Worst Bond Girl Denise Richards has a new reality show to promote, and let me tell you something, E! is getting their money’s worth outta her.  Between she and fellow mom-pimp Dina Lohan, they’re getting the most publicity they’ve had since the ANS show was taken off.

Denise is making the talk show rounds and has appeared on several this week, but the one that interests me the most is the interview she did with the Today show’s Matt Lauer.  Supposedly on the morning chatfest to promote her new show, she once again took the opportunity to take several swipes at ex Charlie Sheen, which thus far seems to be her modus operandi:

Denise Richards insisted Wednesday she never asked for her ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s sperm, despite a document released exclusively to NBC News by Sheen containing a purported e-mail that Sheen claims proves she asked him in April 2007 to father a third child via artificial insemination.

“The e-mail’s not legitimate. It’s a doctored e-mail,” Richards told TODAY’s Matt Lauer Wednesday. She said that the message, which Sheen says Richards wrote to his current fiancée, Brooke Mueller, represents another attempt by the actor to discredit her.

Oh, Denise, about that show you’re doing?

Richards told Lauer that the document is simply not true. At the time, she said, she was caring for her mother, Joni, who had terminal cancer that would take her life in December 2007. The actress was also raising the two young girls she had by Sheen. The last thing she wanted was another baby.

“I was taking care of my dying mom. That’s what the public doesn’t understand,” Richards said. “I was raising my little girls. They’re young; they need me. My mother was the closest person to me. She was dying.”

Richards said that if she had wanted another child, she wouldn’t have asked for Sheen’s sperm, noting she was dating Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora at the time. “If I wanted anybody’s sperm, I would have asked for Richie’s,” she told Lauer.

Uh, yeah, but don’t you have a new television show to promote?

She said that the perception that she made [many] accusations [against Sheen] publicly is wrong. She made the statements in court filings that she had hoped would remain private, she said.

“The one thing I will clear up a lot of people don’t understand — I filed a declaration with the court. I never went on different shows and blasted my husband and aired our dirty laundry,” she said. “This is a private, embarrassing, personal matter.”

Hmm, yeah…private and personal. Gotcha. E!, show, ringing any bells?

Richards told Lauer that even that battle has been misrepresented by Sheen. She said that initially, he agreed to allow her to have Sam and Lola on the reality show, but in return for his consent, he asked for increased custody of the children.

“Charlie wanted me to agree to custody changes in our situation,” she said, addressing the issue for the first time. “I didn’t want to change the custody arrangement.”

Okay, never mind.

But wait, there’s more…

And crazazy baby daddy Charlie Sheen is not too happy about it.  Apparently Denise (whom I’ve personally never forgiven for screwing up The World Is Not Enough) is trying to get a reality show together and wants to use her 2- and 3-year-old daughters in it.  Charlie, understandably, is irate and the whole circus is headed to court today:

According to sources, Sheen is irate over the show’s intent to feature his and Richards’ two daughters, 3-year old Sam and 2-year old Lola.

“This goes against everything Sheen believes in… and he feels it’s exploitative of the children for the mother’s own vanity and greed,” a source close to Sheen reveals to Extra.

Charlie has to give his consent for anything like this to happen, and so far he has refused to do so.  Denise is going to court and try to get Charlie’s power as their father revoked in this matter so she can move forward without his permission.

Charlie Sheen isn’t one of my favorite individuals, but then neither is Denise Richards.  I can still hear her flappy lips…”Thumone’s tampered wit da baaaaawm!”  But she’s sinking to a whole new low with this one.  What sort of mom puts her toddlers on television in a reality show?  This is just a shameless, transparent, greedy grab for money by Denise, using her daughters as bait.  It isn’t like reality shows are real, anyway, and this sort of intrusion in her daughter’s lives could cause painful and lasting problems that could stay with them all their lives.  Whoring out her daughters for public consumption at this tender age is reprehensible and amoral.

And what makes her think the court will be sympathetic to a request like this?  If I were the judge in this case, I’d throw things at Denise and laugh.  Then I’d give Charlie a medal for putting up with her special brand of crazazy.  I’d kick him in the butt too, just for good measure, because I’m sure he deserves one.  But then I’d shake his hand for being the better parent in this case.

These poor little girls don’t know enough to make decisions like this on their own yet, so they depend on their parents to make the right decisions for them.  Unfortunately, they got stuck with these two, but at least their father is attempting to do the right thing this time.  I’m with Charlie on this one and I hope he kicks Denise’s butt right where it hurts, in the wallet area.

UPDATE:  Apparently some judges in Hollywood are stupider than others.  TMZ is saying that Denise can film her little reality show “with restrictions”.  We don’t know what those restrictions are, but we can assume that none of it involves things like “using brains” and “demonstrating care and concern as a parent” and “not emotionally pimping one’s daughters for fun and profit”.  Denise is reportedly happy, and if I were a betting person I’d say that Charlie is home punching holes in cement walls and chewing railroad spikes into halfpenny nails.

Just rename them Britney and Lindsay now and get it over with.

I don’t normally talk about John Mayer, his blog, which big-titted starlet he’s boinking or any other manner of inconsequential nonsense. This is a serious blog, not some frivolous site where we scrawl little penises next to people’s mouths. Plus, I am not good at Photoshop.

Anyway, I saw this story and had to respond because I think it’s really sweet John felt compelled to stick up for his former paramour Jessica Simpson, as she continues to her reign of cursing all whom she comes in contact with until they wise up and move on. Then somehow, their career’s soar. Weird.

As we all know, the Dallas Cowboys lost their bid for the Super Bowl title when they were beaten by the NY Giants. It is likely the Cowboys would have lost anyway, because these things happen, but as it stands, their quarterback Tony Romo is dating Jessica Simpson and they’ve been on a losing streak since she showed up and Sunday was no different.

Cowboy fans and Texas people alike have maligned the poor girl and John spoke up on her behalf on his blog:

But wait, there’s more…

Does anyone remember Jason Patric, the Jim Morrison look-a-like from the 80’s vampire/comedy Lost Boys? No? Yeah, well there may be a reason why he never went anywhere after that movie ‘cept to France with co-star and best pal Kiefer Sutherland’s fiancee Julia Roberts.

It seems he’s a gianormous butthole. The always great Celeb News Wire got an inside tip about Jason’s off-off-off-way-off screen antics and they perfectly illustrate the Hollywood Effect ™ in action. Check it out!

Suddenly its becoming clear why Julia married a camera man and not an actor.