Name:  Hugh John Mungo Grant
Birthdate:  September 9, 1960
Age:  48
Famous Movies:  The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill (But Came Down A Mountain), Four Weddings And A Funeral, About A Boy, Bridget Jones’s Diary
Most Famous For:  Being a bit of a Casanova

Had you asked me six months ago what my favorite Hugh Grant movie was, I would have said That Englishman Hill Mountain Movie, in which he played to perfection his usual stammering, charming nebbish.  However, since I visited the dollar DVD rack at my local Wal-Mart, I am changing my vote to a little-known, cheesy, completely ridiculous piece of fluff called The Lady And The Highwayman.  It was a 1989 UK television movie and it features Hugh not only on a horse, but also in a puffy shirt, wearing a mask, brandishing a hat with a big feather, wearing an unfortunate wig, AND swordfights!  And not a stammer in sight!  You absolutely must find this movie.  I’m serious, I love it.  Don’t look at me like that.

My favorite Hugh Grant quote, to Jay Leno, after he was busted for wanting to do zexytimes with a prosty:

I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it.

At least he’s honest.  What more is there to say?  Happy Birthday!

I had to write this just so I could use that title.

Oh, Hugh.  It seems that England’s 47-year-old baby-faced actor is entirely too fond of the ladies, specifically young pretty ones:

In one picture, his mouth hangs open and his eyes are unfocused; in another, he appears to be closing in on second year student Caroline Hargreaves, a 20-year-old blonde, for a kiss. [...]

It is nothing new that Grant likes to pick up random ‘posh totty’ for nostrings flings – some even said that was a reason why his romance with Elizabeth Hurley came to an end – but it is still unsettling to see him in action.

Usually, Hugh is quiet and discreet about his flings, but this time he must have been too entranced, or inebriated, to realize that most people have cell phones and most of those have cameras.  Add the power of the social networking site facebook, and you’ve got a full-blown embarrassing photo problem on your hands.

He had played at the Dunhill Links Golf Championship earlier in the day (Hugh is an avid, almost obsessive golfer), and that evening he and some of his famous friends decided to go to Ma Bells, a bar in the area:

Once inside, Grant was apparently completely overrun by female students, and it seems he rather forgot that nowadays every one of them has a mobile phone which can take pictures.

Then worse for wear, he went back to a student house for a party, remarking with his trademark ironic charm: “Who lives in this hovel?”

The party got a bit crowded, so at 4am he ended up taking three women back to his hotel and buying them champagne.

Miss Hargreaves insisted that nothing untoward had happened, saying: “He was really nice and charming.”

One thing led to another, camera phones were taken out, facebook accounts were accessed, and you can figure out the rest. 

No matter how nice and charming he looks and acts, this is a man who is 47 years old, and this behavior is starting to look plain creepy.  An admitted bachelor who is in no hurry to get married and who definitely does not want kids, his dalliances with pretty young things have kept him from serious romances with any of the leading women in his life, from Elizabeth Hurley (now married with a child of her own) to Jemima Khan. All he seems to be interested in lately is golf, afternoon television, and pyt’s.

Along with serious relationships with the opposite sex, he also seems to be pulling back from movie making, having no known projects in the works.  He once said about retiring from show business:

“My feeling is that there are two kinds of going away.

“One is where you decline in a rather undignified way, with a series of worse and worse films, and people say: “Oh, he’s really hit rock bottom.” I would hate that. I’m too vain for that.

“On the other hand, if you just give up when you’re doing all right, I think that has some dignity.”

He does have a point.  How many times have we watched actors and actresses vainly trying to keep alive a career on life support by playing parts that were embarrassing and demeaning?

However much his attraction to the bachelor life, he also doesn’t seem to want to give up entirely on a relationship of sorts with Jemima Khan.  He calls her and they talk, but then won’t call for weeks at a time.  They have been on the occasional date, yet continue to date others.  Apparently, he doesn’t mind keeping her in a relationship limbo, but she should mind very much, especially after seeing these photos.  There’s something attractive to certain women  about a boy in a man’s body, a man who refuses to grow up, but after a while the act just becomes stale and pathetic.

I hate to see things like this.  I prefer to remember Hugh Grant as the stammering, charming Reginald Anson in “The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain” (I also recently purchased a bit of cinematic pulp titled “The Lady and the Highwayman”, one of his earliest starring vehicles).  I don’t like seeing him, all puffy and red-faced and slurry-eyed, surrounded by a gaggle of beauties who are half his age at best, and who were still in grade school when he was playing Anson.  It’s demeaning and I hope Hugh realizes that it’s detrimental to himself and his career.

Hugh, do us and yourself a favor.  Don’t pick up young things at the local pub.  They always have cell phones with cameras and you will be embarrassed again and again.  Stick with those in your social circle whom you can trust.  If you don’t want to get married, fine…but make sure your dalliances are discreet, monogamous, and unrecorded.  Have a bit of self-respect, man. Otherwise, you’re well on the way to making yourself look like another oversexed Briton, the characters played by comedian Benny Hill.

When you look at these photos, can’t you just hear “Yakety Sax” playing?  Next, we’ll see Hugh running in a park with a bunch of busty women wearing police outfits, in true Benny Hill style.  Get a good look now, facebook girls, here’s your charming host in twenty years.

(for those of you too young to remember Benny Hill, here’s a classic chase scene over ending credits)