And then you have these two morons.

Let’s compare and contrast my post yesterday about the low-key, classy wedding thrown by Eli Manning and his long-time girlfriend, and the white trash, hillbilly affair that Tony Romo’s birthday bash turned into.

Yes, Jessica Simpson threw boyfriend Tony a party, and the affair disintegrated into a caek-slurping mess:

 The PDA-packed bash took place Saturday night at Suite, a lounge in Dallas, where “she sang him ‘Happy Birthday,’” Kyle Kearbey of DMagazine.com, the Web site for Dallas’ D Magazine, tells Usmagazine.com.

The two really seemed to enjoy the cake, which was in the shape of a Dallas Cowboys star and had Romo’s No. 9 jersey number on it.

“They were kissing with lots of messy cake!” adds Kearbey. “Jessica had cake all over her hands and was licking her thumbs.”

I’m sorry…I’m not a prude or an old fogey, but this is really just gross.  Is she trying to be sexy or something?  Is acting like a baby with their first birthday cake sexy?  I’m not adverse to having fun with one’s food, but if Jessica and Tony want to play like this with their caek then they should keep that stuff in the privacy of a room with plastic sheets and walls that you can hose off.  When I see people out in public acting like this, I want to remind them that the world at large isn’t there to be their audience.

Perhaps, just maybe, it would have been a little bit acceptable had they rented a private room for their party, but they were out in a public place.  Geez, nobody wants to see things like this.  It reminds me of toddlers who smush food all over their faces just to see what sort of reaction they will get.

There’s fun, and then there’s just stupidity.  Let’s guess which category this one falls into.

For more photos (if you can stomach it), go here.

News is that Rachael Ray may have spread herself too thin, and as a result her ratings for her daytime show are slipping:

An impeccable TV source told Page Six, “They are seriously talking about taking her off the air.”

The problem is Ray’s ratings. When she debuted two years ago, she had a meager 2.5 rating, which her syndicator, King World, nonetheless trumpeted as “The biggest syndicated debut since ‘Dr. Phil.’ ” In fact, one insider said, “They had hoped for more. ‘Dr. Phil’ beats ‘Oprah’ and gets like a 5.0 rating - and Rachael’s set is very expensive and elaborate; his is just chairs.” […]

In 2007, Ray’s syndicated show averaged a 2.2 Nielsen rating and has already dipped to 2.0 this year. An insider said, “Anything below a 2.0 is asking for trouble.”

Another bad indicator is that in 2007, the average age of a daytime “Rachael Ray” viewer was 53.4, with only 776,000 women between ages 18 and 49 (the show’s target demo) tuning in. In 2008, both numbers have taken a turn for the worse. The average-age viewer today is 55.1, with only 688,000 women between ages 18 and 49 tuning in.

Okay, wait.  Rachael Ray has a daytime television show?  Since when?

No, I’m serious.  I didn’t know that she had a show.  According to her official site:

Rachael Ray is an Emmy Award-winning, daily one-hour syndicated talk show and is among the top-ranked daytime programs on television. Now in her second season, Rachael continues to bring her warmth and no-fuss attitude into the homes of millions of viewers with her signature quick meals, celebrity surprises, provocative discussions, hot musical performances and groundbreaking features.

Well, wait a second.  According to Wikipedia and IMDb, her daytime television show hasn’t won an Emmy, although Rachael has been nominated.  It is actually her show “30 Minute Meals” which won an Emmy.  Note that it doesn’t say that Rachael Ray, the person (non-italics) won an Emmy, but that Rachael Ray, the show (italicized) won an Emmy, indicating that the show won.  Which, apparently, it didn’t.

[EDITED TO ADD:  After extensive searching, I did finally find where her show won one Emmy, for Outstanding Achievement in Technical Direction/Electronic Camera/Video Control.  However, the wording on her site makes it sound like the entire show in itself won an Emmy, because when one reads it, that is the impression one gets.  Winning one technical award does not make the premise of a show, its host, and the whole show in and of itself an “Emmy Award Winning” show, it just means one part of a show won.]

She has a contract through 2010, but everybody knows that contracts aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on, and anyone can be bought out.

My beef with her is this, plain and simple…she’s annoying.  She grates on my nerves (and apparently the nerves of many other people).  I have never liked her.  That voice, that ditzy demeanor, the way she says things like “sammies” and “YUM-O!”  Ugh.  Do people really say “Yum-O”?   I mean, people who aren’t trying to feed a baby mashed turnips, that is.  Critics have slammed her cooking techniques and ”30 Minute Meals” show.  Oh yeah, and there was that Dunkin’ Donuts coffee thing, where she called their coffee (which she’s supposed to be promoting) a name which I won’t repeat here but that rhymes with something her show isn’t.

Don’t even get me started on her cooking shows.  Sorry, but it is just another indication of the “dumbing down” of Food Network, willing to pander to the lowest common denominator in their programs.  Do programming executives really think the American woman is that stupid?  To answer my own question…some women must be, since the powers-that-be gave her a show in the first place.

And seriously, I didn’t know she had a daytime television show.  Guess that doesn’t say much for her program, huh?

All you tweenyboppers and young thangs so infatuated with hot star Orlando Bloom? Yeah, you might want to rethink that…if you’re into not stinking up the room, that is:

“Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly. Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often.”

When he’s not working on a film, the Pirates of the Caribbean star, 31, “goes days without washing his clothes,” adds the source. “He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks.”

It doesn’t help that he sleeps with his dog, Sidi, and lets her slobber all over him.

Since Miranda, 24, told him to clean up his act, Orlando has been trying. But, says the source, he’s told friends “he doesn’t know if this relationship will last.”

Okay, I’ll be the first one to admit that I personally believe that we are a bit too germophobic as a society at large (and this from someone who deals with OCD). All this antibacterial this and that is just helping to breed supergerms that will someday destroy us all.

Having said that…I shower every day (even if it is at noon), I wash my hands after I go potty, I do my laundry, and I change my socks and unders at least once a day. Because BO is a no-no. And if Orlando thinks that a supermodel is going to stick around with him and overlook his skidmarks and nasty pits and cruddy socks that stand in the corner on their own, he’s got another think coming. I know he likes being “green”, but you can find “green” laundry detergent and soaps and grooming products.

I mean, for some women that stuff might be a turn-on, but they tend to not shave their legs and eat only organic vegan soybeans and pick their toenails with their teeth and read via candlelight and live on houseboats that sink once a day. I can’t see Orlando doing that. For me, nothing says “This relationship is going nowhere” like week-old pit stains or wearing the same clothes day after day (which he has been photographed doing).

Yeah, think about that the next time you gaze at that poster of Will Turner on your wall. It’s more authentic than you thought…pirates don’t smell like Axe Touch, you know!