate After Shave!
Who can forget their commericals of girls going wild?

Today it has been replaced with the more updated AXE which uses the same girls gone wild idea for their AXE “you have been warned” commercials. YouTube has many parodies of their commercials, but one of my all time favorite fragrance parodies was for a pseudo cologne, called Douche Cologne. Click here and giggle. (it’s a tad racy in one part, so if you are easily offended, you may want to pass)

It’s any one’s guess which celebrity fragrance is going to be the next big seller and if it has any staying power in today’s economy and the fickleness of the market. With over 100 fragrances coming out each year world wide, the market has become flooded. The competition has become very fierce to have that next big hit.

I am surprised others in the music industry haven’t come out with their own fragrances. Doesn’t seem to be any rocker’s fragrances . The Stone’s Brown Sugar would be a no brainer, and I am sure with all the Beatles flap lately, if they were to come out with a fragrance it just may work. It would probably have hints of Apple *tee hee*

OR how about for the younger crowd? Perhaps Green Day Garden or Blink 182 Bouquet would sell? Probably not. The target audience is not the same. But you never know. Hey I want 10% if I see any of these on the market!

Even other celebs like Donald (ick) Trump and Simon (ick) Cowell jumped on the fragrance band wagon. I guess they needed the cash?
Wonder how Donald Trump’s stuff is selling? Maybe it’s selling better than his Trump Water?

Who would ever admit to wearing Trump or Cowell’s stuff anyways?
Or maybe your more of an Antonio Banderas fan? Look he even has his hand extended on the display, as if to say (in Antonios’s accent of course) “Come… come… take a whiff of sexy” *snicker*  

Speaking of celeb fragrances that people may be (or should be) embarrased to wear…
How about Britney Spears new Circus Fantasy?

Some how the name Circus Fantasy doesn’t sound appealing to me. I know it is a reference to Britney’s album and tour, but Circus Fantasy? Really? Has Elizabeth Arden lost their damn minds?

Even the packaging looks tacky. Looks like it comes with candy circus peanuts (the worst candy ever). And at $55.00 a pop, it should come with popcorn or a candy apple at the very least.

Sorry, but a perfume with the word circus in it, reminds me of  clowns and something that would smell like elephant poop stuck to a clown’s shoe and cotton candy all in one. Others may be reminded of a sexy trapeze artist, or perhaps a day at the circus with their family? Or dancing circus dogs in little hats and tutus? Ummm…. again, I just dont’ get it.

But hey, maybe she will be laughing all the way to the bank with this one. After all her fragrance Curious was a best seller in celebrity fragrance world.

For me, the word circus makes my mind go right back to the image of CLOWNS. Scary freakin’ clowns.
And clowns have always freaked me out! *shudder*

Every once in a while, the world of entertainment outdoes itself in douche-yness, even beyond its standard level of douchedome. Last night was just the night for such heights of douchery. Ok, I think I’ve given “douche” its props.

KANYE WEST (all caps, just the way he likes it) is well known for being an opinionated, obnoxious ass, but he went too far last night during Taylor Swift’s acceptance for “Best Female Video” for her hit song, “You Belong With Me.” Taylor, who had just begun her gracious speech was saying, “I always dreamed about what it would be like to win one of these one day. I never thought it would happen.”, when Kanye burst on to the stage, grabbing the mic from the startled Swift and dropped this gem, “Hey Taylor, I’m really happy for you, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.”

There was all the requisite booing and hissing from the audience and poor, sweet Taylor (she really does seem sweet, hence why we’ve never talked about her on Glosslip) was clearly confused and embarrassed.

I am sure there are a million blogs blabbing about this incident today in defense of Taylor and outraged by Kanye, but this is hardly a one-time moment of stupidity for West. West has made a cottage industry off of his boorish, loutish and garish displays of arrogance, inhumanity and a general lack of appreciation for his fellow artists. Dude is an A-ONE ASSHOLE. So much so, I know many people who refuse to listen to his otherwise good music because they JUST CAN’T STAND HIM.

There is a place for assertiveness and confidence, but that place is not during someone else’s acceptance speech — and this was hardly U2’s Bono up there accepting their billionth award. This was a young woman (19) who is at the beginning of what will hopefully be a long career. In the world of bad role models for girls, Taylor Swift is like a breath of fresh air, with her tasteful and girlish appeal and seemingly genuine sweetness. I am no country music fan, but I have nothing but good things to say about Swift and her music.

What Kanye West did was single-handledly dismiss a young woman who WRITES HER OWN SONGS, PLAYS HER OWN INSTRUMENTS and CAN PACK ARENAS. And it’s not just kids who like her, lots of adults dig her too.

No offense against Beyonce, who was herself very gracious by calling Swift on stage with her during her acceptance for “Best Video Of The Year,” but this doesn’t change the fact Beyonce is manufactured entertainment, NOT a musician. Here’s Beyonce’s moment of true class:

There is a real difference between an artist like Swift and Beyonce, whether folks want to admit it or not. And keeping in true form, West was clearly not stricken with any sense of shame, even after being admonished by fiesty singer Pink. More from MTV’s blog:

His protest against Swift, however, was not well received. West stood briefly on the stage after his comments as the crowd was silent. Audience members then began to clap in support of Swift after West left the stage.

According to reports from inside the house, once cameras cut away from the action, West flipped off the crowd and returned to his seat. Wale then said to the crowd, “You can’t blame a man for speaking his mind.” His words were met with boos, and Wale then said, “Kanye, I tried.” During the next commercial break, Pink walked by the rapper and appeared to shake her head in disgust before security escorted her away. West remained steadfast amidst the commotion as he kissed his girlfriend Amber Rose.

The testament of a true artist (and human for that matter) is the ability to see the world around you and recognize your place in it, and hopefully learn from your mistakes. Kanye is clearly incapable of learning, growing or maturing from his. I hope the ghost of his deceased mom, the only person who seemed to have any influence over his bloated ego, visits him and slaps the crap of him and tells him it’s NOT ok to disrespect women. That’s Chris Brown’s job DAMMIT.

*The use of caps was Kanye approved for this post!

Rumors have been circulating lately about the gender or shall I say the genders of Lady GaGa. Many people thought that The Princess of Pop (yeessh) is a hermaphrodite. For those of you who do not know what a hermaphrodite is, it is a person born with both male and female genitalia.

The picture that had everyone a-buzz, is the one below. It clearly shows a “bulge” of some sort in the crotch region.

People were wondering, if this was carefully placed “package” for shock value for her career? Or a photo-shopped picture? Or is Lady (I use the term lightly) more than just a lady?

Well Lady finally came forward and put an end to the rumors and said that “she was not offended, but her beautiful vagina was very offended”.  Thank God that is cleared up, I will no longer have sleepless nights. *snicker*

Wait….what did she say? Her beautiful vagina? Who the hell talks publicly (or at all for that matter) about having a beautiful vagina? (with the exception of the Vagina Monologues)
Wow!  Talk about being totally full of themselves.

The Examiner.com reported:

Since the hermaphrodite rumors started circling around Lady Gaga back in August, the singer has kept quiet about whether or not she has both parts.

Lady Gaga reportedly told an Australian radio station, “My beautiful vagina is very offended. I’m not offended; my vagina is offended. I’m not embarrassed. I sold four million records in six months; I’m not embarrassed about anything. I think this is society’s reaction to a strong woman.”

“The idea that we equate strength with men and a penis is a symbol of male strength, you know, it is what it is. But like I said,” the dance-pop diva reiterated, “I am not offended at all, but my vagina might be a little bit upset,” she added.

The singer has been flaunting her naked body in various magazines since the rumors began, hoping to disprove that she may have both man and lady parts, but we all know what a little Photoshop can do.

What do you think? Is Lady Gaga telling the truth or just deny, deny, denying?

My reply? Who gives a damn? Sorry, I could care less what she’s packing, and besides, what’s the difference? Are people saying if GaGa was a hermaphrodite that they wouldn’t be fans any more? Why, can’t a hermaphrodite be a diva too?

This story oddly peaked my interest and I decided to look more into GaGa’s music, since I wasn’t too familiar with it, and I wanted to see what the fuss was all about. What I discovered wasn’t much. I found an ok looking gal who loves to dress in kooky outfits and writes some really lousy songs.

GaGa is going the ol’ shock diva route because she basically needs those costumes and stage performances to hide her lack of talent. Her audience needs a lot of distractions. And now that she has a following, he crappy songs wont’ matter as much.
 
Her voice and song style comes pretty close to Madonnas, although Madonna’s songs were better written. Now I am not a fan of Madonna’s either, but nobody can deny that when Madonna blew up big in the 80’s that she was at least original and her songs were much better than GaGa’s. 

I have to say, that some of GaGa’s outfits are very cool, I will at least give her that. I love the way she sometimes meshes a vintage look with wackiness and forms some pretty outrageous get-ups. BUT…is that it? Yes, that’s it.

Let’s not forget this has been done a hundred times over in the music biz, and way before she strapped on that bubble suit for the cover of Rolling Stone.

Performers have been making names for themselves via shock for years. Way back when, Liberace was one of the first shockers and was the king of outlandish outfits. He was one of the first pioneers of  “putting on the dog“.

Although Liberace’s voice was far from good, he did play a mean piano. And look at Elton John, who started out as sort of a meek country bumpkin and ended up going all Liberace on everyone, once fame came knocking on his door.

Elton was not only an elaborate dresser, but he had quite the collection of outrageous glasses, which became a signature for him. So was Elton copying Liberace? It really didn’t matter, because he can sing and play piano to boot.

There was David Bowie who dressed up as Zigggy Stardust, and Cyndi Lauper who started an entire fashion craze with her gobs of costume jewelry, and her poofy crinoline slips.

But again like Elton, this girl can sing.

Take the band Kiss for instance, who was popular in the 1970’s. They rose up in the ranks due to their alter ego wild costumes, pyrotechnics on stage and Gene Simmons spewing blood and wiggling that long snake of a tongue. It was freaky to see a band dressed like that with full face paint back  in the 1970’s, and it was very innovative. (I was never a Kiss fan though, I think their movie ruined it for me *snicker*) But they did have some talent to back up their look.

Alice Copper, another unusual performer, used to hang himself on stage complete with an entire gallows set up on stage. He also would whip bloody plastic baby dolls on stage during his Dead Babies song… but again…Cooper had the talent to rock the house.

Let’s not forget Dee Snyder in Twisted Sister, ok… never mind, we can forget that one.

(Just have to mention, and way off topic, but I think Christina Aguilera definitely stole Dee’s look when she did the video for Moulin Rouge).

And what about Boy George? He started out rather tame with Culture Club (well sort of) and then showed up in an airport one day dressed like a Geisha girl, and got more outrageous from there. But nobody can deny that the man possessed decent set of pipes on him. We won’t get into where he is today.

Back to Madonna… one of the biggest shock divas. (who is sadly still trying to shock people today, you can stop now)
She started a whole fashion trend with her pointy bustiers, rosaries, rubber O ring bracelets, and boy toy belt buckles.

Who can forget her humping a wedding veil and rolling around on the floor, when she performed Like A Virgin for the 1984 MTV music awards?  Looking back on Madonna’s perfomance in that video, it wasn’t a very good one, but people were so wrapped up in the lyrics of  the song and what she was doing on stage,  that few people noticed the bad notes she hit. Rr the fact she was fluffing up her hair after she took off her veil, and that she became semi entangled in the veil at one point.

Madonna continued to push the envelope in her career and put many Catholics and others’ knickers in quite the bunch with her Like A Prayer video.
 Fact.. it was her highest-selling single and viewers voted the video as the “Most Groundbreaking Music Video of All Time”.

Many people argue that Lady GaGa is a huge Madonna rip off. Although I am not a Madonna fan at all, her pop songs were much better than GaGa’s. (never thought I would be defending Madonna’s music)

Yes.. shocking people has always worked. (Right Cher?)
And we certainly couldn’t name all of them here. But one thing for sure… they had the right stuff.

But does GaGa have the right stuff? Is her only claim to fame shocking the audience with costumes and stage humping, so they won’t notice her lackluster singing? It looks that way. Although her fans would certainly disagree.

GaGa is also trying to further her career by posing for an ENDLESS  amounts of nudie photos. Now I am not a prude in any sense, but honey if your bringing out all the goods now, what’s left? Put that dern thing away!

Take for instance this lovely photo of her half straddling a skeleton. Yawwwwnnn. Needless to say, I had the same reaction as the skeleton. DEAD BORED.

There is the chance of spreading yourself (no pun intended) too thin in this business, especially if that’s all you have. So GaGa better come up with some decent hits soon.

Now before you jump down my throat, I did listen to some of her songs and watched her videos. I suffered through “Paparazzi”,
and “Poker Face,” (she obviously likes to stu-stu-stutter in her songs). I then went on to listen to ”Just Dance” (total Madonna rip off), “LoveGame” – (that’s the “I want to take a ride on your disco stick” song) and ”Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)”, which was eh eh, more boring than the title. And finally let’s not leave out “Beautiful Dirty Rich”. (”Bang bang we’re beautiful and dirty rich.”) Well she got the dirty rich part right. 

My conclusion?

I find her ba-ba-ba-BORING and repetitive. Perhaps I am jaded by years of watching others before her do the same things, only better. The difference again is they HAD TALENT and it was new.

I happened to catch a video of her on YouTube. She was a guest on some sort of talk show in Tokyo. Her performance was not any better than a night at a karaoke bar or a cruise ship talent show. She did a slow and painful version of “Po-po-po Poker Face.” Her piano playing sounded like she was wearing oven mitts. And frankly, I could NOT stop staring at the elephant on her head.

Yes, you heard me. She had a wig on her head in the shape of an elephant, complete with eyes.  However the elephant did work as far as taking my attention away from her piss poor performance. 
Smart gal. The acoustic rendition of this song  made me cringe more than her other version. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth the laugh. Click here. 

GaGa just doesn’t cut it for me. She is probably thinking,  Hey! look at me in my rubber spider bubble dress with the giant butterfly on my head, aren’t I outrageous? NO! Sorry, you are not. 

But who is laughing all the way to the bank? She is.

As she said, ”I sold four million records in six months; I’m not embarrassed about anything”. Bless her little heart. 

But I say, if you are going to be a diva today, you better have some talent to back it up.

It’s very hard to get ahead these days in the music industry. Unfortunately many talented people fall by the way side, and some with little or no talent make it big. Just doesn’t seem fair. Hello William Hung!

There have also been some American Idol contestants who made it to the top, but I still don’t understand how some of them got there…. (hello Clay Aiken). Sorry Claymates. Are there any left out there?

I do give Lady GaGa SOME kudos for her confidence and for being able to make it in the music industry today, despite how little talent she has under those bubbles. But everything she does seems “borrowed” from either someone or something that came way before her. Even her name was taken from Queen’s song Radio GaGa according to her.

So for all you fans out there who are gaga over GaGa, and whom I expect will be barraging me with some lovely comments…just know that she is not the inventive ground breaking diva you think she is.

It’s all been done before many, many years ago and by people who wrote better songs and who had much more talent.

In fact even GaGa’s hair and face have a familiar look to it. GaGa has said that Donatello Versace is her favorite fashion icon. Um, clearly…she totally stole her look. I guess we know early what GaGa will look like when she gets older and has had a few nip, tucks and plumps. Scary isn’t it?

So getting back to divas from way back when… Who had the coconuts back in the 1940’s, to put a pile of fruit on her head and wear gigantic platform shoes and outrageous midriff outfits?

Why it was the lovely Carmen Miranda of course. Aka Maria do Carmo Miranda da Cunha. Here she is in one of her many wacky costumes complete with Christmas ornaments glitz and feathers! Carmen was also an actress and appeared in many movies. Watch this vid to see some of her many outrageous outfits and actual movie footage.

I can easily see GaGa taking Carmen’s Chica Boom song and adding some techno tracks and coming out on stage with fruit on her head. Errr…I mean humping some fruit on stage. Gee, I hope GaGa doesn’t read this, I don’t want to give her any ideas.

Chica chica boom chic baby!

My theory on Hollywood and the Entertainment Industry is that these two fake entities are a parallel to the experiences of junior high school: full of dicks, nerds, dweebies, geeks, freaks and kids who think they are popular.

So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that a dick and a freak are having a little pissing contest to see who is the biggest f-tard. In this case, I think the dick wins.

Allow me to illuminate you. Apparently, Hello-Kitty fetishist Mariah Carey started a fight with Mr. Headcase Eminem. At some point these two were rubbing their fuzzy nubs on each other, but that crab-infested coupling went sour, and now, instead of ignoring each other like any normal 36 and 39-year old should, they have decided to channel their inner 14-year old.

From the Examiner:

The love triangle between Eminem, Mariah Carey, and Nick Cannon has taken another turn. Eminem released a diss track aimed at the newlyweds titled The Warning.

The Warning is essentially Eminem demanding that the couple stop taking shots at the Detroit MC. Maybe Eminem’s memory has been affected by his many years of drug addiction, because he’s fired unwarranted shots at Carey for the last seven years.

With the release of Eminem’s Relapse, he took another shot at Carey and her husband prompting the couple to respond. On Bagpipes from Baghdad Slim Shady raps, “Nick Cannon you [expletive], I wish you luck with the [expletive] whore/Every minute there’s a sucker born.”

Cannon said in his blog, “So, Miss Marshall, I’m going to make you wish you never spoke my name and regret the ungodly things you said about my wife. This is going to be fun! It’s however you want it! Just remember, you did this to yourself! Your legacy has now been tainted from this day forth! You will now be known as the rapper who lost to corny-ass Nick Cannon!”

Carey then released the video and song for Obsessed mocking Eminem. Carey sang, “Why you so obsessed with me?/Lying that you’re sexin’ me/It’s clear that you’re upset with me.”

Eminem responded by releasing his most inspired song in years,The Warning. Eminem rhymes, “It’s a warning shot ‘fore I blow up your whole spot/Call my bluff and I’ll release [everything] I got.”

This battle clearly ranks as one of the all time corniest battles in rap history. Will Nick Cannon even respond to the The Warning? Stay tuned.

So, I listened to “The Warning” (cue two eye-rolls and a withering side-eye) and not only is NOT catchy, a serious no-no in my book of snarky comebacks, but it goes WAY beyond what is okay. It’s pretty damn repulsive, which, pretty much describes Eminem when he is sucking…something he’s done A LOT lately.

Artistically speaking, I’d prefer to listen to Eminem ANYDAY over Mariah Carey. I actually dig some of Eminem’s music a lot (just ask my iPod), but what I don’t dig is immaturity played out for all the world to see. Like all constants in the universe, I expect grown men and women to possess a level of maturity that reflects their age, and this lame-ass bullshit sets a very bad example to the world at large.

In essence, Eminem has not only made baby Jesus cry (and probably Mariah and Nick) with this adolescent drivel, but he’s helping the terrorists win. And that’s just UNAMERICAN.

Em you get a thumbs down on this one, in fact, if you are trying to prove you don’t have feelings for Mariah I’d say you just got an F, for fail. Next time why don’t you just pull her pigtails and push her into the dirt and spare us the drama.

That said, ball’s in your court Mimi.

Update: For those who have standards in their musical listening tastes and don’t want to listen to Mr. Mathers (Miss Mathers to you) dope track, Heckler Spray hilariously breaks this hissy-fit down for you:

It all stems from the relationship that Eminem and Mariah Carey had back in 2001, during one of the brief windows where Mariah wasn’t having a mental breakdown and Eminem wasn’t busy divorcing and remarrying his wife. Eminem referred to the relationship in his song Bagpipes From Baghdad, which we haven’t heard because it’s got the words ‘bagpipes’ and ‘Baghdad’ in the title and therefore probably sounds like a goat having its diaphragm pummelled.

But anyway, whatever Eminem said in the song, it was enough to make Mariah Carey dress up as a man and call Eminem a liar in her new song, entitled Obsessed. And this, somewhat inevitably, has caused Eminem to write another song about Mariah Carey, The Warning, in which he variously:

* Threatens to release a number of intimate phonecalls and photographs from their time together

* Describes an encounter where he accidentally ejaculated onto Mariah Carey’s stomach

* Calls Mariah Carey an ‘alcoholic’, a ‘liar’ and a ‘whore’

* Inevitably opens the door for Mariah Carey to release yet another song about Eminem – possibly accompanied by a video where she’s dressed up as a monkey or a unicorn or something – that goes on and on and on and on and on and forces Emimen to write yet another poxy bloody song about her.

I promised myself I wouldn’t write about Madonna, ’cause she just makes me retch, but sometimes you must break your own rules in the interest of the public.

I could never stand Ms. Phony Pants, right down to the way she speaks. Despite her preposterously pretentious name, was one of six kids born in Bay City Michigan for Heaven’s sake. Her father was Italian and her Mom French Canadian, so I don’t have a clue where she came up with that lame accent — likely the same Fantasy Land she also lives in.

So as much as I try to ignore her, I couldn’t resist poking fun at her shacking up with Jesus…Jesus Luz that is. Jesus is a 22-year old Brazilian model who has been seen all over the place with Madonna including a trip to Madrid, touring the Prado Museum and the Royal Palace.

Back in March of 2009, Madonna and Jesus appeared in a steamy 46-page photo shoot in W Magazine which showed her frolicking in a hotel bed with Jesus. He has his name tattooed on his back, perhaps, just in case he forgets it. Or maybe in case Madonna forgets it. I also noticed she was wearing a cross around her neck in some of the shots. Perfect!

But hey, Madonna is a walking contradiction. Do you remember when said she didn’t want her children watching TV? I guess she forgot it was the early MTV’s videos on which put her on the map to stardom. If kids were not allowed to watch TV back in the 80’s, maybe Madonna would still be in Bay City Michigan. Ahhh…wistful thinking

So I guess TV is out, but boy toys and steamy photo shoots are ok? Not to mention all the other questionable crap she has done after she had kids. Her last photo shoot for her 11th album “Hard Candy” was certainly a trip to Sluttown. She even named her tour Sticky and Sweet.  What is up with all these sexual innuendos?  Does Madoona still think this is hot? It may have worked in her younger years, but now, it’s getting sad and the time has come to put that thang away.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a prude in any sense. But when you have children involved, it gets to a point were you just have to grow up and get some class girl. How can someone write childrens book and then go out on stage and hump a guitar? What are her kids going through? I can just hear one of her daughter’s friends: “Hey Lourdes! (ugh, hate the name) your Mom can really hump a mean guitar!”

From Sean Pean, to Dennis Rodman, to porn star Tony Ward to Guy Ritchie, and asking David Letterman to smell her underwear on TELEVISON (maybe that’s why she didn’t want her kids watching Mommy on TV) to kissing Britney Spears, and now a boytoy named Jesus? We get it Madonna, you are SO shocking. *Yawn*

As much as we wish Madonna would embrace her 50’s with class and dignity, it looks like this cougar is just getting started. In fact, Madonna may be the ultimate cougar, with 28 years between she and her latest sex-toy Jesus, putting Demi Moore to shame, with only 15 years between she and her hubby Ashton Kutcher.

And at the risk of getting nasty comments suggesting if Madonna were a man, nobody would say anything about her newest boy toy, you’d be WRONG. While part of me says, get it while you can, and the other part of me just says ewwwwwww because well…were talking about Madonna, and for some reason, she just seems a bit long in the tooth to be pulling her “Like A Virgin” routine. Again. And again.

Come Here Jesus And Give Mommy Some Sugar

It’s anyone’s guess what Madonna will come up with next, or who she will be “frolicking” with, but I only hope for her kid’s sake that she decides to clean it up a bit. With two African adoptions under her belt, her attentions are elsewhere. So THANK YOU JESUS…Jesus Luz that is.