Jessica Seinfeld has a new book out. Who’s Jessica Seinfeld? Jerry’s wife of course!

For those who don’t remember, Jessica was married for approximately one month to her first husband, Eric Nederlander, a Broadway producer. Then within about three weeks of returning from her honeymoon in Italy with Eric she began seeing Jerry Seinfeld. Nederlander’s family, like Jerry Seinfeld, is has a lot of money, sadly for Eric, just not ENOUGH money for Jessica, who must have been embarrassed by how little money, as she traded up for a much higher level of wealth by marry Jerry Seinfeld.

Jessica and Jerry met while both were members at a hoity-toity health club facility called Reebok Sports Club in New York. She and her husband called it quits not long after Jessica and Jerry met. J and J were married in November of 1999. Jessica was married to her first husband in 1998. What a lucky mother Jessica has to have the good fortune of planning two gala nuptials within almost a year of each other! Oy gevalt!

Yes, all that historical sluttiness aside, we fast forward to now and Jessica is whoring her book Deceptively Delicious to the masses. The premise is about a mom’s futile attempts to get her family to eat healthy, so she decides to start lacing their food with so-called vitamin packed wholesome goodness. I prefer rat poisoning, but whatever works for you.

Of course Oprah, suck up to the stars, had Jessica on her show to further illustrate how the rich and powerful help the rich and powerful stay that way. Predictably, Jessica’s book became a hit. All was good for the Seinfelds until a woman named Missy Chase Lapine, who’d written a book called The Sneaky Chef complained of plagerism.

Jessica’s been defending herself all about town these days, and recently did so on “The View,” showing us the classic body language of a liar. You can watch the video here. Jessica deflects accusations of plagiarism by being passive aggressive:

“I can understand why she would be upset. You know, first of all when you have a huge success, you know this, people tend to look for the cracks, anything that would break you down a little bit. There’s always negative where there’s positive. This was such an immediate success, this book, that I think people were looking for things to pick a part, but I can understand why she would’ve been frustrated.”

Then as a final nail in her guilty-conscience coffin, she goes on the offensive (and I mean offensive), by basically saying she’s so rich she didn’t need to do the book and so therefore she couldn’t have stolen this woman’s idea (not to mention several almost identical recipes):

“She did a book with a similar topic a few months earlier and it must have been hard for her to see how quickly my book took off. I never saw her book or her recipes. Never as a person would I do something like what I was accused of doing. I mean, I really didn’t need to do this book”

To make matters even more obnoxious, Jerry’s going around calling this woman a whacko and making fun of her. Classy Jerry, really classy. I was never a huge Seinfeld fan, but his growing arrogance and contemptible behavior are really starting to wear thin.

Do us a favor Seinfelds, go hide out in your ostentatious Hampton home nursing your guilty heart on the wine of your fermented tears. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Thanks D-Listed!

Lindsay, bless her little sober-living heart, can still work the “hooker chic” like nobody’s business. She is wearing those boots like a ten-cent whore and she looks AWESOME. And by awesome I mean, rested, totally sober, still deeply insecure and desperately seeking the approval of men. Which may explain why she chose to hook-up with drug addict snowboarder Riley Van Giles, who just so happened to have a fiancee.

Well, at least that’s what a woman named Breanna Tierney is telling the National Enquirer.

The 21-year-old star — who checked into the Cirque Lodge facility in late July after being arrested for DUI and cocaine possession — began a steamy affair with fellow patient Riley, charges Breanna.

“Riley went into rehab to get his life together and in the process meets Lindsay and ruins my life…”I loved Riley and Lindsay stole him. I met her at a meeting while they were still patients at Cirque, and I just knew something was up.

“She came into the meeting with Riley, and she comes over and sits next to me, being overly nice. She was complimenting me on my hair and trying to be my friend. It didn’t seem sincere at all.

“A few days later, I get a text message from Riley telling me he wanted to ‘take a break.’ I knew instantly it was because of Lindsay.”

Breanna, 22, goes on to say she had been there for Riley as he struggled with addiction as well as a string of arrests for various felonies including; possession of a controlled substance by misrepresentation, fraud, DUI, and prescription forgery. Bree also states that Riley proposed to her three years ago, but unfortunately it didn’t count because he gave her a cheap-ass cubic zirconium engagement ring. From her harrowing tale:

“I’ve stuck by Riley through the good and the bad. We lived together for three years and planned on being together forever. But when he finally confessed to me that he had sex with Lindsay in one of the stairwells at Cirque — that was it, we were done.

Lindsay has no morals and needs some serious help — besides drug rehab — for all her other problems.”

Besides his drinking and drugging, Breanna had overlooked other signs that her “Mr. Right” was “Mr. Wrong.” She was stunned to discover Riley had given her a fake diamond engagement ring. “I went to get it repaired because some of the diamonds fell out,” she recalled. “I wanted to scream when the jeweler told me the stones were cheap cubic zirconias.”

Breanna with Riley, the fake engagement ring giver

If you ask me, Breanna should send Lindsay a “thank you” note and wash her hands of the matter and move on. Any POC guy who gives you a fake diamond ring is NOT worth fighting over and should be kicked to curb unceremoniously.

And honestly do you really want some guy whose been with Lilo? That’s damaged goods, that is.

I’m not even going to bother writing a post for this.  The clip speaks for itself.

Now, if you don’t mind, after watching this I have an appointment to get a shot.  I don’t know what kind, but it is the sort that should remove any sort of infectious disease I may have contracted from watching this clip.  And I also need a shower.  An hour-long, steaming hot shower, and I’m going to scrub with steel wool and Barkeeper’s Friend until my skin bleeds.  And then I’m going to rub antibacterial gel all over myself.  Yes, friends, after watching this I do feel just that dirty.

If I have any energy left, I may gouge out my eyes, because I never want to see this again.

You’ve been warned.

People magazine is reporting that director Robert Rogriguez is engaged to his girlfriend Rose McGowan. The two met on the set of his joint film with fellow director Quentin Tarantino, Grindhouse/Planet Terror. Romance blossomed between the two on the set…right under the nose of his partner/wife of 15 years Elizabeth Avellan, who is also the mother of his five children.

Isn’t that the sweetest, most romantic thing you have ever heard? No, well you aren’t alone.

From the People article:

He’s my best friend,” McGowan told PEOPLE last June. “We instantly became really good friends.”

Engagement rumors swirled for months as the couple attended Hollywood events, and recently McGowan has been sporting a large diamond ring on her wedding finger.

McGowan previously was engaged to rocker Marilyn Manson. Rodriguez is divorced from producer Elizabeth Avellan, with whom he has five children.

So Rose, who is has taken some hits in the media for having gone overboard on some plastic surgery (she’s only 33) which she claims was due in part to a car accident, rather than a self-esteem issue, swooped in an got herself a man. A man who already had a wife and five kids. There’s a name for that…is it stealthy? Close, but not quite. Sneaky, maybe? Closer, but still not right. Homewrecking slut from hell? Ding..ding..ding. We have our answer.

Nothing bothers me more than when a woman inserts herself into a marriage, rips parents from their children by using her lack of morals to seduce a married man. Sort of like what Angelina Jolie did, but without the children.

It’s also reported that Rose will be starring Rodriguez’s remake of the classic film Barbarella, made famous by Jane Fonda oh so many years ago. Sleeping with the director does have its benefits.

I read an interview with Elizabeth Avellan in the NYT. She is a class act. Despite the opportunity to slam McGowan and her ex, she took the high road and uttered nary an untoward word about either. Elizabeth talked about how they had built a small community in Austin, TX by taking their production company, Troublemaker Studios, away from expense and drama of Hollywood, and continually hiring the same crew for each of the movies she and Robert worked on together over the last 18 years. Movies that include Sin City, the Spy Kids series, Desperado and the recent Grindhouse collaboration with Tarantino.

Here she talks about her life and career after her split with Rodriguez:

If it’s a challenge to continue on with business as usual at Troublemaker now that she is no longer married to Mr. Rodriguez, Ms. Avellan isn’t showing it. While some in the Austin film world and inside Troublemaker wonder what will happen next — “There’s an enormous amount of concern,” said Louis Black, editor of The Austin Chronicle and founder of the South by Southwest Music, Film and Interactive Festival, “because these are two people that a lot of people care about” — Ms. Avellan said she never questioned whether or not to stay with Troublemaker. It’s a decision that might seem counterintuitive, given the collapse of the marriage. But considering the stakes as equal partner of a moneymaking company with grand plans — Ms. Avellan said she also hoped to expand the studio’s sound and digital facilities and bring in more commercial production — it’s an experiment she’s willing to try.

“Robert and I have been such good partners for 18 years,” she said. “So many things haven’t changed in general, just in how we handle our personal life with our children. The only thing we’re not is married anymore.”

“He can make his movies here,” she added, “just like I can make my movies here. It’ll be good for Austin: if I bring a movie in, and Robert does a movie too, this place will be much more used. People can say, ‘Oh, it’ll never work.’ And I’m like, ‘You know what? It’ll work.’ I’m excited at the prospect of showing them — of showing the world what I do.”

I suppose Elizabeth can take some solace in the fact that Robert and Rose are at least serious about each other and not some kind of brief tryst that broke up a good partnership. Although I am sure a Rose McGowan voodoo doll would work just as well.

You may be wondering who that Amazonian woman in the above picture is, and why she’s gracing the hallowed halls of this fine literary establishment?  That my friends is none other than Coco (Nicole Austin) the current wife of rapper/actor Ice T.

Seriously, I can not look at pictures of this woman and not be thoroughly confused.  Jesus H, what the hell is going on behind this woman’s back? How can you have so much junk in your trunk and not an ounce of cellulite?  Ice T must rub some sort of cream made from the blood of newborns to keep his wife’s ass in that kind of shape. 

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  Although rumors of Coco starring on TV this Fall will make the decision a little easier.

For reals, that is some kind of rumpshaker!!  Here’s another look at a pimp and his main ho!
But wait, there’s more…

Well, we know she’s had a lot of practice, so the end result shouldn’t be all that hard for the heiress/ex-con/celebutard to achieve. All she has to remember is to tell the doctor she’s in for a checkup, rather than her routine removal service. Wow, that was mean even for me. Too bad it’s true.

Yes, according to an interview in the Elle (UK), Paris is ready to spawn. Here’s the quote from the saucy tartlet:

“I want kids next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”

Another source close to Hilton had this to say about her desire to birth:

“Paris told me, ‘I want lots of babies and a more simple life away from the celebrity spotlight. I did a lot of soul-searching about my partying and then I heard Nicole was pregnant and I decided it’s time for me to grow up and take responsibility - and the best way to do that is to become a mother.’ “

So Paris has equated motherhood with growing up? Who can blame her, look what wonders it’s done for Britney Spears. Clearly, Paris is just jealous about all the attention and special treatment that Nicole Richie has gotten since announcing that she was too stupid to use birth control.

These dumbasses make me want to vomit. Cripes, you just know it’s only a matter of time before Lindsay Lohan’s gonna be popping out some crackheaded kids from her infected womb. Don’t get me wrong, procreation is a fabulous thing, but not for people with raging cases of herpetitis who treat sex like its some kind of cure-all for the itching and burning that’s slowly eating their vaginas away.

I’m not sure what planet these hos have been living on, but there are some things that don’t mix with parenting, like say: coke, heroin, cigarettes, alcohol, crack and infected wangs. That’s just to name a few, and sadly, “a few” is not a term that one could use in reference to the number of sperm donors, lines of coke and orgies any of these “ladies” have dabbled in.

Motherhood doesn’t make you grown up, it just makes you fat and irritable. If these chicks could just be patient, eventually menopause will do the same thing and they wouldn’t have to change one diaper!

And by sexy, what I mean to imply is cheesy. Above is a picture of Lilo with some dude she must have picked up at one of those Hollywood parties where the coke flows like a river and STD’s are a blisterin’. Seriously, this guy looks like something straight out of Studio 54. What’s he like 40? Cripes when did 40 become the new 20? Scratch that, I’m almost 40, except my plastic surgeon says I could easily pass for 37, or was that the creepy guy at the beverage drive thru?

Whatever, the point is, this guy has scuzball written all over his face and while that’s RIGHT UP Liho’s alley, I can’t help but be suspicious. How much you want to bet his favorite line to use on the starstruck hos is “Hey baby, are you an actress? Wanna be.” Forget drug rehab, what Lindsay needs is boyfriend rehab. I’ve seen more discriminating taste from deranged crackheads. For reals!!

Photo: Splash

Yesterday we posted a story with some pics were allegedly from four months ago. Apparently that is not true, they were from 2006, and this should come as no surprise considering the source was News Of The World. In any case, the pics showing Lindsay Lohan playing with knives featured none other than Vanessa Minnillo as her photo op partner.

Minnillo, who is best known for being the chick that Nick Lachey hooked up with after divorcing Jessica Simpson, also did some side work on MTV and ET serving as host for the shows interviewing celebrities until her contract was up in April. You might also remember her dropping an F-Bomb during the New Year’s Eve Live countdown show, because you know, she’s a professional.

Not surprisingly, the NYP is now reporting that it was not necessarily her decision not to renew her contract, but instead she was released due to her becoming increasingly “high maintenence” and her growing unwillingness to not do any actual work. A source reports:

“Vanessa wants to be a celebrity, not interview them. She wouldn’t conduct post-show interviews because she wanted to party. She expected to be paid a full-time salary for a part-time job.”

Wow, I am so shocked to hear that another celebrity wannabe is born. Who DOESN’T want to be a celebrity these days? Apparently the fast track to celebrityville is becoming a first rate beeyotch, which a source tells the Post is exactly what Ms. Minnillo is:

When producers flew her to Los Angeles to cover the Grammys, “she was extremely high maintenance,” said one source. “She insisted they fly her own hair and makeup people and her personal assistant out with her every time she flew to L.A. She only flew first class and stayed at the Four Seasons, and then she didn’t want to work.

Awesome. Who wants to work when there are lines of coke calling your name and famous schlongs to be banged? Hollywood is like the greatest invention of mankind. How else could we identify and separate society’s vapid and useless? Just think, without Hollywood, these gaping holes of insecurity and excess would be shuffling about taking up meaningful space and resources better spent on those who actually have something to contribute.

I wonder if there are any pics showing Lindsay and Vanessa swallowing swords? Seriously I think they were warming up for the retarded circus or something.

It’s been a while since we’ve mentioned the Picasso-faced Heather Mills, but that’s because she’s annoying. Even more annoying is watching her undulated and behave in an undignified manner on the Dancing With The Stars.

I know you are supposed to be judging her on her dancing talent, which is really frightfully uncoordinated and without rhythm, but I couldn’t help finding myself fascinated by how well she navigated in heels on a slippery floor with a prosthetic limb. It’s kind of scary to watch her, because at any moment you know she’s going to wipe out. It’s like Nascar. No one watches for the race, it’s the anticipation of something going horribly wrong and ending in a fiery gruesome crash. Yuck - why torment yourself?

In any case, she just bought some floorspace with her butt, amusing, but also kind of sad. If I didn’t find her so appalling I would feel sorry for her. She really has a tremendous “pathetic” factor to her - and it has NOTHING to do with her leg.

The water just keeps getting hotter for shamed radio DJ Don Imus.  For those who don’t know, during’ Imus simulcast show last week he said some derogatory remarks about the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team.  What compelled him to utter “nappy-headed hos” about a group of stellar, hard working women athletes is beyond me.  But now he’s paying the price, and how. MSNBC released this statement to TMZ:

“Effective immediately, MSNBC will no longer simulcast the “Imus in the Morning” radio program. This decision comes as a result of an ongoing review process, which initially included the announcement of a suspension. It also takes into account many conversations with our own employees. What matters to us most is that the men and women of NBC Universal have confidence in the values we have set for this company. This is the only decision that makes that possible. Once again, we apologize to the women of the Rutgers basketball team and to our viewers. We deeply regret the pain this incident has caused.”

This comes on the heels of several negative repercussions leveled at Imus, including his wife being forced to cancel her book tour for her environmentally focused book called Green This! Volume 1: Greening Your Cleaning, and two major TV appearances: “The Martha Stewart Show” and “The View.”  Imus has also had major advertising pulled from his CBS and MSNBC show, as well as a two-week suspension from both - well until he was cancelled altogether from MSNBC.

Sheesh!  I don’t even think Mel Gibson or Michael Richards’ mellow’s were harshed that badly.  Why the extreme reaction?  According to “Opie and Anthony,” yet another shockjock show (based in NY) they are firmly behind Imus’ right to free speech, and see this as a major blow to anyone hoping to have a “comedy-based” show in radio, where talking ‘off the cuff’ (as they call it) can cost you your job.  And rival Howard Stern, well, he spent his satellite time basking the glory of watching his arch-nemesis go down in flames - shocker!

But why is this such a big deal?

The answer is simple: context.  Imus had ZERO context for using such a racially charged and degrading remark about women, let alone African-American women who are in essence, living their dream to the fullest.  Back in the 90’s I worked for a major women’s college basketball team and the competition to get into a school at the level of Rutgers, let alone the upper echalon’s like UConn and Tennessee is fierce.  These women are pursued for years.  Scouted as young as 6th grade through summer AAU camps.  These aren’t “nappy-headed ho’s” these are high caliber females who must not only show tremendous prowess on the court, but present the whole package: good grades, well-rounded curriculum and families who are supporting their efforts from the cradle on.

Had Imus called say, Foxy Brown, a “nappy-headed ho” he might have been met with gasps, tongue-clucking and finger-waving, but the fallout would have been nil.  You can get away with calling someone who conducts themselves in the manner of a ho, a ho (no offense Foxy, but come on) but you CANNOT get away with calling highly revered, exemplary people who have done NOTHING to bring on such insults, these kinds of names without getting yourself skewered alive. 

Off the cuff is one thing – blatantly hateful racial slurs without even the slightest hint off reality – is quite another.  Imus, maybe it’s high time you retire, make amends and apologize to your wife.