GlossLip, Celebrity Gossip From Our Lips To Yours

12/10/2008 (12:52 pm)

Coldplay: We Are NOT Plagiarists, But We Are Still Pompous

British rockband Coldplay emphatically denies any claims they “borrowed” from the creative efforts of famed guitarist Joe Satriani. In a lawsuit which made news last week, lawyers for Satriani claimed Coldplay’s hit single Viva La Vida was a direct theft of Satriani’s song, “If I Could Fly” (see video above for a comparison, and judge for yourself.)

Well now Coldplay, fronted by the always gracious and humble lead singer Chris Martin, who just so happens to be married to USA hater and soggy fishstick Gwyneth Paltrow, has issued a statement on the matter:

“If there are any similarities between our two pieces of music, they are entirely coincidental, and just as surprising to us as to him,” Coldplay says. “Joe Satriani is a great musician, but he did not write the song ‘Viva la Vida.’ We respectfully ask him to accept our assurances of this and wish him well with all future endeavors.”

Sadly, this isn’t the first such accusation. A song by Creaky Boards called “Songs I Didn’t Write” claims its melody is the original. You can hear the comparison here.

I don’t know, the two songs sound awfully similar. But then again, pretty much all of Oasis’ songs sound like a Beatles rip-off and let’s face it so there’s certainly a precedent or such things. Also, there really are only so many chords in the universe. So statistically speaking, Coldplay could have accidentally stumbled onto a similar sounding chord progression, and when you consider Chris Martin thinks he farts Grammys, the likelihood of him listening to anyone other than himself is pretty slim, I may have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Verdict: Chris Martin is a talented douchebag. And I LIKE Coldpay, so go figure.

Posted by D
Filed under: Get Over Yourself, Gwyneth Paltrow, Rock-n-Roll, Scandal

11/24/2008 (11:07 am)

Gwyneth Paltrow Tells You How To Properly Do Thanksgiving, Because You Don’t Know How

It’s been a busy time for Gwyneth Paltrow.  First, she had to do a bunch of backpedaling when she ticked off vegetarian terrorists PETA when she wore fur in a recent ad (her excuse:  I was attacked by a stealth stylist!):

“That was awkward, and I’m glad you asked, because I do not wear fur at all. It was a daylong photo shoot on a boat near Capri, and there were all sorts of poses with all kinds of clothes—none with fur. During one set-up, a stylist came up from behind and draped a stole around my shoulders. I didn’t pay much attention to it, and when I noticed it was fur I assumed it was fake fur but did not ask, so it’s my fault. I was very surprised when they ended up using that one shot out of hundreds for the centerpiece of the Tod’s ads. I know it’s not a great excuse, but I hope you and your members understand.”

I guess the leather purse and boots in the photo were okay, because cows are really ugly.  It’s okay if you kill them, eat their meat, and wear their pelts.  Not like cute little squirrels or bunnies or minks.

But now Gwyneth had better watch her back and send somebody else out to start her car, because the folks at PETA will really blow out their aortic valves when they realize what she’s fixing for Thanksgiving:

Turkey will always be the main event of Thanksgiving (at least in my house) and a whole turkey is the way to go if you’re feeding at least 12. But if your party is smaller, the stuffed turkey breast turns out to be a great halfway point. Brining it overnight insures that you don’t need to baste it and it has a quick cooking time. Why should things be any less festive if dinner is just for two? I came up with these stuffed turkey burgers which were a giant hit in my house. They are the perfect solution for anyone who isn’t feeding a big group (or for a big group that wants to try something different!).

Okay.  This is totally bogus.  I don’t know what sort of serving size she is using (perhaps the size of a quarter, or possibly a half-dollar if she’s really feeling gluttonous), but at my house I’ve fixed a whole turkey for the four of us (five of us if my mother is involved) and not had that many leftovers.  It’s one day a year!  Twelve people with one turkey?  When I go to my dad’s for Thanksgiving we go through a turkey and a ham and are scraping the platter.  We have fifteen people or so, but still.

What is it with celebs who release these sorts of missives, anyway?  Are people really that pathetic that they can’t figure out what sort of food to serve for the holiday?  A new recipe or two, fine, but a whole menu?  And who serves brussels sprouts at Thanksgiving?  That’s like serving spinach as a wedding cake.  Srsly, can you imagine the portion control at her Thanksgiving meal?  What an ungrateful Oliver Twist you’d be made out to be.  I imagine if you go back for seconds you’re going to get a fork in the back of the hand.

And don’t even think about asking for more pumpkin pie.

Posted by k
Filed under: Get Over Yourself, Gwyneth Paltrow, Holidays

02/28/2008 (4:51 pm)

Would You Catch A Falling Star, Before She Crashes To The Ground?

heellessshoes1.jpg 

Don’t you know how people are, nobody loves you when you’re down on the floor after you fell off your shoes because they’re stupid and everybody is laughing at you?  (My apologies to John Anderson)

Baby needs a new pair of shoes, but these are evidently for people with more money than brains:heellessshoes2.jpg

The 5 1/2in creations by Briton Antonio Berardi can hardly be described as high heels, since they lack the most important part – a heel.

For the bargain price of £1,800, the wearer will get to totter around with all her weight balanced on a thickened platform sole.

Unsurprisingly, fashionistas are jostling to buy a pair.

Stars including Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman invested in a black patent version costing more than £1,100, shortly after they were unveiled in Berardi’s spring/summer collection in Paris.

And Victoria Beckham apparently has a snakeskin pair.

They are going on sale in Browns stores in London, where they have to be ordered up to five weeks in advance.

Lincolnshire-born Berardi, 39, said he was inspired by Latin American music and 1980s post-modernism, adding: “When you walk, it is almost on tiptoe. You look really dainty.”

Uhm, no you don’t.  You look like an idiot.

Maybe this explains the “dainty” appeal of the shoes:

A spokesman for his Paris-based fashion house said: “The shoe has a bigger platform sole which stretches back further than normal and gives support under the arch of the foot.

“When walking though, you have to put your toe rather than your heel down first and you cannot wear them for very long.

“They are not dangerous because you would have to lean quite far back before you fell over.”

A reminder…don’t drink and couture. 

Seriously…$3600 to traipse around on my tippietoes, with my foot bent into a position feet are not meant to be bent into, just for a pair of shoes?  No thanks…I’ll stick to my crocs.  At least my feet don’t hurt and I don’t have bunions the size of ostrich eggs.

Oh yeah…and at least I have a brain and know how to use it to be individual, instead of being a slave to every crazy fashion that clomps down the runway.

Posted by k
Filed under: Fashion Hell, Gwyneth Paltrow, Uma Thurman, Useless Crap, Victoria Beckham, You Can't Fix Stupid