Albus Dumbledore Comes Out Of The Closet

Wow, and I just thought he was British.

Yes, it’s true, the beloved Hogwart’s Head Master and mentor to Harry Potter is reportedly gay, and apparently carried a torch for his former friend turned rival Grindelwald, whom Dumbledore eventually was forced to duel and subsequently slayed. Talk about heartache. This may come as a shock to many fans of the Harry Potter series, but was understood by the author from the beginning. Rowling goes on to explain the essence of this relationship had much to do with Dumbledore’s reluctance to see the “bad” in Grindelwald, as he was blinded by love. Hmmm…love is a mysterious thing.

So how did this revelation come about? The fabulously wealthy, though quite reclusive author was giving a talk to a group of 1600 or so students at New York’s Carnegie Hall on Friday, when a student asked a profound question. From the Guardian post:

After reading briefly from her mega-selling book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, on Friday night, Rowling took questions from an audience of 1,600 students. A 19-year-old from Colorado asked about the avuncular headmaster of Hogwarts School: ‘Did Dumbledore, who believed in the prevailing power of love, ever fall in love himself?’

The author replied: ‘My truthful answer to you…I always thought of Dumbledore as gay.’ The audience reportedly fell silent - then erupted into prolonged applause.

Rowling, 42, continued: ‘Dumbledore fell in love with Grindelwald [a bad wizard he defeated long ago], and that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was. To an extent, do we say it excused Dumbledore a little more because falling in love can blind us to an extent, but he met someone as brilliant as he was and, rather like Bellatrix, he was very drawn to this brilliant person and horribly, terribly let down by him.’

She added: ‘Yeah, that’s how I always saw Dumbledore. In fact, recently I was in a script read-through for the sixth film, and they had Dumbledore saying a line to Harry early in the script saying, “I knew a girl once, whose hair…” I had to write a little note in the margin and slide it along to the scriptwriter, “Dumbledore’s gay!”‘

Amazed by the warm reaction of the audience, Rowling, on her first US tour in seven years, joked: ‘Just imagine the fan fiction now.’

Well, as if the supernatural and overall occult tone of the series wasn’t enough to drive the bible-thumpers into a frenzy, we can only imagine the chaos and anarchy which will ensue based on this information. Let me see if I can prognosticate the future of the right-wing loonie headlines now:

Being Gay OK Says JK! Gay Is The New Black! Harry Potter Makes Children Worship The Devil, And Gay! They’re Here, They’re Queer, Now Burn Those Gay Witches!

Ok, those sucked, but you get my point. Which will likely be lost on the those who oppose Harry Potter anyway. Because you know, literature KILLS.

Seriously, there are worse things in life than being gay.

Like being stupid for example. Um…HELLO!

A post at Deadline Hollywood Daily says that Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida has been secretly working on plans to recreate a “Harry Potter World” type theme to a previously unused part of the park.

The timing couldn’t be better, with the final installment in the series, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, set to be released July 21st of this year.  The fifth movie, The Order Of the Phoenix, will also be released this summer on July 13.

Not only will they be cashing in on a greatest franchise in history, but it will allow those who are mourning an end to the series an opportunity to relive the Hogwards experience over and over again.  Brilliant.

JK Rowling is going to be rich enough to buy the entire solar system when all is said and done with the Harry Potter series.  The Deathly Hallows, the seventh and supposedly final book,in the outrageously popular series of books about a boy wizard, will have an initial print of 12 million copies.  The previous six books have sold at a combined 325 million.  And Rowling, listed as one of the wealthiest women in the world, has earned an estimate 520 million pounds from the book sales and the four hit movies based on the series.

So that’s about 1 billion dollars.  Not bad for a single mom who was living on the dole some odd ten years ago when she wrote the first Potter book, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone.

While many have speculated about the ending of the wizard tales, with the possibility of Harry dying, it will be with bitter-sweet sadness that awaiting fans will likely consume the final book.  The epic tale of good vs. evil, often compared to the JRR Tolkien’s LOTR Trilogy, couldn’t have come at a more crucial time in history.  With real battles being waged against real evils in this world, having a beacon of escape where good triumphs has been an incredible G*dsend to many.

I anxiously await the final installment, but am incredibly sad at the prospects.  Oh geez, I really sound like an idiot.  Oh well.

The good news is that among the great movies coming out this summer, the fifth Harry Potter - The Order of The Phoenix, will be a wonderful distraction against the pain and loss of no more Harry Potter tales to look forward to.

Oh, heavens, I need to shut up already. 

Now look, I like Harry Potter. In fact if it wasn’t for the Harry Potter series of books I might have completely lost my ability to read. Because let’s face it, I am not smart. But who needs smarts when you are as charming as I am? Who I tell you?

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, Harry Potter. So there I was, innocently checking out one my favorite celeb sites and I see this picture of Danny boy, and low and behold: full frontal nudity. I asked myself (as a fan of the series and all) do I really want to know what his business looks like? I mean what if the next time I see one of the movies I am driven to madness with that filthy image seared into my memory? Sheesh, I already spend too much on therapy.

Alas, I threw caution to the wind. What’s one more pornographic image in a never-ending series of images that have long since sealed my fate. So I give it a looksy and DAMN, wouldn’t you know it, that sucker was unshorn. It had foreskin and stuff on it. Like, not cool man. Totally not cool.

As if it’s not bad enough that Daniel has taken the children’s series to a level it never should have gone, what with starring in a play about a dude who has sex with horses and girls? Now he’s showing his freaky-looking dong for all the world to see. I understand Daniel the Actor wanting to spread his wings and show his range, but come on, couldn’t he have chosen something a little more kosher for the kid? (Bad pun intended!)

Dude’s pretty hung though. Not that I noticed. Isn’t he like underage or something? Seriously, NSFW picture after the jump. But I warn you, don’t look if you’ve never seen one with its helmet off. IT’S NOT PRETTY!

But wait, there’s more…